Contemplating about past life while listening to Shai - I Don' t Want To Be Alone
Strange how I read lives that I know and once knew and believe that anything can happen. The difference between my life and lives past is crazy to think that I'm lucky to be here on this planet. Many times have I gotten into certain predicaments when my life was on the line. I always thanked Him for watching over me. Is he really looking over all these people on this earth? Maybe it was the prayers that my family, or friends that kept my safety going. When in the negative state of mind, we always ask ourselves when it will be our time to go into the beyond. We also tend to ask why it was them, and not me. The unstable state of life that we long to know will never be defined. Is there time to mourn, is there time to celebrate, is there enough to time to find a love that will last forever, and if so, will we have the patience to experience the negative effects of each.
Ves - hearing from others, i know i haven't seen you, but it is good to see you are alright. never underestimate the life you give to others. even though you don't know what people think, just know that someone is wishing for your safety.
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
Listening to the clicking of keyboard keys as I look at my personal finances
From this, I smile. I look at myself in the mirror and I see eyes staring back at me.
"Who are you?" As I look questioned into the reflection of myself.
"The past has caught up with you, and you must make a decision", the reflection says.
"What do you mean?" I say.
"The world has finally take toll of what humanity has brought themselves", it says.
"That is where you are wrong. Taking and accepting what we did and adapted and evolved ourselves into, the purity of this society is long gone. Living is just a minor necessity in our so-called lives. The greed and self-mutilation has affected eternal lifestyle. Wanting and needing and taking and giving, it's all part of the daily cycle that we call employment. Wake up, do the normal rituals before work, get into our car, go to work. Do our work, clock out, go home. Next day, same routine. This I say over and over, robots we are becoming when we separate the lack mind of, and the soul believers of." The words came out so smoothly, yet the image seemed discontent. It seemed to want more, more words, more intelligence, more knowledge of the human mind.
"Continue."
The single word just baffled my thought and looked with a blank face. Closing my eyes, chin down, hands on the sides of the sink, and finally taking a deep breath with a loud sigh. Opening my tired eyes, an image that I have not seen before. It was meaningful and seemed to grasp a sense of happiness.
"You don't need more", I said. "The knowledge of ignorance and limited knowledge of the world is a precious gift."
It nods.
After a week of carefully training behind a wheel, close watch of every prompt I do, it was kind of tense. I knew I wasn't getting graded, I wasn't in school, I was just trying to do the best I can. It was my job. Under a week later, I'm running through yellow lights, dodging cars, and what not...why? I have to deliver each package on time. I get paid to do my job, with great courtesy, and quality. Yet, I don't see a change on how it's making my life better. I've been living to long into the religious aspect. I'm not saying I'll give up on it, I don't know what I'm really saying. I guess I'm just tired of being a robot. Why must we go to school? Why must we listen to what others tell us? My life has answered those questions with a blur. I don't listen to anyone, most of the time. Well, I don't DO what they say, but I will listen. The orange juice is running low, and my back seems to need some rest from today's robotic full shift. I leave you all with this thought. What does the dialogue above mean? Good night.
From this, I smile. I look at myself in the mirror and I see eyes staring back at me.
"Who are you?" As I look questioned into the reflection of myself.
"The past has caught up with you, and you must make a decision", the reflection says.
"What do you mean?" I say.
"The world has finally take toll of what humanity has brought themselves", it says.
"That is where you are wrong. Taking and accepting what we did and adapted and evolved ourselves into, the purity of this society is long gone. Living is just a minor necessity in our so-called lives. The greed and self-mutilation has affected eternal lifestyle. Wanting and needing and taking and giving, it's all part of the daily cycle that we call employment. Wake up, do the normal rituals before work, get into our car, go to work. Do our work, clock out, go home. Next day, same routine. This I say over and over, robots we are becoming when we separate the lack mind of, and the soul believers of." The words came out so smoothly, yet the image seemed discontent. It seemed to want more, more words, more intelligence, more knowledge of the human mind.
"Continue."
The single word just baffled my thought and looked with a blank face. Closing my eyes, chin down, hands on the sides of the sink, and finally taking a deep breath with a loud sigh. Opening my tired eyes, an image that I have not seen before. It was meaningful and seemed to grasp a sense of happiness.
"You don't need more", I said. "The knowledge of ignorance and limited knowledge of the world is a precious gift."
It nods.
After a week of carefully training behind a wheel, close watch of every prompt I do, it was kind of tense. I knew I wasn't getting graded, I wasn't in school, I was just trying to do the best I can. It was my job. Under a week later, I'm running through yellow lights, dodging cars, and what not...why? I have to deliver each package on time. I get paid to do my job, with great courtesy, and quality. Yet, I don't see a change on how it's making my life better. I've been living to long into the religious aspect. I'm not saying I'll give up on it, I don't know what I'm really saying. I guess I'm just tired of being a robot. Why must we go to school? Why must we listen to what others tell us? My life has answered those questions with a blur. I don't listen to anyone, most of the time. Well, I don't DO what they say, but I will listen. The orange juice is running low, and my back seems to need some rest from today's robotic full shift. I leave you all with this thought. What does the dialogue above mean? Good night.
Thursday, August 21, 2003
Listening to Linkin Park - Faint
"...I can't feel...,...I won't be ignored." (while head bobbing)
Happiness and the whole development of yin ang yang, what goes around comes around, all good things end with more bad things. I went into my second interview at Safeway.com feeling over-confident, answering all the questions that Justino gave me. And guess what, my positive feelings have finally paid off. I'm no longer jobless. I have a, as aivy put it, JWB, job with benefits. I guess everyone who said waiting pays off, I guess it does. Thank you shipping and receiving for giving me the experience that I need to put my foot in the door. This is all part of my plan to get into my real occupation. Safeway.com is looking for a delivery driver to invoice their products, but for Part 2, I will at least have my foot in the door to move on into an entry-level technician. Who knows, maybe I'll be Executive Advisor, ha!
On the downside, I was punished with two parking tickets. I was so excited that I forgot that it was Thursday, and then the street cleaning people gave me a ticket for that. And then, while taking my drug test, I got another ticket because the meter ran out, and I didn't have anymore change. Oh well! Maybe, now everything will start to move up.
Beside the point, I hate urine test. Ever since I was a kid, I get to nervous and I can't go. I know this is a bit embarrassing, but who cares, I'm comfortable with it, and if people knew, I wouldn't worry about no more. Ha! Do I really want to let the audience know this type of information? As some say, TOO MUCH INFORMATION. Well, you have the option to read, so YOUR BAD.
- Way off topic -
Tediocarm: summer is time for students of your stature to rest and relax. Yeah you put in hours with school, and you're not earning as much money, but you have to put yourself in some type of shoes where you know you can move up or what not. You had the option to stay at GA, but I guess it didn't seem worth it. It helps to have experience in different areas, unlike me. I work for delivery once and always. Hopefully I'll move up.
PASA: enjoy your core retreat, I'm sure all of you will have fun and interesting stories that will not leave that place. Aivy, be good, please.
PS. My weekend is going to lonely, so I'll just play with my feet.
"...I can't feel...,...I won't be ignored." (while head bobbing)
Happiness and the whole development of yin ang yang, what goes around comes around, all good things end with more bad things. I went into my second interview at Safeway.com feeling over-confident, answering all the questions that Justino gave me. And guess what, my positive feelings have finally paid off. I'm no longer jobless. I have a, as aivy put it, JWB, job with benefits. I guess everyone who said waiting pays off, I guess it does. Thank you shipping and receiving for giving me the experience that I need to put my foot in the door. This is all part of my plan to get into my real occupation. Safeway.com is looking for a delivery driver to invoice their products, but for Part 2, I will at least have my foot in the door to move on into an entry-level technician. Who knows, maybe I'll be Executive Advisor, ha!
On the downside, I was punished with two parking tickets. I was so excited that I forgot that it was Thursday, and then the street cleaning people gave me a ticket for that. And then, while taking my drug test, I got another ticket because the meter ran out, and I didn't have anymore change. Oh well! Maybe, now everything will start to move up.
Beside the point, I hate urine test. Ever since I was a kid, I get to nervous and I can't go. I know this is a bit embarrassing, but who cares, I'm comfortable with it, and if people knew, I wouldn't worry about no more. Ha! Do I really want to let the audience know this type of information? As some say, TOO MUCH INFORMATION. Well, you have the option to read, so YOUR BAD.
- Way off topic -
Tediocarm: summer is time for students of your stature to rest and relax. Yeah you put in hours with school, and you're not earning as much money, but you have to put yourself in some type of shoes where you know you can move up or what not. You had the option to stay at GA, but I guess it didn't seem worth it. It helps to have experience in different areas, unlike me. I work for delivery once and always. Hopefully I'll move up.
PASA: enjoy your core retreat, I'm sure all of you will have fun and interesting stories that will not leave that place. Aivy, be good, please.
PS. My weekend is going to lonely, so I'll just play with my feet.
Monday, August 18, 2003
Listening to B4-4 - Endlessly (Not Backstreet Boys or N'sync)
With a little inspiration to write once again, my Aivy has nearly left me in happy tears when I read august 15th entry. *sigh* You aren't the only lucky one hebeb. I love you.
With a complete three-sixty, I go off on my original topic of make-up, cosmetics, and guck. There are so many brand names, stuff out there that make people BEAUTIFUL. I guess its just the fact that we, as humans, tend to pull apart from each other to become a super monopoly, making money over those ideas that were already made how many years ago. Ladies and some gentlemen, when using human coloring to your bright faces...skin, use it, don't abuse it. There are some layers of make-up that you probably don't have to throw onto your faces. Going back to my innocent days, believe me, if I was innocent now, I'd be a priest, I had a girlfriend that I literally had to laugh at behind her back because she would look like a clown. No wonder that relationship didn't last long, she was so into trends and fads of social society. But now, I have Aivy, who puts on just enough make-up, when she needs to. Her and I usually talk smack when we are out and about looking at the breezie type of chickenheads that brand their faces with far-fetched colors of guck.
I am requested to sit in Aivy's bathroom while she puts her "face" on, just watching and contemplating on the effort and commitment most women take into putting make-up on. She would ask me how it looks, and my answer is always perfect. Seriously, if it is up to my standards, I am not going to say it doesn't look perfect for no reason. If something is off or if she puts too much eye stuff on, then I'll let her know. I'm pretty sure she'll do the same if like my playstation 2 was missing a chip or two, but that's just giving you, the audience, an example. Overall, I enjoy making my Aivy look the way she feels she may look. I let her know if there's too much. Like that white powder stuff that Yon put on at the end. TOO MUCH.
Going back one-eighty, I live in my hometown of San Francisco. I enjoy the environment here, except for the people, as usual and the way I thought before I went to San Jose. I'm not hating...ok, I am. There's nothing wrong with the people, its just the attitude of them. Ick! Rude people these past couple of weeks. But hey! It could be anywhere, I was just in the wrong place at the time.
AFTER THOUGHT: Adding two hundred people on my Friendster bookmarks is taking longer than I thought.
With a little inspiration to write once again, my Aivy has nearly left me in happy tears when I read august 15th entry. *sigh* You aren't the only lucky one hebeb. I love you.
With a complete three-sixty, I go off on my original topic of make-up, cosmetics, and guck. There are so many brand names, stuff out there that make people BEAUTIFUL. I guess its just the fact that we, as humans, tend to pull apart from each other to become a super monopoly, making money over those ideas that were already made how many years ago. Ladies and some gentlemen, when using human coloring to your bright faces...skin, use it, don't abuse it. There are some layers of make-up that you probably don't have to throw onto your faces. Going back to my innocent days, believe me, if I was innocent now, I'd be a priest, I had a girlfriend that I literally had to laugh at behind her back because she would look like a clown. No wonder that relationship didn't last long, she was so into trends and fads of social society. But now, I have Aivy, who puts on just enough make-up, when she needs to. Her and I usually talk smack when we are out and about looking at the breezie type of chickenheads that brand their faces with far-fetched colors of guck.
