Just Rambling On...

Driving down to the same destination has become a joyous routine. Living in San Francisco has really become a common ground to just relax. It's my way of getting away. I could sit in my room and find sanctuary there. Watching television, especially Giant's baseball, does keep me company, but practicing my banduria is so much better. Practicing everyday at something does make a huge difference. I love it. I do feel bad for Major and Steven because they aren't able to move on with the music. That's the importance of making every practice, so everyone is keeping up to the speed of everyone else. They actually told me I was ahead of the teaching schedule. Yay! I know Pandanggo Sa Ilaw! Yethhhhhsss.

While in the hot summer heat, the boys and I decided to go eat at Cluck U's yesterday. But first, my assistance is needed once again in my somewhat art in Philippine cultural dance. The other day Donnell and Allen call me while I was having a Cinnabon lunch dessert with Ale (Super Yum). Usually I enjoy the fact that friends would call to ask me to hangout, unfortunately I was pushed into the call that asks for something. But of course, my acceptance for the request is reassured because helping out is me. Teaching and choreographing brings out the best in me. The ability to see your own creation is a thrill and achievement. Try it.

As for dinner with the boys, the six of us got either the mild or traditional style dozen wings, which was delicious and not so hot. Sitting next to the window has its disappointments though. While chewing, my eyes focus on some high school senior/incoming freshmen type kids drinking and spewing water against a wall outside. The gross part was that they had no shame. Yeah they were outside and away from other customers, but there's no need to over react. We all know the wings are hot, no need to get too hysterical over it. Take it like a man!

Side track...
- Ulo: hope you did well on your midterm/quiz and keep up the good work with the website.
- Gerstein: studying early for your final Friday is useful. Keep it up.
- Lil Frances: although we spoke about the end of your summer class, so you work out and be a lazy bum.
- Ale: i don't know what to say.
- Bubbles: thanks for the interesting, yet super long talk last night, it was fulfilling.
- Rhia: get the A in class AND attendance, Ok?
- Mark: i will never let you or anyone EVER ruin my birthday.
- Val: Tuesday is my birthday. Thanks for forgetting. Pppppbbbbbtttttt.
- Reyna: you done being grouchy about THAT whole situation. YOU OWE ME DINNER.
- Ted: Green Towel.
- AnDREa: i can do more than straighten your hair.
- Ginabina: even though we talk only when you're driving to Jun's, I appreciate the hour long drive you make.
- Camillay: I'm winning 10-6. We still going for Mitchell's ice cream. Mmmm.
- Northside: before your greatness, I was there. during your hardships, I am here.
-- Grandma: have a speedy recovery. I love you. Plus, Giants won AND A's actually won. Haha! Yay!

The more time spent with individuals opens up my friendship to them. The hardest part about my handful of privileged friends is that...no, this type of topic is a more one-to-one verbal expression. But I will say this, thank you for listening. Even though I constantly talk about my heartaches, my headaches, and my personal issues, sometimes it's good that there's someone to listen and express their opinion openly with me.

There's always a time in someone's life when they just want it all to end and start anew.

A particular cliche came up while conversating with T-Bubs last night. There's the line that says, "...and I enjoy long walks on the beach." I immediately debated with that issue. Well, I just mentioned that if the sun was going down, why would you be walking on the beach still. I'd rather lay a beach towel down, sit back and wrap my arms around you, and watch the sun slowly distinguish into the ocean. Wishful thinking, but perhaps. With that, I head to bed.

Seizing the moment

We must all believe that anything is possible. The demand for happiness grows more everyday. No one knows what goes through someone's mind, how much they feel trapped, the shadows that cover us all. Even when someone listens, the truth is never fully revealed. There is always something not said, held back, and shadowed. How do I know? I am one of these.

I want to be happy, but not at the expense of someone's unhappiness.

In other areas of the world, I want to seize the moment.

