iWeep

Tonight, I found myself tearing up during an episode of Smallville. Not because it was the funeral scene of Jonathan Kent, but the thought of losing a parent. As an emotional person, it's strange how black my heart is sometimes. Even a good friend told me once that I'm heartless. Not that I want to be, it's just I find no feelings or emotions toward what was going on. Maybe it wasn't great enough where my heart would crush. I want to cry sometimes, but I've built an armor strong enough to withstand some of the worst things in life.

Love burns through this armor though. I love my family. But most of all, my parents and brothers. When watching Smallville, I thought about a parental death(knowing that thinking of it is bad luck, but it's reality) and I started tearing. I closed my eyes and whispered, "She isn't done being my mother." That did it. I cried. I needed it.

Besides family, there's one among few who I love that I've teared for. Love definitely burns through my armor because it hurts when the smallest things happen. But, love overpowers when happy occurrences come about. I love you, and never doubt that. I'm human after all.


Other than that, I've been to 7 airports; Norfolk(ORF), Houston(IAH), New York(JFK), Savannah(SAV), Atlanta(ATL), Oakland(OAK), and San Jose(SJC). FYI:Stay away from ATL. Can't find the terminals, they're too far. Traveling is fun. My favorite part is flying back home so I can see the one's I care and love.

Thank you for picking me up on Friday night. The first hug is always the best. From my heart to yours. Also, thanks for Making It Happen.




note: Can't sleep now.

iSweet

i'll be thinking about u all day
go impress who need to impress, then come back to me. KISSES
u can IMPRESS me anytime, but u do everyday.

Words from this morning from me to you.



Going to Fort Eustis, Virginia, next week. Anyone going to be there. Just kidding. Come visit me.

note: More later.

iSassy

I heard there was going to be a remake, and finally it's here. I mean, the korean original of My Sassy Girl was sweet, nice, adorable, cruel. But even better will be the sassy girl played by Elisha Cuthbert. I don't know. Is it possible? We shall see in 2007.

iCompatible

Masterful Scorpio should make a good mate for quiet spoken cancer. While jealousy may plague both from time to time, their great mutual ability to love deeply will usually limit periods of dissension. Scorpio is well equipped to cope with Cancerian moods. Excess energy which Scorpio emanates, will act as strong tonic for cancer's reticence. Scorpio and cancer could well prove the ideal marriage combination.

CaS is an amazing person. She explores the great parts of my life and indulges these experiences with her own. That's why every moment we develop is memorable. Do I have these feelings for you? Yes. Very much yes. Thank you. For putting up with my banter.

iAm

Who Wants To Be A Superhero? season finale. Interesting show because it involves superhero/moral values. I first thought the show was corny and silly, but after awhile, it just showed heart and determination. With a dash of laughs, I started to enjoy the amateurity of the show and the ability to improve their "powers".

No more Washington D.C. I am no longer afraid, although I'm still flying on the 11th. Instead, we'll be going to Virginia to Fort Eustis. As for my lifetime travels, I've been to, of course, California, Hawai'i, and Nevada. After the past three weeks, I've added three states to that listing: Georgia, South Carolina, and New Jersey. I'm currently in upstate New York near the Westpoint Military Academy. These weekly visits to the military bases have been some fun experiences. Other than that, I'll be bringing back souvenirs for those who've asked. While I've been here, Happy Birthday to Lil'Kathleen.

There have been many girls that tried to steal my heart. One actually attempted and succeeded, but the love just vanished. Eventually, I knew one day I would love again, and I truly believe it's happened. This love goes deeper than simple skin. When thinking of her, it makes my whole body just wither away waiting for something from her...even if it's just a simple phone call. I still cannot define love, but I know for sure this feeling is like it, could be it, and probably is it.

note: hiccups are sure fun. just as much as holding your hand while driving.

iScared

I'm flying to Washington D.C. on September 11th. Wouldn't you be scared too? Not necessarily because of all the precautionaries out there, I'll be completely fine. But yes, I'm still scared.

ps. I love you.

iCD

You say two little words probably in a playful way, which bothers me for an instance, but then gets bothersome when a negative emotion keeps flowing my way. I'm getting emotional and I shouldn't be. Your attitude devoids any type of sympathy. I'm constantly thinking of myself, and maybe that's my downfall. I can't escape this feeling. I want an explanation when there really isn't any. The caring seems to have stopped. Or have I just started to analyze the situation too much? Anxiety builds up increasing the blood pressure that I once never had.