I am requested to sit in Aivy's bathroom while she puts her "face" on, just watching and contemplating on the effort and commitment most women take into putting make-up on. She would ask me how it looks, and my answer is always perfect. Seriously, if it is up to my standards, I am not going to say it doesn't look perfect for no reason. If something is off or if she puts too much eye stuff on, then I'll let her know. I'm pretty sure she'll do the same if like my playstation 2 was missing a chip or two, but that's just giving you, the audience, an example. Overall, I enjoy making my Aivy look the way she feels she may look. I let her know if there's too much. Like that white powder stuff that Yon put on at the end. TOO MUCH.
Going back one-eighty, I live in my hometown of San Francisco. I enjoy the environment here, except for the people, as usual and the way I thought before I went to San Jose. I'm not hating...ok, I am. There's nothing wrong with the people, its just the attitude of them. Ick! Rude people these past couple of weeks. But hey! It could be anywhere, I was just in the wrong place at the time.
AFTER THOUGHT: Adding two hundred people on my Friendster bookmarks is taking longer than I thought.
Thursday, August 14, 2003
A pounding feeling in my head as Charlie hammers and stammers...ehhh
I just recently found out Ben Affleck cheated on Jennifer Lopez. I must say, it's about time. Not saying that they can't be normal humans, but I say if movie stars must maintain a reputation of being that "how to be a hollywood bad ass in 10 days", then so be it.
I don't believe I remember what I was thinking about earlier, so here, a little spoken lyrical poetry that should belong in one of those American Literature books that we read for AMS1A or 1B:
"Grasping to the thought all must come down, withering away with such torment that has voided the great beyond.
Delivering the rare raunchy feeling to wheel away from, cautious counting to the negative torment that all is under.
Belonging to nothing,
Walking with everything,
Voicing the mute of the ear,
Finalizing that we all must enjoy now."
I just recently found out Ben Affleck cheated on Jennifer Lopez. I must say, it's about time. Not saying that they can't be normal humans, but I say if movie stars must maintain a reputation of being that "how to be a hollywood bad ass in 10 days", then so be it.
I don't believe I remember what I was thinking about earlier, so here, a little spoken lyrical poetry that should belong in one of those American Literature books that we read for AMS1A or 1B:
"Grasping to the thought all must come down, withering away with such torment that has voided the great beyond.
Delivering the rare raunchy feeling to wheel away from, cautious counting to the negative torment that all is under.
Belonging to nothing,
Walking with everything,
Voicing the mute of the ear,
Finalizing that we all must enjoy now."
Wednesday, August 13, 2003
Listening to The Beatles - In My Life
The new school year is about to start, yet I will not be attending. I've graduated from a high society of academics, and where does it leave me. It all depends on my luck in the near or even closer future. So far, this summer has been one of my brightest and most happiest. I have someone to share almost every moment of it. Recently, Aivy and I went camping at Lake Camanche, also where I've gone many times as a child, for a good amount of time as our new york trip. This time, there were no sites to see, no restaurants to visit, no special monuments that were destroyed. We just set up our purple dome of a tent together. I expected to have trouble putting together the tent with Aivy because it was really windy. But, my bebble showed as much patience as I did. -Thank You Bebble- This year, I finally decided to use an air mattress, and did it work! My back never felt better. For those of you who don't know, I have a fragile back.
I would think that most of my thinking habits goes to wondering if Aivy is ok, or if she is comfortable with the surroundings I bring her into, as she does for me. I don't necessarily force her to do anything out of the unusual, or out of the usual. Her freedom is her's to control. I was happy that she enjoyed most of the camping trip with me, except for that damn water splashin' us in our faces. Quick fear: When I'm in water that you can't see under, I'm frightened. I would easily jump into the water and maybe float for awhile, but I start to become terrified when my feet aren't touching ground. I feel as if something or someone is going to just grab my leg or ankle and drag me down. -shiver-
The food that we prepared for the camping trip was great: marinated chicken, hamburger patties, jack london marinade for our chewy steaks, lots of liquids, and a box of plasitic fingers. Sleeping at ten-thirty each night and waking at eight-thirty in the morning was quite amazing. Well, with the help of the sun blazing on the our purple dome of a tent, I couldn't bare the heat, incrediblly, Aivy stayed with the super warm feeling for an extra hour or two each morning. The nights were astonishing because the moon beamed across the darkened sky and luminated the earthy terrain.
This year, I didn't spend most of the time with the main camp, which wasn't very different from spending time with them because I hardly talk, I 'observe'. I actually remained with the 3-campers of choice on our #89 campground. And yes, they do fight a lot, over nothing. But that's a whole different blog. At least, I know for sure that if Aivy and I went on a camping trip along just the two of us, we'll manage to grab hold of the situation and live out the time there with much relaxation. Until next time kids, be alert and watch out for that darn Blaster Worm virus.
The new school year is about to start, yet I will not be attending. I've graduated from a high society of academics, and where does it leave me. It all depends on my luck in the near or even closer future. So far, this summer has been one of my brightest and most happiest. I have someone to share almost every moment of it. Recently, Aivy and I went camping at Lake Camanche, also where I've gone many times as a child, for a good amount of time as our new york trip. This time, there were no sites to see, no restaurants to visit, no special monuments that were destroyed. We just set up our purple dome of a tent together. I expected to have trouble putting together the tent with Aivy because it was really windy. But, my bebble showed as much patience as I did. -Thank You Bebble- This year, I finally decided to use an air mattress, and did it work! My back never felt better. For those of you who don't know, I have a fragile back.
I would think that most of my thinking habits goes to wondering if Aivy is ok, or if she is comfortable with the surroundings I bring her into, as she does for me. I don't necessarily force her to do anything out of the unusual, or out of the usual. Her freedom is her's to control. I was happy that she enjoyed most of the camping trip with me, except for that damn water splashin' us in our faces. Quick fear: When I'm in water that you can't see under, I'm frightened. I would easily jump into the water and maybe float for awhile, but I start to become terrified when my feet aren't touching ground. I feel as if something or someone is going to just grab my leg or ankle and drag me down. -shiver-
The food that we prepared for the camping trip was great: marinated chicken, hamburger patties, jack london marinade for our chewy steaks, lots of liquids, and a box of plasitic fingers. Sleeping at ten-thirty each night and waking at eight-thirty in the morning was quite amazing. Well, with the help of the sun blazing on the our purple dome of a tent, I couldn't bare the heat, incrediblly, Aivy stayed with the super warm feeling for an extra hour or two each morning. The nights were astonishing because the moon beamed across the darkened sky and luminated the earthy terrain.
This year, I didn't spend most of the time with the main camp, which wasn't very different from spending time with them because I hardly talk, I 'observe'. I actually remained with the 3-campers of choice on our #89 campground. And yes, they do fight a lot, over nothing. But that's a whole different blog. At least, I know for sure that if Aivy and I went on a camping trip along just the two of us, we'll manage to grab hold of the situation and live out the time there with much relaxation. Until next time kids, be alert and watch out for that darn Blaster Worm virus.
Monday, July 28, 2003
Nice guys And nice girls seem to live a much fuller life when compared to "chicken breezies" and "assholes". Though, they believe they're missing something that really is there already. Girls don't see the perfect guy next to them, and guys force their beliefs that the attractive, perfect looking female is going to love them with the same intensity as they do. Correct! But in my sense, to take the time to even think about why other people receive what they get instead of realizing that they should just live their own life. If you're friends with someone and you can talk to them, but there are no mutual signs from both parties, stay friends. But, if one does have feelings for the other, why hesitate, just say it. And if the outcome is negative, leave it be. Who is the one at loss, the one who rejects his or her friend. And for the nice girls, live up to be what you are, not the upbringing of such a fad as breezie-ville, or chickenhead. You ask why I take the time to write about this, mainly, I like to add my two cents into such debates, if you can actually call it that. Debating consists of knowing the side between why girls and guys treat the one's in front of them the way they do, and why "assholes" and "chicken breezies" only accept their kind. We have the side of the nice boys and girls; well, what about the "assholes" and "chicken breezies". The answer to that is easy. Everyone believes they belong in the nice group. Open your eyes everyone, we all belong somewhere. Know your place. And if you don't know, then ask someone. And don't feel offended when you find out.
HAPPY ONE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO MY BLOGSPOT SITE
HAPPY ONE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO MY BLOGSPOT SITE
Friday, July 25, 2003
Listening to Rent - La Vie Boheme
Counting the days to my vacation to the east coast for the very first time, and now its how many days after. Knowing that my New York trip was nearly a week ago tomorrow. At least I know that life moves on when I'm not there. Ha! I'm only kidding about that last comment. I didn't really get to watch the sun rise over the water, but I didn't see it rise over the empire state building. The fast pace lifestyle is not, but could be my thing. For the time being, I'm going to stick to the comfortable weather of sf, opposite of sj. Walking across the street may kill one and become flattened by those infamous yellow vehicles that blanket this city that sleeps between an interval of one hour a night. Under any circumstance, the trip was a different experience. The differences of what a city can give that is different shaped, different area altogether just make me feel that I neglect my own city of San Francisco. If I was native of New York, it seems as if I would do what I do in sf, and that is ignore the sites that most tourists come here to see. I am not really worried about what I see in my native land of sf, but I just can't believe...I'm being repetitive, so bottom line, I live in a tourist land, but I've never taken advantage of it. The hotel, my Aivy and I, stayed at was quite intimate. A single room with our own bathroom, not to mention a view of four to five skyscrapers, and a door thin enough that we can hear whispers, our apologies to our neighbors on those heated nights, and some days, in Room 202. To the fellow tourist on our Harbor Nights ferryboat ride around Manhattan, show a little common courtesy, I guess. And I would also taken advantage of the spot I could have got. Would I move from a spot that I found very convenient for my picture taking, of course. Would it make me less of a gentlemen if I didn't move, no because I'm as much of a tourist as her. Ha! Times Square was amazing. The 3-story Toys 'R Us was fun stuff. I don't think I'll ever see a toy store with everything that you actually want, minus the limited amount of video games, but bleh. I'm not really going to detail my trip, all I will say is that it was fun. My Aivy and I saw a Broadway show, Rent. Niiiiice!!! I got goosebumps when I heard the songs that I was oh so familiar with; Light My Candle, La Vie Boheme, No Day But Today, etc. I wouldn't mind seeing the show again when it comes to SF. Who wants to watch? I think my personal negative moments of the trip was the inconvenience of the hostess at the desk not accepting a particular package for us, but I'm not mad. Oh! And the flight back took like seven to eight hours. I don't like turbulence, but I had to show some courage there. I guess my mindset was, if the flight attendants were scared, then I'm not going to be. My Aivy, you definitely scared me. When we finally got over Michigan, the plane was straightforward. A sight that I enjoyed watching was the plane keeping up with the last moments of daylight. It seemed as if the light stayed with us for most of the trip. If you don't know what I mean, just ask me. Overall, there was nothing to fear from this trip. Maybe the fact that my Aivy almost got stuck there. Check out her story if you like at
Now being back on the west coast where I believe I belong. Almost a week since we got back from NYC and my sleeping pattern is a lot better. Instead of sleeping at 5am and waking at 3pm, I am sleeping by 2am and waking at 9am. Time to look for jobs that'll help gather some cash to get a place with my buddy, Thor. In less than ten-days I will again be a resident of San Francisco. Hopefully my future years of sf life won't be like my first 18. Well, more like my last 5-years of sf.
Akbayan is very limited and less-interested in me now, yet it will always be my family, my barangay. I feel as if I'm more involved with PASA. (Shrugs)
Sorry for not updating recently, I'm very much addicted to Final Fantasy X, soon to be Socom2 & Final Fantasy X2 (come October/November)
...my 1-year Anniversary of BlogSpot, Sigh. Blogger keeps me adjusted with the profound memories that I will record until days on end...