Out of all the times to watch G4tv, Cinematech was on. The video that I found appealing was Socom 3. The graphics seemed the same, although, new missions. But who cares about the missions, I'm ready for online play. August will bring the rebirth of barrelman. I wonder if I'll team up with B.M.P. I've only seen reckanoize, nosk1, gtek, die trying, vesperado, and cantot_boy. I'm only playing. Unfortunately, they played while I was unable to. Suckers! No wonder you guys lost.

My favorite 5 songs to date:
I'll Be Here Awhile - 311
Go Daddy-O - Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
Listening To Astrud - Julie Plug
Spend My Life With You - Eric Benet & Tamia
Faint - Linkin Park

I've decided to add a few things to my joshgumbi.com site again. Most likely I'll be working on html and java again, and maybe a little flash. I want to be able to post my pictures and videos like jerry's site. My blogs will definitely stay on blogger, but my other information will move to a better place.

note: Wow. Giants lost 0-16.

Headaches suck!!!

The whole trip home was THUMP THUMP THUMP between the eyes and temples. No more champagne. At least it wasn't wine. Wine makes me sleepy. Sleepy would make me fall asleep. I had 2 pain relievers with me, but that would be stupid to take them while driving. The side effects of drugs could cause accidents of minor, major, or fatal consequences. The pain actually kept me awake. I'm drowsy now, sleep is my cure. Blah. I have work in the morning.

Congratulations again to all newlyweds and to those who are now engaged.

Lately I had this strangest...

...thought. It's the month of the Cancer. I know a lot of June/July babies, yet I'm unsure of any close one's. In that case, I'm an odd ball and no one else has my birthday horoscope. Bleh.

Nothing to update about my life so far. Just been working and sleeping. Just want to say congratulations to my e-dub roomie Geoff and his soon to be wife, Gemma, on a happy marriage. There have been many weddings this summer, this month of June.

Quote: "You look like E.T." - Shaolin Soccer

Yay for those of you who are going to my birthday Giant's game. If not, call me up and we could arrange a birthday date. It'll be fun.

Before My Dreams...

Sometimes writing can also soothe my mind into thinking too much. Realizing that my grandma is in the hospital isn't new to me. She was there once, she got better. She's there again, she's doing well. Knowing she's in a place of safety calms me.

-ironically-

Being in a hospital scares me. I fear the presence of pain, misery, loneliness, isolation, and depression. I don't know where my trauma comes from. There have always been the few times when I would be going there to visit family, which wasn't a matter to worry much about. The longer she's in there, the more I think about it. The longer I worry about her health and wonder if she'll be coming home sooner or later. As long as she has her baseball, she'll rest and recover with her sports...

...blah.

Music fills my soul...

Whenever I'm typing, it is like I'm playing music. As a child, I used to spend a lot time in front of the piano. Playing each sound one by one just to hear the sound fluctuate into a complete note. The difference between a piano and a computer keyboard is just the sound pattern of each push of the button. You can either set your own rhythm, or distinguish the background beat of what you're listening to. I love music. I love moving to the sounds of beats, patterns, and chords. Making the sounds that people listen to is my passion. I've always found Vesper's originals as artistic masterpieces, even though he constantly changes, but what composer doesn't. For almost a decade, my calling has finally arrived. The moment my ears heard the vibrating sounds of the bandurria, I wanted to play it. Unfortunately, at the time, I didn't have enough connections. For a month now, I look forward to my Wednesday practices with the rondalla. The first practice was practically tuning our instruments and learning the fingering. My dream is coming true. Unfortunately, some of my dreams are also nightmares. On the bright side, some dreams are fantasies too.

My recurring dreams of zombies has come back again. Although, with all these movies about zombies and the undead, my nightmares are turning into things I can bare with. There is a new twist in these visions however. Lately, playing all these flash puzzles have put my thoughts constantly on the game. Even in my dreams, I'm doing trivia. But, puzzles and zombies develop a new storyline. Bleh. Five nights straight could really make you believe that something is really going on in your life. What do these dreams mean? I don't know. I won't lose sleep over it though.

