Why follow your life when you can easily shadow someone else's life?
I got this topic watching a glimpse of 'Freshmen Diaries' on Showtime. The episode just showed this poster that inspired me to write. I used to believe that I was meant to watch and study someone's life and live as they had lived. Without noticing it, through high school and the beginning of college, I noticed my lifestyle was portraying someone else's life. There was nothing wrong with it, I just realized that it really wasn't who I was. I struggled to make things happen that I thought I could take on. Thinking that running or facilitating a group of college students and gaining their support was just an illusion. Gaining was the easy part. Their motivation to be as dedicated as I was was no where close. Some say I ran the whole show of things by my lonesome, but there was support spewing through the cracks. Growing up with individuals who make differences in people's lives is what I wanted to do. After experiencing my stresses and frustrations for a few beginning weeks, I finally knew that I can't be what I'm not. I'm going to pace myself, I'm going to do what I can to make THIS successful. I don't want to acknowledge the fact that I brought back what was a dying species, but when will I ever feel glorified in this sake.
I became president because I felt it was my time. Even though no one ran against me, I believe I would have won if I had an adversary. I had the most dedication and determination at that time. People knew it, friends knew it, and most certainly I knew it. For some reason, you don't just get elected at some time, you take on the responsibility no matter the negative or positive outcomes may come. My cabinet consisted of at least twelve individuals. My cabinet meetings had at most six to eight people show up at each of them. Three of the six general meetings were just cabinet, and the other three consisted of no more than four non-cabinet members. The walls around me began to collapse, while the ground and foundation under me started to shatter. This moment, I knew that I wasn't put into this position to follow someone else's ways, traditions, ideas.
With the thought of a cancelled PCN in 1999, I knew it couldn't happen. With the limited ammunition, or cabinet, I put all effort into the anticipated show that would be called PCN 2000 From The Outside In. Let me tell you something that no one after me really knows. The reason Akbayan began to fail was because during a certain term, the cabinet had become split between socialists and political activists. Looking at today's cabinets, there is no real conflict, there is just the somewhat balance of both sides. All we needed was balance.
I started PCN workshops in late February, with a majority of these people guys. At that time, I was looking at the full moon sitting against someone's car thinking to myself that I can make anything happen. My Singkil prince, Juan Juan, was standing next to me and asked me, "What's up with PCN, is it going to happen?" The honest response that I gave him was, "By the time we see the next full moon, you will see us practicing exactly like it was back during PCN 1998. The next full moon came up at the end of March and we choreographed Singkil, along with eight other cultural dances, a hiphop routine, and a less than decent skit. I know the show was probably rated a 1 of 5, but if this show never occurred, there possibly wouldn't be one today. There would be no Akbayan.
Pilipino Cultural Nights bring together old and new friends that quite possibly strenghen the next year ahead. That year we had a cast of about forty individuals. Each person took part in each aspect of the show- dancing, acting, backstage, and modern. That year opened up the eyes of future individuals that become involved in the next cabinet. Of course we somehow broke even, but we just needed the right motivation.
Note: I follow my life, whose life will you follow?