Gettin' Some Love

The secretive support is there. It's not out there, but stop, I must remember why it is the way it is. I know what to do. And it'll all start now.

ps. Make it your way, right away.

Have You Ever...

Tonight, I think my emotions got the best of me. I just kept going. Becoming irritant, causing frustration, expecting something that I shouldn't expect. I've become very aggressive and more assertive. Although, I've found someone that was more like the old me; conservative, attentive to emotions, and funfilled. I don't know what I'm doing. I've become verbally abusive with people, and I'm not liking this part of me. If anyone happens to fall into this part of me, I'm sorry. Let's hope this doesn't occur.

I don't know, was I wrong with what happened? It seems as if I'm looking for justification. If her feelings for me tend to stray away, I don't blame her, I blame myself. How am I constantly supposed to remind myself of the situation. Do I write a note on the refrigerator? Must I send myself reminders? You can't expect me to not think of you the way I do when you treat me the way you do. But, remembering that there's a grace period is well put in its place.

I guess my feelings just needed to be out there. You have to understand...I HAVE ISSUES. Internally and externally. I am human.

brb. I'm going to go hang myself.

For What It's Worth

I don't know what it's worth. There is no amount on what could or may happen in the future. The emotions are getting the better and I'm not able to control the comedic tendencies that overcome. I've learned something important about my personality yesterday. I admit that my verbal thoughts can really hurt people. The guilt behind my words makes me realize that deep down inside, I am evil. Don't get me wrong, I'm not like the omen evil, but I don't see the reasons behind what I say.

Accept someone for who they are, what they say, but at all cost, don't let them step all over you. The greatest part about communication is the ability to say it or suppress it. I stopped suppressing. I've learned where that road can lead to. So, what I ask in return is giving me the whole truth. I can't seem to relinquish the awkward silence, the hang ups, the fact that you put me in this situation. It pulls me down and reminds me that I'm human. I am human. I can't be the perfect person. Cherish my well-being or run it over. Grasp the moments and let the pain melt away. I can't seem to imagine my life without you in my arms. Friendship just doesn't cut it this time. You were meant to be by my side. Until that day, I lay afloat the waters of time, doomed to drown if left too long in the water.

It's been 4-months since I moved back to San Jose. The living situation isn't that bad. My mode of transportation is lacking though. Rollerblading just doesn't cut it anymore. But for now, a new full size house is what I'm looking for. And in the process, I have a few other's interested. Which reminds me, I'm going to give this one place a call to set up an appointment, even though I called them yesterday.

Brb.

When you think of time when you thought something was going to happen because deep down inside you hoped it would happen, and then suddenly it doesn't happen. Crazy way of thinking but this is who I am.

I really thought a knock was going to happen at my door. A surprise would have been very sweet. You didn't answer your messages or your phone for almost an hour. After thirty minutes I started to worry because it doesn't take you more than half an hour. I waited for something that I wanted to happen. Crazy way of thinking but this is what I would've done.

It's starting to get hot, and waiting for a friend to pick me up to go eat is becoming less than likely. I don't know. I hate my days off when you're not around, everything just seems so blah. I really thought you'd surprise me. Well, someday you will, and it will be great, as great as you.

Brb.