Heroes

Great show, great drama, great super powers. So we know the origin of all the character powers, except for the roles they haven't showed yet. We know who this Sylar guy is and why he's so interested in getting brains. Wow. What a great series to watch. I'm impressed with this show.


I heart you for all the ways possible. For the fun times, mean times, serious times, silly times, and the times when there is no more time. The hugs are so meaningful. -sigh-

In Shame

You've made another mistake that risks the present and future happiness. I do stupid things. I admit that thinking before doing or saying is the general correct way of doing things. Do you like me less? The answer that haunts my loving ways is fading. I am inconsiderate. I'm sorry. Forgive me.

Console Transactions

Would you believe the prices of video game consoles nowadays? Well, according to the market price, we're all saving money because business like Nintendo and Sony make money by the bulk sale, giving reason to lowering their prices slightly. From a couple sources, the Playstation 3 is priced at $599 for the upgraded model, where the components for the actual device is pushed at nearly $800. (Disclaimer: just a rumor, but probably truth behind this.) At this rate, Sony will lose $200/ps3, unless their market sails soar above expected. And guess what, they're selling, but also holding back on a lot of markets. Why would they do such a thing? Well, this is the point of this entry. At work, I was browsing ebay and craigslist sites and realized that we all have unlicensed business proposals for addicting consumers.

Advertisement: Why stand in line at midnight when you could find the same exact product on ebay, FOR DOUBLE THE PRICE, even Triple.

So surreal that I would NEVER consider getting raped by this type of behavior. Is this the reason why Sony Gaming decided to hold back on their product? If I had the chance to buy a ps3 or Wii, I would keep it. But right now, I'm currently playing my ps2's Final Fantasy XII and soon to be Socom: Combined Assault. I look forward to Legend of Zelda's Twilight Princess, but let me finish these games.

Back to the topic, if consumers stuck to consumers and not cheating business partners, if you could call them that, true GAMERS would have their consoles. Ebay has been doing that with shoes and consoles for a while now. Anyway, here we go, with the world of tomorrow, making money to the suckers of yesterday.

This is to...

...Camille. Hi, that's it. lol...Don't call me Brown Stallion, Ted. These...are the thoughts...of my day. Yayyayayayayayya...kicking legs up and down. yayaya. lol. hockey hockey hooooockey. i'm going down to south park. howdy neighbor. i was thinking who my bestman would be at my wedding. i believe it'll probably be...i'm laughing at the Amp'd commercial where the father is teaching his son to ride a bike. little do we know is that he made a ramp for him...and fell off the side and feel on his head. haven't seen it? i did, and i laughed. Camille didn't though. This is the weirdest post ever...Delete it. No. Cookies are good. So, my car gets 38.2mpg. Kyle is trying to save his bike and gets hurt doing it. Ok. bye.

Car Name

I've been pondering what I'm going to name my car. Some of the names were Cookie, Elisha, Sheila, Josh, MyCar, Camiry and Qwerty. I yet to come up with a name for my "baby".

Since we're on the topic of names, I am the Brown Stallion a.k.a Snuggly Bear a.k.a _ _ _ _ _ Puppy. With these names listed, I need to come up with something better than...Sweetie. Sheesh.

Happy One Month Birthday to my car. Still in one piece...3 gas fills later...1701 miles. We shall see. Welp...yeah I said welp, nothing to update right now. Love you all.

Inevitable Happiness

Sometimes you can foresee how your life is going to turn out. Maybe not by the powers that be, but by the people that grab a hold of your life. Your friends, your family, your enemies; they all make what we develop what we call a personal lifestyle. The thoughts and outcomes that is unseen is part of the weird path we call life. I've gained more than I've lost, obviously. As my life ages, my losses tend to rise and gaining is more of a hassle than anything. Don't take it the wrong way, giving up is not an option, I just think struggle may have a time limit. From a few days to maybe years, I tend to just deal with what's in front of me.

For example, a job is somewhat easy to come by, assuming the correct credentials are at hand. A resume with all the right "juices and berries" is what gets you in the door, for maybe a mediocre job. Remember that word...Job. And then there's job applications for employment that a lot of us have done in the past. In my decade of job hunts, Gymboree, Safeway.com, and Office Depot brought in the income. Even when I was positioned with workstudy at my college institute, a job is what you have that brings in money for what you want/need now, not what you can save. You can't simply want a car and go out and buy it, that takes planning and research...unless you're wealthy, and we know a majority of this world is two cents short of that, and then some. Even worse, a home is needed in the future because independency is what we strive to be...away from the parent trap. Unless, of course, you're the parent looking at fatherhood or motherhood.

The tricky part of life is knowing the ins and outs behind a career-based title. You can join a retail job and hope for promotion and success, but that may take years. Why not put all focus on getting that education, getting that diploma or experience, and pushing forward to be at top potential. Oh wait! We're all lazy. I was lazy for 3 years. I just accepted the fate that a career wasn't part of my forte. Thing is, I didn't try hard enough. I was wrapped with a spoiled life where everything was set on my plate...not anymore. I can live my life independently, but income needs to come in sometime, and in huge quantities.

I'm happy. I have a income, a new car, a new home, and a woman I can hold with love and admiration. Am I still spoiled? A little, but I've earned what I have.

iWoot

First off...

Screw the Yankees, Dodgers, and Padres!!!
I guess...go A's. Bring some hope back to the Bay Area.

And for tomorrow, down with the Raiders. Go 49ers. Forever SF fan.

And for my co-favorite team in the World...Nabby was sooo ON. Sharks 2-0-0-0.
49ers are going to win the rest of their games this season.

So, today, we played in the Smash Softball tournament...in the "For fun" league, which had only two teams. Lost both games 15-2 and 12-4. The second game we were in the lead 4-3. Woohoo. And then the 5th and 6th innings came. ha! You see the score.

Fun day of Sports for me and the Blueballs.

iLeftMyAimOnAtWork

So, this is what I came into this morning:

AF (8:36:23 PM): penguins are oh so cool
AF (8:36:25 PM): like mr. joey
AF (8:36:58 PM): =]

CH (7:44:06 PM): you have enough players"?

AOL System Msg (10:08:06 PM): Your screen name (jrhipol) has signed in from another location. This screen name is currently signed in at 2 locations. To sign off the other location(s), reply to this message with the number 1. Click here for more information.

GP (8:21:24 PM): u guys move in yet?

Clutch (10:12:25 PM): yarrrrrrrrr boey
Clutch (10:24:26 PM): wat are u doing?

Ulo (5:51:34 PM): yo.

Yeah, fun stuff when you get into work.

iMelt

How you make my night so much brighter!

cas: it won't officially be my birthday til i spend it with you though
jrh: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...you make me melt

iCam

You ever have those weekends where you're not well-prepared on what's going to happen, but it does, you don't want it to end. I did. This past Saturday started off well and ended great. This day made me feel a little bit more older and responsible. A great feeling when you're at the car dealership ordering your new car. Like I said before, a little bit older and so forth because they didn't have my style and color. Here's a glimpse of the new 2007 Toyota Camry Hybrid.


Grey Metallic with Option #2 Package. Yummy.

Why this car? Because it's sleep and this new model looks classy...like the Lexus. Plus, I drive enough where I need milage. Just think, about a month ago I was shopping for a 2007 Scion tC, which costed half of what I'm getting now, but when the choices are made, you get what you've earned.

So, instead of waiting four to six months for the pre-order, I only have to wait two to three weeks. Lucky me, sometimes. I wanted to make more money before I start making payments. Anyway, that's life as a grown-up.

Later on, we planned to have our first pseudo-date at the place viewed below. I'm not going to say, but it's also not that hard to figure it out. It was incredibly windy, but she makes me happy, no matter what the weather.


There was a wedding in one of the huts there, but the guy there would bet $6,000 on football and no less. Ha! So hardcore. Sheesh. After that picture, we drove around and realized this place was dead and wouldn't be surprised if we saw zombies roaming the streets and buildings. Scary, so we left. Took us awhile to find Mitchell's Ice Cream from the opposite direction, but we eventually did...and parked in the 10 Minute Zone right in front. Awesome! Dark and chunky!!!

Dear Cam;
I've realized that there's no person other than yourself that I'd want to be closer to. With all the little trips we've taken in the past, the big one's just take my breath away when I'm with you. Until our next adventure, I heart you.

Love,
Joshgumbi

note: the Icemen won Saturday night to conclude such a wonderful day. See previous entry for more info.

iStats

Game 1: TIE 1-1; 0 Goals; 0 Assists; +1
Game 2: WIN 4-0; 1 G; 0 A; +2

Season (Winter 2006)

1-0-1; 1 G; 0 A; +3


Woot!

iWeep

Tonight, I found myself tearing up during an episode of Smallville. Not because it was the funeral scene of Jonathan Kent, but the thought of losing a parent. As an emotional person, it's strange how black my heart is sometimes. Even a good friend told me once that I'm heartless. Not that I want to be, it's just I find no feelings or emotions toward what was going on. Maybe it wasn't great enough where my heart would crush. I want to cry sometimes, but I've built an armor strong enough to withstand some of the worst things in life.

Love burns through this armor though. I love my family. But most of all, my parents and brothers. When watching Smallville, I thought about a parental death(knowing that thinking of it is bad luck, but it's reality) and I started tearing. I closed my eyes and whispered, "She isn't done being my mother." That did it. I cried. I needed it.

Besides family, there's one among few who I love that I've teared for. Love definitely burns through my armor because it hurts when the smallest things happen. But, love overpowers when happy occurrences come about. I love you, and never doubt that. I'm human after all.


Other than that, I've been to 7 airports; Norfolk(ORF), Houston(IAH), New York(JFK), Savannah(SAV), Atlanta(ATL), Oakland(OAK), and San Jose(SJC). FYI:Stay away from ATL. Can't find the terminals, they're too far. Traveling is fun. My favorite part is flying back home so I can see the one's I care and love.