I sit at my desk at work wondering if she cares when really she does care because she tells me everyday. But what if, throughout the day, the reducing gap turns and gets wider...and wider...and suddenly it turns into a VOID. A dark void of nothingness. Please, to you who matters most, don't let this happen. I care too much making the little things hurt. I can't control it.

note: no more Germany. I'm on probation still.

iSouthCarolina

So, after a day of traveling, two evenings of GREAT EATS, and a day of humid work, I'm finding my way through all my new work environment. As for the travel part, it helps not sleeping on the plane because when we got into the hotel, I fell asleep during the Giants game. Unfortunately, I woke up three or four times last night because I wasn't thinking straight. I just didn't want to be late when I met up with the team.

The first night, we ate at Dockside. Excellent seafood eatery. My choice of the night was the Dockside Dinner, which included; lobster tail, crab legs, scallops, etc, for a very good price. Yum. Plus, I ordered an extra She Soup.

Work is fun. I never thought I'd here so much gunfire in my life. We installed on the weapons area of the base first. Easiest according to what they say. We shall see. If you're a girl, you'd like all the mens in uniform. 'Til we meet again.

note: I didn't finish my bbq earlier.

iGOSH

I finally get a few minutes to write my thoughts.

Song: That Thing You Do - New Found Glory (Ska Covers)

Let's start off by saying... MY FIRST BUSINESS TRIP. Oh, let me go even deeper. I'm no longer at Office Depot. I'm no longer in retail. After all my complaints of wanting a career, not a job, my calling has finally come along. I started with this copmany on August 2nd, 2006. They are a pharmaceutical development start-up that I enjoy going to. I've come across a lot of the knowledge I learned from my education and personal experiences. I have no complaints. I can't complain about getting paid to travel. My first trip is to Beaufort, South Carolina. I'm actually supposed to be there right now, the installation got pushed. It'll happen. I don't think I would've been prepared for the trip. Now, after a full 5 days under my belt, the ropes are easily learned. Wish me luck.

My decision has faded away from the popular Scion tC to the 2007 Toyota Camry Hybrid. I've been seeing the new Camry just a few times lately. They are sleek, smooth, and my type of car. There's more horsepower, gps navigational system, yet double the Scion in price. Gotta think about this a little bit more.

Germany! Our company big trip. Two weeks in Germany. Sighs. I'll miss you.

Camille, Alexis, Paulo, and I saw Rent last Wednesday at the Golden Gate Theatre. The show was great. Mimi had the annoying nasal sounding singing voice. My favorite voice was still Gordon. Sorry Alexis for Mr. and Mrs. Bighead. At least you had your glasses this time. Paulo, you've seen more shows, but you seemed impressed with this show. Try a New York City showing. MUCHO BETTER. Camille, sweet Camille... enjoy this part of my life. My favorite person meet my favorite musical. Rating, Rent San Francisco was great, I rate them an 8 out of 10.

I heart my favorite. Don't forget that.

Note: The world turns in my direction.

iLATELY

My world has come across a few crossroads, yet they're worthy adversaries. I'll be back

"I Love Stealing Your Internet

Thank you, thank you for making my life so very easy. It was so nice of you to read all the user reviews you could find in order to make sure you were making a good decision. Then you walked the extra mile and read the Radio Shack circular, too. You are so good to me. I am glad that you decided to bring home that shiny new router, attach all the wires just right, and then click your way through the setup wizard at the speed of light. You make my life much more pleasant.

Now I can click my way merrily across the internet, doing as I please. I don’t even have to worry about the sites that I go to. If I want to look at nuclear bomb plans, so be it. If I want to join in a forum discussion on the proper way to engage in intercourse with a mule, it is my prerogative. I can even download all the movies and music that I want to, without any fear of repercussion. I somehow doubt that you have this level of internet invincibility, though, do you?

