"the likeliness has turned. as a net has been cut in ways that i've been whiplashed. my belief for reliance has been taken from me. the sadness outcome is devastating. the loose of my whip has been cut and left as a cut worm to begin growth once again. has my shade finally been brightened and has the light finally become unveiled with honesty. i mustn't forget the truths of false fatuations. my path has become unset and must direct myself in ways less travelled. facing a greater rock has been thrown to another pile of dirt. must put foot by foot down to further my decisions or roads. until anew i see what has bestowed upon myself." - dedicated to my heart "I will live on."

its about time. we plan to meet and she's not where she told me she'd be. but its ok because she was where she said she would probably be. and the shy guy I am, turns completely around and runs away. there's only two people whom I've ran away from because of my giddy feelings for them. like a school boy trying to ask a girl to dance at his first dance. she saw me, i saw her. probably thinking of each other the whole time. and just one hundred feet from each. and she tells ME, "come up to me and say hi" that's the problem. i just can't. so i see her leaving her 'balcony'. so i leave and see if i can catch up to her. unlucky as i am, she vanished. i finish all my deliveries (ha! i'm a shipping and receiving delivery worker on-campus btw) and park my cart. i walk up to the table and THERE she is. I'm so shy I just completely ignore her. Even when Bear calls out my name, I hear you, but too scared to answer. so i walk further away from the voice. And when i look back, her back is faced me. Ay ya! I get a call from work. CHANCE TWO failure. blah! time to go to class. after class, i help Jefboy get the thingy. as we walk down those last three steps off the su, i run the thingy into her...almost. i'm like. WOOHOO! and there you go. More soon!!!!

SCHOOL MEANS SO MUCH

"after time goes my world is changing :: friends begin fading and aquaintances expand in my world :: family gets deeply involved because this world has so many points" my brain hurts, so i'mma go early this time. all i know is that i'm still lonely and i'm starting school again.

troubles and separations. differences and awkwardness. secrets and backstabbing. successes and goals. delegations and teamwork.

i see the world through my two eyes and lower them in disbelief. has the struggles finally ended in failure.

i see the ways of traditional life deteriorating into waste. must i continue to live on with hopelessness in others.

i see the direction of mindless souls headed straight for broken bridges. should this living hell go on.

i see the smiles of children fading due to lack of support. could laughter bring back brightful days.

i see the words of joy being tossed around like air. be that memory exist in thy hearts, yet not in the soul of a righteous man.

my head drops lower and lower feeling of sorrow in heart mercy in the mind and strength in soul. i give up at times.

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friends - family - strangers - lovers :: i've forgotten how to smile.

"life is just dandy" - when i hear this, the voice results to sarcasm and words not yet used by many.

"life sucks" - when i hear this, there is a temporary problem that eventually fades out of existence.

"life can leave me alone" - when i hear this, that person has been disapproved of life as they know it, not giving any sense of direction on what's next.

"realizing the world has taken away all my hopes, goals, aspirations. yet giving the gift of new mindsets. looking across a room full of obstacles, they are all different, but on the other side, my light shines. bumping, hitting, finding myself on the ground, once looked up, light has dimmed, looking for the energy that'll enrich my soul with spirit. just then, a fake light comes up and hurts, tears thy shreds. finding my light filled to an outlet, when such end is upon, i know that its not yet ready to uncoil my destiny. for now, my body fills with anxiety and frustration until i reach my shining sun." - MOOD: tired, body-aching, sleepy

"i wanna go straight up to you, look into your eyes, whisper "you are so beautiful" in your ear, gentle rub cheek to cheek and run my lips against yours." - can i make a girl lucky to have me?

I found something new about me. Although you might all know that I'm an open-minded person, but also down-to-earth. not likely out-going, but my shyness pays off. People seem happier when I'm opened up because my laughter and cheerfulness brings out those teeth that i love so much. I like to debate. I like to listen to others views about anything. And by the time its my turn, I won't stop until you yell at me or just leave. I don't mean to do this, but its how I live.

"The world longs in lonliness for those with multiple hearts." Define this. If you cannot, think about this... "We lie in a society of longing righteousness, being, seeing, and believing that we're separate, but equal. Lift up your minds people, we're not what it seems. Take it from those struggling, being, seeing, and believing. Are we not what eyes truly see. See truly eyes what not we are. Relase your soul. Enjoy your time with open hearts. Adjust to the ways of a righteous fool. Lend a soul, a smile. Be it, a life of pitiful souls."