Two dreams have been quite pleasant. One was set with a particular friend. We were having a conversation when suddenly she started crying. I wasn't entirely sure, but I wasn't sure how to comfort her. The next thing you see is her arms around me wiping her tears on my shoulder. Sometimes the only thing you can do is just be there for someone. Watching tears fall from someone's face is unbearable. Tears are contagious. The greatest challenge is keeping strength for the other person's vulnerability. You may wonder why this dream was pleasant. It is because I was able to put aside all and everything to be a friend.

So...my grandma is in the hospital recovering and dealing with tests. I don't know how to feel. I don't want to force feelings upon myself because she's there. She's always been strong, which developed throughout my whole family. I'll stay strong, but I'll be thinking about her constantly. In times like this, I wish I could just say "it happens". Music helps me think about other things.

- + - + - + - + - + - + - + -

My guestlist for my birthday is set. 30 tickets, 30 people. Hope no one drops. Helk? It wouldn't be a guestlist if no one dropped.

As for Ocean's 12, the movie was a sophisticated comedy. The jargon was brilliant. The script was a bit tacky because of all the reality bits, but sequels need a bit of dry comedy. My favorite character is still Linus. The thief with such talent, yet no clue. For the first time, I was unable to follow a movie to its fullest. It's fantastic that I needed to watch it twice.

I need a date to watch Les Miserables still. email me: joshgumbi@sbcglobal.net

note: Lost in translation.

Missing out...

I miss out on a lot. I missed my cousin's daughter's first birthday. She is so cute. She smiles everytime I pick her up. Even when she falls asleep in my arms, she smacks her lips together and rests her little body. She has the chubbiest cheeks and the most gorgeous eyes. Her smile can melt any boys heart. Thank God she is only 1. (I know a smile that makes me melt)

I missed so many family gatherings because of work. They don't give me enough time to ask for the days off. I don't blame them. I blame myself since I don't really have a career. I'm confused, we move on.

I wanted to do a movie review of Ocean's 12, but...

...my eyes are tired. I'm going to write more tomorrow.

"Good Night Neverland" - Hook

note: Ocean's Twelve rocks.

Awake...

"Daily singles love (by Astrology.com)
Feeling the need for a quiet night in? Take a break from the dating scene, and stick close to home today. You won't miss much -- plus, making yourself less available may make you even more desirable."

The only thing to this is that I'm always indoors.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The Crab
June 22 to July 22
Traditional
Cancer Traits

Emotional and loving
Intuitive and imaginative
Shrewd and cautious
Protective and sympathetic


On the dark side....

Changeable and moody
Overemotional and touchy
Clinging and unable to let go
(http://www.astrology-online.com/cancer.htm)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The problem with reading horoscopes is the reliability on them. I enjoy reading what is to come, but I don't necessarily follow up on them. I've been trying to find my compatible sign out there, Scorpio. I don't really try, I just meet people. Although, how do I find anyone out there when all I do is work and sleep? Who knows? More to come. Need a break...

note: Giants are on a super streak.

bleh...

In hibernation.

I'm letting go. As a Cancer, it'll be difficult, but its what I have to do. I want your friendship.

note: Giants are on a streak.

What I think about...

The thoughts that fill this brain are endless. I can't remember when an idea wasn't interrupted by another pointless notion. As an emotional person, I absorb what comes to me and react unknowingly. There are greater reasons why my opinions can’t simply disappear. We all remember everything that happens to us, big or small.

I think about my future. I endure the fact that my life isn’t going anywhere at the moment. Every day at work I continue to tell myself, “Why the hell am I here?” The stupid reason that I continue to tell myself is that I don’t have enough experience. After sulking and blaming myself for my misfortune, I push myself to believe that my skills will grow more and more if quitting is not the option.

