Listening to On Bended Knee : Boyz II Men
My past couple of blogs have been pretty intense, according to my usual daily thoughts. I'll try to calm it down for you reader's out there. I don't want any of you to think I'm starting to go crazy. With much assurance, I'm certainly not going crazy. With that out of the way, let's begin.
Here's a topic that I'm pretty sure you'll want to stop reading after the next sentence, except for you gamers out there. By all means, read on if you like the thought of video gaming as a team sport. You see, there's this game called Socom: Navy Seals that I've been straight addicted to for the past month and a half. Even before I started playing the game, I was pulled in by the controller in hand and screen visualizing such a game. I wouldn't necessarily say it was entirely Paulo's fault, but hey, it's normal. (Don't worry Paulo, you're still cool) The first time I played was on his big screen tv in his living room. But once we started playing in his computer room, damn you online socom people. I decided to play along and build our clan with Aris. So the Brown Clan was developed with the passion to just play together with friends that had the same interest. That's just the beginning.
School starts, and Paulo and I tend to speak of socom in front of the Nayabka table. Suddenly, a voice replies, "You play socom too." Luckily, it was Shaun and Andrew, the two guys that I played Halo against. So, as things go by, Paulo, Aris, Shaun, Judel, Andrew, and myself begin the quest for the GREAT <||> CLAN. Also known as "the fly" on Xbox's Halo, he came in as a nuisance for gamers not on our team. As the <||> clan became greater in size, our teamwork skills greatly improved. As the seven of us battled other clans, like oGc, USMC, etc., we let word out that we're open for expansion. This is present and we gain Jon, Aldrich, and Marius to the clan.
Like I said before, we are just a couple handfuls of friends who have the same interest and passion for something that may seem weird, video games. So, without regrets, and with much pride toward the Pterydactyls <||>...We Shall Conquer Over Clans Like Winged Beasts!!!
<||>tajackamo - chief
<||>reckanoize - sniper
<||>big black - sniper
<||>barrelman - shotgun
<||>flatliner - gunner
<||>freaknasty - gunner
<||>spoonieluv - gunner
<||>honeycutt - rookie
<||>cantot_boy - rookie
<||>bishop - M.I.A. - missing in action
and R.I.P. to the others...
<||>badonkdonk, <||>ironflag, <||>cashmoney
Wednesday, February 26, 2003
Monday, February 24, 2003
Listening to the sounds of unsettled flem : snoring
I tend to break down like the rest of the world. Most of the time it only occurs when I, among the rest of the sample, prepare for the "show". It's been only four weeks of non-stop hassling and trampling to make certain deadlines, arrangements, edit-ments. I'm tired of it all. Like the last time I wanted to let go of something, I wished that I could take the trash and put it all in the basura. Assignments for school aren't getting any better, nor worse. My world is standing still and I can't bare to reveal anything new or take on old things. Would it be possible to just get in my car, pick up her, and drive out into the distance? And then come back nearly a year later and find out anything has changed. Will anything change? From time to time, I've tried to make and evolve with the rest of the world. I've made compromises to get into the swing of things. A nightlife was almost there, but I decided that being that home-body is just who I am. You have a life, I have a life. And what my life is telling me to do is let most of it go. So from this day forth, I say farewell to Akbayan. Hello, World!!! First things first, world will you be my friend. I see it's not that easy, and so I must earn what seems to be impossible. "I've gotta what...I need to know someone in order for you to be my friend." Well, my continuing education of life starts with registering for my first class. This first class is called "How to pay bills - Life10". *Raising both arms up in joy* No more practices, no more meetings, no more Filipino identity...
College life doesn't necessarily mold a specific lifestyle for someone. There are so many choices in this line of work making it very difficult to make one. It starts the first time we could move. If you had a choice to learn to talk, it isn't yes or no, it's more like, which language would you like to have as your primary tongue? Further into most decisions, we can't neglect one side and fully take on the choice intended. There are two or more sides to everything. Choices, choices, choices. Check this out...
What school do you want to go to?
-What major at this school will you take?
--Under which influence for this particular major at this school?
---Is the staff and faculty for this major's influene at this school good enough?
----Which classes does this professor teach that will expand my knowledge in this major?
