update on me: school is frustrating. i want an A but i receive a B. I want to enjoy my classes, but i fall asleep. work is the same. lenient, flexible, do-able.

on we go. i call this Friends We Long To Remember "Continuously yearning to find another person to share a new experience of life with. Falling deeply into a nightless cavern, filled with reflections of memories that are reminiscent to my eyes. Casted like a shadowed dream wishing to leave behind. Forgetting what cannot be done, realizing that what ownership given, these objects are gathered dust hugged by four sides and glasses. Do dare to keep thinking of what was done, instead of what shouldn't have been done, it's all behind us now. Do dare us not the impossibles, instead of settling for just the possibles. Do dare the abnormal feelings, characteristics portrayed for each fruit, pouting away the yeses and nos, instead keeping the norm between souls. Further the gap and find within yourself to make me remembered. Paint me a part of your life, until the day that washed away into the piped grates." Define this...

"feel as if my last breaths are coming. fatigue, absolutely no endurance, all i have is my will to fight this blah. rest, head down, two sometimes three blankets over me. its so cold, my pain in my breathe has seized to a minor. my body aches dropping down onto bed like boulder meeting water. sucked deep into my bed yearning for another inhale and exhale of good clean air. instead my body sinks, sinks, sinks. to the bottom i must rest. to the bottom for now i must regain what i had before. to the bottom i must wither away and be proud of the accomplishments in my life. but why must i go now, isn't there much much more to do out there. thinking of something so unusual, that i feel complete. yet, i know i am not. i'm fighting this laziness, yet enemy away once again. it seems like yesterday i was in battle. let me black out. i'm so burnt out. is it time to rest? yes! leave me be. i'm ready to see the rest...of my life." blah!

someone tapped me on the shoulder today. i have no idea who it was because they wouldn't turn around. also, i have no idea which person tapped because there were so many people walking in that same direction. if anyone knows who this person is, let me know. its incredible how much i've been into my studies. it kinda hurts. i have a sore throat. but this piece of thingy is for the akbayan people in my life.

"As the days lessen my life seems to become more and more fulfilled. The bodies that have entered my life is amazing. For once, respect and ears open is gained for my mind. Expecting nothing but a smile in return, my life grazes with happiness with others. How can departing help keep me from these people. Missing them will gain as days pass. What was my reason for leaving again? To get on with my life and what. Akbayan is my life. My characteristics have been boiled over due to the magnitude of what this organization has given. From people like the Bangi's, Teddylicious', Ulo's...for once the smile on my face is true to the game. Making a difference in a community takes time and commitment. Putting forth the last five, six, ten years, this place of comfort is where my belonging is. To put down this club is more like facing my back toward my dear mother. Impossible as it may seem, my life can isolate from this place of paradise. The cabinet means so much more deeper than what others may seem. Defining it is family, happiness, a greater cause toward life."
This piece is for those whom I've shared cabinets with: Cheryl Myra Mark P. Brandon Bryan Rowena Franchesca Ickey Jocie Charlie Renee Courtney Mike4 AJ Ted Marissa Irene Jonas Lynelle Anna Elaine Joanne Lowellen Erick Aris Ana T. Zaldy Michelle C. Michelle P. Alex Jeff M. Mike Jerry Annie Marius Mark S. Ryan Deanna Reyna Suzanne Tawny Brian A. Jeff A. Paulo Andrea Courtney Aldrich Allen Ernesto Nyl Brian B. Nicole Ana L. April Karen Eric Christine Florylynn Leighton Dynah Joyce Eileen Chariss Charleane To you 64 people, I am who I am.

To be a leader, one must know some key points. As a fact, this type of opinion is mine and in total will not be critical for any type of ways it can be wrong. My bias is mine. Your mind is your mind. And these are my words of leadership identity.
"Let go of the inevitable and find out that your meant to be in front of the line. Sacrifice your time temporarily to team up with those toward a certain goal. Grab hold of that torch and lead what you must. Those that shadow shall be of great need. If marching forth is such easy job, your ideas are much very wrong. Into account, a take great time to get other's to become not followers, but much performed leaders like my mind has set me to believe. If leading is set in your mind to do the best you possibly can, its not good enough. Your mindset should be developed, constucted, and foreseen in all's mind. In the case that you miscommunicate your vision, other's shall branch off and leave your mentality to failure. talk, speech, dialogue. give what you can, but do what you must."