The price is not as bad as I expected. I am getting a lot out of my one time fee of thirty dollars. As it turns out, buying a wireless network card is much cheaper than even one month of cable internet. I was not really happy about paying sixty dollars a month for service, but that is a thing of the past now. I am glad that I took the time to do some comparison shopping between internet service providers. I found out that yours was the cheapest by far! Thank you for being my digital sugar-daddy.

It amazes me how generous you are! I know that you have looked at your router and seen that little glowing light that should not have been glowing. I am sure you went “Hmm, what the hell is this crap?” and went directly to your manual. I am sure you took the time out of your busy day to find out that I was accepting your kind offer of free internet service. You still let me have all the bandwidth that I can use, though. I would be indebted to you, if I had any clue as to your real identity. You are my anonymous benefactor, and I know you only as “default”.

It would have been easy for you to turn on your encryption, and lock me out in the cold wasteland of old technology. I would have been forced to spend my money on internet service, and not on the finer things in life that I would rather have. While I am eating my wonderful dry-aged steak this evening I promise that I will think of you and your kindness. I will softy shake my head and smile, and then I will laugh and laugh and laugh. I love stealing your internet, and I love you for letting me.
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I am so not a newbie. This is why we must set our routers with network keys. I do. Everyone in Barrelman P. does. Although, it does help when you're in the middle of nowhere and support is computer illiterate. Sucks to be them.

iCRY

She's been asking me for awhile if there's such a movie or show that makes me cry. Yes, there is. The song Roger sings to Mimi, Your Eyes, near the end of the Rent movie. Maybe it's any movie where the guy cries because the one he loves is in pain, hurt, dying, or past on. Sad isn't it, but that's where my heart melts.

note: My foot is 99% healthy. I hope.

Immobility

Dear Reader;

Since Sunday, I have been diagnosed with a minor injury. The technical names that were discovered were Foot Spur, Gout, Plantar Fasciitis, and "dude, you're faking it". First off, why would I ever fake an injury? I've never faked an injury. Let's go on. After much persuasion, She and I went to Kaiser Santa Theresa around the seven o'clock hour. Did I mention she was going to go home at seven. Luckily she was willing to be the bestfriend that she is and give me a lift to the hospital. We crutched into Urgent Care about 745pm and left around 10pm.

Some of the random incidents at the hospital:
1. Some guy was being a nuisance, so a mother of two called security.
2. She pushed and let go of my wheelchair toward a wall.
3. Got to the pharmacy late.
4. She drove.

*For now, later gators.
** For you, you support me in ways I never knew. Thanks.

Plantar Fasciitis

http://www.footsmart.com/HealthCondition.aspx?ailmentId=5
While numerous factors and conditions can lead to foot pain, the most common is heel pain. You may also hear doctors refer to heel pain as heel spur syndrome or plantar fasciitis; however, these conditions can be present with and without an actual bony spur.

However you refer to your heel pain, it is indeed a serious condition sufferers cannot afford to ignore. Just stepping down on the foot, especially first thing in the morning, can cause immediate shooting pain. And pressing harder on a sore heel, the way some do with a foot that’s fallen asleep, only worsens painful symptoms.

Causes:

Heel pain can flare up when the plantar fascia ligament that stretches from the heel to the ball of the foot – which also supports the arch – becomes inflamed. Calcium deposits may eventually form on the heel bone, resulting in mild to serious heel pain when applying pressure on the foot.

Heel spurs and heel pain typically occur in people with flat feet. As the arch starts to collapse, the band of ligament and the muscle in the bottom of the foot absorbs the impact of pressure from standing or walking. Eventually, it stretches beyond its limits, leading to possible muscle tears and bone spurs. To avoid heel pain, people with flat feet should make a special effort to wear support shoes with arch support.

Other causes of heel pain include:

* High arches that pull on the muscles.
* Tight calves muscles caused from poor or little stretching.
* Muscle tension that pulls away a piece of the bone.

