Fourth Thursday of the New Year -- listening to Kelly Clarkson : Moment Like This
Today was such an experience for myself. For people who know me well enough, and for those of you who don't know me, my type of life is to assist, help others and find my well being one of my last priorities. With this same thought, not as in general, but something that is more public than private. Of course my life is priority before others in my own personal private life, but as unselfish as I am, I like to see that people are doing all right. They may not be the happy attitude that I may want them to be in, but at least they're not in depression, sadness, or in mourn. I try. I guess my main thought tonight is that I've been feeling really helpless. The other night, aivy agreed with me when I told myself that I wasn't myself. -duh!- I'm in crutches. And it hurts. Usually, I'm in pain, but I don't let anyone see the pain the constant pain I feel for more than five minutes.
(flashback) On Martin Luther King Jr. Day, a couple of us decided to go up to the snow to go snowboarding. The day started off lazily because when I found out pasa was no longer going, I was discouraged to go. But like the friend he is, ed was still down to go. And I can't just flake on him like that. We went to Sierra-at-tahoe and snowboarded for a good three hours. It was fun, until I took a off-trail jump. I got good air, but my nose was pointing the wrong slope and I ate it. I don't mean, just falling on my tailbone, but straight up on ice, tumbling and finding out that my board didn't want to follow the direction my ankle was heading. The only think I heard when I hit the ground was -crack.crack.crack- in a matter of a second. OUCH! (end flashback)
And yes, almost three days later, and the pain continues to grow. I wonder if I never went to the health center, it wouldn't feel as bad - psychologically speaking. Kicking it at the union in between classes was just a thrill, especially when gumbi marissa kicked my ankle not once, but TWICE. and then trying to secure my foot from pretending they're going to hit it. How unkind and mean can some people be. They're my friends so I forgive them. The thing is, they've never seen me mad. And also, I've never been in this kind of pain in my life. Mix those two together and I won't be showing my face for awhile because...
overall situation, i've never cared about myself in public before. Looking back, I find myself making sure those around me are doing ok. One more input is the kindness of people that happen to open up doors and put chairs down in front of me to rest my foot and for my friends that helped me during lunch. *spanks* ya'll can hold my drinks and food anytime.
to jerry - if you must know ((sheesh)) "amazing contributions towards a thought of provoke. the push seizes to relinquish." means that all the times that you've been that 'jerk', 'dickhead', and 'bully', you're somehow unconsciously provoking some type of lesson for me to get out of it. the more you push me, the stronger my stance gets. Nowadays, if you push me, I will fall. Obviously, see above. I've always been the person that could be pushed around, but from experiences with you, I can hold on my own. Now stop asking me. Actually, don't ever bring this up again.