"how is it possible that one can show that affection and warmth for a certain time straight and suddenly feel the need to move on in another instant. have i been written off as a negative instead of a positive moving forward through time and realizing that my life is going no where with gender bias. the happiness and sadness i've portrayed, given, and accepted have backfired into an oblivious reoccurrence that won't end. meet one, lose one, meet one, lose one; unlike a ripe grape how it show such beauty when plump and touched with flavor, until time develops shrinkage and unattractiveness. is it impossible to keep a straight tension span."

the art of saying good-bye. "friends part all the time. quickly, shortly, and usually very longingly. tis sad, joyous, depressed, all in all, creations of emotions fulfill the air as separation is anticipated. handshake, hug, kiss on the cheek, quick nod, hi-five, slap of palms. explaining the reason of au revoir, adios, sige. getting out swiftly is common due to the lack of attention gifted upon the victim, regarding the act of consideration to thou host, leader. waving once last time before all seen is silohuette of shadows upon shadows. smile vanishes, eyes watery, distance increasing. must it all end. final celebration, tis be back. no worries, no regrets. life live on, be straight, be new chapter." dedicated to Stacey. take care and good luck in hawai'i. i'll miss ya.

"my body has unfolded in a bliss of pleasure. your body next to mine. your mind connecting with mine. your soul reaching for mine. i can feel your presence with me, without me, while i'm far from thee. although, the mind is where the love comes, the love unravels the soul and keep that unwilling feeling of romance deep in my heart to give to you forever and ever, together with our arms linked, i am yours forever." madd flavor for my partnah AbstracSoul. your my homegirl forever. writer's block is for the soul. and flowin' is for meaningful lessons.

well, i actually put down a blog down for my whole camping trip. unfortunately, i'll have to get back to you on it because i had to restart my computer. argghhh

society treats everyone at an advantage. those high people think highly of themselves and believe that everyone could like them immediately. i don't think that's actually correct. yes i know, i always have the opposition toward everything in societies trends. people act fake no matter who they are. people just act who they want to be like in front of different crowds. i say, act and/or perpetrate whoever, whenever. its your life, who cares what other people say? for those who do care should find themselves. but it also bugs me how those people who say they care not how people judge them, but still find in their hearts to hate on others for judging them. hypocritical events such as these is senseless. my grammar should be corrected. that is what should be done instead of people looking at each other in suspicious ways. i say, look, smile, and say hi. not look, mug, and swear at each other. i believe being an anti-swearer helps me be patient and calm when frustration and anger fills my air. i'm very hard to annoy because i always keep it inside of me. but then keeping inside helps me analyze not to feel that way again. and its been working for the past twenty-three years. trust me, it's all worth it. even in relationships, i don't fight. if my girlie girl wants to fight, i'll let her. just not with me, cause i'll just continue to smile and wait until she's out of breath. phew! this is a mouthful. yay. i'm on my way to go camping. YESSSS!

refreshing as it is...swimming as become a daily thing. i nearly wanted to drown myself earlier. damn ice hockey. why must i be so competitive? ok here's the memory. it's second round playoffs and i'm playin' a not-so-average type game. but i'm still playin'. after three periods and overtime play, the score is one to one. its a 3 shooter shoot-out. the first person they point at is me. i'm good, but i'm not that good. the greatest and quietest moment in my life is up in the next five minutes. i decided to be the final shooter. ok!! the other team shoots first and makes 1 out of 3. the first two shooters on our team try to go top shelf on the goalie. both unsuccessful. so i know that the five-hole will be free but my wrister wasn't at full strength because of the long day. i only have two moves. and no way, i won't tell you what they are. so i hear the whistle and i'm on my way. i juggle the puck lightly from forehand to back while i finally lift my eyes to look into his eyes. amazing enough, i felt confident because i knew where the puck was at all times. about one to two feet in front of the goalie, i deke right, he over-commits, and i'm like this open net is mine. i slide the puck over to the back of my stick, unfortunately, instead of the puck going fifteen degrees, it goes about sixty-five degrees and i'm in upset because the puck is to far from me. i'm sad. it replays in my mind over and over. arghhhh. welp, next season.