Is my knowledge enough? Are my skills ready to see the outside world? Have I encouraged my mind to believe that better grades will benefit your future career? Is my Bachelor’s degree a waste of time? I find myself believing that I chose the wrong major for myself. I enjoy learning about computers, the software, and the hardware, anything that involves technology. But, there’s that doubt that I dove into the industry. According to my current manager, he sees my potential. Unfortunately, my words are just words and not experience. So, if engineering is believed to be my wrong choice, then what would or should the correct choice be? Mathematics? Teaching? Theatre? Have I lived my life to the fullest? How many times have I told myself that I have? B.S. My life has just started. I’m stupid for thinking that way.

As I take the initiative to improve my chances of finding beneficial employment, I want to make sure that this choice is temporary. It is just experience. I won’t be gone that long, unless I like it there. Everyday, you just have to continue to motivate yourself. Once you reach this point, only you are there for yourself. “I will progress. I have the will.”

In other regions of my cranium, B.M.P. is reaching new heights. As a new business arises, we all make mistakes that we must learn from. Enthusiasm, teamwork, and exposure will guide us to greatness. The skills and the talent surround our circle. We are friends, but we are also a business team. Keep the friendship and the business separate. Within time, we will succeed in integrating the two. With BMP growing, my brain isn’t too occupied.

You take up a part of my thinking process. I think about all the ways I could put a smile on your face. I think about how nervous it would be to hold your hand for the first time. I think about how you’ll reject me. I think about the moment when I'll get to see your eyes stare into mine. I think about that glowing smile that melts my heart. I just think … you are worth the squeeze.

My future grasps the majority of my thoughts. As for this past weekend, congrats and thanks for the invites by the two grads and birthday girl. Ted and Allen, enjoy the beginning of the rest of your life. Happy birthday once again to Andrea on your 22nd birthday, I hope you enjoyed the company of yours truly. You teach your brother the ways.

Quote: “Lemme tell you the first rule of politics; Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze.” – The Girl Next Door

It happens...

Once again I've slept late and woke up really early. Blah!

I enjoy hearing personal quotes from yesterday:
"Wanna makeout?" - K.L.
"Thank you, have a good (insert time of day)" - G.P. (how polite are you!)
"Bye, Gumbyyyy" - M.G. (haven't heard that name in a long time)
"Go moon boot!" - D.D.

Blockage in the brain. I'll be back. I'm back.

I've noticed that watching certain movies can spark a particular hope that generates in my mind. Although, there is an idea that I've never had the balls to do. To go straight up to a girl and give them that romantic kiss without any warning. Ha! Never going to happen.

note: "You look like a beautiful yellow...pineapple."- Grease

Yin left and Yang is taking over...

Believing in myths and sayings have always been brushed off, especially when superstition has a part in it all.

-Dorky humor-
camillay: i have a little brother
joey: that's nice. is he older or younger?

As I was saying, I strongly disagree with superstitions. I will walk under a ladder. I will break a mirror, by accident of course. I will step on the crack because I know my mother's back will not break. Mostly everything is psychological. If you believe it, it will eventually happen. Besides this point, I do believe in What comes around, goes around. I do believe I have been benefiting from some things, but the detrimental aspect hasn't encountered, until now.

On Tuesday morning, I woke up with my common ankle ache, which occurs at least once a year since I snapped it snowboarding. The breakage happened three years ago when I took a bad jump, landing EXTREME and finding out that my snowboard doesn't want to go where my ankle wants it. SNAP SNAP SNAP. Ouch. Fortunately, I didn't break any bones, but I did tear some ligaments. Unfortunately, I have a feeling I slightly tore one of the ligaments last Friday, and since then, I'm aggravating the helk out of my ankle.

On Wednesday morning, my ankle seemed to be healed because I was able to walk upstairs almost regularly. So, at work that day, I walked with small limp, but I was able to do the normal work chores. And then...