Thank you for picking me up on Friday night. The first hug is always the best. From my heart to yours. Also, thanks for Making It Happen.




note: Can't sleep now.

iSweet

i'll be thinking about u all day
go impress who need to impress, then come back to me. KISSES
u can IMPRESS me anytime, but u do everyday.

Words from this morning from me to you.



Going to Fort Eustis, Virginia, next week. Anyone going to be there. Just kidding. Come visit me.

note: More later.

iSassy

I heard there was going to be a remake, and finally it's here. I mean, the korean original of My Sassy Girl was sweet, nice, adorable, cruel. But even better will be the sassy girl played by Elisha Cuthbert. I don't know. Is it possible? We shall see in 2007.

iCompatible

Masterful Scorpio should make a good mate for quiet spoken cancer. While jealousy may plague both from time to time, their great mutual ability to love deeply will usually limit periods of dissension. Scorpio is well equipped to cope with Cancerian moods. Excess energy which Scorpio emanates, will act as strong tonic for cancer's reticence. Scorpio and cancer could well prove the ideal marriage combination.

CaS is an amazing person. She explores the great parts of my life and indulges these experiences with her own. That's why every moment we develop is memorable. Do I have these feelings for you? Yes. Very much yes. Thank you. For putting up with my banter.

iAm

Who Wants To Be A Superhero? season finale. Interesting show because it involves superhero/moral values. I first thought the show was corny and silly, but after awhile, it just showed heart and determination. With a dash of laughs, I started to enjoy the amateurity of the show and the ability to improve their "powers".

No more Washington D.C. I am no longer afraid, although I'm still flying on the 11th. Instead, we'll be going to Virginia to Fort Eustis. As for my lifetime travels, I've been to, of course, California, Hawai'i, and Nevada. After the past three weeks, I've added three states to that listing: Georgia, South Carolina, and New Jersey. I'm currently in upstate New York near the Westpoint Military Academy. These weekly visits to the military bases have been some fun experiences. Other than that, I'll be bringing back souvenirs for those who've asked. While I've been here, Happy Birthday to Lil'Kathleen.

There have been many girls that tried to steal my heart. One actually attempted and succeeded, but the love just vanished. Eventually, I knew one day I would love again, and I truly believe it's happened. This love goes deeper than simple skin. When thinking of her, it makes my whole body just wither away waiting for something from her...even if it's just a simple phone call. I still cannot define love, but I know for sure this feeling is like it, could be it, and probably is it.

note: hiccups are sure fun. just as much as holding your hand while driving.

iScared

I'm flying to Washington D.C. on September 11th. Wouldn't you be scared too? Not necessarily because of all the precautionaries out there, I'll be completely fine. But yes, I'm still scared.

ps. I love you.

iCD

You say two little words probably in a playful way, which bothers me for an instance, but then gets bothersome when a negative emotion keeps flowing my way. I'm getting emotional and I shouldn't be. Your attitude devoids any type of sympathy. I'm constantly thinking of myself, and maybe that's my downfall. I can't escape this feeling. I want an explanation when there really isn't any. The caring seems to have stopped. Or have I just started to analyze the situation too much? Anxiety builds up increasing the blood pressure that I once never had.

I sit at my desk at work wondering if she cares when really she does care because she tells me everyday. But what if, throughout the day, the reducing gap turns and gets wider...and wider...and suddenly it turns into a VOID. A dark void of nothingness. Please, to you who matters most, don't let this happen. I care too much making the little things hurt. I can't control it.

note: no more Germany. I'm on probation still.

iSouthCarolina

So, after a day of traveling, two evenings of GREAT EATS, and a day of humid work, I'm finding my way through all my new work environment. As for the travel part, it helps not sleeping on the plane because when we got into the hotel, I fell asleep during the Giants game. Unfortunately, I woke up three or four times last night because I wasn't thinking straight. I just didn't want to be late when I met up with the team.

The first night, we ate at Dockside. Excellent seafood eatery. My choice of the night was the Dockside Dinner, which included; lobster tail, crab legs, scallops, etc, for a very good price. Yum. Plus, I ordered an extra She Soup.

Work is fun. I never thought I'd here so much gunfire in my life. We installed on the weapons area of the base first. Easiest according to what they say. We shall see. If you're a girl, you'd like all the mens in uniform. 'Til we meet again.

note: I didn't finish my bbq earlier.

iGOSH

I finally get a few minutes to write my thoughts.

Song: That Thing You Do - New Found Glory (Ska Covers)

Let's start off by saying... MY FIRST BUSINESS TRIP. Oh, let me go even deeper. I'm no longer at Office Depot. I'm no longer in retail. After all my complaints of wanting a career, not a job, my calling has finally come along. I started with this copmany on August 2nd, 2006. They are a pharmaceutical development start-up that I enjoy going to. I've come across a lot of the knowledge I learned from my education and personal experiences. I have no complaints. I can't complain about getting paid to travel. My first trip is to Beaufort, South Carolina. I'm actually supposed to be there right now, the installation got pushed. It'll happen. I don't think I would've been prepared for the trip. Now, after a full 5 days under my belt, the ropes are easily learned. Wish me luck.

My decision has faded away from the popular Scion tC to the 2007 Toyota Camry Hybrid. I've been seeing the new Camry just a few times lately. They are sleek, smooth, and my type of car. There's more horsepower, gps navigational system, yet double the Scion in price. Gotta think about this a little bit more.

Germany! Our company big trip. Two weeks in Germany. Sighs. I'll miss you.

Camille, Alexis, Paulo, and I saw Rent last Wednesday at the Golden Gate Theatre. The show was great. Mimi had the annoying nasal sounding singing voice. My favorite voice was still Gordon. Sorry Alexis for Mr. and Mrs. Bighead. At least you had your glasses this time. Paulo, you've seen more shows, but you seemed impressed with this show. Try a New York City showing. MUCHO BETTER. Camille, sweet Camille... enjoy this part of my life. My favorite person meet my favorite musical. Rating, Rent San Francisco was great, I rate them an 8 out of 10.

I heart my favorite. Don't forget that.

Note: The world turns in my direction.

iLATELY

My world has come across a few crossroads, yet they're worthy adversaries. I'll be back

"I Love Stealing Your Internet

Thank you, thank you for making my life so very easy. It was so nice of you to read all the user reviews you could find in order to make sure you were making a good decision. Then you walked the extra mile and read the Radio Shack circular, too. You are so good to me. I am glad that you decided to bring home that shiny new router, attach all the wires just right, and then click your way through the setup wizard at the speed of light. You make my life much more pleasant.

Now I can click my way merrily across the internet, doing as I please. I don’t even have to worry about the sites that I go to. If I want to look at nuclear bomb plans, so be it. If I want to join in a forum discussion on the proper way to engage in intercourse with a mule, it is my prerogative. I can even download all the movies and music that I want to, without any fear of repercussion. I somehow doubt that you have this level of internet invincibility, though, do you?

The price is not as bad as I expected. I am getting a lot out of my one time fee of thirty dollars. As it turns out, buying a wireless network card is much cheaper than even one month of cable internet. I was not really happy about paying sixty dollars a month for service, but that is a thing of the past now. I am glad that I took the time to do some comparison shopping between internet service providers. I found out that yours was the cheapest by far! Thank you for being my digital sugar-daddy.

It amazes me how generous you are! I know that you have looked at your router and seen that little glowing light that should not have been glowing. I am sure you went “Hmm, what the hell is this crap?” and went directly to your manual. I am sure you took the time out of your busy day to find out that I was accepting your kind offer of free internet service. You still let me have all the bandwidth that I can use, though. I would be indebted to you, if I had any clue as to your real identity. You are my anonymous benefactor, and I know you only as “default”.

It would have been easy for you to turn on your encryption, and lock me out in the cold wasteland of old technology. I would have been forced to spend my money on internet service, and not on the finer things in life that I would rather have. While I am eating my wonderful dry-aged steak this evening I promise that I will think of you and your kindness. I will softy shake my head and smile, and then I will laugh and laugh and laugh. I love stealing your internet, and I love you for letting me.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am so not a newbie. This is why we must set our routers with network keys. I do. Everyone in Barrelman P. does. Although, it does help when you're in the middle of nowhere and support is computer illiterate. Sucks to be them.

iCRY

She's been asking me for awhile if there's such a movie or show that makes me cry. Yes, there is. The song Roger sings to Mimi, Your Eyes, near the end of the Rent movie. Maybe it's any movie where the guy cries because the one he loves is in pain, hurt, dying, or past on. Sad isn't it, but that's where my heart melts.

note: My foot is 99% healthy. I hope.

Immobility

Dear Reader;

Since Sunday, I have been diagnosed with a minor injury. The technical names that were discovered were Foot Spur, Gout, Plantar Fasciitis, and "dude, you're faking it". First off, why would I ever fake an injury? I've never faked an injury. Let's go on. After much persuasion, She and I went to Kaiser Santa Theresa around the seven o'clock hour. Did I mention she was going to go home at seven. Luckily she was willing to be the bestfriend that she is and give me a lift to the hospital. We crutched into Urgent Care about 745pm and left around 10pm.

Some of the random incidents at the hospital:
1. Some guy was being a nuisance, so a mother of two called security.
2. She pushed and let go of my wheelchair toward a wall.
3. Got to the pharmacy late.
4. She drove.

*For now, later gators.
** For you, you support me in ways I never knew. Thanks.

Plantar Fasciitis

http://www.footsmart.com/HealthCondition.aspx?ailmentId=5
While numerous factors and conditions can lead to foot pain, the most common is heel pain. You may also hear doctors refer to heel pain as heel spur syndrome or plantar fasciitis; however, these conditions can be present with and without an actual bony spur.

However you refer to your heel pain, it is indeed a serious condition sufferers cannot afford to ignore. Just stepping down on the foot, especially first thing in the morning, can cause immediate shooting pain. And pressing harder on a sore heel, the way some do with a foot that’s fallen asleep, only worsens painful symptoms.