Symptoms:

Your sore heel is the result of foot muscles tightening up overnight. The tightened muscles accentuate the pull on the heel bone spur and ligaments, or plantar fascia, making your first steps painful. You know you have heel pain if getting out of bed in the morning and stepping down makes you want to yell out. In fact, the medical term for heel pain, post-static dyskinesia, means "pain after rest."

You may also notice symptoms of heel pain when:

* Plunging into exercise without warming up first.
* Moving after any inactivity, such as sitting in a car or at a desk. The initial movement will result in sharp, shooting heel pain, giving you a sore or painful heel.

Relief and Prevention:

Taking the pressure off the foot goes a long way in helping improve a painful heel.

Other heel pain treatment/ plantar fasciitis treatment techniques include:

* Wearing proper footwear for both everyday and sporting activities.
* Using insoles that support the arch and reduce tension on the ligament.
* Making use of a heel pad, heel cushion or slight heel lift to relieve pressure and reduce inflammation of the plantar at its attachment to the heel bone.
* Correcting leg length discrepancy via an adjustable heel lift.
* Using a heel cup to add extra shock absorption to shoes, thus reducing pressure on heels.
* Giving the afflicted area an ice massage to reduce inflammation and relieve tension.
* Stretching calf muscle to reduce tightness.
* Maintaining length of the tight calf muscle with the use of a night splint.

In severe and chronic cases, heel spurs may require surgical correction. If heel pain is chronic and persists, see a podiatrist for specific heel pain treatment.


I SUFFER FROM FLAT FOOT SYNDROME. ARGH.

Please Don't

After a long vacation, I'm finally back in my mind. I didn't really go anywhere, except for a weekend in Las Vegas with the homies. Other than that, everything has been routine. I wake up, go to work, and then lay in my bed. May I add that routine is never a bad thing. Before I sleep, every night before I sleep, and right before I jump on the floor to work, I give you attention. How much longer can I do this? Someone with my soul, my heart, my lifestyle deserves someone greater than what I can give. A greater love that I can give so that I can try harder to give more than you give to me.

I mentioned that a vacation was in my recent past, and there had been. Every moment we talk, we see each other, it's a vacation because no matter how each one feels, life stands still. Unfortunately, when we part, hours have gone by that were unaccounted for. All that mattered was that you were here, I was there, and our hearts once again tried to become one.

It's my birthday in three hours. Sarcastically speaking, I'm excited. I'm getting older, and EVERYONE reminds me. It's starting to get irritating. Just because I feel more comfortable hanging out with younger friends I get ridiculed for it. Maybe finding a job, any job, far far away will help. But then I won't be near her.

You understand me. I've told you that before. From the beginning, you've treated me the way I wanted you to even before I got a chance to nag about it. That's why I tell you the things I do...under my breath. And I know you hear me. Anyway...

I WORK ON MY BIRTHDAY. Bleh.

Only one person, beside you, asked me what I had planned for my birthday...and I thank you. welp, time to jump back on Socom Online. Phones off. Need to be kept alone for now.

note: I was watching House and he was playing a PC version of Sudoku. This game is everywhere!!!

Gettin' Some Love

The secretive support is there. It's not out there, but stop, I must remember why it is the way it is. I know what to do. And it'll all start now.

ps. Make it your way, right away.

Have You Ever...

Tonight, I think my emotions got the best of me. I just kept going. Becoming irritant, causing frustration, expecting something that I shouldn't expect. I've become very aggressive and more assertive. Although, I've found someone that was more like the old me; conservative, attentive to emotions, and funfilled. I don't know what I'm doing. I've become verbally abusive with people, and I'm not liking this part of me. If anyone happens to fall into this part of me, I'm sorry. Let's hope this doesn't occur.

I don't know, was I wrong with what happened? It seems as if I'm looking for justification. If her feelings for me tend to stray away, I don't blame her, I blame myself. How am I constantly supposed to remind myself of the situation. Do I write a note on the refrigerator? Must I send myself reminders? You can't expect me to not think of you the way I do when you treat me the way you do. But, remembering that there's a grace period is well put in its place.

I guess my feelings just needed to be out there. You have to understand...I HAVE ISSUES. Internally and externally. I am human.

brb. I'm going to go hang myself.