...from the beginning of my second year in collegio, my well-being for academics is baffling. I've settled for the choices that my parents chose for me. Do parents really know best? I would hope so, but sometimes its difficult for parents to believe in their childs independence. Is it fair for a mother and/or father to make choices for their child until a certain age? Yes. Unless the child could pay for whatever they choose to do.
...that I must sit and wonder if I'm truly a brown skinned American or Filipino. If I name myself a filipino, from the Philippines, do I accept the Spanish settlement of my native land. Do I accept King Philip of Spain to be the nationality of my race. Do I accept the cruelty of Spanish religions that somewhat plagued my native land. Do I accept what was brought down through generations the history that betrayed our own lifestyles. Do I accept the diversity of the so-called brown-skinned people from a nameless nationality. Do I accept anything about my heritage. Do I accept the news of today that shock the sphere we live upon. My answer is...
I tend to break down like the rest of the world. Most of the time it only occurs when I, among the rest of the sample, prepare for the "show". It's been only four weeks of non-stop hassling and trampling to make certain deadlines, arrangements, edit-ments. I'm tired of it all. Like the last time I wanted to let go of something, I wished that I could take the trash and put it all in the basura. Assignments for school aren't getting any better, nor worse. My world is standing still and I can't bare to reveal anything new or take on old things. Would it be possible to just get in my car, pick up her, and drive out into the distance? And then come back nearly a year later and find out anything has changed. Will anything change? From time to time, I've tried to make and evolve with the rest of the world. I've made compromises to get into the swing of things. A nightlife was almost there, but I decided that being that home-body is just who I am. You have a life, I have a life. And what my life is telling me to do is let most of it go. So from this day forth, I say farewell to Akbayan. Hello, World!!! First things first, world will you be my friend. I see it's not that easy, and so I must earn what seems to be impossible. "I've gotta what...I need to know someone in order for you to be my friend." Well, my continuing education of life starts with registering for my first class. This first class is called "How to pay bills - Life10". *Raising both arms up in joy* No more practices, no more meetings, no more Filipino identity...
College life doesn't necessarily mold a specific lifestyle for someone. There are so many choices in this line of work making it very difficult to make one. It starts the first time we could move. If you had a choice to learn to talk, it isn't yes or no, it's more like, which language would you like to have as your primary tongue? Further into most decisions, we can't neglect one side and fully take on the choice intended. There are two or more sides to everything. Choices, choices, choices. Check this out...
What school do you want to go to?
-What major at this school will you take?
--Under which influence for this particular major at this school?
---Is the staff and faculty for this major's influene at this school good enough?
----Which classes does this professor teach that will expand my knowledge in this major?
...from the beginning of my second year in collegio, my well-being for academics is baffling. I've settled for the choices that my parents chose for me. Do parents really know best? I would hope so, but sometimes its difficult for parents to believe in their childs independence. Is it fair for a mother and/or father to make choices for their child until a certain age? Yes. Unless the child could pay for whatever they choose to do.
...that I must sit and wonder if I'm truly a brown skinned American or Filipino. If I name myself a filipino, from the Philippines, do I accept the Spanish settlement of my native land. Do I accept King Philip of Spain to be the nationality of my race. Do I accept the cruelty of Spanish religions that somewhat plagued my native land. Do I accept what was brought down through generations the history that betrayed our own lifestyles. Do I accept the diversity of the so-called brown-skinned people from a nameless nationality. Do I accept anything about my heritage. Do I accept the news of today that shock the sphere we live upon. My answer is...