"Developing that sense of acceptance when giving away my point of view when figuring that my way is either the best or worse way. Listen to words of many lips while figuring that some may motivate a mind that will change them or exploit them. Fill out that specific piece of information on that sheet and you'll get in return a reply that will get you ahead or leave you behind in a particular bucket full of snappers. Choose what you know what you want to do while others ponder on how much life will differ on their chooses of the present. Keeping in mind that a choice will not make any difference if taken into consideration that it was the wrongful choice. At any point in time, there is no certain decision that must be made that will show your determined future. Living a flowing path will decide for itself on what you must do is correct in lines of happines and pain. Most leave out the fact that their words are hypocritism, due to the lines of breath that what they say is not what they do, but what they do believe. Who cares for future when none are certain there will be. Assuming the lesser of any assumption will live on in this suicidal community, leaving left not for the bad, but to feel there must be something for a good turning point." Summary live a long life in short increments. the path not yet taken may seem longer than expected. don't find yourself with a burden that will be left.

"Brown eyes...finally now i realize...that only your smile can move me ...its like a moving within your loving arms...and that why...you're mine...(phrase)darlin'...my darlin...i care for you so(i care for you so)...oh darlin'...oh and you'll never know...oh darlin'(darlin')...darlin'(darlin')...with every breath i take...i love you darlin'...so please take care of my heartparalyzed(excellance)...you are to me...keep me(as your numero uno)...as your number one to see...you complete in every single way...i wanna stay forever in love with you girl...lets raise a family...darlin' your the inspiration...when i keep holding on to you and never let you go...(so darlin'...my sweet sweet darlin'...i will always treat you right...so let this last forever baby) -Boys II Men Darlin'

riangeliq: ill keep you on mah bl
riangeliq: coz u seem like a dope person tah talk to

WOW! i'm dope!!!

"listening to a flow of letters rythym beat by beat with my heart following along. looking into thy eyes and finding a map, an atlas, a way to grasp heart. leading my way into your soul, a locked area which i long to break hold of. my words, my mind, my soul, my entire well-being longs to find the way into your beating heart. the thought of my heart with your heart is like a slow dance. the touch of our hands in one another's, the gentlemen hold of my hand against your side, your hand briskfully pulsing the back of my neck, eyes glistening inches apart finding a treasure waiting to be found, the sway of our bodies moving side to side, the flow of air, breath, oxygen from our harmony, the sound of just our own beautiful notes for thou can only hear, the time seeming endlessly, the next step waiting to be made. for that next step is bliss. for that next step is fantasy. for that next step only to be with you. for that next step finally fallen deep in love with you." - dedicated to all the females that i once felt deeply for. thank you all for the feelings. without you, these words would never have been made.

"the likeliness has turned. as a net has been cut in ways that i've been whiplashed. my belief for reliance has been taken from me. the sadness outcome is devastating. the loose of my whip has been cut and left as a cut worm to begin growth once again. has my shade finally been brightened and has the light finally become unveiled with honesty. i mustn't forget the truths of false fatuations. my path has become unset and must direct myself in ways less travelled. facing a greater rock has been thrown to another pile of dirt. must put foot by foot down to further my decisions or roads. until anew i see what has bestowed upon myself." - dedicated to my heart "I will live on."

its about time. we plan to meet and she's not where she told me she'd be. but its ok because she was where she said she would probably be. and the shy guy I am, turns completely around and runs away. there's only two people whom I've ran away from because of my giddy feelings for them. like a school boy trying to ask a girl to dance at his first dance. she saw me, i saw her. probably thinking of each other the whole time. and just one hundred feet from each. and she tells ME, "come up to me and say hi" that's the problem. i just can't. so i see her leaving her 'balcony'. so i leave and see if i can catch up to her. unlucky as i am, she vanished. i finish all my deliveries (ha! i'm a shipping and receiving delivery worker on-campus btw) and park my cart. i walk up to the table and THERE she is. I'm so shy I just completely ignore her. Even when Bear calls out my name, I hear you, but too scared to answer. so i walk further away from the voice. And when i look back, her back is faced me. Ay ya! I get a call from work. CHANCE TWO failure. blah! time to go to class. after class, i help Jefboy get the thingy. as we walk down those last three steps off the su, i run the thingy into her...almost. i'm like. WOOHOO! and there you go. More soon!!!!