Causes:

Heel pain can flare up when the plantar fascia ligament that stretches from the heel to the ball of the foot – which also supports the arch – becomes inflamed. Calcium deposits may eventually form on the heel bone, resulting in mild to serious heel pain when applying pressure on the foot.

Heel spurs and heel pain typically occur in people with flat feet. As the arch starts to collapse, the band of ligament and the muscle in the bottom of the foot absorbs the impact of pressure from standing or walking. Eventually, it stretches beyond its limits, leading to possible muscle tears and bone spurs. To avoid heel pain, people with flat feet should make a special effort to wear support shoes with arch support.

Other causes of heel pain include:

* High arches that pull on the muscles.
* Tight calves muscles caused from poor or little stretching.
* Muscle tension that pulls away a piece of the bone.

Symptoms:

Your sore heel is the result of foot muscles tightening up overnight. The tightened muscles accentuate the pull on the heel bone spur and ligaments, or plantar fascia, making your first steps painful. You know you have heel pain if getting out of bed in the morning and stepping down makes you want to yell out. In fact, the medical term for heel pain, post-static dyskinesia, means "pain after rest."

You may also notice symptoms of heel pain when:

* Plunging into exercise without warming up first.
* Moving after any inactivity, such as sitting in a car or at a desk. The initial movement will result in sharp, shooting heel pain, giving you a sore or painful heel.

Relief and Prevention:

Taking the pressure off the foot goes a long way in helping improve a painful heel.

Other heel pain treatment/ plantar fasciitis treatment techniques include:

* Wearing proper footwear for both everyday and sporting activities.
* Using insoles that support the arch and reduce tension on the ligament.
* Making use of a heel pad, heel cushion or slight heel lift to relieve pressure and reduce inflammation of the plantar at its attachment to the heel bone.
* Correcting leg length discrepancy via an adjustable heel lift.
* Using a heel cup to add extra shock absorption to shoes, thus reducing pressure on heels.
* Giving the afflicted area an ice massage to reduce inflammation and relieve tension.
* Stretching calf muscle to reduce tightness.
* Maintaining length of the tight calf muscle with the use of a night splint.

In severe and chronic cases, heel spurs may require surgical correction. If heel pain is chronic and persists, see a podiatrist for specific heel pain treatment.


I SUFFER FROM FLAT FOOT SYNDROME. ARGH.

Please Don't

After a long vacation, I'm finally back in my mind. I didn't really go anywhere, except for a weekend in Las Vegas with the homies. Other than that, everything has been routine. I wake up, go to work, and then lay in my bed. May I add that routine is never a bad thing. Before I sleep, every night before I sleep, and right before I jump on the floor to work, I give you attention. How much longer can I do this? Someone with my soul, my heart, my lifestyle deserves someone greater than what I can give. A greater love that I can give so that I can try harder to give more than you give to me.

I mentioned that a vacation was in my recent past, and there had been. Every moment we talk, we see each other, it's a vacation because no matter how each one feels, life stands still. Unfortunately, when we part, hours have gone by that were unaccounted for. All that mattered was that you were here, I was there, and our hearts once again tried to become one.

It's my birthday in three hours. Sarcastically speaking, I'm excited. I'm getting older, and EVERYONE reminds me. It's starting to get irritating. Just because I feel more comfortable hanging out with younger friends I get ridiculed for it. Maybe finding a job, any job, far far away will help. But then I won't be near her.

You understand me. I've told you that before. From the beginning, you've treated me the way I wanted you to even before I got a chance to nag about it. That's why I tell you the things I do...under my breath. And I know you hear me. Anyway...

I WORK ON MY BIRTHDAY. Bleh.

Only one person, beside you, asked me what I had planned for my birthday...and I thank you. welp, time to jump back on Socom Online. Phones off. Need to be kept alone for now.

note: I was watching House and he was playing a PC version of Sudoku. This game is everywhere!!!

Gettin' Some Love

The secretive support is there. It's not out there, but stop, I must remember why it is the way it is. I know what to do. And it'll all start now.

ps. Make it your way, right away.

Have You Ever...

Tonight, I think my emotions got the best of me. I just kept going. Becoming irritant, causing frustration, expecting something that I shouldn't expect. I've become very aggressive and more assertive. Although, I've found someone that was more like the old me; conservative, attentive to emotions, and funfilled. I don't know what I'm doing. I've become verbally abusive with people, and I'm not liking this part of me. If anyone happens to fall into this part of me, I'm sorry. Let's hope this doesn't occur.

I don't know, was I wrong with what happened? It seems as if I'm looking for justification. If her feelings for me tend to stray away, I don't blame her, I blame myself. How am I constantly supposed to remind myself of the situation. Do I write a note on the refrigerator? Must I send myself reminders? You can't expect me to not think of you the way I do when you treat me the way you do. But, remembering that there's a grace period is well put in its place.

I guess my feelings just needed to be out there. You have to understand...I HAVE ISSUES. Internally and externally. I am human.

brb. I'm going to go hang myself.

For What It's Worth

I don't know what it's worth. There is no amount on what could or may happen in the future. The emotions are getting the better and I'm not able to control the comedic tendencies that overcome. I've learned something important about my personality yesterday. I admit that my verbal thoughts can really hurt people. The guilt behind my words makes me realize that deep down inside, I am evil. Don't get me wrong, I'm not like the omen evil, but I don't see the reasons behind what I say.

Accept someone for who they are, what they say, but at all cost, don't let them step all over you. The greatest part about communication is the ability to say it or suppress it. I stopped suppressing. I've learned where that road can lead to. So, what I ask in return is giving me the whole truth. I can't seem to relinquish the awkward silence, the hang ups, the fact that you put me in this situation. It pulls me down and reminds me that I'm human. I am human. I can't be the perfect person. Cherish my well-being or run it over. Grasp the moments and let the pain melt away. I can't seem to imagine my life without you in my arms. Friendship just doesn't cut it this time. You were meant to be by my side. Until that day, I lay afloat the waters of time, doomed to drown if left too long in the water.

It's been 4-months since I moved back to San Jose. The living situation isn't that bad. My mode of transportation is lacking though. Rollerblading just doesn't cut it anymore. But for now, a new full size house is what I'm looking for. And in the process, I have a few other's interested. Which reminds me, I'm going to give this one place a call to set up an appointment, even though I called them yesterday.

Brb.

When you think of time when you thought something was going to happen because deep down inside you hoped it would happen, and then suddenly it doesn't happen. Crazy way of thinking but this is who I am.

I really thought a knock was going to happen at my door. A surprise would have been very sweet. You didn't answer your messages or your phone for almost an hour. After thirty minutes I started to worry because it doesn't take you more than half an hour. I waited for something that I wanted to happen. Crazy way of thinking but this is what I would've done.

It's starting to get hot, and waiting for a friend to pick me up to go eat is becoming less than likely. I don't know. I hate my days off when you're not around, everything just seems so blah. I really thought you'd surprise me. Well, someday you will, and it will be great, as great as you.

Brb.

Reading Minds

Yesterday, there came a point where our eyes met as if we were the only two in the room. What went through my mind was, read me, look deep down inside, and tell me what I'm thinking. As we cherish the world that's been given to us, I look into your mind and tell you everything what is on my mind. That evening, you read my mind. You did what any guy would want a girl would want them to do, that would simply be look back. But you did a little extra, you saw what I saw. And then you read my mind and followed me. The world can be awkward, but there are times when the blur turns clear. I cherish every moment because what you do is what makes me happy.

Congratulations to the Akbayan of SJSU Pil-Grad Graduates. The world is now yours to conquer. May your path be an obstacle, yet possible.

Woot woot again!

Today was an interesting day at work. Before I get into that, let's define customer service. I've soft touched the surface of servicing customers with polite gestures, smiles, and constant attention. What the customer needs, that's what I'll give them. There's no sales pitch to make them buy more (well, not all the time, I'm sales, what do you expect), I don't necessarily upsell the customer to spend a few extra dollars on something that they don't need, I simply listen and respond in a correct manner. Blah blah blah. Chit chat chit chat. On occasion, I'll make small talk with customers in any mood I'm in.

Anyway, on topic, I've encountered two customers that have found my services astonishing. What can you expect from me, kindness, courtesy, and a friendly service! By the conclusion of the sale, I've received and handed out my business card to meet and greet with their HR person. Interesting yes. But career wise, makes me wonder.

As for other stuff, my 11th PCN passed. I QUIT. I am done. But I recently was told that they'd pay me, but dude, Akbayan is my family, I wouldn't want them to pay me. I just want to say I'm done. If they didn't find teachers already, shame on you. FYI, there's Hiyas, Likha, Barangay, and many other resources to go to. Use them.

As for other other stuff, I care, but when we get into little spasms, I feel it pulls us apart, as well as pushes us together. I guess you can say it as testing the others limits, but it all just depends what's being communicated. I don't want to make you feel sad or upset. I want you to smile. I want you to laugh with me. I want to rebuild what I cannot control.

note: Heart you.

Woot woot

There are many reasons why I am happy, yet you need to go through obstacles to reach this feeling. I was feeling intoxicated this evening. I don't want to lose your trust because I know that there's something out there. Welp! The San Jose Sharks go to the 2nd Round!!! Woot woot!!!

This is Joey being who he is.
I miss you.

note: Who's next?

It's About Time...

...you woke up. Unfortunately it wasn't me that woke you up. Yes, I was bored. I tried to sleep, but it was just too hot. Anyway, I'll see you in a second. I missed you though.

Why am I the type that has developed this addiction for attention? I don't know why. Maybe because that's what I've been getting lately. Now I know why you always wake me up when I'm falling asleep, so you're not lonely. When the person you yearn for is right next to you, but they're in another world, (ie. sleeping) that's when I miss you the most. That's when I feel the most lonely. So...