Saturday, February 22, 2003
Listening to The Other Two : Selfish
Something I've been thinking about. Maybe its just silly, but I need to get it out. The growth of this organization that I'm in fluctuates. Sometimes there are leaders who do the job, and there are followers who find that the leaders aren't nothing more than followers themselves. As for me, I like to see myself as both. I wouldn't mind seeing a little bit more leader in me, but I don't like the feeling of pressure and stress and frustration. Overall, I like to just get things done. I love to succeed and make things work. This club, Akbayan, it has its ups and downs. Most of the time, it breaks even, but the other twenty-five percents, they fail and fail even more. How does Akbayan possibly fall into the red. How do we find ourselves to climb out of holes. Why do we try hard enough to pull ourselves out? Like a very few who are in this organization, they see comfort and a place to escape to during classes and exams. But at the same time, will they go forth and stand tall with this "just an organization" kind of ordeal. I don't know. Most of the time, I like to find myself trying to keep something alive by ultimately putting my foot into the door. Never letting that room become closed to the world. Exactly how it feels when we all must let go of things, places, memories that we hold dear to us. Akbayan isn't just a place to have shows, and hang out, but more of a beginning to build whatever it is you may look for. And when you find it, grasp it and don't let go. If you do let go, you'll end up being just another picture in the photo albums. Having new members asking, "Who is that?" Sometimes I'm having flashbacks to my first days in Akbayan. I was the quietest one of course with the old school people kicking it at the Akbayan house / e.W.o house / House of Corinth. This house of ours gave birth to three Akbayan president's in the late 90's and the first millenium. Oh the days when I could call out the oldest people and make fun of them because they are still in college. The tables have turned and now I have to face the misery. Is it such a bad thing to have. Now necessarily. I'm not having such regrets about being in such a position. I like being the mighty 'jedi' or the guy who knows what's been done or the Manong or Kuya that people can turn to and say, "You're old." I will be saying my farewells soon. From the first day that I was Fundraiser, I must admit that Akbayan stressed the "heck" out of me. From the first PCN in 1998 to maybe my last one this year, I shall never forget all these wonderful people that have made a perfect path to what I'm going to look forward to. Good Night.
Something I've been thinking about. Maybe its just silly, but I need to get it out. The growth of this organization that I'm in fluctuates. Sometimes there are leaders who do the job, and there are followers who find that the leaders aren't nothing more than followers themselves. As for me, I like to see myself as both. I wouldn't mind seeing a little bit more leader in me, but I don't like the feeling of pressure and stress and frustration. Overall, I like to just get things done. I love to succeed and make things work. This club, Akbayan, it has its ups and downs. Most of the time, it breaks even, but the other twenty-five percents, they fail and fail even more. How does Akbayan possibly fall into the red. How do we find ourselves to climb out of holes. Why do we try hard enough to pull ourselves out? Like a very few who are in this organization, they see comfort and a place to escape to during classes and exams. But at the same time, will they go forth and stand tall with this "just an organization" kind of ordeal. I don't know. Most of the time, I like to find myself trying to keep something alive by ultimately putting my foot into the door. Never letting that room become closed to the world. Exactly how it feels when we all must let go of things, places, memories that we hold dear to us. Akbayan isn't just a place to have shows, and hang out, but more of a beginning to build whatever it is you may look for. And when you find it, grasp it and don't let go. If you do let go, you'll end up being just another picture in the photo albums. Having new members asking, "Who is that?" Sometimes I'm having flashbacks to my first days in Akbayan. I was the quietest one of course with the old school people kicking it at the Akbayan house / e.W.o house / House of Corinth. This house of ours gave birth to three Akbayan president's in the late 90's and the first millenium. Oh the days when I could call out the oldest people and make fun of them because they are still in college. The tables have turned and now I have to face the misery. Is it such a bad thing to have. Now necessarily. I'm not having such regrets about being in such a position. I like being the mighty 'jedi' or the guy who knows what's been done or the Manong or Kuya that people can turn to and say, "You're old." I will be saying my farewells soon. From the first day that I was Fundraiser, I must admit that Akbayan stressed the "heck" out of me. From the first PCN in 1998 to maybe my last one this year, I shall never forget all these wonderful people that have made a perfect path to what I'm going to look forward to. Good Night.
Saturday, February 15, 2003
"Why must I be in such a state of mind that isn't what most people see. Believe me, it's not a curse. It is possibly a compliment of bliss. Another thing, that last phrase is something that sounds intelligent, but really, I don't know what it means. Who cares? Trying to sound in intelligent is better that actually being intelligent. Whatever I say to myself when someone comes up to me and says that I'm thinking nonsense. Like the thought of popularity over knowledge is the existence of the world wounding and rounding making others believe that school and academics is the cure to all poverty. Not likely that I will find employment through the learning experience that this piece of paper might say that I've strived four, five, and even six years to take grasp of. Pathetic is not only the conspiracy of such a nation of miscommunication, but great diversity. We are free from dictatorship, yet we all struggle to make ourselves find a leader to lead us to happiness. Democracy and the Republic is a straight-forward government that we long to find so understanding by the 'father's" of this country. The great Washington's and Roosevelt's were and are history. We now live through a terrible happiness and we strive through this heavenly sadness of fantasy, ecstasy, and reality.