SCHOOL MEANS SO MUCH

"after time goes my world is changing :: friends begin fading and aquaintances expand in my world :: family gets deeply involved because this world has so many points" my brain hurts, so i'mma go early this time. all i know is that i'm still lonely and i'm starting school again.

troubles and separations. differences and awkwardness. secrets and backstabbing. successes and goals. delegations and teamwork.

i see the world through my two eyes and lower them in disbelief. has the struggles finally ended in failure.

i see the ways of traditional life deteriorating into waste. must i continue to live on with hopelessness in others.

i see the direction of mindless souls headed straight for broken bridges. should this living hell go on.

i see the smiles of children fading due to lack of support. could laughter bring back brightful days.

i see the words of joy being tossed around like air. be that memory exist in thy hearts, yet not in the soul of a righteous man.

my head drops lower and lower feeling of sorrow in heart mercy in the mind and strength in soul. i give up at times.

---

friends - family - strangers - lovers :: i've forgotten how to smile.

"life is just dandy" - when i hear this, the voice results to sarcasm and words not yet used by many.

"life sucks" - when i hear this, there is a temporary problem that eventually fades out of existence.

"life can leave me alone" - when i hear this, that person has been disapproved of life as they know it, not giving any sense of direction on what's next.

"realizing the world has taken away all my hopes, goals, aspirations. yet giving the gift of new mindsets. looking across a room full of obstacles, they are all different, but on the other side, my light shines. bumping, hitting, finding myself on the ground, once looked up, light has dimmed, looking for the energy that'll enrich my soul with spirit. just then, a fake light comes up and hurts, tears thy shreds. finding my light filled to an outlet, when such end is upon, i know that its not yet ready to uncoil my destiny. for now, my body fills with anxiety and frustration until i reach my shining sun." - MOOD: tired, body-aching, sleepy

"i wanna go straight up to you, look into your eyes, whisper "you are so beautiful" in your ear, gentle rub cheek to cheek and run my lips against yours." - can i make a girl lucky to have me?

I found something new about me. Although you might all know that I'm an open-minded person, but also down-to-earth. not likely out-going, but my shyness pays off. People seem happier when I'm opened up because my laughter and cheerfulness brings out those teeth that i love so much. I like to debate. I like to listen to others views about anything. And by the time its my turn, I won't stop until you yell at me or just leave. I don't mean to do this, but its how I live.

"The world longs in lonliness for those with multiple hearts." Define this. If you cannot, think about this... "We lie in a society of longing righteousness, being, seeing, and believing that we're separate, but equal. Lift up your minds people, we're not what it seems. Take it from those struggling, being, seeing, and believing. Are we not what eyes truly see. See truly eyes what not we are. Relase your soul. Enjoy your time with open hearts. Adjust to the ways of a righteous fool. Lend a soul, a smile. Be it, a life of pitiful souls."

"how is it possible that one can show that affection and warmth for a certain time straight and suddenly feel the need to move on in another instant. have i been written off as a negative instead of a positive moving forward through time and realizing that my life is going no where with gender bias. the happiness and sadness i've portrayed, given, and accepted have backfired into an oblivious reoccurrence that won't end. meet one, lose one, meet one, lose one; unlike a ripe grape how it show such beauty when plump and touched with flavor, until time develops shrinkage and unattractiveness. is it impossible to keep a straight tension span."

the art of saying good-bye. "friends part all the time. quickly, shortly, and usually very longingly. tis sad, joyous, depressed, all in all, creations of emotions fulfill the air as separation is anticipated. handshake, hug, kiss on the cheek, quick nod, hi-five, slap of palms. explaining the reason of au revoir, adios, sige. getting out swiftly is common due to the lack of attention gifted upon the victim, regarding the act of consideration to thou host, leader. waving once last time before all seen is silohuette of shadows upon shadows. smile vanishes, eyes watery, distance increasing. must it all end. final celebration, tis be back. no worries, no regrets. life live on, be straight, be new chapter." dedicated to Stacey. take care and good luck in hawai'i. i'll miss ya.

"my body has unfolded in a bliss of pleasure. your body next to mine. your mind connecting with mine. your soul reaching for mine. i can feel your presence with me, without me, while i'm far from thee. although, the mind is where the love comes, the love unravels the soul and keep that unwilling feeling of romance deep in my heart to give to you forever and ever, together with our arms linked, i am yours forever." madd flavor for my partnah AbstracSoul. your my homegirl forever. writer's block is for the soul. and flowin' is for meaningful lessons.