Counting the days to my vacation to the east coast for the very first time, and now its how many days after. Knowing that my New York trip was nearly a week ago tomorrow. At least I know that life moves on when I'm not there. Ha! I'm only kidding about that last comment. I didn't really get to watch the sun rise over the water, but I didn't see it rise over the empire state building. The fast pace lifestyle is not, but could be my thing. For the time being, I'm going to stick to the comfortable weather of sf, opposite of sj. Walking across the street may kill one and become flattened by those infamous yellow vehicles that blanket this city that sleeps between an interval of one hour a night. Under any circumstance, the trip was a different experience. The differences of what a city can give that is different shaped, different area altogether just make me feel that I neglect my own city of San Francisco. If I was native of New York, it seems as if I would do what I do in sf, and that is ignore the sites that most tourists come here to see. I am not really worried about what I see in my native land of sf, but I just can't believe...I'm being repetitive, so bottom line, I live in a tourist land, but I've never taken advantage of it. The hotel, my Aivy and I, stayed at was quite intimate. A single room with our own bathroom, not to mention a view of four to five skyscrapers, and a door thin enough that we can hear whispers, our apologies to our neighbors on those heated nights, and some days, in Room 202. To the fellow tourist on our Harbor Nights ferryboat ride around Manhattan, show a little common courtesy, I guess. And I would also taken advantage of the spot I could have got. Would I move from a spot that I found very convenient for my picture taking, of course. Would it make me less of a gentlemen if I didn't move, no because I'm as much of a tourist as her. Ha! Times Square was amazing. The 3-story Toys 'R Us was fun stuff. I don't think I'll ever see a toy store with everything that you actually want, minus the limited amount of video games, but bleh. I'm not really going to detail my trip, all I will say is that it was fun. My Aivy and I saw a Broadway show, Rent. Niiiiice!!! I got goosebumps when I heard the songs that I was oh so familiar with; Light My Candle, La Vie Boheme, No Day But Today, etc. I wouldn't mind seeing the show again when it comes to SF. Who wants to watch? I think my personal negative moments of the trip was the inconvenience of the hostess at the desk not accepting a particular package for us, but I'm not mad. Oh! And the flight back took like seven to eight hours. I don't like turbulence, but I had to show some courage there. I guess my mindset was, if the flight attendants were scared, then I'm not going to be. My Aivy, you definitely scared me. When we finally got over Michigan, the plane was straightforward. A sight that I enjoyed watching was the plane keeping up with the last moments of daylight. It seemed as if the light stayed with us for most of the trip. If you don't know what I mean, just ask me. Overall, there was nothing to fear from this trip. Maybe the fact that my Aivy almost got stuck there. Check out her story if you like at
Now being back on the west coast where I believe I belong. Almost a week since we got back from NYC and my sleeping pattern is a lot better. Instead of sleeping at 5am and waking at 3pm, I am sleeping by 2am and waking at 9am. Time to look for jobs that'll help gather some cash to get a place with my buddy, Thor. In less than ten-days I will again be a resident of San Francisco. Hopefully my future years of sf life won't be like my first 18. Well, more like my last 5-years of sf.
Akbayan is very limited and less-interested in me now, yet it will always be my family, my barangay. I feel as if I'm more involved with PASA. (Shrugs)
Sorry for not updating recently, I'm very much addicted to Final Fantasy X, soon to be Socom2 & Final Fantasy X2 (come October/November)
...my 1-year Anniversary of BlogSpot, Sigh. Blogger keeps me adjusted with the profound memories that I will record until days on end...
Saturday, July 05, 2003
Listening to Beach Boys - Surfin' USA
It is my 24th Birthday and I feel as if it is just another day. The orientation of the past couple of days are deteriorating mainly because I sleep at the oddest hours. My eyes close when the sky has a clear, solid light blue-ness. Sometimes I wake up when the sun is waving goodbye to day and welcoming evening. At 9:31pm tonight, I celebrate my twenty-fourth year of existence. Wow! Twenty-four years young. It is all crazy because I'm living my life with a relaxing state-of-mind. Every other morning I would remember to stand up and stretch and tell myself, you got to move your blood and your bones. Otherwise, my body will continue to ache the way it has been. Aches and pains at the age of twenty-four. Maybe its the extra effort in sports that my body really couldn't handle. The position of my sleeping body is fine, could it be the bed? (Shrugs)
I'm content with my life (at the moment). With the New York trip coming up, I'm a bit hesitant. I'm not sure what NYC is going to give or bring me. To tell you the truth, I'm frightened. I'm scared of unknown places, yet I long to travel and explore what's out there. Why must I be a self-hypocrite, assuming this is the correct statement that I give myself? I'll just have to take the trip one step at a time.
Sorry, digression...my birthday started out great. Aivy decided to check out my body to keep it up with the dermatologist standard. In other words, she decided to clean my disgusting body (in a non-sexual way). Awww, she cares. She's a keeper. Oh! And her homies from Hayward, I'm speaking of the cats at the home with Rhapsody, white tape to cover up the a/v wire, three computers right next to each other (as if anticipating a LAN party...wow), and finally, the ability to barbeque up to...maybe 25 pounds of meat on the mini-webber. Meat is Goooooooood. It was a fun 4th of July, no need for Fireworks. Dude, don't deny the facts that the fireworks on the Fourth of July represent the pre-ceremonial celebration of my BIRTHDAY. You didn't, well, now you know.
As for my past birthdays, I believe this is the one that changes me forever. This is the birthday where I say goodbye to my San Jose life. Adios, goodbye, adieu. My twenty-first birthday was fun because it was the first time I let alcohol (besides medicine) pass my lips. The whole day I just rested up and tried to get people to go to TGI-Friday's. I should be happy with the friends that came, but that still doesn't take away the fact some didn't even try to come. Anyway, I ate all my food, took four to five drinks to the head, and went back to my house, not knowing that I would see these drinks, food, and some other disgusting liquids later on. Also, that's when I knew that restaurant birthdays suck big ARSE-holes. Unless I'm lucky to go to Todai's, which might be out of the question this year because it opens at 530pm, and I invited guests to come over at 5pm. Errr. Back to the whole restaurant business. Is it not enough to spend my birthday AND $10 on dinner with me, OR just spend time my birthday with me AND just share a appetizer with someone? Nope. Excuses, excuses!!! That's how it was three years ago, such a heart-breaker for me. But, whoever was there three years ago, at TGIF's off Wolfe, Thank you for joining me. A year later, I figured that people would come celebrate with me if there was food already, like a barbeque. And guess what? People came and ate the food I gave them. I think the only person that actually brought something and a gift was acid raina, thanks girl far from being a bah-bah-bah-breeeeezie. I choose to keep selective memories mainly because it hurts to let hurtful things go away. The only solution to rid these burdens is revenge. ha! My twenty-third birthday went quite well, people actually brought food, drinks, and I had the best buzz of my life. Slipping into the recycle corner in my house. YES!!! I slipped. You really think I would jump into it. I am not stupish, I am stupes. I don't know why people have birthdays after they turn eighteen. Every time a birthday comes up, sadness overpowers happiness. People always complain that they're getting older, they figure that if they hadn't done anything with their life, then they begin to die into a sea of depression. I feel different. I'm done with school, I've dedicated my heart to someone outside my family (meaning Aivy), I'm trying to get into the real world. F#$%!!! I've been in the real world my whole life. This is the routine in life. I think and wonder if I want my child to be a robot of America. I don't know. Birthdays could really make you think about the abnormalities of life.
...in sarcasm, happy 24th birthday gumbi, I'm pretty sure no one is going to read this until after my birthday, but let's see if anyone has the ability to cheer up my hidden temporary sadness (no cheating Aivy)...
It is my 24th Birthday and I feel as if it is just another day. The orientation of the past couple of days are deteriorating mainly because I sleep at the oddest hours. My eyes close when the sky has a clear, solid light blue-ness. Sometimes I wake up when the sun is waving goodbye to day and welcoming evening. At 9:31pm tonight, I celebrate my twenty-fourth year of existence. Wow! Twenty-four years young. It is all crazy because I'm living my life with a relaxing state-of-mind. Every other morning I would remember to stand up and stretch and tell myself, you got to move your blood and your bones. Otherwise, my body will continue to ache the way it has been. Aches and pains at the age of twenty-four. Maybe its the extra effort in sports that my body really couldn't handle. The position of my sleeping body is fine, could it be the bed? (Shrugs)
I'm content with my life (at the moment). With the New York trip coming up, I'm a bit hesitant. I'm not sure what NYC is going to give or bring me. To tell you the truth, I'm frightened. I'm scared of unknown places, yet I long to travel and explore what's out there. Why must I be a self-hypocrite, assuming this is the correct statement that I give myself? I'll just have to take the trip one step at a time.
Sorry, digression...my birthday started out great. Aivy decided to check out my body to keep it up with the dermatologist standard. In other words, she decided to clean my disgusting body (in a non-sexual way). Awww, she cares. She's a keeper. Oh! And her homies from Hayward, I'm speaking of the cats at the home with Rhapsody, white tape to cover up the a/v wire, three computers right next to each other (as if anticipating a LAN party...wow), and finally, the ability to barbeque up to...maybe 25 pounds of meat on the mini-webber. Meat is Goooooooood. It was a fun 4th of July, no need for Fireworks. Dude, don't deny the facts that the fireworks on the Fourth of July represent the pre-ceremonial celebration of my BIRTHDAY. You didn't, well, now you know.
As for my past birthdays, I believe this is the one that changes me forever. This is the birthday where I say goodbye to my San Jose life. Adios, goodbye, adieu. My twenty-first birthday was fun because it was the first time I let alcohol (besides medicine) pass my lips. The whole day I just rested up and tried to get people to go to TGI-Friday's. I should be happy with the friends that came, but that still doesn't take away the fact some didn't even try to come. Anyway, I ate all my food, took four to five drinks to the head, and went back to my house, not knowing that I would see these drinks, food, and some other disgusting liquids later on. Also, that's when I knew that restaurant birthdays suck big ARSE-holes. Unless I'm lucky to go to Todai's, which might be out of the question this year because it opens at 530pm, and I invited guests to come over at 5pm. Errr. Back to the whole restaurant business. Is it not enough to spend my birthday AND $10 on dinner with me, OR just spend time my birthday with me AND just share a appetizer with someone? Nope. Excuses, excuses!!! That's how it was three years ago, such a heart-breaker for me. But, whoever was there three years ago, at TGIF's off Wolfe, Thank you for joining me. A year later, I figured that people would come celebrate with me if there was food already, like a barbeque. And guess what? People came and ate the food I gave them. I think the only person that actually brought something and a gift was acid raina, thanks girl far from being a bah-bah-bah-breeeeezie. I choose to keep selective memories mainly because it hurts to let hurtful things go away. The only solution to rid these burdens is revenge. ha! My twenty-third birthday went quite well, people actually brought food, drinks, and I had the best buzz of my life. Slipping into the recycle corner in my house. YES!!! I slipped. You really think I would jump into it. I am not stupish, I am stupes. I don't know why people have birthdays after they turn eighteen. Every time a birthday comes up, sadness overpowers happiness. People always complain that they're getting older, they figure that if they hadn't done anything with their life, then they begin to die into a sea of depression. I feel different. I'm done with school, I've dedicated my heart to someone outside my family (meaning Aivy), I'm trying to get into the real world. F#$%!!! I've been in the real world my whole life. This is the routine in life. I think and wonder if I want my child to be a robot of America. I don't know. Birthdays could really make you think about the abnormalities of life.
...in sarcasm, happy 24th birthday gumbi, I'm pretty sure no one is going to read this until after my birthday, but let's see if anyone has the ability to cheer up my hidden temporary sadness (no cheating Aivy)...
Thursday, June 26, 2003
Listening to Chemical Brothers - One Too Many Mornings
The heat is making me lazy, I want to just get up early and finally start making my days productive. Maybe when the sun starts to cool off I'll be able to get my butt out of bed and start moving my body and blood. When I lay still or when my body lacks its ability to move, my body feels sluggish and tends to accumulate aches and pains. As of now, my back hurts, my ankles and knees give off this poignant feeling where I must sit down, my neck sharpens and all I want to do is taking off my head and rest it on ice. Enduring the heat and scolding sun rays maybe the push I need to get out there. Is it worth the pain and agony of putting myself through the "no pain, no gain" saying?
