Because...

I'm not one to edit, modify, or even delete posts, but I feel it justified if I re-post with something over the existing.  I plan to go through my old posts and strikeout instead of delete.

Like a diary, I suppose you could simply tear out the page and trash the contents, never ever to see or read what was once written.  Deleting is the same way, I guess.

One year ago, I was grounded due to my mom's condition with cancer.  You should never be afraid of what is and what is to come.  We cannot control what happens, but we can control the decisions that we make.  I made the decision to be and care for my mom as much as physically possible until her room was ready in God's hotel.

We all find ourselves in a pickle when we are forced to make a decision.  In the end, we always make the right decision, depending on our priorities.  I was going to list my priorities, but if you don't it, then you don't know me at all.  Until next time, live...ok!?

Praying for mercy

Along with all that's been diagnosed, there's a lump in the upper/armpit area.  I pray to you God, give her strength to hold a little more before she enters your kingdom.

Finally home, but is it really?

Today, after four days in ICU, following eight more days in 6th floor patient rooms, we finally get to take her home, where nothing will ever be the same.  If I could count the number of times that I've held in my tears, the urge to just let it all out.  Now is not the time for that.  Today is for positive emotions and a fighting chance.

Driving home from the hospital appeared to be a step forward, but everything was awkward.  Her sitting in the passenger seat, which I really enjoyed seeing her feel the sunlight against her legs.  I told her in an excited way, "You're free!"  She smiled and just gave a sigh of relief and she breathed in that fresh air.  I took her down Geary, which turned out to be more of an obstacle, so I headed toward Fulton where we finally reached, I believe, to be her favorite place.  Her window was opened a bit more than a crack, then we turned onto Ocean Beach, her window rolled all the way down.  For that second, I knew taking the beach route would be beneficial.

Minutes later, my signal is interrupted because she wants to get her hair washed.  Weird request, but anything for her.  In her hospital gown and green sweatshirt, we head into barbershop/salon and wait 15 minutes.  This seemed like nothing after spending so much time in the hospital.  Another happy moment in the books.

Being home felt good, but I knew it wouldn't last.  With all the oxygen tanks and the auto-oxygen machine, my emotions started to go out of control.  Physically I'm there for her, but mentally, I'm a mess.  But I can't say much because she must be ten times what I'm feeling.  Later in the night, I'm worried because it is my duty as a responsible person to make sure that the medication is taken, via injection.  After several attempts to make it happen, she does the deed.  It isn't easy trying to do what I just did, but I love her and I need to put my foot down if I want to help prolong her life.

This is day one, she is in her room with her oxygen, hoping that she is using it.  I'm off to bed praying and wishing that things could just be the same.  Here's to the cure to cancer, may it be here sooner than later.

No travel...only waiting

I did get to travel last weekend and early last week.  Unfortunately, I found out some bad news about my mom's health.  I've been running into too many family issues the passed few years and realized that these issues are also my issues.  I've already run into problems with gout. 
It's a good idea that I lose the weight and stay fit.  My knees have been hurting lately.  The cause might be gout related, or from all the walking in NYC, or from all the stress these days.

I pray we hear good news today.  If you're out there, please send my mom a prayer of health and healing.