For What It's Worth

I don't know what it's worth. There is no amount on what could or may happen in the future. The emotions are getting the better and I'm not able to control the comedic tendencies that overcome. I've learned something important about my personality yesterday. I admit that my verbal thoughts can really hurt people. The guilt behind my words makes me realize that deep down inside, I am evil. Don't get me wrong, I'm not like the omen evil, but I don't see the reasons behind what I say.

Accept someone for who they are, what they say, but at all cost, don't let them step all over you. The greatest part about communication is the ability to say it or suppress it. I stopped suppressing. I've learned where that road can lead to. So, what I ask in return is giving me the whole truth. I can't seem to relinquish the awkward silence, the hang ups, the fact that you put me in this situation. It pulls me down and reminds me that I'm human. I am human. I can't be the perfect person. Cherish my well-being or run it over. Grasp the moments and let the pain melt away. I can't seem to imagine my life without you in my arms. Friendship just doesn't cut it this time. You were meant to be by my side. Until that day, I lay afloat the waters of time, doomed to drown if left too long in the water.

It's been 4-months since I moved back to San Jose. The living situation isn't that bad. My mode of transportation is lacking though. Rollerblading just doesn't cut it anymore. But for now, a new full size house is what I'm looking for. And in the process, I have a few other's interested. Which reminds me, I'm going to give this one place a call to set up an appointment, even though I called them yesterday.

Brb.

When you think of time when you thought something was going to happen because deep down inside you hoped it would happen, and then suddenly it doesn't happen. Crazy way of thinking but this is who I am.

I really thought a knock was going to happen at my door. A surprise would have been very sweet. You didn't answer your messages or your phone for almost an hour. After thirty minutes I started to worry because it doesn't take you more than half an hour. I waited for something that I wanted to happen. Crazy way of thinking but this is what I would've done.

It's starting to get hot, and waiting for a friend to pick me up to go eat is becoming less than likely. I don't know. I hate my days off when you're not around, everything just seems so blah. I really thought you'd surprise me. Well, someday you will, and it will be great, as great as you.

Brb.

Reading Minds

Yesterday, there came a point where our eyes met as if we were the only two in the room. What went through my mind was, read me, look deep down inside, and tell me what I'm thinking. As we cherish the world that's been given to us, I look into your mind and tell you everything what is on my mind. That evening, you read my mind. You did what any guy would want a girl would want them to do, that would simply be look back. But you did a little extra, you saw what I saw. And then you read my mind and followed me. The world can be awkward, but there are times when the blur turns clear. I cherish every moment because what you do is what makes me happy.

Congratulations to the Akbayan of SJSU Pil-Grad Graduates. The world is now yours to conquer. May your path be an obstacle, yet possible.

Woot woot again!

Today was an interesting day at work. Before I get into that, let's define customer service. I've soft touched the surface of servicing customers with polite gestures, smiles, and constant attention. What the customer needs, that's what I'll give them. There's no sales pitch to make them buy more (well, not all the time, I'm sales, what do you expect), I don't necessarily upsell the customer to spend a few extra dollars on something that they don't need, I simply listen and respond in a correct manner. Blah blah blah. Chit chat chit chat. On occasion, I'll make small talk with customers in any mood I'm in.

Anyway, on topic, I've encountered two customers that have found my services astonishing. What can you expect from me, kindness, courtesy, and a friendly service! By the conclusion of the sale, I've received and handed out my business card to meet and greet with their HR person. Interesting yes. But career wise, makes me wonder.

As for other stuff, my 11th PCN passed. I QUIT. I am done. But I recently was told that they'd pay me, but dude, Akbayan is my family, I wouldn't want them to pay me. I just want to say I'm done. If they didn't find teachers already, shame on you. FYI, there's Hiyas, Likha, Barangay, and many other resources to go to. Use them.

As for other other stuff, I care, but when we get into little spasms, I feel it pulls us apart, as well as pushes us together. I guess you can say it as testing the others limits, but it all just depends what's being communicated. I don't want to make you feel sad or upset. I want you to smile. I want you to laugh with me. I want to rebuild what I cannot control.

note: Heart you.