I felt restless last night because the room wouldn't cool off. I played two games of NHL 2003, and then laid on my bed, watching Aivy at my computer entering her entry. When she was done, we turned off all the lights, opened the blinds, turned the fan to its maximum, and talked straight for an hour. It was like one of those nights when I wanted to share more of my life with her, and her's with mine. Overall, the dialogue between us two kept us from thinking and feeling the overwhelming heat in the room. Why doesn't my house ever cool off?
...Josh, Pierre, Jos, Ralph, Stitch...
The heat is making me lazy, I want to just get up early and finally start making my days productive. Maybe when the sun starts to cool off I'll be able to get my butt out of bed and start moving my body and blood. When I lay still or when my body lacks its ability to move, my body feels sluggish and tends to accumulate aches and pains. As of now, my back hurts, my ankles and knees give off this poignant feeling where I must sit down, my neck sharpens and all I want to do is taking off my head and rest it on ice. Enduring the heat and scolding sun rays maybe the push I need to get out there. Is it worth the pain and agony of putting myself through the "no pain, no gain" saying?
I felt restless last night because the room wouldn't cool off. I played two games of NHL 2003, and then laid on my bed, watching Aivy at my computer entering her entry. When she was done, we turned off all the lights, opened the blinds, turned the fan to its maximum, and talked straight for an hour. It was like one of those nights when I wanted to share more of my life with her, and her's with mine. Overall, the dialogue between us two kept us from thinking and feeling the overwhelming heat in the room. Why doesn't my house ever cool off?
...Josh, Pierre, Jos, Ralph, Stitch...
Tuesday, June 24, 2003
Listening to Jodeci - Lately
Picture by picture separating between parts and the enormous amount of what they call hiphop soars above all. Doubling and maybe even tripling the less common sets such as the mountain section. As much as I was upset with the group of photos last year, mainly because a majority of the pictures was female. The roundedness of pictures just revolved around what we call, modern day life. Think of it this way, as the show goes on, we put it all on to portray the missing pages of our heritage, yet when we find the records of such achievements for us to see, its mainly what you already see today. As we know it, the heritage of filipinos changes every single day, making us further away from what we already don't know. I could be just crazy and find that ethnicity just doesn't matter to most because mixing culture and modernization is what most people like to see. Its just a bunch of crap. Don't ask me to change my views or even to explain myself, its just useless for me to explain something that I may solely take grasp of.
Picture by picture separating between parts and the enormous amount of what they call hiphop soars above all. Doubling and maybe even tripling the less common sets such as the mountain section. As much as I was upset with the group of photos last year, mainly because a majority of the pictures was female. The roundedness of pictures just revolved around what we call, modern day life. Think of it this way, as the show goes on, we put it all on to portray the missing pages of our heritage, yet when we find the records of such achievements for us to see, its mainly what you already see today. As we know it, the heritage of filipinos changes every single day, making us further away from what we already don't know. I could be just crazy and find that ethnicity just doesn't matter to most because mixing culture and modernization is what most people like to see. Its just a bunch of crap. Don't ask me to change my views or even to explain myself, its just useless for me to explain something that I may solely take grasp of.
Thursday, June 19, 2003
Listening to Boyz II Men - On Bended Knee
Laughter is key when you figure that the sound it can make puts an immediate smile to one's face. For my own person, everyone's laughter puts a smile on my face, yet this distinct laughter of happiness puts a smile and a glow that seems to melt my heart. Pretending to tickle is half the story. Whenever that feeling that you just have to laugh all your stresses away is worth the moment of short breath, painful lungs, tightened abs, and squished face. We've all managed to giggle for some odd reason, and then, someone turns their shoulder giving you that odd look of, 'what the hell are you so happy about?' Some of the visions I see whenever I'm down is putting that yellow happy face on top of everyone's head, it is a sight of humor for me.
Laying deep into the night and early rise of sun, we look at each other and explode in laughter. She kicks her legs up and down like she's a little girl pouting because she doesn't get what she wants. Like those times when you think that something that's not there is so funny, you just have to pound your hand on something to figure out that your laughing about nothing. Just a small speck of a sound makes this explosion come back out of the two of us. Maybe it was the fact that we were up when the sun peeked through my blinds, or just the fact that we've spent so much time together. All I know is that I enjoy my time with her, especially when we have our laughing moments.
Listening to Clay Aiken - Open Arms
Who has really thought of me as inspiration, as someone to look forward to, as a person of recognition? A few. Not many. Doesn't a person like me deserve credit. My acknowledgments are proven by the work I do. I don't need rewards, certificates, a handshake; my satisfaction reaches that comfort zone when I've accomplished something, anything on my own. Then why do I feel like I need attention and that grasp of good job type. I don't know. I really don't know.
Laughter is key when you figure that the sound it can make puts an immediate smile to one's face. For my own person, everyone's laughter puts a smile on my face, yet this distinct laughter of happiness puts a smile and a glow that seems to melt my heart. Pretending to tickle is half the story. Whenever that feeling that you just have to laugh all your stresses away is worth the moment of short breath, painful lungs, tightened abs, and squished face. We've all managed to giggle for some odd reason, and then, someone turns their shoulder giving you that odd look of, 'what the hell are you so happy about?' Some of the visions I see whenever I'm down is putting that yellow happy face on top of everyone's head, it is a sight of humor for me.
Laying deep into the night and early rise of sun, we look at each other and explode in laughter. She kicks her legs up and down like she's a little girl pouting because she doesn't get what she wants. Like those times when you think that something that's not there is so funny, you just have to pound your hand on something to figure out that your laughing about nothing. Just a small speck of a sound makes this explosion come back out of the two of us. Maybe it was the fact that we were up when the sun peeked through my blinds, or just the fact that we've spent so much time together. All I know is that I enjoy my time with her, especially when we have our laughing moments.
Listening to Clay Aiken - Open Arms
Who has really thought of me as inspiration, as someone to look forward to, as a person of recognition? A few. Not many. Doesn't a person like me deserve credit. My acknowledgments are proven by the work I do. I don't need rewards, certificates, a handshake; my satisfaction reaches that comfort zone when I've accomplished something, anything on my own. Then why do I feel like I need attention and that grasp of good job type. I don't know. I really don't know.
Tuesday, June 10, 2003
Listening to Good Charlotte - Put Your Hands On My Shoulders
The most incredible and undeniable feeling that two people can share is the greatest responsibility dealt within my mind, heart, and soul - even if you can feel these virtues in such places. My mind has been opened to gather up all the fears of falling in love into a window. The heart that continues to thump sometimes slow, and sometimes fast is keeping me on my feet but with much more emotion. The soul is kept to itself to feel the way it goes. In short, I Love Aivy. The months have been short yet sweet to find out such a heart grasp. The feelings are mutual, but its more than that. Its a definition that I cannot define, but only feel warmly through my veins, my blood, my flow of every aspect that wants me to keep her next to me whenever she's already next to me, and grab her hand, body, environment when we begin to part. Everything feels better now. The words, the hugs, the smiles, the laughs, the fights, the kisses, the whispers, the love-making, the everything. Of course its not there all the time, we're only human. But when she calls me and tells me she shooken up because of someone at work, car incidents, stuff with pasa, anything, i'm there for her. Once again, taking everything step by step, day by day, she is mine, and I am hers. The word Love that shouldn't be thrown around has finally caught up with us. Funny thing is, we both felt it along time ago, just couldn't bare or scared to say the phrase that matters so much in what we call a relationship. When people tell me 'love you' out of something instead of saying 'bye', come on now, i'll live still if you just say bye, don't love me because we're friends, love me because i've made a difference.
The most incredible and undeniable feeling that two people can share is the greatest responsibility dealt within my mind, heart, and soul - even if you can feel these virtues in such places. My mind has been opened to gather up all the fears of falling in love into a window. The heart that continues to thump sometimes slow, and sometimes fast is keeping me on my feet but with much more emotion. The soul is kept to itself to feel the way it goes. In short, I Love Aivy. The months have been short yet sweet to find out such a heart grasp. The feelings are mutual, but its more than that. Its a definition that I cannot define, but only feel warmly through my veins, my blood, my flow of every aspect that wants me to keep her next to me whenever she's already next to me, and grab her hand, body, environment when we begin to part. Everything feels better now. The words, the hugs, the smiles, the laughs, the fights, the kisses, the whispers, the love-making, the everything. Of course its not there all the time, we're only human. But when she calls me and tells me she shooken up because of someone at work, car incidents, stuff with pasa, anything, i'm there for her. Once again, taking everything step by step, day by day, she is mine, and I am hers. The word Love that shouldn't be thrown around has finally caught up with us. Funny thing is, we both felt it along time ago, just couldn't bare or scared to say the phrase that matters so much in what we call a relationship. When people tell me 'love you' out of something instead of saying 'bye', come on now, i'll live still if you just say bye, don't love me because we're friends, love me because i've made a difference.
Wednesday, June 04, 2003
Listening to Brian McKnight - Shoulda Woulda Coulda
Going through my rounds as I find myself gaining almost a lot more things that I felt I would have. Does anything make any sense to me when I hear music pass through my ears. I look around and find the possessions moving on with me. My first pack of stuff was left in a familiar place for most, but not for all. Since the time that I had been here, I've purchased or gained some interesting belongings. As I put more bundles into bundles, I continue a life that is unwritten. I keep moving into an empty whole that is ready to be filled with more. I look back at all my regrets, all the things that I could have made possible, but there are some reasons why I didn't decide to put those ideas into use. Look where I am now, with those regrets made, here's to you, I'm moving on without and I'm fine. Here is to the wingman, because without them, this life is dull. And who do I speak of when I speak of wingman...everyone that's made a difference. Believe me, small or big, differences are made.
Going through my rounds as I find myself gaining almost a lot more things that I felt I would have. Does anything make any sense to me when I hear music pass through my ears. I look around and find the possessions moving on with me. My first pack of stuff was left in a familiar place for most, but not for all. Since the time that I had been here, I've purchased or gained some interesting belongings. As I put more bundles into bundles, I continue a life that is unwritten. I keep moving into an empty whole that is ready to be filled with more. I look back at all my regrets, all the things that I could have made possible, but there are some reasons why I didn't decide to put those ideas into use. Look where I am now, with those regrets made, here's to you, I'm moving on without and I'm fine. Here is to the wingman, because without them, this life is dull. And who do I speak of when I speak of wingman...everyone that's made a difference. Believe me, small or big, differences are made.
Tuesday, June 03, 2003
Sounds of Linkin Park - Breaking The Habits
What do I do now? Where do I go? What will I do? How can I live on now? Is it time for me to move on? Do I have what I need to continue on with my life? I scratch my head as I lay down in my bed, trying to figure out what I am supposed to do with my life now that I have graduated. I have my girlfriend, some money, a home, but no job. I believe I'll find one. I don't mind being a mailman for some huge company. I've gotta start somewhere, right? In the meantime, I'll be moving back home to SF. I need to get out of this hot weather and to an even extreme cold. My mind has been made up, San Jose is not for me. I don't know exactly what is for me, venue wise. All I know is that San Jose has too much for me to stay, so I must step in the direction of whatever it is. For now, read on cause I'm not sure how long it will be when I blog again, friendster has taken grasp of me. The monster is starting to get boring because the use of the program is the same. I question the internet these days.
What do I do now? Where do I go? What will I do? How can I live on now? Is it time for me to move on? Do I have what I need to continue on with my life? I scratch my head as I lay down in my bed, trying to figure out what I am supposed to do with my life now that I have graduated. I have my girlfriend, some money, a home, but no job. I believe I'll find one. I don't mind being a mailman for some huge company. I've gotta start somewhere, right? In the meantime, I'll be moving back home to SF. I need to get out of this hot weather and to an even extreme cold. My mind has been made up, San Jose is not for me. I don't know exactly what is for me, venue wise. All I know is that San Jose has too much for me to stay, so I must step in the direction of whatever it is. For now, read on cause I'm not sure how long it will be when I blog again, friendster has taken grasp of me. The monster is starting to get boring because the use of the program is the same. I question the internet these days.