This is definitely the last PCN I teach. I made a pact. So hopefully my opposite takes it as seriously as I do. Anyway.

note: Paintballs cool!!!

Happy Birthday to Aris. Sorry I couldn't be there. Righteous birthday wishes.

Upsetting

Name this movie quote:
Girl: Do you like giving me attention?
Guy: Yes. I've chosen you. And you're accepting.
Girl: I heart you.



Errr...I don't know how to feel. I was being open and put into a category I thought I would never be in. I guess it is just one of those reactions that I didn't think would ever occur. Am I one of those guys? I would never think.

For instance, my past has always haunted me with future misfortunes. I told you something that I never thought I could answer. But after thinking about it, I realized it was a truth that had to be admitted. It started, it ended. I cannot explain. It's just what it is. Take me for who I am, not for what was scarred.

note: I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE GUYS.

Waiting

I'm waiting. I have no work tomorrow and I'm lazy and bored. Why did you have to leave? It would be so nice if you stayed a little bit longer. But everytime I wait, I assume the assumption. It shouldn't bother me, but it does. I try to void the feelings that overcome. So, I might as well make my way to the Condo. Ignore and suppress the feeling because that's what you know best.

On the other hand, I have all these attached feelings that I shouldn't be having. Or should I accept what I'm receiving, which is a great friend and great someone of every friendly aspect. Love you.

Support Appreciated

For those of you who keep telling you want to see me play ice hockey, here you go:

#75
Icemen vs. Blizzard
1st Round Playoff Game
430pm //that's why I'm taking off work early.
Logitech Ice Arena
10th Street *South Campus

I'm unsure which rink, but just look for the Icemen name on the board in the main rink area. Near the registers.

Love you all. It'd be great if you can come support. Thanks
BEST YET...It's FREE.

I...

I was lonely.
I was waiting for someone for so long.
I realized that she really wasn't right.
I needed a good reason to let it go.
I didn't need a reason.
I just needed to let go.
I talked about my craziness.
I found no reason to grasp for any longer.
I let go.
I no longer have feelings that tormented me.
I started to believe in serendipity.
I found that it wasn't happening.
I reached out.
I found a hand that fit mine.
I realized my hand didn't fit hers.
I ignored the impossibilities.
I determined the "meant to be" situation.
I stepped back, she followed.
I want to let go.
I need to hold her.
I want to let go.
I need to let go.
I want to be bad.
I need to let go.
I need to let go.
Let me go. Believe in fortunate accidents.

I like you.

News!

Today is seems so emotional, yet eager. Eager to figure out the truth is worth anything. No matter what the situation, I'll still be there for you. When I said I hope history doesn't repeat itself, I hope you knew what I meant. For the reader's out there, I'm just speaking of an interest that has jumped into my life. Crazy how it happened. It just did. It was there a year ago, but I ignored it. Because my feelings were too strong for another. Plus, a year ago, I was confused to the max. I feel my grammar is far frome clear. For now, I'm just a little nervous, scared, and concerned that my friend doesn't get hurt. We all get hurt. But it takes great emotional, pure happiness to feel pain. So, don't forget, everything has an opposite effect.

note: Gosh, my hair is long.

How Feelings Show

6th Day - Forever Starts Today

Girl, wipe away the tears
Over these mountain hills
Is an ocean of love
And we'll sail forever
With the winds that showed us how to fall
Into a state of mind we’ve never known
Oh love, What should I do love?

Oh girl
Don't look the other way
I'm smiling at your face
No need to search for love
Cuz I'll be here to take your doubts away
Don't put this love to waste
Don't let it slip away
Don’t let it kill our faith
So just gather the pain, throw it away

Girl, if you look back in time
With every picture frame you'll find
There's a vision of what our love could be
Where we could fulfill a legacy of love
And every fairy tale that has a happy ending

Oh girl, what we should do love
We can take the leap of faith
We'll regret it if we don’t take that chance

Forever starts today
Ooohh
Forever starts today
Ooohh

Don't look the other way loves smiling at your face
Don’t let this love to waste don't let it slip away
I need you right here, no I can’t have you out of my life


I was listening to my Itunes and decided to look up the 6th Day album that I saw on the josepenala.com site. This song actually portrays how I feel. Maybe not completely, but the chorus expresses how I feel. I'm not entirely sure what I want for my future, but for my present, I want to give love. I want to give my everything. I want to wrap my arms around someone that wants to be held by me. Or am I just in this emotional state because I just downloaded the song above. For now, the world shall run its course, and I will find a direction that puts me in a place of happiness.

note: Lubbers Yew

Emotional Trashcan

Have you ever put yourself into a situation that you couldn't control? Only for the single reason that you wanted something more, but knew you couldn't. You badly want what's best for someone, but doing the worst wouldn't make their life any easier. I admit, there was a point in my life where I was in the same position and I attempted to get what I wanted. The consequence wasn't as bad, but it deprived my ways to be nonexistent.

After almost five years from that incident, I fall into a dilemma that just creeped up on me. Happiness overwhelmes my soul when you're around. Finding myself glance at you when you're across the room, I don't know if I should just let it fade out. The apples and the oranges have been juggled and tumbled onto the floor.

note: Playing ice hockey Saturday night. Come watch!

Cake!!!!!!

The spacing gets bigger and the space taken up gets more in depth. I never thought the window would open up like this. Looking out this window and not being able to see the view can really break the glass. Maybe someday the light will shine through. Someday, maybe I should just go back into my old room and look out that window.

note: There's an apple tree and I can't pick any apples. There's girl scout cookies everywhere, and I'm stuck with nothing.

I love you.

Clean Slate

I've found the introduction to a new life. It just dawned on me that everything has reset. The stress and fustrations are no longer present. The apples have been eaten to the core and the oranges were peeled and freshly squeezed. Yes, try to decipher what's on my mind.

The smudges are still there, but my pen still has enough ink to write down something or new poems. The lyrics will always rhyme. Although, why haven't I did what everyone is telling me to do? Because...

Don't want to.

The emotional trash can once told me that if I didn't spill the apples, then there really isn't anything to peel. True or false? Who knows? I care...I care a lot, but sometimes I just need simplicity.

To the recently ex-emo'd, it was a great day. Spending time with you is always the bestest. I will be able to braid hair soon. We all get burnt out. This is just the beginning.

note: Hunger Force on Adult Swim. New apartment setting, visit anytime people.

Internet & Cable

We've had internet for 4 days at the apartment. When we there was no internet, we lived life, unfortunately, there were a lot of small things missing. Like, having to go online for financial issues and email, the usage to browse was unlikely. I was able to read the www.chucknorrisfacts.com site. The facts weren't really facts, but random stuff, but REALLY funny.

Anyway, I went to get ashed on Wednesday. "God loves humor too." That's what I whispered to Camille when we were praying. On behalf of my devotion to the Lent season, I'm going to take on confidence where it needs it best, and make sure my mean humor doesn't get in the pathways of Ale and Millay. Oh! Also, cookies are my demons which I will give up.

note: Falling for something impossible.

Reflections on a Marked Mirror

What a title, eh...
It is actually what I see right now. Being on the Condo's Living Room computer, I sit in front of a mirror that has a lot of graffiti and markings as if it is ancient script. Joke lang.

After a week in San Jose, I don't feel at home just yet. I'm slowly getting in the groove of things. I enjoy my roommates. They're cool. Only downside is the cleanliness, but hey, we're guys, even I can get a little on the messy side. We're not as bad as the female species, which whom I will not name. Did I mention, I need to make a copy of my keys still?

So, my healthy structure is getting back in line. A few weeks before I moved back, I was running along the beach every other day...until it started raining. This morning I jogged from the apartment to the library to meet up with Alan, and it was refreshing. More jogging anyone? Weight before San Jose: 181lbs. Weight now: 171lbs. Plus muscle is coming back. I'm 26 and I'm healthy.

note: May the world run smoothly with water.

ARGH!!!

I ridicule those who first mention:
"I just want to say sorry for not updating..."

So, I just find that funny. For those who do read this piece of crap, do what you want because I'm in a bad mood. Super Ading Camillay is TRYING to keep me from just saying "no more". Garrr!!!

I appreciate those who make it first priority. I think and believe that scheduling is just really unorganized this year. Most likely, we're just going to have to cut MORE dances. "Maybe we should just be like other school's and do like 4 dances" opposed to our original 15. I guess being realistic, everyone just wants to do everything. I'll find out my answers by Sunday.

If I had to choose, the four dances I'd keep would be Aray, Lumagen(90 sec. routine), Vinta, Singkil umbrella/fangirl routine only(haha).

On the opposite end of the cranium...

02/14/06
Letter to Anonymous:
Everyone deserves something from someone...
either it be a friend, lover, etc. on Valentine's Day.
On any given day, I'd shower you with roses,
but what good would that be.
Most likely you'd keep just one as a remembrance and toss the rest.
On this day, instead of a shower,
I give you a single drop [rose] to keep in mind
that you are a unique female that always puts a smile on my face,
gives me butterflies when you're near,
and takes my breath away when you're close.
(maybe that's why I can't speak when you're right there)
so enjoy this commercialized day and,
if my memory stand corrected,
your mother's birthday.

note: I've been age put down again..."What? You remember pager code." I hate you.

Orange Sweatshirt Day

I finally found the weekend where I could make it to a family party...outside of San Francisco. We went out to the Brentwood to my cousin's house out there. The houses are nice because they don't all look the same, maybe in color. The inside was carpeted and nicely trimmed with furniture.

As for the party, there was family that I thought would never go. But the favorite part of my family was EVERYONE. I can't live life without my family around me. They're great, and they'll never forget who you are. Obviously!

To my future significant other,

If you don't love my family, then I can't love you. I will treat you and your family as my own. From day one, my respect will not stop at you. I am a family man. Please respect that.

Love,
Joel Ramon

another Blah

Watching San Jose Sharks game. I've decided to blog during the 2nd Intermission. I'm really tired. I wait for the game to end so I can just knock out. This evening, I've decided to write on a topic that I've been pondering about for a while now. If you haven't seen Wedding Crashers, don't read the next paragraph...please.

