I quit AkbayanSJSU...





...when I get paid back my $1500.

Of course, I've been away from the blog life the passed few months, but who cares...I don't. My thoughts seem to gather while driving either to or from work. It's the thirty-plus(one-way) minutes that gives me a chance to charge my brain with life's tragedies and horrors. Not particular just those aspects, but happy times too. You've just entered the brain sector of...JOSH GUMBI.

Bad drivers
Speaking of driving to and from work, sometimes my thoughts are interrupted by the likes of bad drivers. What is a bad driver? There are so many bad drivers they might as well take off the protectors of the highway. Speeders, slowskis, text messagers, phone talkers, eaters, sleepers(lol- but it happens), tailers, lane changerers, and the list goes on. When driving, the main focus is getting to your destination as fast you can, no matter the dangers. Wrong! I don't expect you to read on to find out how I drive. I drive damn good. But that's all I say, I don't want to be criticized or be considered a hypocrite. Even the best drivers, like myself, have faults and run into certain difficult situations. Stay focused. People assume driving is like walking. Knowing the ground is there, we could maneuver in any direction (well, of course you can't go in the up position, dummy), but cars don't work that way. Next time you get into a car, don't click it to avoid the ticket, click it to save your life and possibly those in your vehicle. Road signs are made for a reason. And if you know the car behind you is speeding up behind you, attempt to get out of their way so they won't have to cut someone(s) off. Stay alert. Use your mirrors. Constantly move your eyes and head to know what your surrounding road looks like. Stupid drivers will never go away, but have enough brain power to learn.

Guilty
I interfered twice this week in situations that didn't involve me, which caused a near tragedy. All I remember is reading, your not in it anymore. Maybe I'm not, but it's my only place of real acceptance while growing up. Pretty lame you may think, but it changed me to be who I am now. Would I be this person without it, probably not. Plus, I need to get paid back still. I'm not leaving until I get paid back. Lol.

Halo 3
Awesome. Two nights of playing until 230am. Not good for my worklife, but goodness, the graphics are superb. The Campaign is short. They put a lot of effort into the storyline and art, they shortened the run and gun significantly. We could assume the campaign would be short lived by the enormous outcome of online players. So, who cares, the graphic setup is what we all expected.

Lately, life is stagnant with no real room for improvement. Going to work during normal adult hours and days, trying to get through my daily workload worrying about being sent to a personal meeting with my employer. Will today be my last day? As long as I do what I've been doing, I should be fine. Really? Being part of the older generation where work is a crucial importance to one's present and future. My foundation is so unstable that moving forward is so blurry and faded from existence. Outside of my daily life cycle, a reality not my own is what I seek. Money is in and out of my pocket, but mostly out of my pocket. My work allows enough pay to deal with bills and eat. Is this what I've become? Jealousy occurs when friends take planned vacations, go out as much as they do, or spend money on a daily basis. On the other hand, maybe they do struggle with money from what I hear from some individuals, but isn't money made to be spent. And then the question comes up why I'm not going or why don't you hangout anymore. There are many reasons why:

1. Most of the places we go to hangout involves money.
2. Even when I don't need to spend money, my wallet opens because of some odd reason.
3. I'm cheap...no, I'm just safe with my money.
4. I'm out of town for work.
5. The things people do just aren't my fancy.
6. I don't get invited. This happens to a lot of people though.
7. Shrugs.

Maybe I want what other people have. I want... nevermind. This is pointless.

Semi-date, spontaneous outings with Camille is always fun.

Nearly 24-hours of interesting experiences. Even though we lost our softball game 15-13(which I was 2-3 with 4 RBIs), the rest of the evening brought me back when I first started college. My first alcoholic beverage didn't pass my lips until I was legally (blonde) twenty-one. Watching under-age drinkers drink is always entertaining. Watching legally-aged drinkers drink is interesting. Either way, my night is filled with smiles.

Yesterday was our day. We spent a day in the city doing stuff from our list. Mint Mall has a huge mint for a sign, lettering made with neon lights. I didn't go in. I walked two blocks over to J'Box and ordered a few tacos. Mmm...tacos. San Francisco offers so many things to do that would probably take a couple lifetimes to fulfill; well, not really. Coit Tower, Ghiradelli Square warm brownie sundae, Robin Williams house, scenic route; just a few of the things covered on this trip.

My back hurts. I need to pack, I'm heading to Missouri.

Problems occur at random moments, but the feelings never change. For the first time, my feelings are the same, the way they've always been. Honest with words, but my reactions are out of focus. Bottomline, I feel I'm losing something I don't want to lose. I'm not really sure what's happening. Every night before I switch my light out, a picture is used to ensure that life is better, especially when I'm away on trips. There will be a time when things will turnout better. With a simple glance before my flights takeoff, the smile is shown that prepares me for the following occurrences.

Why aren't things getting better? Am I away too long? There's been many people that don't take me seriously. And when someone is introduced to my serious, mean-type way, everything is seen differently. People should take me seriously. Stop trying to put a smile on my face and just listen. My family never takes me seriously. When confidence is needed, I can barely find it. I'm going to stop writing. I don't know where any of this is going. Until later, hopefully things will get better.