Wednesday, May 28, 2003
Tuesday, May 27, 2003
Listening to the air that passes through hollow gap between my ears
The best advice that I have given to one, yet all of my close encounters of this kind is...relationship.
I speak what is best, yet it is only my opinion. Even the best of people have problems with their significant persons in their lives. Tell you the truth, even I have these problems with my girlfriend. The solution to most quarrels, conflicts, errors is communication. Yet, do not entirely use this as the result may become tiresome. I'm not here to tell you how to fix your troubles with yours, but only to help you understand the person that is angry or pissed off at you. If you do not try to know that person, then nothing is worth working.
The best advice that I have given to one, yet all of my close encounters of this kind is...relationship.
I speak what is best, yet it is only my opinion. Even the best of people have problems with their significant persons in their lives. Tell you the truth, even I have these problems with my girlfriend. The solution to most quarrels, conflicts, errors is communication. Yet, do not entirely use this as the result may become tiresome. I'm not here to tell you how to fix your troubles with yours, but only to help you understand the person that is angry or pissed off at you. If you do not try to know that person, then nothing is worth working.
Thursday, May 22, 2003
Sweating my pains off with Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
In due time we all say farewell to such things, though we feel that good-bye's may be too much for some to handle. I lead my life believing that in front of me I will try to succeed in all I do. Thinking positively is not entirely the correct way of thinking. We all fail in some things. We all put our heads down in disbelief once or twice in this eccentric world. Over and over, we deal with obstacles that push us more away from what we are pulling ourselves to reach. Like the rest of us, my colleagues, my friends, my family, my world around me is the strength that empowers me, us, to stay on our two feet. God has given us arms and our hands and our fingers to guide our body to pick ourselvses back up. And for the misfortunate souls who've lost these limbs, we look for friends, around us to assist us in helping us with taking on goals. On other perspectives, there is always the occasional question of the what if's. (to be continued)
In due time we all say farewell to such things, though we feel that good-bye's may be too much for some to handle. I lead my life believing that in front of me I will try to succeed in all I do. Thinking positively is not entirely the correct way of thinking. We all fail in some things. We all put our heads down in disbelief once or twice in this eccentric world. Over and over, we deal with obstacles that push us more away from what we are pulling ourselves to reach. Like the rest of us, my colleagues, my friends, my family, my world around me is the strength that empowers me, us, to stay on our two feet. God has given us arms and our hands and our fingers to guide our body to pick ourselvses back up. And for the misfortunate souls who've lost these limbs, we look for friends, around us to assist us in helping us with taking on goals. On other perspectives, there is always the occasional question of the what if's. (to be continued)
Sunday, May 18, 2003
Sharing the sounds of life with Breaking The Habit - Linkin Park
Los Angeles - IHATEDISLIKE IT. My sanity was controlled by my significant. The traffic, the weather, the constant a/c, the entrance and exiting merging lanes onto the fast lanes, the reason for so many accidents is because of their faster flow of traffic, the three or more merging freeways every three miles, the three lanes or less causing the traffic, the smog, the yuck feeling once you stand outside, the Lakers, the Angels, the scary feeling that the city will be attacked because the outside feel that LA is an important city. If we take LA from the world, what would happen? We would have more water to distribute amongst the people of California, esp. San Jose, the clusters of brown air will be non-existent, movies will get better because most of the good movies were made external LA, independent films are better, according to my significant. The weekend was expanded our relationship to even greater heights. May it be slightly or over the bakod, sleeping on separate couches as we sleep in a cabin-like environment. Waking to the sounds of Jackie, Ali, and Coops beating those...glass doors. You fit perfectly in your family, yet I feel you have your own identity, own personality to offer your family. Your contribution to my life is worth-while. I enjoyed your family presence. Significant? Here is to Kettlemen City, Wasco, Commerce for letting us sleep under your lights because we were so tired. Armando and Stitch for dancing when the Ska-Punk Cover CD was playing. To the five cars that we able to pass me on highway 5 because everyone is slow, to Figueroa and Hollywood exits, ya'll suck. 110N and S, 101N and S, if ya'll were binary numbers, i'd love ya, but i hate ya. With another memorable weekend behind me, I say hello to reality, back to the clean air. Bay Area, take advantage of what you have now because this weather is the bomb. The hottest day in the Bay is still way better than the average day in LA. Thank you for inviting me Aivy-Bear. Everything was fun, except for the traffic. The food was great. woohoo..."Who's Paul?" "Forget this, I quit." "Terminate the call n@#$%." "Being irish and ilocano negate each other."
Los Angeles - I
Thursday, May 15, 2003
Listening to Isn't She Lovely - Stevie Wonder
Bringing my life back to when I was just entering college. That was far back, way back. I was single, unpopular, smart, and full of happiness. After nearly six years, I am now in a wonderful relationship, my own identity, intelligent, and still full of happiness. After nearly six years, I reminisce on all the incredible memories. After nearly six years, the ups and downs have made a smoother path in front. After nearly six years, I've grown six years too much to say goodbye. Quite possibly, it would have all been over after four and a half years, unfortunately, the school of computer science denied my existence as one of their own. Luckily, the faithful step into 'engineering' pursued my directional hypothesis. As for six years of friends and friendships, relationships, all of you I will never forget. I can't believe I've sat in front of that student union for eleven semesters. What? Not twelve? My first semester was my way to explore the dorms with my pals Liza, Sheryl, Kari. If it hadn't been for Alliance for Minority Participation (AMP), I wouldn't have met the exclusive group of individuals that I call my 'engineering buddies'. Though most of us were in engineering or computer science, most of us ended up in the inevitable Industrial Technology courses, currently graduating together.
You may go through college with one set of friends, and then suddenly jump to a new 'clic'. According to how my ways, the new always set in while the old still stay. Edison, I finally got you to go to an Akbayan event. Even though it took six years. Valley West Apartments!!! Yeah buddy. Goodness. I made way to many great friends, and zero bad ones. If it wasn't for the friendships, I'd still be in school right now...haha. Even though its still kind of early, here it goes:
Acknowledgements (Part I)
To the people of AMP...woohoo $900 for 4 weeks of nothing.
To Akbayan...leave me alone, I'll come back...when I want to.
To e.W.o...what can I say, that's my family. no really. that's my family. two brothers.
To Akbayan Cabinet Spring 2000...must I say more.
To Flowerboy...you know I'm there, tryin' to keep your eyes off those other booties.
To Miranda Park...you helped Akbayan get back on its feet. tito sonni will never die!
To my teachers...ya'll suck!!! esp. you Dr. Day, Math129a. my first F. <^> O-O
To my Valley West roomies...those were the days. the view was great, right over the pool.
To P.R.I.M.E...we were the dopest singing group of its time, too bad time stood still. we were good...right?
To PCN1999...that script will be resurrected.
To <||>...Man Down! <||>barrelman fragged <||>reckanoize with M4A1 SD
(more later- including Friendship Games 1997-2003, Carlyle, Peanuts, Food Bazaar, Ulo, and much more)
Bringing my life back to when I was just entering college. That was far back, way back. I was single, unpopular, smart, and full of happiness. After nearly six years, I am now in a wonderful relationship, my own identity, intelligent, and still full of happiness. After nearly six years, I reminisce on all the incredible memories. After nearly six years, the ups and downs have made a smoother path in front. After nearly six years, I've grown six years too much to say goodbye. Quite possibly, it would have all been over after four and a half years, unfortunately, the school of computer science denied my existence as one of their own. Luckily, the faithful step into 'engineering' pursued my directional hypothesis. As for six years of friends and friendships, relationships, all of you I will never forget. I can't believe I've sat in front of that student union for eleven semesters. What? Not twelve? My first semester was my way to explore the dorms with my pals Liza, Sheryl, Kari. If it hadn't been for Alliance for Minority Participation (AMP), I wouldn't have met the exclusive group of individuals that I call my 'engineering buddies'. Though most of us were in engineering or computer science, most of us ended up in the inevitable Industrial Technology courses, currently graduating together.
You may go through college with one set of friends, and then suddenly jump to a new 'clic'. According to how my ways, the new always set in while the old still stay. Edison, I finally got you to go to an Akbayan event. Even though it took six years. Valley West Apartments!!! Yeah buddy. Goodness. I made way to many great friends, and zero bad ones. If it wasn't for the friendships, I'd still be in school right now...haha. Even though its still kind of early, here it goes:
Acknowledgements (Part I)
To the people of AMP...woohoo $900 for 4 weeks of nothing.
To Akbayan...leave me alone, I'll come back...when I want to.
To e.W.o...what can I say, that's my family. no really. that's my family. two brothers.
To Akbayan Cabinet Spring 2000...must I say more.
To Flowerboy...you know I'm there, tryin' to keep your eyes off those other booties.
To Miranda Park...you helped Akbayan get back on its feet. tito sonni will never die!
To my teachers...ya'll suck!!! esp. you Dr. Day, Math129a. my first F. <^> O-O
To my Valley West roomies...those were the days. the view was great, right over the pool.
To P.R.I.M.E...we were the dopest singing group of its time, too bad time stood still. we were good...right?
To PCN1999...that script will be resurrected.
To <||>...Man Down! <||>barrelman fragged <||>reckanoize with M4A1 SD
(more later- including Friendship Games 1997-2003, Carlyle, Peanuts, Food Bazaar, Ulo, and much more)
Wednesday, May 14, 2003
Listening to Michael Jackson Medley
I've had the weirdest dreams lately. Both of them are about or related to Akbayan.
Dream One Sequence - It was like a low budget production of our PCS that recently just passed. Jebus. I was like running back and forth through a maze of hallways trying to get to the stage. The stage was completely blackened except for the fangirls, princess, umbrella-girl and clappers. From the look of this dream, its singkil that we're performing. It hasn't reached my part yet, so I go off stage and look around through a lobby that brings me to my old high school's lobby. My dream continues to get even more weird. I'm like in the audience and I see that my friend gail is in the prince outfit that I wore (sorry gail) and I was like, its not my time to enter the dance yet. It is almost time, so I run along backstage and then I warp into another dream that was senseless because all I did was stand there. From what it seemed, I stood there for at least five minutes. Suddenly, I jump back into my previous PCS dream, and I find out that singkil entourage are sitting backstage feeling a sense of relief. Tears begin run down my face, and an urge of emotional sadness flows through my physical body. Still in my dream, I fell to my knees and cried to myself while everyone just sat there and watched. After that, I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock because I had a 730 class. Dreams are really weird.
Dream Two Sequence - This is the weird dream that I spoke to Adan about. For some reason everyone tried to grab the socks that he was trying to wear. And then, with what I did, assuming that it would be funny, I took his socks and ran. When I was hiding, I stretched them out super long...like from regular sized socks to almost 6-feet. Remember: its a dream. When I handed him his socks, he got really mad at me. And then after, everyone started calling me mean. Kind of like the way Alexis tells everyone is mean. So I ran, while everyone started to fade out. Why am I having these dreams?
I've had the weirdest dreams lately. Both of them are about or related to Akbayan.
Dream One Sequence - It was like a low budget production of our PCS that recently just passed. Jebus. I was like running back and forth through a maze of hallways trying to get to the stage. The stage was completely blackened except for the fangirls, princess, umbrella-girl and clappers. From the look of this dream, its singkil that we're performing. It hasn't reached my part yet, so I go off stage and look around through a lobby that brings me to my old high school's lobby. My dream continues to get even more weird. I'm like in the audience and I see that my friend gail is in the prince outfit that I wore (sorry gail) and I was like, its not my time to enter the dance yet. It is almost time, so I run along backstage and then I warp into another dream that was senseless because all I did was stand there. From what it seemed, I stood there for at least five minutes. Suddenly, I jump back into my previous PCS dream, and I find out that singkil entourage are sitting backstage feeling a sense of relief. Tears begin run down my face, and an urge of emotional sadness flows through my physical body. Still in my dream, I fell to my knees and cried to myself while everyone just sat there and watched. After that, I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock because I had a 730 class. Dreams are really weird.