There was the scene at the family's weekend home where it was the evening time already. When John Beckwith, played byOwen Wilson, is tossing and turning in his bedroom which is the same house that Claire Cleary, played by Rachel McAdams, grew up and lives in. Do you remember that scene? He exits his bedroom and walks down the hallway to her room, where he simply stops and goes back to his room. Next up, she goes to his door and lightly knocks on his door. Unfortunately, he doesn't hear.

Here's the relation...

In 2005, I've managed to be in this situation in all sorts. Last year, dating was the idea, nothing more. The first time just had me wanting and wishing for the unknown. At the time, she didn't know I had a crush on her. (I said 'crush') The second time actually wasn't that bad because I played video games with her brothers while she slept. They played, I knocked out. The third was just completely uncomfortable, so I worked out. All three times, I wanted to hold them. For those that don't know me, I'm a holder. I never used to be one, but I've realized that, as the guy, your arms are very important. They're protection, comfort, a surrounding from untold fears. With the urge to just lay myself next to these females, I stayed my ground in respect. An individual's room is possibly their sanctuary. An invite is the only way in, especially if I'm interested in one.

It's 2006 now. I've been single for more or less a year now. It's been a speedy year, ups and downs, and reconnected my friendships with old and new individuals. Nearly one month down, eleven to go.

note: I didn't know I'd write this much.

Ducks Vs. Kings

Or maybe I should've put Warriors Vs. Clippers...

Another week of overnights began. Both my supervisor and I were completely exhausted. Unfortunately for him, he lost a filling, so he was out of it all day. Other than that, I woke up this morning and my voice was gone. My co-worker said that I party too hard. I told him that you can't party too hard, but too much. Even though two nights of indoor disco disco, it was one more than usual for me. This post seems pretty vague and pointless, plus it's a Monday.

The most exciting news would probably be about my new Scion. I planned on getting it mid-March. Now, the plan is mid-February or before. That's not the good news, I'll probably avoid finance charges and pay the full amount. Do I have that much money? Let's just say I won't be able to put gas in for a couple...decades. (joke lang...katawa) Woohoo!!!

note: it's about time.

The Italian Job

Another weekend down the drain, yet in the memory books.

Work went by more smoothly this past Friday, unlike the last. Fast foward to an unpredictable night, the B.M.P. boys and girl threw a party like no other. Three days of myspace promotion, opening doors 30 minutes late, and leaving the staffing to the club owner made the night even better. It would have been a lot easier and more profitable to just staff our own party, but oh well. The environment just seemed right when we started playing some old school slow jams, plus Michael Jackson, in the 21+ room...of course before the doors opened. Collared shirt night was not in affect. What happens when we, minus the dj's, don't need to staff, we drink. I admit that drinking is a part of my lifestyle. For what reasons, realizing that working that 40-hr. week needs some weekend relief. I don't really drink, I just buy one drink for one person and one for myself. I can't let someone drink by themself. My dance partner for the night was good company. I tried dancing with others, but she kept pulling me in. Who do you think I am, your boyfriend? Whatever. With "liquid courage" brewing through my system, I missed chance after chance. I guess, being shoulder to shoulder ain't the same as having...
For some reason, when dancing, I laugh when a girl turns around and forces me to dance with just her butt. In response, no thanks. But, when I get to smell her hair and the fragrance on her neck, that is well worth the dance. Back to the booty dancing. When they do that, what am I supposed to do...spank them. Ha! Dancing is just too much for me sometimes. Choreography is more my style. I'm finally letting my life open up.

To sum up Saturday, I was knocked out during the afternoon time at 620. I made my way to watch the Pacquaio/Morales fight. Before the fight, I attempted to make a dinner bet with Tediocarm. I took the even rounds. Round 10 was the closer. Manny Pacquaio is the "Hero of the Philippines". I would have won too. The moment Morales dropped for the SECOND time, the bunch of us were screaming and hi-fiving, and releasing our filipino pride. Cheering at that time probably accounted for my lost voice, plus a few others. By 10pm, we were on our way to Luna Lounge.
I finally got to buy the birthday girl a drink...and then some. Ha! As one says "good times". Good times should never be in one place, one time, only time. They're constant. You bring the times of good and bad to you everyday. I got my Loco Moco at Japantown Denny's, and then got home just in time to wake up for my store meeting.

Hopefully my last week at the San Francisco store. 3am-1130am this week. Plus, jury duty.

note: Talking is the basis of great friendship. Let's do this sometime.

Unpredictable Becomes Reality

I've fallen in love with you. Whenever we're apart, I see you and smile. You smile back at me and move your lips to the words "I miss you" or "I love you". There is no time to waste, only particular communication where life shouldn't have to wait. Take the dive, take the chance. And now look where I am...-sigh-

You make me happy. You make me want to pick up the phone and call you every minute. You make me want to get in my car and drive to you. I want to be close to you. You are the sun that rises my day. I love you.

Hunger For None

Another Saturday night experience for the BMP boys. As support, one of our djs was summoned to spin for this bar & grille. Completely new place and people, we didn't blend very easily. Although, the crowd didn't seem to mind our presence, so some bought some bears and attempted to make the night more enjoyable. The energy was high, the guy to girl ratio was about even, the twenty-one and up crowd was much higher than that other crowd, the "kids". From the usual crowd, something was definitely missing. I guess you can call it racist, but the phrase "I want my asians back" echoed through our minds. That isn't racist...whatever. The music was like any other. But, when girls dance with themselves, and not just some, but all guys being spectators, there is definitely something wrong. Are they scared? Or, maybe they're just waiting for the main performer to show up. This is my thought. Just for the record, we were out of there by 11pm.

Who would ever known that a common sandwich (bread, mayo, cheese, and sliced meats) could turn the tides of hunger...plus a bag of chips and two half cups of Pepsi. It was definitely cheaper than going to Jack and paying $22 at the atm machine. Yes, $2 fee. My taste buds and appetite were satisfied with such a small, yet delicious ration. Threeve of us decided to walk the night towards the bars in San Jose. It was only set to redeem our whatever, knowing that we would still be attracted to the female species. (Joke only! Katawa...hahaha) As usual, I recognize nobody at the usual venues.

The time has come for a slight change. I've taken the precautions, the steps to progress, the interviews, and it seems that Josh.Gumbi will be heading BACK TO SAN JOSE. This adjustment will make it a lot easier on me and my gas. (Katawa...hahaha) Even if I decide to buy my first car,2006 Scion tC (Black Cherry Pearl) with Ipod installed deck, I won't be driving it. With the two options being put in front of me, my new manager had a lateral position and a promotional position. I have management skills, leadership skills, nunchuck skills (Katawa...hahaha) any type of skills that involve almost anything. Never thought I'd find myself moving up so fast in retail. Mostly technology retail. I've made a goal to possibly become a store manager, six digit salary. Yum.

note: Girls still suck...literally (Katawa...hahaha)

Choices choices choices

Scion tC 2006 vs. Elipse GS 2006

Off Topic

I was going to write, but I'm lazy.

2006 - it's going ok.

Because I forgot what I did for New Year's '04 to '05, I'll remind myself what I did this year. Yay! Something to write...

Last Friday (12/30)
What did I do last Friday? I woke up at 130am to work my final graveyard shift of the year. I was finally relieved from work at 1130am to get ready to make my way to San Jose. While I packed, I decided to take a quick power nap that, instead of lasting 15 minutes, it reached an hour plus. So, by the time I left SF, it was a complete down pour, plus traffic on 101.

Around 5pm, I arrive at 620 S. Tenth Street. We didn't make our way to Northside until almost 6pm. I dressed up in black pants and barong tagalog. I entered the library to see the kids getting ready. One of the adings gave me a Christmas gift. She didn't believe that I appreciated the gift. I took my barong off and put on the shirt to prove that I accept the gift. Goodness!?

The night was very long. I was telling another ading that the candle bearers were standing up there for a good hour and a half. Gosh, sucks to be them! The dinner was good, yet I was starting to get really tired. You would too if you've been up since 130am and the time was already 9pm.

With the invite to Sofa Lounge, a couple of us made our way to the 21 and up venue. With two drinks down the esophagus, we listened to the righteous band, chatted with a few individuals, and walked in the rain toward Temple. Danced a little, attempted to get a drink (unsuccessful), and tried to redeem ourselves from the previous night.

That's the end of Friday. Did I mention that a short phone conversation with someone made me sleep a lot easier!

Last Saturday (12/31)
Shopping with the kids was the plan. The plan started off with three of us, ended with eight of us. We went to Valleyfair, a bunch of us bought something. I was able to return the gift favor to my ading by letting her choose her gift. It actually went like this:
"Buy this for me, Kuya."
I grabbed the shirt from her and paid for it. Luckily for me it was on a super sale.
I bought two more Star Wars Legos collection sets. Woohoo! We eventually got out of the mall by 5pm, and I drove the designated kids home. For the rest of the night, I spent the evening with Sassy Girl and family. Two memories from the evening had to be when Tita threw coins all over the floor when midnight hit. It was like a pinata and the candy spewing out. All you see our bodies on the ground picking up coins. The second is when we played Mario Party 7. I tell you, we could have been a little more competitive and definitely more communication. At least we didn't lose completely. Other than that, I enjoyed being close to you again. (Oh! Covering mouth)

Good night 2005! It was interesting, heart-breaking, emotional, fun-filled.

Last Sunday (01/01)
To be continued...Happy New Year!!!

Post #301 Not Yet There

Welcome back to my joshgumbi domain.

So after an amazing November, a majority of December was emotional drama within myself. Most of the time I kept telling myself to just calm down. I can get very emotional, but that's besides the point. My Christmas, as you can see below, was a bit stressful. I know that my parents age, just like I do, but I would have never thought I'd be spending Christmas at Alta Bates Hospital. Fortunately, my father decided to just go with the surgery, sooner the better. I would think that he's up and ready to party, but we shall see.

