It's been nearly 7 days since I've seen you with my own eyes. There's so much I fear when you're not around. I don't feel as complete as one should. Every thought involves something about you which makes my missing you even more hard to cope with. I look to you when I need strength, confidence, and to balance my thoughts. I'm on my trip to New Jersey and I feel alone. I know I've never missed someone so much because my heart feels like it squishes up. At this point on my trips, I'm either on the phone with her or at least chatting with her online.
I do take advantage of the time I have with her. I neglect the fact that she is there and I don't grasp the moment. Actually, when we're physically together, we act so much like two people who care for one another. Although, when we're apart, I don't appreciate the phone calls as much as I should. What do I miss? Here's a list:
- her voice (I saved her voice mails to hear her voice);
- her phone calls;
- her hugs;
- her touchy humor;
- her everything.
It does hurt. Everything I do reminds me of her. I was on my flight from Dallas to Philadelphia, and the in-flight movie was Bridge to Terabithia. It's such a sweet movie, but could take away everything that puts that smile, that reason to wake up in the morning, that feeling to keep going in your life. Also, it was her that told me that Leslie in the movie dies. But when I found out she died, my heart broke and I wanted to cry too. Whatever!? I have a heart. It wasn't the movie though, it was like she was no longer in my life. I didn't get a chance to tell her that I love her. I am seriously figuring out what love is. If this isn't, I have strong feelings that I can't part away from. I just wish she was here. I wish I could hear her voice. Anything!
After Thursday when I heard her voice last, she called Sunday for 2 minutes. I was relieved that she was ok. But, scared that she was going out to the other islands now.
This sucks. My heart is crushed.