My view's on life seem to surpass not only me, but the common person. Most of the time it doesn't make sense through words, but it puts the puzzle in mind into a jigsaw completion. Though, as I drink my $1.29, 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew, from a venue that tends to fall apart like a mudball in the rain, I take this glass, lift it up, and take my time to taste what was cheap, delicious, and easy to take grasp of because its affordable. How did I make a transition from government to consumer production, I don't know. All I know is that the money in my pocket will not be there for such a long time. As my money falls, another rises. Which brings me back to the thought of who you know to make a future out of your life. As of now, I struggle to receive, not just a passing grade, not just the medium, but the perfection of the first letter of the alphabet on papers, exams, and the thought that school, career, family is what America's message sends to us. The picture that I see is, I want not what every American wants, I want what no one needs. If I could go back in time, and take my life into the savage life, maybe I would. The history books put this portrait of early civilization. How do we know that really happened? How do we really know anything that happened yesterday before we were born?
I look around my room and find all of the materialistic things that I own. What could I be rid of? Everything? Somethings? For one thing, all my books can go because I need them to get my diploma which means nothing unless you 'know' people. Another thing could be all the different types of clothes in my closet. I can live with little enough clothes. I can live with a pair of shoes. I change my clothes everyday because people find that change is important and that wearing the same clothes every single day is weird and disgusting. Is it really? The mentality of everything is based on...day to day beliefs. 'Nough said.
This being St. Valentine's Day, I believe in spending another day with my other the same we always spend it. Everytime we're close, we're close. Close as in, communication, romanticizing, taking each step of our relationship further than before. Not a drastic jump, but small bits. Chocalates, gifts, roses? How 'bout Wendy's 5 nuggets, fries, rice, hotdogs, and mountain dew? Also, an afternoon of video games. Is this a healthy relationship that will go sour? I doubt that because the time spent together is based on one mind struggling on the same goal. In this case, she's a keeper, I'm lucky, and the next step is ready to step through the door."
My view's on life seem to surpass not only me, but the common person. Most of the time it doesn't make sense through words, but it puts the puzzle in mind into a jigsaw completion. Though, as I drink my $1.29, 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew, from a venue that tends to fall apart like a mudball in the rain, I take this glass, lift it up, and take my time to taste what was cheap, delicious, and easy to take grasp of because its affordable. How did I make a transition from government to consumer production, I don't know. All I know is that the money in my pocket will not be there for such a long time. As my money falls, another rises. Which brings me back to the thought of who you know to make a future out of your life. As of now, I struggle to receive, not just a passing grade, not just the medium, but the perfection of the first letter of the alphabet on papers, exams, and the thought that school, career, family is what America's message sends to us. The picture that I see is, I want not what every American wants, I want what no one needs. If I could go back in time, and take my life into the savage life, maybe I would. The history books put this portrait of early civilization. How do we know that really happened? How do we really know anything that happened yesterday before we were born?
I look around my room and find all of the materialistic things that I own. What could I be rid of? Everything? Somethings? For one thing, all my books can go because I need them to get my diploma which means nothing unless you 'know' people. Another thing could be all the different types of clothes in my closet. I can live with little enough clothes. I can live with a pair of shoes. I change my clothes everyday because people find that change is important and that wearing the same clothes every single day is weird and disgusting. Is it really? The mentality of everything is based on...day to day beliefs. 'Nough said.
This being St. Valentine's Day, I believe in spending another day with my other the same we always spend it. Everytime we're close, we're close. Close as in, communication, romanticizing, taking each step of our relationship further than before. Not a drastic jump, but small bits. Chocalates, gifts, roses? How 'bout Wendy's 5 nuggets, fries, rice, hotdogs, and mountain dew? Also, an afternoon of video games. Is this a healthy relationship that will go sour? I doubt that because the time spent together is based on one mind struggling on the same goal. In this case, she's a keeper, I'm lucky, and the next step is ready to step through the door."