What can I say, the joey lifestyle is not an easy one. Any life has its struggles and frustrations. I don't get where I am. I'm ready to just leave. Actually, it is impossible for me to leave because I have work. It is the work schedule. The final work week of 2005 is 230am to 11am. Did I mention I was two and half hours late to work this morning. Crazy? Yes!!!

note: Writing and reading is me.

Champion!!!

My dad is the strongest person I know, a survivor, and my hero.



This is our Christmas 2005, the night before surgery.

Merry Christmas 2006

Dad's in hospital...surgery scheduled tomorrow. This is how 2005 is going to finish.

The Truth Prevails

The most honest conversation happened tonight. After a week of wondering, we had a heart to heart. But before I go into it, this past week has been a bunch of emotions. From sad to happy to depressed to vulnerable to jealous to content, humans must deal with so many emotions. There was a point when I thought my reaction at the formals bored the hell out of her. Seriously, I just don't know how to have fun, or at least look like I'm having fun. Chillin' is what's fun to me. There was also a point when I felt a bit jealous because I had a hunch that there was someone else that had caught her attention. And guess what? I was right. But, no worries, it wasn't like we were together, in love, or ever held hands. The only thing I can do is learn from this and wait until the same thing or something similar happens to me again. My most learned experience is that attachment is temporary, and it only hurts a little if there's no concrete feelings to base the whole depression on.

This evening, we decided to start the conversation with "you've been quiet lately." After going a couple months of endless phone calls and comfortable outings, life caught up to us, and wanting space turned into needing it. As someone who won't ask questions to hear either a good or bad answer, I left the question of "how long" has she been feeling that way toward this guy, not like she has feelings. But, I believe there will no longer be a her and me. Why? If she has the ability to hold back her feelings, then she has the ability to change them if we ever had a chance. The simple signs show us what to and not to pursue.

On the other hand...

Those small feelings are back again. When I saw her at formal, in her orange, bronze type dress, it was beautiful. So, I'm going to go straight for it. If I'm turned down, oh well, 2005 will remain the sucky year. Enter 2006.

note: So what if she has a captain, you'll find your skipper.

Confusion is an Art Form

My life has entered into a situation where my uncertainty has taken over. Just when you think something is right, there's an entity that places a shadow over the thought. There other night, I picked up a friend to eat dinner with. She finished her finals already, so I asked her out on a date. Not really a date because she calls me "Kuya Joey". Plus, during that dinner, I constantly told her that hooking up would destroy the friendship that we have; in a humoristic way.

The conversations could have lasted a lifetime. Lately, I've been told dialogue with me could last forever. But, why is it that after I'm told that, I can no longer prolong my words and thoughts. I mean, if the person(s) I'm sitting with can endure my wordiness, then let's talk all night. It would be even better if you could debate with me. My view is just as good as your view, maybe better.

I'm amazed how my friendship with you has gotten somewhat close. I don't blame you for your lack of trust towards others, especially guys. Though meeting only 5-6 months ago, you put a lot of trust in me; and I thank you.

We spoke on relationships, past and present. According to the topic, I am confused. I don't know what I want. I do know that I'm cursed with emotions. She says, "You're too emotional." I know I am, but there's no need to say it. My curse hinders me getting close to someone. If they don't show interest, I get terribly hurt, but I get over the pain and move on. But, why is it that, the last two have said the exact same thing. I'll keep this particular information to myself, but it just bothers me why anyone would say something like that to someone. Here it is anyway: "If you meet someone else, you should go for it." What is the point of this? Is it a test? Or is this the way it's done now? Honesty is truly hard, but I just find myself raging with regretful thoughts. This is me...being me.

Who or what is the real me? I am an emotional romantic. I believe in wooing a girl for as long as she accepts it. Do I blame myself for getting involved with something that wasn't going to happen? Probably. Sometimes you think you can fight the urge and deal with the consequences, I guess I'm just not there...yet. Now the confusing part starts off with the complexity of the situation. Recently I was told that my facts weren't straight with a particular individual. In other words, she still likes me, but I assume. Talking with DJ Dose, he exclaims my intentions should not be brought up again. But at the same time, when I saw her last Friday, I was just in awe. It wasn't until after when the thoughts of her re-entered my life. Why can't I let my attraction toward her vanish? I continue to tell myself; Because you were never given a reason to let go.

Bottomline: three females, none of whom I'm dating, seeing, or from the looks of it, talking to. two have told me to they're not ready and hook up with the next girl that comes up. the third...you're there, it's just I fear you.

note: GIRLS SUCK!!!

My Needs

With all the things in the world that we can want, there are a few things that one needs to fulfill a lifetime. One, of course, is needing health. Needs can involve life or death situations, things you certainly cannot live without, or the probability that what we want could turn into a definite need. For my needs, they fall under:
-my family.
-my health.
-my friends.
-my God.

As for everything else, those are just things I want. Our needs are straight forward and limited. So with all that over and done with, let's move back into my reality.

Needs (intro)

I need you in my life.
I need you to be strong during these times of misfortune and rough terrain.
I need you to stand me up when my legs can no longer hold me up.
I need you when my humor just isn't funny anymore.

You are me, and I am you.

note: Needing and loving yourself is what comes first.

Wants

I want this. I want that. I want I want I want. Here is a list of 10 things that better define my wants.

I want...
...chocolate.
...new ice hockey skates.
...PSP.
...happiness.
...Elisha Cuthbert.
...love.
...San Jose Sharks attire.
...an Oreo Cook milkshake.
...IBM Thinkpad Lenova.
...a vacation.

These are all "things" that I could live with or without. Some of the items can obviously be a bit possessive, but some can be put in the questionable category between wants and needs. As I told my twinkling star, wants are temporary. We could live happily with our wants, but we can also manage ourselves with what's given to us already. People buy things that satisfy leisure. There are points where what we want is actually our needs at the same time, but we'll keep it at wants.

The list above expresses some of my recent wants. In no particular order, I could want these things, but I can live without the San Jose Sharks. Although, would I want to, probably not? I am dedicated to my passion of ice hockey. Although, I can live without it. One of the topics that really is questionable is happiness. Everyone wants to be happy. Is happiness mandatory in our lives? Of course not. Most of the time, people are content with life, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're truly happy. I know some who just act like their happy just to get through the hard times. I'm speaking random thoughts that keep repeating.

It would be nice to see or take a picture of Elisha Cuthbert. If I never get to do this in my lifetime, oh well, live on. Another want that could be without. Knowing who I am makes this very questionable. As a comedic romantic, love takes a big part in my life. I want to love. I want to love someone. I want someone to love me. BUT. Love needs to be true. And that's my view of the human wants. For now.

note: Pain and agony is only temporary. Enduring the vulnerability is knowing that you can get over the distress.

philosophy: One who learns to love must first master loss.

Wants & Needs

Unfortunately, I'm just waiting for a friend to finish showering so a group of us can go eat. In the meantime, I'll leave the true topic to be discussed or thought of for future posts. As for life issues, I've been content. The other night, I went to go see Mango Kings at Hukilau SJ. They are a band amongst many that will always have crowd appeal. They sing a lot of the songs that my dad sang when I used to watch him and his many bands. Is it my fault that I'm born musically inclined? Of course not. I love music, rhythm, pattern, harmony, melody, beats, and all that juicy stuff. Whenever a tune comes on, I immediately head for the harmony. Melody doesn't really appeal to me since I'm not necessarily a very good soloist. I can at least hold a note or two. Let me mention that falling asleep with you next to me is hilarious. Honestly, I was tired, but I'll stay awake if you want me to. It won't be productive, but at least...whatever. Ha!

Precious moments: trying to pinch your palm.

Last nights gig seemed productive. I sensed teamwork when it came to featuring different aspects of the night; this being setup, sound check, video check, lighting check, clarity, the entrance set, program set, visual set, dance set, musician set(which we don't usually do), party set, and, last but not least, break down.

Talking and slight chat with a particular individual made my night abnormal. I probably should have assumed she would be there. It was great to see everyone and her again. But she was a part of my life that put a strong push on my life about choosing and pickiness. There is no reason to get attached so quickly. Being a hypocrite to my own words, there will always be a tomorrow and must realize that the right person to make us happy won't come so easily. With time and patience, the hand that fits mine will surely fit perfectly.

note: Can't Help Falling

Can't Stop The Satisfaction

I saw Rent last night. When I found out that it was going to be a move, thanks Alexis, I immediately counted the days until I got to see it. I don't plan on ruining the movie for those that haven't seen it, so...

Great Mall's theatre air conditioning seemed to fail because the temperature was hot, or maybe it was the person sitting to the left of me. WINK. Unfortunately, I think it was my fault for my complaint because I kept my jacket on. Although, when listening to the singing voice of Mimi, it didn't really seem like it was her voice. But, her voice was mesmerizing.

Congratulations to Ryan & Dar for their second baby, even though only 3 months conceived.

Thanksgiving to those who give thanks for accepting their life, lifestyle, and style of living. Thank you all.

Lastly, twelve hours ago, I was sitting on a couch watching television and asking and answering questions. I brought up the question game, but I'm glad that getting to know someone can be fun. Can't forget about the Wedding Tool Cake - A man's cake.

note: I'm down to watch Rent again and sing along louder than the first time.

http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/rent/onesongglory.htm
One Song Glory Lyrics
[ROGER]

One song
Glory
One song
Before I go
Glory
One song to leave behind
Find one song
One last refrain
Glory
From the pretty boy front man
Who wasted opportunity
One song
He had the world at his feet
Glory
In the eyes of a young girl
A young girl
Find glory
Beyond the cheap colored lights
One song
Before the sun sets
Glory -- on another empty life
Time flies -- time dies
Glory -- One blaze of glory
One blaze of glory -- glory
Find
Glory
In a song that rings true
Truth like a blazing fire
An eternal flame
Find
One song
A song about love
Glory
From the soul of a young man
A young man
Find
The one song
Before the virus takes hold
Glory
Like a sunset
One song
To redeem this empty life
Time flies
And then - no need to endure anymore
Time dies
[ROGER is interrupted by a sharp knock on the door.]
[It is MIMI MARQUEZ, a beautiful stranger from downstairs.]