Dream Two Sequence - This is the weird dream that I spoke to Adan about. For some reason everyone tried to grab the socks that he was trying to wear. And then, with what I did, assuming that it would be funny, I took his socks and ran. When I was hiding, I stretched them out super long...like from regular sized socks to almost 6-feet. Remember: its a dream. When I handed him his socks, he got really mad at me. And then after, everyone started calling me mean. Kind of like the way Alexis tells everyone is mean. So I ran, while everyone started to fade out. Why am I having these dreams?
Sunday, May 11, 2003
Listening to Breaking The Habit - Linkin Park
My saturday seemed like such a thing you would see in a Lions Gate Film. Is it ever possible that reality is just a television or movie for some greater being? Are we forced to believe that there is a matrix, that we are stage props for someone's more popular life. Is there a boundary that we can't bare to surpass because our fears limit us from what's out there?
Second Level of Hell
You have come to a place mute of all light, where the wind bellows as the sea does in a tempest. This is the realm where the lustful spend eternity. Here, sinners are blown around endlessly by the unforgiving winds of unquenchable desire as punishment for their transgressions. The infernal hurricane that never rests hurtles the spirits onward in its rapine, whirling them round, and smiting, it molests them. You have betrayed reason at the behest of your appetite for pleasure, and so here you are doomed to remain. Cleopatra and Helen of Troy are two that share in your fate.
My saturday seemed like such a thing you would see in a Lions Gate Film. Is it ever possible that reality is just a television or movie for some greater being? Are we forced to believe that there is a matrix, that we are stage props for someone's more popular life. Is there a boundary that we can't bare to surpass because our fears limit us from what's out there?
Second Level of Hell
You have come to a place mute of all light, where the wind bellows as the sea does in a tempest. This is the realm where the lustful spend eternity. Here, sinners are blown around endlessly by the unforgiving winds of unquenchable desire as punishment for their transgressions. The infernal hurricane that never rests hurtles the spirits onward in its rapine, whirling them round, and smiting, it molests them. You have betrayed reason at the behest of your appetite for pleasure, and so here you are doomed to remain. Cleopatra and Helen of Troy are two that share in your fate.
Friday, May 09, 2003
Listening to the late sounds of socom
"With my Stitch on lap as I play, I think about her sleeping in my bed. So warm, and so precious that she lays in my blankets. I'll be there soon, but not late. Finally, as we lay in one another's arms, my breath will eventually pace with yours, my body temperature will raise and use each other as generator's of heat. Sleep well my off-stage princess, for thou will be awakening soon, to flow into the realities of life. Fearless features of friend fawn. Good nite."
"With my Stitch on lap as I play, I think about her sleeping in my bed. So warm, and so precious that she lays in my blankets. I'll be there soon, but not late. Finally, as we lay in one another's arms, my breath will eventually pace with yours, my body temperature will raise and use each other as generator's of heat. Sleep well my off-stage princess, for thou will be awakening soon, to flow into the realities of life. Fearless features of friend fawn. Good nite."
Tuesday, May 06, 2003
Listening to the fan in my computer
"Weird stuff occurs when moods change. Wondering why, trying to understand how, and wanting to know what can be done. Am I as bad as I feel I am?"
My rating is high for my disorder. Aivy tells me that I need attention. My whole youthful experience gained attention from mainly my family. Almost a year ago, the whole place I can ask for attention is when I go back home. People around school have others to think about while I had my mind on my own. To this present day, she tells me that all the attention I need in this part of my life comes from a single soul, body, mind. And it is so true. The spoiling that I give was said, and now the type of spoiling on my behalf is histrionic. Best in life my.
To my papa, Happy Birthday. My apologies that I didn't get a chance to say Happy Birthday, but I told you how I usually feel. You taught me well. The patience and low-temper has given me a life of pace-slow measurements. Though I feel you will not be reading this, my mind and spirit embraces your well being that you are the best father this son can have. Best in life my.
And people...please, read me - and keep me here. not there.
"Weird stuff occurs when moods change. Wondering why, trying to understand how, and wanting to know what can be done. Am I as bad as I feel I am?"
My rating is high for my disorder. Aivy tells me that I need attention. My whole youthful experience gained attention from mainly my family. Almost a year ago, the whole place I can ask for attention is when I go back home. People around school have others to think about while I had my mind on my own. To this present day, she tells me that all the attention I need in this part of my life comes from a single soul, body, mind. And it is so true. The spoiling that I give was said, and now the type of spoiling on my behalf is histrionic. Best in life my.
To my papa, Happy Birthday. My apologies that I didn't get a chance to say Happy Birthday, but I told you how I usually feel. You taught me well. The patience and low-temper has given me a life of pace-slow measurements. Though I feel you will not be reading this, my mind and spirit embraces your well being that you are the best father this son can have. Best in life my.
And people...please, read me - and keep me here. not there.
Monday, May 05, 2003
Thursday, May 01, 2003
I'm not done yet. My picks for Fall 2003 Akbayan Cabinet. it's like they're a sporting draft. sheesh.
Pres: Jonas *interned
VP: Allen *experience
sec: Gail
treas: Blake
social: Alexis
cultural: Leanne
PR: Vesper, Kathleen
Newsletter: Michelle
Webmaster: Rhia
Community: Ann
Historian: Aldrich *experience
Scary, but I think they can accept the torch with "pride, dignity, and enthusiasm."
Pres: Jonas *interned
VP: Allen *experience
sec: Gail
treas: Blake
social: Alexis
cultural: Leanne
PR: Vesper, Kathleen
Newsletter: Michelle
Webmaster: Rhia
Community: Ann
Historian: Aldrich *experience
Scary, but I think they can accept the torch with "pride, dignity, and enthusiasm."
Listening to Piece of My Heart
I updated some more on the links column. I haven't updated my list in so long. There you go people, I want to be able to become a source that you all can look to as a guide because I have nothing else to do. Yes I do. I have the option of making a certain someone glow. She is my glow-worm. Wiggle my shingle. At this moment, I'm wondering where she could be, but I'm trying not to worry. I could pick up the phone and find out where she is, but I shall continue to wait online or whatever. Being the boyfriend that I am, I like to believe that my mind is on her and other things. She's out there, nearly and under thirty miles away doing her thing. The greatest part of our relationship is the freedom and independence we give each and one another. She does her thing, and I do mine. Some people think that there are no awkward moments between her and I, but there are. What? Do you think that we're 1 and 1, 2 and 2. We're normal human beings that know faithfulness and honesty-driven personalities make things work.
"I Love You". Do we need to say something we don't know means? I'm not going to assumingly feel that these three words are going to make things better. Its a feeling that just comes out one day. I admit that the "I lahhh..." part comes out, but I usually stop and then the bulb above her head brightens and digs through my mouth wondering what I was about to say. It happens, but sometime it doesn't happen. Words can't bring two people alone, but words, actions, and emotions bring forth the undying feeling, presence of divinity, that a simple 4-letter word can purposely make another feel.
Bunny. I like you...a lot. You make the shine of the sun blaze across the distance, giving me a warm spray of sigh. Mushy-mushy. Bleh!
I updated some more on the links column. I haven't updated my list in so long. There you go people, I want to be able to become a source that you all can look to as a guide because I have nothing else to do. Yes I do. I have the option of making a certain someone glow. She is my glow-worm. Wiggle my shingle. At this moment, I'm wondering where she could be, but I'm trying not to worry. I could pick up the phone and find out where she is, but I shall continue to wait online or whatever. Being the boyfriend that I am, I like to believe that my mind is on her and other things. She's out there, nearly and under thirty miles away doing her thing. The greatest part of our relationship is the freedom and independence we give each and one another. She does her thing, and I do mine. Some people think that there are no awkward moments between her and I, but there are. What? Do you think that we're 1 and 1, 2 and 2. We're normal human beings that know faithfulness and honesty-driven personalities make things work.
"I Love You". Do we need to say something we don't know means? I'm not going to assumingly feel that these three words are going to make things better. Its a feeling that just comes out one day. I admit that the "I lahhh..." part comes out, but I usually stop and then the bulb above her head brightens and digs through my mouth wondering what I was about to say. It happens, but sometime it doesn't happen. Words can't bring two people alone, but words, actions, and emotions bring forth the undying feeling, presence of divinity, that a simple 4-letter word can purposely make another feel.
Bunny. I like you...a lot. You make the shine of the sun blaze across the distance, giving me a warm spray of sigh. Mushy-mushy. Bleh!
Monday, April 28, 2003
Listening to nothing
These are my choices. Enjoy...
ADAN CATEGORY
Most Popular - ann r. & allen a.
Best Smile - lorraine m. & paul a.
Clown - alexis m. & addie r.
Most Talkative - kathleen p. & tediocarm m.
Most Spirited - krystle a. & ernesto s.
Photogenic - stephanie v. & chris b.
Best Personality - kathy i. & ken p.
Most Athletic - rhia r. & owen v.
Flirt - jehan a. & jonas e.
Daydreamer - dianne b. & adonis e.
Most Talented - valerie a. & vesper e.
Party Animal - kat m. & aris a.
Most Likely to be Late- gail r. & jon d.
ACTING CATEGORY
Best Actor ----- Paul B.
Best Actress ----- Ann R.
Most Improved Actor/Actress ----- Chris B. / Rowena B.
Best Extra ----- Emil V.
Best Cameo ----- Alexis M.
Philippine Cultural Showcase CATEGORY
PCS MVP ----- Gerald P.
PCS Overall ----- Joel H.
PCS Freshmen Star ----- Ann R.
PCS Stars ----- Everyone!!!
These are my choices. Enjoy...
ADAN CATEGORY
Most Popular - ann r. & allen a.
Best Smile - lorraine m. & paul a.
Clown - alexis m. & addie r.
Most Talkative - kathleen p. & tediocarm m.
Most Spirited - krystle a. & ernesto s.
Photogenic - stephanie v. & chris b.
Best Personality - kathy i. & ken p.
Most Athletic - rhia r. & owen v.
Flirt - jehan a. & jonas e.
Daydreamer - dianne b. & adonis e.
Most Talented - valerie a. & vesper e.
Party Animal - kat m. & aris a.
Most Likely to be Late- gail r. & jon d.
ACTING CATEGORY
Best Actor ----- Paul B.
Best Actress ----- Ann R.
Most Improved Actor/Actress ----- Chris B. / Rowena B.
Best Extra ----- Emil V.
Best Cameo ----- Alexis M.
Philippine Cultural Showcase CATEGORY
PCS MVP ----- Gerald P.
PCS Overall ----- Joel H.
PCS Freshmen Star ----- Ann R.
PCS Stars ----- Everyone!!!
Sunday, April 27, 2003
Listening to the sounds of clapping, the sounds of cheering, the sounds of deep sighs of relief...
...it's finally over. The world can begin to turn in one uni-directional way because I'll have so much time to work on papers, projects, and attempt a successful graduation. The reality of life is fading in with much stress, much frustration, and a deliverance into the world we call employment. No more weekly events, no more general or cabinet meetings, no more hanging out in front of the union, no more calls asking if i could help with a certain event, no more making new friends year after year, no more late night outings trying to study for exams, no more assignments that is graded. The shows belong on stage, and I belong in the audience now. Give or take about three years, my presence will fade out of existence, and a new glow will succeed thee.
For you readers, this last month is it. Day by day I will be under stress, excitement, sadness, enjoyment, relief, disappointment, frustration, happiness for the next couple of days. This is for each an every one of you.
Ted M., Jonas E., Jerry M., Irene B., Paulo C., Aris A., Marius B., Gerald P., Anthony B., Kat M., Ann R., Chris B., Kathleen P., Jon D., Dre A., Nate C., Vesper E., Paul A., Allen A., Alan C., Justin E., Alexis M., Krystle A., Adan S., DiAnne B., Rhia R., Addie R., Aldrich S., and so many more...Thank You.
All of you people in PCS 2003 Cast and Crew made my script come alive...Thank You.