Sunday, February 09, 2003
Listening to ESPN Sportscenter
"Trying so hard to finish some obligations is just too time consuming. Attempting to continue my best efforts to find out the inevitable. Again my words are useful, yet hard to understand. Impossible to understand how this mind ticks. Some people have the power to decipher the arrows that pour through my membranes and seep out the outer part of my eardrum, thumping to a beat that is similiar to the bass of my heart. Like the many that can actually rewrite the ways of my past in a simple entry. Take away the greatness of my situation, the hunger for my power will merely vanish from existence. Leave me be with all my troubles in life. My mind has exploded into millions of thoughts that must be puzzled together with exhaustion."
"Trying so hard to finish some obligations is just too time consuming. Attempting to continue my best efforts to find out the inevitable. Again my words are useful, yet hard to understand. Impossible to understand how this mind ticks. Some people have the power to decipher the arrows that pour through my membranes and seep out the outer part of my eardrum, thumping to a beat that is similiar to the bass of my heart. Like the many that can actually rewrite the ways of my past in a simple entry. Take away the greatness of my situation, the hunger for my power will merely vanish from existence. Leave me be with all my troubles in life. My mind has exploded into millions of thoughts that must be puzzled together with exhaustion."
Wednesday, February 05, 2003
Listening to (coincidence) PC Quest : Can I Call You My Girl
"The best part of a sunny's day is the warmth and great feeling that soothes the soul of the beholder. Taking that first step into a day's gloom. Finding that the rest of the day could turn out the worst, but just that introduction to a morning or afternoon's rise could make the best of things come true. Is it even possible that clouds can make a day even more beautiful. As we walk through life, we want to believe that we are unstoppable, and that the best things in life and decisions are the correct one's. Imagine one day someone comes up to you and tells you that your whole life has been a lie. Imagine that you haven't succeeded in any of your obstacles because they've all become rehearsed to situate your lifestyle. This life of robots and puppeteering is far from what is seen when the sun comes out and says hello to my smiling face. Growing up with smiles and happiness can make the best of one's life. Sometimes most people don't receive this same treatment, so in this case, they must find their individual pleasures another way. Kind of ways that we find when we want to find something to relinquish that bored feeling when we see rain drops fall from the sky. Just the other day, the topic mentioned related to two worlds, such as Miami and the whole state of Washington. The heat of skin bring joy while the breeze of storms brings torment. I guess what I'm saying is that our eyes can deceive everything that we bring ourselves to actually see. Like seeing a thick book, we automatically believe that its boring because of the number of pages. On the other hand, the book could be so abnormally interesting that it could be possible to finish in one sitting. Just look around before we start to assume those daily pressures."
"The best part of a sunny's day is the warmth and great feeling that soothes the soul of the beholder. Taking that first step into a day's gloom. Finding that the rest of the day could turn out the worst, but just that introduction to a morning or afternoon's rise could make the best of things come true. Is it even possible that clouds can make a day even more beautiful. As we walk through life, we want to believe that we are unstoppable, and that the best things in life and decisions are the correct one's. Imagine one day someone comes up to you and tells you that your whole life has been a lie. Imagine that you haven't succeeded in any of your obstacles because they've all become rehearsed to situate your lifestyle. This life of robots and puppeteering is far from what is seen when the sun comes out and says hello to my smiling face. Growing up with smiles and happiness can make the best of one's life. Sometimes most people don't receive this same treatment, so in this case, they must find their individual pleasures another way. Kind of ways that we find when we want to find something to relinquish that bored feeling when we see rain drops fall from the sky. Just the other day, the topic mentioned related to two worlds, such as Miami and the whole state of Washington. The heat of skin bring joy while the breeze of storms brings torment. I guess what I'm saying is that our eyes can deceive everything that we bring ourselves to actually see. Like seeing a thick book, we automatically believe that its boring because of the number of pages. On the other hand, the book could be so abnormally interesting that it could be possible to finish in one sitting. Just look around before we start to assume those daily pressures."
Sunday, February 02, 2003
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