The door

Only Thinking Can Bring Me Down

I've been letting myself get in the shoot me, I don't care type of mode. I put myself in situations where my mind goes beyond it's capacity. I was aware of this emotion, and I reminded myself to live life. Somewhere down the line, I just let down my guard and found myself in a terrible rut. This is why I must start living life again. Once before, I was running my life pretty straight forward.

What is my meaning of Life?
My meaning of Life is experience what comes at you. Everyday is believed to be your last. Even though we take advantage of the word "tomorrow", humanity will gamble with that fact. I don't see anyone living like today was their last day to live. My goal is to live to 75. The night before I turn 76, I'm going to die on the ice. No one is going to stop me from collapsing on the ice with a heart attack. Other than that, life was made to continue a cycle that has been going on for decades, if not sooner, centuries. We must take on obstacles to achieve our own goals and fulfill those of our mothers and fathers. The most important is to find true love, or some type of love, and extend the cycle.

For now, I've got to stop trying to read the situation.

New & Improved?

So, my work had a store meeting today which was the usual type of situation. A slight difference changed the mood of all 40 employees present. Our store manager, Sid, has been promoted to Regional Trainer for the company. Even though I was brought into the store with the previous manager before Sid, I was a bit dumbfounded when the news hit the stands. I guess all the motivation that he advised me seems to be nonsense now that he's leaving. Change is the momentum that makes life worthwhile. Adjustment is the key to making a goal achievable.

For every goal, there is an obstacle standing (or sitting) in our way. Take on the struggle and bare with the challenges that lie in front of you.

"If baseball was easy, everyone would be doing it." - Tom Hanks A League of their Own

ps. Don't wait for the easy to finally make its way.

Happy birthday to my one and only mother. I thank you for giving me life.

What's Wrong

Imagine this:

The evening has become a blur for some due to the refreshments served. About a dozen individuals were talking, chatting, and laughing as the night was still young. The weather outside was illuminated by the full moon, city lights, and the shine from the indoor fixtures. The environment was comfortable as dialogue was initiated, jokes were made, and elegant music was the tune surrounding the guests.

With drinks in hand, laughter and a positive evening became everything, but dull. A door opens and enters an unexpected guest to this party. He makes his way toward the party with glimpses unknown to their eye. Wearing a nicely put suit with a slightly grey tone in his tie, each step reminds him of the true reason of his journey there.

She entertains her guests with ease and the ability to keep everyone upbeat with the evenings festivities. She is aware that someone had entered the venue, yet didn't get a chance to catch a glimpse of the unknown. In her mind, she wants to believe that it was he who would come through that door. She decides to make her way to the kitchen.

He picks up his drink and heads out of the kitchen, down the hall, and into the main room. Watching his surroundings, he does not see what he is in search for, so he continues on to the exterior. As he exits the room, someone across the room recognizes him and quickly goes toward the kitchen.

As she washes her hands, someone informs her that he has arrived. She doesn't want to be teased, so she does not accept the good news. Having a good time already, she continues onto the party, but keeps in mind the news that was given to her.

He knows she is there, but he begins to feel saddened by the lack of her presence. He picks up his phone, dials in her number but realizes that her phone is nowhere close to her. The beverage reaches the bottom of the cup and he decides to put away his phone, walk back toward the kitchen to serve himself a drink.

She sits on her couch to catch up on things with a friend. The party has grown to nearly a couple dozen guests. The ability to see everyone invited was impossible. She begins to laugh, takes a sip from her drink. With her lips to the cup, she lifts her eyes from her drink and looks across the room. Her eyes open from the sight of a special individual. She interrupts her conversation for reasons known.

He tosses his cup into the trash and exits the opposite door making his way, once again, into the main room. He sits down, coincidentally, onto the same couch that she had just left. The person on the couch next to him introduces themself. He says hello, excuses himself and decides to head out the front door.

She rushes into an empty kitchen. She pads her pockets and realizes her phone is in her room. She walks briskly to her room to find someone outside her window on the sidewalk. Her smile becomes an enormous glow. She takes her eyes off her prey and rushes to the front door. The moment she opens the door, he is there with one arm tucked behind him and in his other hand offering her an orange rose.

ps. May our minds signify the reality of passion.

On the crossroads

The intersection has given everything except the red light. It has come to the point where laying back is an option. Another chapter is starting in my life. The first paragraph is coming to an end and hopefully the flip of the page will bring more interest to my book of life.

Why I do what I do? Josh.Gumbi likes to think of himself as a passive romantic. There are points in his life where he can give his all to a particular, and in return, accept almost nothing in return. These little tidbits could be tiny to the naked eye, but significantly significant to his emotional cranium. Who knows what these little things are, he won't tell. Does anyone know?

Back in my freshmen year of college, I started a website:
hips.htm

I lost the webspace when tripod and lycos merged. I made the e.W.o site on there too. Just a random thought, like always.

As for now, read on playa, read the wacky, yet disturbed life of Josh.Gumbi.

note: Almost 300 entries in 3 years. Almost as amazing as Trendy Vibes.

Truth & Honesty

I miss ^_^. Thanks for remembering me. You make the sun shine on rainy days.

Pictures Are Fun

So, with my weapon in my hand at our club events, and I finally upload the pictures on to my computer. Amazing what you see or what you take a picture of, especially the facials in the background. I was going to share my pictures, but I'll wait. Anyway, one more day with the 5am-130pm schedule, thank goodness, I don't think I can handle this every week. Plus, my sales goal is dropping because I'm not on the floor between 130-4. Grrrr. Anyway, I've received five promotions in one year. And according to my manager, I'll be receiving another one in the near future, assuming I would actually take that position. Manager or continue to struggle with my major. Aya!

Perhaps one day we were sent down from another planet to conquer the world. Sorry, I just decided to put in a random phrase. I was watching Smallville earlier, and I'm up because of my stupid 2-hr. nap. Darn it!

Bottomline, my life has become a sunshine of happiness, yet the only downside is the weather. I'm content with how things are, if any part of my life takes progress or improvement, I'm all for it. Otherwise, head high, back straight and take on the obstacles that lie in the path of my greatness.

note: I wasn't going to even right this much, but hey, let the fingers do the talking.

It's What I Do

ylc: i feel special ^_^
jrh: you are...only if you want to be o";"o
ylc: i am! hahaha coz you made me!
jrh: no, your parents made you
ylc: hahahahahahahah ok, i'll thank my mom and dad for that

s3 phase

Waking up in what once was a mystery is now familiar. With a dab of disorder, the place I sometimes call home on Thursday nights is the place to be. The homies are hospitable during each visit, along with the two puppies that tap their little paws against the hardwood floor. Here's to you Ike and Penny...

Another night with the BMP and Legend folks is getting to me...in a good way of course. What have I gained since the merge. Hmmm? Probably a bit more of confidence, a much more relaxed state, and the ability to make business with friends. It would have to be the hardest thing to do; to do business with friends. As long as their is a similiar goal, the next step is just to make it happen. We all have that enthusiasm toward this business we call Barrelman Productions. As we get older, our knowledge of business furthers into the vast community of diversity. We will strive to succeed, and maybe someday, we, as Filipinos, will put forth the greatest achievement of all, to be what we've longed for, to be Filipino. American culture has turned us into bandwagon individuals. Today's movies have always signified a majority of cultures. Filipinos have begun the strike to get on the silver screen. With homeboy from One Tree Hill that Ale and Camillay gawk over, to the ongoing, yet limited, success of Dante Basco. There are dozens of minds that have been able to put together their creativity in making what we call movies, plays, scripts, so forth. You can't forget Ernie Reyes Jr. for his youthful success in many a movies, yet we all know he played Chinese roles, but hey, we know what his background was...he was a ninja turtle. And last but not least, LDP!!! Lou Diamond Phillips, the man of the hour who has played Latino, Native American, Mexican, and the coolest gangsta in "The Big Hit"(1998). Wow. The guy has come up as an actor, director, producer, and writer. He's my idol. But do you want to know who my American Idol is...

Camile, you're my idol. Even though I was unable to watch you last night to perform, it's all good. But enough of that, watching everyone have a good time at Norcal was a good feeling. The numbers were up, the vibe was way up, and the girl to guy ratio was extremely well brought. Thank you for making it to a party, sorry I was unable to dance with you much. When I'm a part of something, I have to find something to do. While we staff a club event, even though there's a limit on what we could do, we just have to make sure we have a good time, as well as our guests. Oh, for anyone that I hooked up...OH YEAH RIGHT. I didn't hook up anyone. Shhhhhhhhhyaaah(say like Wayne from "Wayne's World" and then put your hair behind your ears and grin).

Denny's was good times. The laughs, the aches and pains, the quick service(rolls eyes), and the phonecalls from booth to booth was good times. I think my fellow table mates, Leah Ulo and Puppy, will always be there, most likely not next time. Gosh. So exclusive! Unfortunately, I didn't get a chance to comment you on your lip ring, it's cool, righteous to the max. Someday, I'm going to dangle your ring.

note: The sun is coming out, woohoo! Good morning everyone!

Fire In The Hole!

Finding the fun and excitement in one's life is never easily sought. For some, they position themselves in a place where moving forward is inevitable, where many points in a journey will leave us lifeless, or in terms of left out bread: stale. I peek into the lives that have crossed my life. Their lifestyle may seem straight and spontaneous, but at the same time, the times you see these folks is probably the only time they do have fun.

