I'm a constant failure. I never do things right, even when I think I do. People tell me more everyday that life is a struggle. That's a correct statement if I ever heard one. Before, I struggled to get ahead. I could believe that I made it to where I am because I struggled and dealt with the hardships in life. I can't tell someone that life is going to be easy. With how things are today, life won't be easy for a very long time. Even I'm beginning to lose hope. I may out of a job soon. When I worry about myself, I tend to lose focus on the world around me. I thought I could tend to the cares of those around me. I can't. Not when I'm beginning to struggle. My future is today. It is hard to think ahead because there's too much at stake right now.

Who cares about tomorrow? I went through a medical insurance meeting today at work and realized that I could die at any time. I could get badly injured. Every flight I take, my expectation is that it'll go down in blazing glory. What a way to die...sitting in fear with people you don't even know. If I had a chance to call someone, I would probably call no one. Not like I'd have a chance to make the call anyway. I don't fear flying regardless of how I think. It helps to just sleep through flights so I don't have to think about it. Who cares about today? I go through my life hoping my day will be better than the last. It never is. My way of thinking is too free and pretty naive. If a challenge approaches, i have the choice to take it on or step aside and wait for the next one. If I make a mistake, learn from it and make sure it don't happen again. I receive "memos" that go out to everyone at work that are usually pointed directly at me.

I don't hate my life. Its all I got.