this evening has been very interesting. so what if i think she is cute and she is cute. all in all, they're all my friends. its not like i'm going to be hittin' it off with them anytime soon. friends should stay friends and attraction should grow with the one's i see more as friends. i know that didn't make sense, but still, what IS supposed to make sense these days. the first time i saw her, i liked her. but then she went out with flowerboy. its all good. so sometimes when i see her, she's amazing. just the way her eyes look into mine. although i can't have her as my own, its good to be friends with her. i think its funny because she's like in front of her & i'm like totally complimenting her right now. now she's in my blanket. *sigh* the rest of my day went swell. i woke up and felt i've received a huge amount of sleep. feeling refreshed, i went to FAHAP, or Street Jam. although, my expectations toward the whole show was different. probably because i was looking forward to something totally different. so i stayed for about two hours and left. thanks ted for the johnny rockets. oh dang. next was the first round ice hockey playoffs. phew! after mitch attempting to defend the offender, he gives up two of the goals. GREAT! unbelievable, i gave up one of the goals also. but i don't play defense. oh well, i'm 1 for 1. shucks. on the good side, we won with a sweet pass to bruce and mitch pickin' up the garbage, hittin' in the rebound. woohoo! after that goal. i skated as fast i could, and slid on my tummy. OT game winner. HIGHLIGHT of my day. and then over to kat's birthday loungin' in the lounge area at peppermill. the red light and blue neon lights were a new and interesting experience. yes its supposed to look like vegas, and immediately i thought it did. overall, my day had its high points and low points. once again, i can relate to...hmmm? let's call her ballad. i can tell her a lot of things. well, i can tell anyone anything. its better to trust someone in the beginning and tend to lose their privileges afterward.

gina-bina? u ask who she is. she is like my bestfriend. i go to her for everything. although, i've never really told her that she was, its been easier to cope with her by not saying any unnecessary things. i guess you can say that we've liked each other off and on. just earlier she calls me and her little nephew says "joey-boey". i thought it was cute. hi little jordan. for instance, we both like each other right now, but then who knows what will happen next.

i wake up, sleep, wake up, sleep. i don't know if i should just sleep the whole day. but i've got to get ready to go ulo's. ZzzZZzZ

Logging & Blogging

second log - daytime - really bored at work, so I decided to go to my braddah's work - infamous computer lab. i noticed that if i ever have a instant thought in my mind, i can put it on this blogger shindig. incredible, almost the majority of my thoughts down and not faded out. what is the world coming to when joey can keep everything he's ever thought of. look out world, the end is near. i've realized that there's an exciting feeling i have whenever i'm delivering to the communications department on campus. whenever i pick up some packages and see the label "HGH 108" scribbled on the box, i immediately take this package as my own. well, of course i'm going to deliver it, i'm not a thief. anyways, there's a girl in this office that has the most amazing eyes. although they are contacts, but that's besides the point. i'm attracted to her looks of course. i don't know her, but we keep having this eye contact thing. even when i don't have a package for the office, I pass by the doorway and soemtimes i see her sitting there sometimes i don't. the suspense leads because i'm never sure if she's in there or not. i guess its things like that that gets my heart racing. i'm at work and i have like an hour left to kill. my tummy hurts because i haven't eaten since last night. thanks paulo, by the way, the Wendy's dinner was delicious. according to flowerboy(mikeS.), he believes that i'm getting buffer. although, it is possible because i've been dancin' with Barangay again. that dances i've been practicing for are so hard. its like i have to flex the whole time, my arms are drafted in air so my arms are also getting conditioned to stay up. i've gotta "knee walk" yes its a Muslim suite dance. the dance is called Langka Silat, actually Naka Silat depending on what Eric told me. my knees still hurt and its been like 5 days ago. ((yawn)) 7:54pm. i melt everytime i talk to her. i'm always wondering if she knows that i'm attracted to her. other than that, its not very serious. just the beginning of a friendship and maybe future relationship. but for now, i have my graduation date coming closer and closer. i'm listening to Tower of Power - Your Still A Young Man. for now, my eyes hurt. i went swimming at school again. dang the laps are getting shorter because i'm always there now. i can swim one way and back now. all it takes is practice. i just noticed that this journal thing is like a diary. eh!? who cares? this is Diary of Josh Gumbi. beware of mucho entries. ((rotating neck))

Codename: Joshgumbi

my first entry. kinda exciting, yet nervous. i'm unsure if anyone is actually going to read this thing. of course, mar, where are you? i know you'll be reading this. for this first time, i'm just going to babble on and on about stuff that's been on my mind, before, during, and after this day of time. intro? i'm twenty-three years young about the time of the fifth of july. cancerous baby. youngest of three males from thou mother's eye. i have my father's gentleness, politeness, happiness, and sound. i have my mother's amusement, love, mindset, and care. i've developed my own characteristics as such. i believe in a balance between activism and passivism. my mind has developed an image of greatness. i feel failure is possible, but giving it your best makes you what you are. no one's perfect, yet do we try to be. before I go for now, JOSH is such a name i use to explore the artistic side of my brain. i love to write. some of it may not make sense, but it sure gives me a sense of direction in my life of love, anger, and miscellaneous. ciao bella.

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Words that don't make sense to those that don't use imagination. Imagination develops a story of limitless words of sense.