...it's finally over. The world can begin to turn in one uni-directional way because I'll have so much time to work on papers, projects, and attempt a successful graduation. The reality of life is fading in with much stress, much frustration, and a deliverance into the world we call employment. No more weekly events, no more general or cabinet meetings, no more hanging out in front of the union, no more calls asking if i could help with a certain event, no more making new friends year after year, no more late night outings trying to study for exams, no more assignments that is graded. The shows belong on stage, and I belong in the audience now. Give or take about three years, my presence will fade out of existence, and a new glow will succeed thee.
For you readers, this last month is it. Day by day I will be under stress, excitement, sadness, enjoyment, relief, disappointment, frustration, happiness for the next couple of days. This is for each an every one of you.
Ted M., Jonas E., Jerry M., Irene B., Paulo C., Aris A., Marius B., Gerald P., Anthony B., Kat M., Ann R., Chris B., Kathleen P., Jon D., Dre A., Nate C., Vesper E., Paul A., Allen A., Alan C., Justin E., Alexis M., Krystle A., Adan S., DiAnne B., Rhia R., Addie R., Aldrich S., and so many more...Thank You.
All of you people in PCS 2003 Cast and Crew made my script come alive...Thank You.
Tuesday, April 22, 2003
Listening to the PCS 2003 Cha-Cha Mix
What does P.C.N. really mean to me?
PCN is more than just the practice and the ability to put on a student show. Everyone believes that we are enthusiastic about such a show because we get to put on a show about the ethnicity that we call Filipino. The different shows that I watch around the bay area portray their own story, their own behind the scene look at the preparation of stress, frustration, and drama. Believe me, I've had my share of yelling words. I just want to believe PCN is a time, or era, for students to come together and find their identity through interaction.
Why I am the last to leave P.C.N. practices?
With the consideration to give others their chance to do their stuff for the show, I will grant them their wish. I don't mind be the last group to practice because I know I'll get everything done because there's no one waiting for their practice. However, the dancers that are in Singkil must wait along with me to put the dance into perfection. I apologize, yet live with it. Blah!!!
Where does my drive to do P.C.N. come from?
Creative arts is my hidden interest. When I was doing Lighting last year, I just wanted to push the technician off the balcony and deal with the lighting board. Or when I was backstage in PCN1998, I was so into my spot that I made the actual backstage postings. Every page lamenated for both stage left AND stage right. Along with stage movement, the power to be on a headset and take charge of my StageRight Ready crew was amazing. I remember my crew that year, and they're just all gone now. After that year, I turned to dancing. I felt pressured into doing the dancing because the alumni were all moving on. And when that came into affect, everyone was gone except for me, a couple of old schoolers, and our newest advisor. My drive is probably never going to stop, even through Ang Ninong has been written. There's so much more to conquer, especially perfecting my acting.
Is this my last P.C.N.?
I would love for it to be my last. I have Barangay to dance with. And when I do dance with them, I can possibly teach Akbayan new/old dances. Plus, I have something to put my efforts into, besides work. Duh! She's worth the effort. AIVY ROMA. Don't worry about those, as your dad would put it, hoochies. I think that's what he said.
Yawn. bye now.
What does P.C.N. really mean to me?
PCN is more than just the practice and the ability to put on a student show. Everyone believes that we are enthusiastic about such a show because we get to put on a show about the ethnicity that we call Filipino. The different shows that I watch around the bay area portray their own story, their own behind the scene look at the preparation of stress, frustration, and drama. Believe me, I've had my share of yelling words. I just want to believe PCN is a time, or era, for students to come together and find their identity through interaction.
Why I am the last to leave P.C.N. practices?
With the consideration to give others their chance to do their stuff for the show, I will grant them their wish. I don't mind be the last group to practice because I know I'll get everything done because there's no one waiting for their practice. However, the dancers that are in Singkil must wait along with me to put the dance into perfection. I apologize, yet live with it. Blah!!!
Where does my drive to do P.C.N. come from?
Creative arts is my hidden interest. When I was doing Lighting last year, I just wanted to push the technician off the balcony and deal with the lighting board. Or when I was backstage in PCN1998, I was so into my spot that I made the actual backstage postings. Every page lamenated for both stage left AND stage right. Along with stage movement, the power to be on a headset and take charge of my StageRight Ready crew was amazing. I remember my crew that year, and they're just all gone now. After that year, I turned to dancing. I felt pressured into doing the dancing because the alumni were all moving on. And when that came into affect, everyone was gone except for me, a couple of old schoolers, and our newest advisor. My drive is probably never going to stop, even through Ang Ninong has been written. There's so much more to conquer, especially perfecting my acting.
Is this my last P.C.N.?
I would love for it to be my last. I have Barangay to dance with. And when I do dance with them, I can possibly teach Akbayan new/old dances. Plus, I have something to put my efforts into, besides work. Duh! She's worth the effort. AIVY ROMA. Don't worry about those, as your dad would put it, hoochies. I think that's what he said.
Yawn. bye now.
Saturday, April 19, 2003
Listening to the sounds of computer fans running
"The glowing feeling is a floating feeling when you know that everything is in awe. The overwhelming sigh of relief when you catch a glimpse of a picture, the swift image in your minds imagination, the immediate hair-raising experience from a light touch, and possibly the simple breath of common fragrance that both take in. The cloud walking seems endless. Most words are better portrayed and exampled through physical being, seeing, and believing. The doing, instead of saying, makes an enormous difference when the sake of happiness and sadness is set on fantasy."
"The glowing feeling is a floating feeling when you know that everything is in awe. The overwhelming sigh of relief when you catch a glimpse of a picture, the swift image in your minds imagination, the immediate hair-raising experience from a light touch, and possibly the simple breath of common fragrance that both take in. The cloud walking seems endless. Most words are better portrayed and exampled through physical being, seeing, and believing. The doing, instead of saying, makes an enormous difference when the sake of happiness and sadness is set on fantasy."
Monday, April 14, 2003
You make me happy. When I'm feeling that small feeling of blah-ness, you know exactly how to cheer me up. Sometimes your presence alone is the greatest way to relieve me of my stresses. The time that we've been together has been nothing but smiles. And now I know that we have the ability to have arguments, we know we're not a perfect thing. The communication between the two of us is constant. The sharing of food, the domestic shopping, the nightlife that we have, or should I say sitting on my couch watching television and/or reading US Weekly, FHM, Maxim, The Wave, etc. According to most couples, anniversaries are a major part in relationships. As a two-person relationship, we rarely figure the amount of time in our stuff, but for some reason, the thought of time is worth the while. The last four months have been the experience of a lifetime. I would like to believe that I know you and you know me, but I know there's so much to learn from each other. The trust and honesty will continue to last in this thing. Every hug, every kiss, and every time I swipe my fingers slowly across your cheek is physical significance. The most profound, emotional contact I give is simply the way our eyes look into each. You unlock the greatest things about me. From the beginning, I said I need you. And I DO.
Happy 4-Months...sheesh. Corny!?
Happy 4-Months...sheesh. Corny!?
Wednesday, April 09, 2003
I HATE WRITING PAPERS. Let's list all the things that I'd rather do then write a paper. Specifically, an easy paper that is ONLY 5-pages long. AHHHHHHHHH!
I would rather...
...study for a test than write a paper.
...not eat for a whole day than write a paper.
...run in a bahog through school than write a paper.
...give up socom for a day than write a paper.
...clean both my bathrooms than write a paper.
Why can't papers be like blogs? This is the last time I procrastinate. It is kind of hard to say that now because I'm graduating in 2-months. The worst thing about tonight is that I finished both paper and powerpoint presentations easily, but the printing really irked me. In addition, my brother was laying down to sleep...BEFORE ME! How annoying. I dislike hearing people sleep when I can't. I blame myself for this happening. I could have done this project a long time ago, but my education has gotten the better end on this one. I let it slap me around like a biz-nam. I deserve it, life has taken me by the balls, and decided to let them get squeezed before they pop them. Metaphorically speaking, as usual, I'm tired, cranky, frustrated, angry, and damn-near ready to pick up my printer and throw it on the ground as hard as I can. It is kind of like how Michael Bolton felt, in Office Space, when that damn machine didn't work on him. I just want to go into the field and beat down my printer with a bat. I feel violent right now.
I would rather...
...study for a test than write a paper.
...not eat for a whole day than write a paper.
...run in a bahog through school than write a paper.
...give up socom for a day than write a paper.
...clean both my bathrooms than write a paper.
Why can't papers be like blogs? This is the last time I procrastinate. It is kind of hard to say that now because I'm graduating in 2-months. The worst thing about tonight is that I finished both paper and powerpoint presentations easily, but the printing really irked me. In addition, my brother was laying down to sleep...BEFORE ME! How annoying. I dislike hearing people sleep when I can't. I blame myself for this happening. I could have done this project a long time ago, but my education has gotten the better end on this one. I let it slap me around like a biz-nam. I deserve it, life has taken me by the balls, and decided to let them get squeezed before they pop them. Metaphorically speaking, as usual, I'm tired, cranky, frustrated, angry, and damn-near ready to pick up my printer and throw it on the ground as hard as I can. It is kind of like how Michael Bolton felt, in Office Space, when that damn machine didn't work on him. I just want to go into the field and beat down my printer with a bat. I feel violent right now.
Monday, April 07, 2003
Listening to Is It My Imagination : Roselle Nava
"This amazing, yet mindset has gone through my mind ever since the past days, months, minutes, seconds the moment one deciphers such a feeling of agnax. The written words, phrases, scenes that portray such a feeling that won't give a hoot in the future. These will be something that you can actually say that you've felt that certain way. Over and over scanning a bunch of triesen that are more profound than chronological. Look into your hearts, your minds, your soul and let us know what made you feel that way. The greatest part about such jibber, you can analyze your own life, find out who you really are. There is going to be a time when you are going to look into the mirror and figure out who is that person looking back at you. Saying not that this method will leave a mark, but it could certainly make you think. Read on and let go of the reality and concrete life. Close such eyes, remember the why, instead of the what. The who is less than important for the how it could of been. The adjustment in golbing may be different for many to imagine."
Contemplate: Don't mix inner thoughts with external dialogue. If you interconnect, then frustrations, conflict pours from.
Meaning: We use Internet journal attire to vent, talk, and/or explain our daily acquisitions or detrements. These are inner thoughts. Let people think the way they want, and if you get offended, think about why they think that way. Maybe, just maybe you'll find the answer deep into the hybo-globen.
"This amazing, yet mindset has gone through my mind ever since the past days, months, minutes, seconds the moment one deciphers such a feeling of agnax. The written words, phrases, scenes that portray such a feeling that won't give a hoot in the future. These will be something that you can actually say that you've felt that certain way. Over and over scanning a bunch of triesen that are more profound than chronological. Look into your hearts, your minds, your soul and let us know what made you feel that way. The greatest part about such jibber, you can analyze your own life, find out who you really are. There is going to be a time when you are going to look into the mirror and figure out who is that person looking back at you. Saying not that this method will leave a mark, but it could certainly make you think. Read on and let go of the reality and concrete life. Close such eyes, remember the why, instead of the what. The who is less than important for the how it could of been. The adjustment in golbing may be different for many to imagine."
Contemplate: Don't mix inner thoughts with external dialogue. If you interconnect, then frustrations, conflict pours from.
Meaning: We use Internet journal attire to vent, talk, and/or explain our daily acquisitions or detrements. These are inner thoughts. Let people think the way they want, and if you get offended, think about why they think that way. Maybe, just maybe you'll find the answer deep into the hybo-globen.
Tuesday, April 01, 2003
Listening to Your Call : 6th Day : 127am
Thanks Allen -
"An aroma lingers through aimless rays.(biscuits smell good)
Looking through a profound wall.(the oven wall that u use to make biscuits)
My borders and limits see past nothing. (Cuz the oven light isn't on...u can't see the biscuits)
Understand not only the outside.(the inside tastes jus as good as the outside)
Watch and see what I cannot give.(your broke...so that's y your cookin biscuits instead of buying em)
One song of hope will appear."(thats the Mmmmm song that u make when u eat the freakin biscuits)
...hilarious.
'Today, I was sitting with the rest of the hungry humans, waiting for primitive settings to become present.