Thursday morning was the worst. I couldn't rotate my ankle either way, my toes were frozen because the pain lingered down my foot if I twitched them. I didn't figure out until now why my ankle is causing my immobility. The pain wasn't felt on Wednesday because I took a huge dosage of pain relief medicine before work. I guess while I slept last night, the pain overpowered my left leg. I took a greater amount of pain relief, and I feel great. Tired, woozy, silly, and very numb. *giggle

note: I'm really progressing in my musical talents.
Giants win!!!! Yessss.

Sooooo happy...

I made myself a scenario today. It played out the way I planned. Goodness. I'm too tired to blog. I work late tomorrow, so I'll update tomorrow. Good night.

note: Happy Birthday Lai. Miss you.

Five-A-Row-this game is addicting. Thanks for nothing Camillay. Sheesh.

Can't sleep...

I sit in the dark with the light of my laptop shining brightly. I can't sleep. I don't know why. I was sleepy around ten, but now I lay restless. Nearly four hours later, with the television off, I find myself yawning, yet untired. So, with this time, I shall think of something interesting to write about.

hmmm? Here we go...

Writer's block. Dammit.

On sunny days, I enjoy getting to work and leaving work. From the balcony of the parking lot, there is a great view of Lower Pacific Heights and East San Francisco. I once left work and saw fireworks in the distance. I don't know the reason why they were going off, but that didn't matter. I had a good view, yet I didn't hear them going off. When I was kid, I always used to hide from fireworks. There was a time when my family and I went to the County Fair across the Golden Gate Bridge. I forgot the city it was in, but it was fun. San Rafael maybe?

As a kid, I was always afraid of fireworks. As an adult, what am I afraid of?

. . . . . .
I am afraid of wasted time. I believe the post-college years could have been much more beneficial. I've had jobs, but my laziness kept me from gathering something better.

. . . . . .
I am afraid of failure. Maybe I am giving my full potential, I'm not getting to where I should be, or am I.

. . . . . .
I am afraid of moving on. I can possibly endure the experiences that distance could shoot at me, but is that just my mind playing tricks on me.

. . . . . .
I am afraid of responsibility. I grew up thinking older than I was, but now I find myself trying to grasp the youth that I looked passed.

. . . . . .
I am afraid of losing my friends and family. I am molded into the shape I am because of them. Without them, I wouldn't be who I am today. Is that good or bad?

. . . . . .
I am afraid.

Another lyrical entry...

Rockapella
I'll Hear Your Voice - Scott Leonard

And now that we've reached the end,
I think of all that's passed
of how the time that went so fast
and of how I've come to depend
upon the faith I feel inside your guiding hands

Say you'll go with me forever, though I know that you can't
Well I ain't much with words
There's nothin' I could say that you ain't heard
But I promise you that each and every day

I'll hear your voice
In every thought that flows through my mind
I'll see your face
In every cloud that floats through my sky
And when the world is too much
and the hurt's got me down on my knees to pray
I'll hear your voice
and you won't be so far away

Do you remember a moonless night?
With only sound for a view,
funny what an ocean can do
It was then that we knew this was right,
and that the arms we shared we'd share so many nights

Say you'll go with me wherever, even though I know it's just a dream
Though I know it's unknown,
It's something that I gotta do alone
But I swear to you I could never do anything without your soul inside

I'll hear your voice
In every thought that flows through my mind
I'll see your face
In every cloud that floats through my sky
And when the world is too much
and the hurt's got me down on my knees to pray
I'll hear your voice
and you won't be so far away

Someday I'll hold you, and we will be sailin'
and I will never have to say goodbye again
Til then, til that day
I'll hear your voice, and you won't be so far away.

Waking up early before work...

I'd like to be able to wake up when the alarm on my phone goes off. Unfortunately, I always set my alarm earlier than the average person. Even on day-offs I set my alarm to wake up early. Like I may have said before, sunlight gives me energy. Darkness surrounds me from full potential; whatever that means. In other words, I get more done during the day than at night. Back to the topic, I get up nearly an hour, two hours before I work. Even when I sleep at the condo, I wake up early. Blah.

event notice: Does anyone want to watch Les Miserables at the Curran Theatre?
note: off Friday & Saturday. Yessss.