My life is full of ups and downs, like anyone else. Dealing with the post-educational era of my life, I've managed to situate my daily cycle. Although, sometimes sacrifices need to be made. Employment is crucial and pickiness is sometimes not an option. For those with my job ethic, I set goals that are more than likely achievable. This may be a strange onset, but I want to believe that happiness can come from anywhere. True, I have a degree from a well-known educational establishment, which staying is not a career choice. There is something out there for me, for everyone, for you; we just need to find it.

Work can be fun and exciting, yet we, as coworkers, try not to make it too enjoyable. Like my store manager says, "You're here to make a difference, not to make friends." When he said that, I agreed with him. I can't help the fact that I'm a positive person who wishes to put smiles on other's faces. If it ever is a nuisance, just tell me to back off. Everyone knows that happiness is out there, we just need to find it.

Happiness is a great feeling, especially when you have someone to smile with. It being with family, friends, or complete strangers that you meet on the bus. Earlier today, I went downtown to find myself in a miscommunication hazard. Unfortunately, my work didn't have my new cell number, so they couldn't get a hold of me. My manager tells me to head on over to our store because four employees called in sick. Anyway, in short, I bussed it to my store and worked my time. With no stress, I made the technology goal. Goooo Comp! Succeeding in temporary goals makes me happy.

note: If you're cold, you can use me as another blanket.

Teamwork

Think of it this way, the group I work with are great, but to be put in a closed store with managers, supervisors, leads, and over-achievers is great. At first we stood around wondering what we could possibly do. But, just like being at our own store, we had to find something to do. Cleaning, sweeping, plano-ing, labeling, fixing, and with little effort, laughing and having a positively great time. Quite possibly, I'd do one of these store transformation cycles again, but my hours would have to early. I can't wake up and wait for work to start. My 730am schedule is SUPER!, thanks for asking.

Anyway, a lot has chanced lately. I've found a hint of confidence in my swing, my step, my life. I can't really say what's happened, but I'm in a place where nothing can pull me down...damn crabs. Crab mentality is a outward cry of neediness. Don't pull me down, I'll take your limb right off you.

ps. Have a nice day.

Roses Are Orange Too?

Oranges roses was never put into affect in my life until the other night. I always through there was only white, peach, pink, yellow, red, and purple. Anyway, that's the new thing in my life that started. I WILL FIND AN ORANGE ROSE.

Sore Throat

The fall season has always been a crucial period for me. The weather will not get the better of me. Mother nature is close to getting into my body, but I will fight any germ that flies my way...or crawls. I hate getting sick. First the sore throat, and then the unexpected sneezing. I've heard that a sneeze is 1/10 of an orgasm. Anyway, I decided to take action and took some cold medicine. So, cutting this short, take care of yourselves. Watch for that bird virus, if you're out of the country.

To her it may concern, get better. Take medicine, I did. Enjoy the off week. Study early instead of later.

Magandang gabi.

Me, Oh My

I'm going to go in reverse chronological order.

I showed up at my friends house and found out that they left. I went to my brothers house and they left. Who leaves their house at 3am in the morning? I was offered a place to stay, but then, as much as I wanted to stay, just didn't feel right, this time a long. But, of course, thank you for the hospitality. Unfortunately, since it was so late, and didn't want to be left in the cold if I tried going back, I took a mellow drive home. With the two hour nap, I was able to make it without my eyelids getting heavy. Plus, by the time I got to Skyline, there was a jog-a-thon, with all these lights and reflecters so that drivers would see them.

Last night was a barrel of monkeys. I didn't mean to fall asleep, but sleep took over. Although, when I woke up, I felt guilt, and intrusive at the same time. Even though I was there, studying was the main priority. But at the same time, I showed up unexpected which seemed kind of rude. I guess that's what makes me different from others; unexpected visits are ok in my book. So, in response, I'm sorry. It was good to see you though. Thank you. *wink.

Even though my back was a little sore, I decided to stubbornly play ice hockey. I can't let a minor injury keep me from my passion. On the other hand, if I didn't score or assist, then it would have been a waste, more or less. Well, I played, I loved it.

As for Friday, I fell off the ladder at work. I was on the fourth step and missed it going down. Fortunately, I was ok from the fall. Unfortunately, there happened to be boxes on the ladder, which landed on my back. Blah.

note: that's my weekend so far.

Late Graveyard Shift

I can't believe my schedule. A slight change in the hours. Instead of waking up at 630am tomorrow, I'll be waking up at 4am. According to the number of hours, I should be resting in my bed attempting to get some shut eye. Unfortunately, I am just not that tired. I got other frustrations and passions on my mind. Plus, I'm watching the ending of Alien vs. Predator, a typical love story between Predator and Human.

The movie reminds me of Starcraft. For those that know the game, you know what I mean.

I was looking through some of my old stuff and what do I find...
NHLPA HOCKEY 93- You could find this updated game in the movie Swingers. I have the '93-'94 season.

Some tell me that there is a point of no return. The situation either extinguishes or the spark turns into flame. Think about it, I am. Sometimes you just have to ask yourself if the risk is "worth the squeeze"(Girl Next Door). There are chances in the world that lead us into a happiness beyond any other. You don't necessarily know it is there, and you don't try to force anything upon it. Every step lingers into something greater. The analogy of the upward staircase. The first step is always easy because it was just the first step. After twenty steps, movement reduces, your heart begins to beat faster, and pain is easier set. Think about it, I do. On the other hand, we have the downward staircase. You're at the top of the world, but the only way to stay up is to believe there is another step to go up. As time becomes more stagnant, momentum plummets down the steps. Instead of take it step by step, you tumble, you fall, and the whole way down, it hurts more and more, until finally you hit the bottom. Think about it, I've been there.

I am on the tenth step. The middle grounds where you know you can turn back. But, at the same time, you're half way to a floor where there are unlimited possibilites of another twenty steps. This is the point of no return. I don't give up. I strive for the best. I make things happen, only because I want them to. For now, I live in the middle, holding out my hands to those who wish to follow me, step by step.

note: I miss writing like this. Good night, it is 9:48pm.

Where To Begin

For three consecutive Sundays, I've reintroduced a particular Catholic Commandment back into my life. Was it my choice, my decision? Yes. There was a boost of motivation on your behalf. In retrospect, you asked me to join you. My distinction toward Catholicism has been a bit skeptical for the past some odd years. Although Christianity is a blind faith, there are millions of followers out there. The Word of God is a righteous consciousness, yet the interpretation to today's teachings is vague. Society is wide-ranged. I don't believe that religious leaders can keep up with the goods and the bads. Anyway, that's besides the point. I go to church because it makes me feel good inside. I listen to the readings, the homily, the songs, and what nots. Some friends of mine believe my participation is because of an angel that has floated into my life. I believe that my family is what some say "non-practicing catholic" which is a term used by today's lifestyle. If you keep the faith in God, in Jesus, in the whole shabang, then you have faith of Catholicism on your side. I've always enjoyed going to Mass with close friends, family, or just friends alone. In high school, I went. In college, I went. For the longest time, I only went to midnight Mass during Christmas. Three Sundays ago I went to church because someone asked me. Two Sundays ago, I went because I wanted to. This morning, it was a bit difficult. I was in the lazy mood, but I knew that going to church would be morally valuable. We all must make decisions. Just think, an hour out of our lives, and most of us just lay in bed still. Decisions decisions decisions!

I've made a decision. The decision to make myself unavailable. What does it mean? Probably nothing. I'll wait. I've waited before. Where did that leave me? No where. My past experiences with waiting turned into two situations. The first occasion was about six months. That eventually went sour probably because of the distance, my ability to trust this person backfired on me. It was my fault. She eventually told me that she just wanted to stay friends. The second predicament was two years of waiting. Although, after the first year, we hooked up were official for about a week. And then we lost contact for three months. Don't ask me why I decided to pursue her again, but I did. This 'wait' was also long distance. Little did I learn from the first experience.

Now, I've run into a third. When I met her, I knew that waiting would be an issue. Fortunately, unlike the first two experiences, there's no distance. My desire for her increases. The serious talks have been made and I'm still here, she's still there. She studies, I work, and every weekend, we interact. I guess this is what they call taking it slow.

note: nursing is easier than engineering!

Another One Of Those Nights

Once again, my mind has forgotten what my topic would be. I think about it a majority of the day, and then finally when I sit in front of the LCD screen, I get a blank. Hmmm...

Here's one. Last night was the first time in a LONG time that I fell asleep talking to someone on the phone. Not because they were boring, but because I was extremely exhausted. Plus, it was one of those phone calls you just don't want to get off of. I would temporarily knock out, and then when I wake up, I immediately say "hello". And then she'll tell me to go to bed and I'll say no. Kiddie stuff. I wonder if talkin' to her last night was the reason why she didn't do good on her exam. Hope not. Sorry.

Whenever I'm driving, my thoughts collect. Woohoo! Thank goodness for commercials. A glimpse of the movie Flightplan just showed. I wanted to give my respects toward the movie. I honestly thought the movie was above average good. It wasn't great and it definitely wasn't perfect. It had its moments of excitment, suspense, and plot reaction. I'll keep my thoughts brief. The movie got me debating about her daughter. Was she really her imagination or was there a conspiracy? The movie went downhill the moment the air marshall revealed his true character. It just proves that you can never tell the difference between a controlled or uncontrolled mind. It seems we condemn before we judge sometimes.

note: You are at your cutest everytime you smile.

Heavy Eye Lids

My eyes continued to droop the more I stay up later and later. I should be sleeping by now, but I can't seem to. Probably because I'm online. I was thinking of a topic earlier this morning, but I completely forgot it. hmmm?

I'm about to fall asleep. Good night all. But before I go, this is me:

I am friendly;
I am supportive;
I am honest;
I am helpful;
I am graceful;
I am conservative;
I am quiet;
I am competitive;
I am witty;
I am romantic;
I am reliable;
I am hardworking;
I am a chance taker;
I am patient;
I am emotional;
I am sleepy.

note: Expect the unexpected and wait for the willing.