Creating creative arts...

I'm starting to get back into the swing of things. From 1998 to 2001, I danced and performed with Barangay SF. In that time, I probably learned a total of twenty-five dances. And with those dances, I only remember only ten of them. My life has been full of the performing arts. I've done the singing group thing and when that ended, I started my theatre arts era. Actually, my last year in high school I took the theatre class that I found very appealing. I learned stage direction, placement, script writing, and lighting. My backstage presence was astonishing, but my acting skills were poor.

Every couple of months I receive an email from Barangay about practices. Everytime there was practice I was either working or busy. Oh well! I just happened to be free last night and this morning. Last night, we learned two dances from the Moro Suite, before known as Muslim Suite. Next friday, we're going to be doing the Barrio Suite, also known as Rural. This morning I was given a special opportunity to finally learn to play my banduria. Unfortunately, I don't have a banduria, it's a bandilla (I think). I have the 12 string, not the 14 string. It'll still work though. Yay! So, in matter of a few months, Barangay will have an orchestra of stringed instruments. My reaction when I started playing a tuned banduria was a great and fulfilling experience. I love music, I love dance, I love art.

NAMES
Car: Caramel
Ukelele: Yuki
Bandurria: no name yet.
I-pod: Pearl

note: Music shall bring harmony.

The most boring days start with...

...having a fellow boring person with you.

The plan was made. The only part that failed was timing. I don't usually write about my day, but this is one exception. I'll try my best to keep this story short. Let's just say that spending a whole day with someone like you was a pleasure.

THE PLAN
8am - wake up.
9am - pick up Ale in Daly City.
915am - leave for San Jose with Ale.
10am - hook up with Ted.
1030am - arrive at Manpower.
12noon - leave Manpower to eat lunch at Peninsula.
1230pm - lunch
2pm to 10pm - rest and relaxation in San Jose.
11pm - drop off Ale in Daly City.

3 GOALS FOR THE DAY
1. apply at Manpower.
2. Peninsula milkshake.
3. *secret naman.

INSTEAD
8am - wake up.
915am - got to Ale's house and worked on resumes.
10am - left for San Jose.
11am - 119 so Ale can change.
1130am - Ulo's house to work on Ale's cover letter.
1240pm - arrived at Manpower. (Goal 1)
130pm - left Manpower.
145pm - 119 so Ale can change...AGAIN. (Goal 3)
210pm - picked up Tawny and went to eat at Peninsula (Goal 2)
415pm - basog.
5pm - dropped off Gail's reimbursement.
530pm to 8pm - Tawny's house.
8pm to 10pm - Paseo and attempted to find a place to eat.
10pm to 12midnight - Denny's.
1250am - dropped off Ale at home. (SORRY)

It is possible that someone can truly be just friends with the opposite sex. Maybe it helps that I think of you as another guy. You "talk" like a guy. You behave like a guy. You must obviously be a guy. Now I'm being mean. Better yet, you behave like a guy in a woman's body. On the other hand, you are pretty. Arse better appreciate what he's got.

note: more later.

Tired. Yawning. Sneezing. Zzzz.

Even though I've only worked my scheduled shift, I still get 3 days off this week. Yay! I worked Monday and received holiday pay. I had a small discussion with my manager, Sid, today. I humored him by keeping up with his little conversation. I was trying to finish up my lunch, then suddenly he starts asking me all these questions about my work ethic. He asked me if I would ever be involved in management. I told him, "Of course, but not now." I never saw myself working management in retail. I still don't. I don't want to. Selfishly, I deserve more money. We all do. The only way I can cash in is to seek what I've been educated to do. We shall see.

I'm tired and my body is weak. I'll be getting up early to head on over to Manpower. Good luck to me.

napping.