Picnics are always a good way to become better acquainted with people that tend to want more than just practices. Though, it was the concluding event of such a week, we are back to a realistic being that we find ourselves captured by the roots of our heritage. As one conversation goes on to another, my response to such a topic was that this new thing has become to trendy that I only wish to continue in such a place that is cherishable. My resignation toward this well-developed venting machine is not even close for me. The feeling of stardom overwhelms me when words are proclaimed that brought something to people that only few knew of. The credit goes to the few who knew, but the many who know, will guarantee that their lives are better understood.'
Meaning...
Journal entries are the 'new' thing. They've been around for so long though. And if one person can honestly say that I was the one who help start the fad, the power to you. I'm not the only one. Truthfully, my entries are nothing more than possible spoken word pieces, gibberish, senseless poetry, and scrambled messages to readers. That's it.
Thanks Allen -
"An aroma lingers through aimless rays.(biscuits smell good)
Looking through a profound wall.(the oven wall that u use to make biscuits)
My borders and limits see past nothing. (Cuz the oven light isn't on...u can't see the biscuits)
Understand not only the outside.(the inside tastes jus as good as the outside)
Watch and see what I cannot give.(your broke...so that's y your cookin biscuits instead of buying em)
One song of hope will appear."(thats the Mmmmm song that u make when u eat the freakin biscuits)
...hilarious.
'Today, I was sitting with the rest of the hungry humans, waiting for primitive settings to become present.
Picnics are always a good way to become better acquainted with people that tend to want more than just practices. Though, it was the concluding event of such a week, we are back to a realistic being that we find ourselves captured by the roots of our heritage. As one conversation goes on to another, my response to such a topic was that this new thing has become to trendy that I only wish to continue in such a place that is cherishable. My resignation toward this well-developed venting machine is not even close for me. The feeling of stardom overwhelms me when words are proclaimed that brought something to people that only few knew of. The credit goes to the few who knew, but the many who know, will guarantee that their lives are better understood.'
Meaning...
Journal entries are the 'new' thing. They've been around for so long though. And if one person can honestly say that I was the one who help start the fad, the power to you. I'm not the only one. Truthfully, my entries are nothing more than possible spoken word pieces, gibberish, senseless poetry, and scrambled messages to readers. That's it.
Saturday, March 29, 2003
Listening to Kingdom Hearts : Aivy's TV
"The sounds of sweet voices randomly go through my mind as my smile enhances. The rhythm continues to go forward as mind is reminisced with splendid sounds of awe. The meaning of what is in mind seems less possible to comprehend because the meaning to this whole thing is like a google. There are far greater accomplishments in life to treat toward a life of beneficial destinies. Greatness, doubtfulness, soundless flows of chimes that team together to mind the rarity of seasons. Noses smell the sweet aroma of fruits not seen, terrain not felt, tasteless fluid, noise yet unheard. The meaning of anything is to let your mind free, far from close-minded, unknowingly, forgetting that we are not what the world goes round. In such cases, we discover life revolves around our setting of environment. The destiny between the common plain is hard of configure mainly because we are not ready to find the truth. Or maybe the truth is already what we live. This kingdom that I find myself living through is gathered together by a soul, heart, and harmony of many. My mind is clear of many unwantful ways of lifestyle. Lastly, I dawn the horizon to finally meet up with the next step."
FINALLY, Aivy and I beat Kingdom Hearts a couple of nights ago. It was a pretty long ending. And very, very dope. What game should I purchase next?
"The sounds of sweet voices randomly go through my mind as my smile enhances. The rhythm continues to go forward as mind is reminisced with splendid sounds of awe. The meaning of what is in mind seems less possible to comprehend because the meaning to this whole thing is like a google. There are far greater accomplishments in life to treat toward a life of beneficial destinies. Greatness, doubtfulness, soundless flows of chimes that team together to mind the rarity of seasons. Noses smell the sweet aroma of fruits not seen, terrain not felt, tasteless fluid, noise yet unheard. The meaning of anything is to let your mind free, far from close-minded, unknowingly, forgetting that we are not what the world goes round. In such cases, we discover life revolves around our setting of environment. The destiny between the common plain is hard of configure mainly because we are not ready to find the truth. Or maybe the truth is already what we live. This kingdom that I find myself living through is gathered together by a soul, heart, and harmony of many. My mind is clear of many unwantful ways of lifestyle. Lastly, I dawn the horizon to finally meet up with the next step."
FINALLY, Aivy and I beat Kingdom Hearts a couple of nights ago. It was a pretty long ending. And very, very dope. What game should I purchase next?
Wednesday, March 19, 2003
Listening to In My Life : The Beatles
"Working on my latest assignments made me realize that once again, my days are fading one by one, day by day. The greatest part of this whole shindig is the fact that leaving with a smile has given me a purpose in moving on. I've written about this subject so many times..."
Next track is Sanchez : Beenie Man
"...the relaxed mostly this whole day. All I did was sleep. I went to all three of my classes and took at least a twenty minute nap in each one of them. Is it because I'm sick that I feel such weakness, such fatigue? After deserving my recent grades for exams, noticing that small mistakes matter, reading instructions matter, having sympathy towards a friends misfortune does matter. To my autocad lender, my best hope goes for your treasures become visible for you soon. My body is feeling a bit blah..."
Next track is When We Get Married : Intruders
"...because of the many times that I want to be able to. Shhh! Next topic. My views of today's worldly issues is astonishing to find that it can really open up people's eyes. What if I am drafted into the army? Am I willing to fight for this country? This United States of America. The land of the free, the land of the fading pledge of allegiance, the land that changes its ways as the interest of youth expands, the land of free speech AND free publicity, the land of whatever my point to all this is..."
Next track is Love Of A Lifetime : DJ Azn Gurl?
"...hmmm? I don't really like this whole song. So, I must go now so I can change this song. I only like the 'la-di-da-di-da-da' part. It's cool. I aways used to hear it in many cotillions that I've been to."
A.R.T.C. - I miss you, especially on rainy days.
"Working on my latest assignments made me realize that once again, my days are fading one by one, day by day. The greatest part of this whole shindig is the fact that leaving with a smile has given me a purpose in moving on. I've written about this subject so many times..."
Next track is Sanchez : Beenie Man
"...the relaxed mostly this whole day. All I did was sleep. I went to all three of my classes and took at least a twenty minute nap in each one of them. Is it because I'm sick that I feel such weakness, such fatigue? After deserving my recent grades for exams, noticing that small mistakes matter, reading instructions matter, having sympathy towards a friends misfortune does matter. To my autocad lender, my best hope goes for your treasures become visible for you soon. My body is feeling a bit blah..."
Next track is When We Get Married : Intruders
"...because of the many times that I want to be able to. Shhh! Next topic. My views of today's worldly issues is astonishing to find that it can really open up people's eyes. What if I am drafted into the army? Am I willing to fight for this country? This United States of America. The land of the free, the land of the fading pledge of allegiance, the land that changes its ways as the interest of youth expands, the land of free speech AND free publicity, the land of whatever my point to all this is..."
Next track is Love Of A Lifetime : DJ Azn Gurl?
"...hmmm? I don't really like this whole song. So, I must go now so I can change this song. I only like the 'la-di-da-di-da-da' part. It's cool. I aways used to hear it in many cotillions that I've been to."
A.R.T.C. - I miss you, especially on rainy days.
Watching Fraternity Life : Aivy's sitting behind me on her couch
"When was the last time rejection has over-struck my life. I can't take it personal because it was something I was totally against from the very beginning. I was heard my own flesh and blood say to me that this stuff is not for me. After six long year's of thinking over everything, and finally realizing that this was something for me, I want to be part of it. The feeling of acceptance through ritual exchanges with beneficial results is what I wanted. Who knows? The next thing that I wanted before I concluded this tradition in a lifetime of blahness is brotherhood. I guess my current brothers from the house of corinth is the only acceptance I'll get to understand. From the initiation into the house, to watching pledges from a certain mornings on our floors, to the whole hateful feelings of having dirty surroundings, to the constant performances that we did together as a family of just friends. I guess I shouldn't feel rejection for something that I got. I don't know though. Everything is different through official and non-official situations."
Quote of the week: "If you put it down, I'm going to scream."
Continuation from 3/8 about online journals
...having different dialogues with people about this online journal entry stuff is starting to make me think. Even reading random figures, finding that all they may write about is their life. This proves that I am different from most people. Some figures do write about both physical and profound entries, and the material that's in these are interesting to find that at least they lead into what they are actually talking about. As for me, I don't really like letting people understand what I'm talking about. I want you readers, even if there are no readers, to think...and then you will see the line that I walk upon.
"When was the last time rejection has over-struck my life. I can't take it personal because it was something I was totally against from the very beginning. I was heard my own flesh and blood say to me that this stuff is not for me. After six long year's of thinking over everything, and finally realizing that this was something for me, I want to be part of it. The feeling of acceptance through ritual exchanges with beneficial results is what I wanted. Who knows? The next thing that I wanted before I concluded this tradition in a lifetime of blahness is brotherhood. I guess my current brothers from the house of corinth is the only acceptance I'll get to understand. From the initiation into the house, to watching pledges from a certain mornings on our floors, to the whole hateful feelings of having dirty surroundings, to the constant performances that we did together as a family of just friends. I guess I shouldn't feel rejection for something that I got. I don't know though. Everything is different through official and non-official situations."
Quote of the week: "If you put it down, I'm going to scream."
Continuation from 3/8 about online journals
...having different dialogues with people about this online journal entry stuff is starting to make me think. Even reading random figures, finding that all they may write about is their life. This proves that I am different from most people. Some figures do write about both physical and profound entries, and the material that's in these are interesting to find that at least they lead into what they are actually talking about. As for me, I don't really like letting people understand what I'm talking about. I want you readers, even if there are no readers, to think...and then you will see the line that I walk upon.
Saturday, March 08, 2003
Singing along with In My Life : Beatles
Gotta get the words...gotta get the words...first verse!!! YES!
Something short until I come back later on tonight. This is a very interesting topic. It involves this whole web blogger stuff. There are so many people out there that I know and don't know, and it's interesting to go onto the internet and count the groups of people that have been linked to Blogger, Xanga, etc. More later...
Gotta get the words...gotta get the words...first verse!!! YES!
Something short until I come back later on tonight. This is a very interesting topic. It involves this whole web blogger stuff. There are so many people out there that I know and don't know, and it's interesting to go onto the internet and count the groups of people that have been linked to Blogger, Xanga, etc. More later...
Thursday, March 06, 2003
Hearing Dirty : Christina Aguilera, but not feeling it
I shouldn't feel so down for sudden turn of events, but this is a feeling I'm not used to. I've always put my 110% in everything that involved...dancing. At least I wasn't cut, or rejected. I know the moves, I know what was next. And by the time IT happened, I would have been shining on stage. It's time to suck it up. I get to listen to my conscience yell at me saying worthless jibber-jabber that I wished I could let go of. Riding my bike home was depressing. Hearing laughter and yelling of wrong moves, looking away from it all and taking a deep breath reminding myself constantly to keep going. Good thing I took the street because if it wasn't for that car, I would still be thinking about it with much thought. When I was riding home, I looked over my right shoulder and undoubtedly, there was a car coming, which lead me into a curb making me flip forward onto the sidewalk. OUCH! But I thank the night for this incident, mainly because I get to watch a basketball game. Can I quit everything else, except my hopeful dance...Likgnis. Leave me alone! I'm sad, depressed, and heart-broken.
I shouldn't feel so down for sudden turn of events, but this is a feeling I'm not used to. I've always put my 110% in everything that involved...dancing. At least I wasn't cut, or rejected. I know the moves, I know what was next. And by the time IT happened, I would have been shining on stage. It's time to suck it up. I get to listen to my conscience yell at me saying worthless jibber-jabber that I wished I could let go of. Riding my bike home was depressing. Hearing laughter and yelling of wrong moves, looking away from it all and taking a deep breath reminding myself constantly to keep going. Good thing I took the street because if it wasn't for that car, I would still be thinking about it with much thought. When I was riding home, I looked over my right shoulder and undoubtedly, there was a car coming, which lead me into a curb making me flip forward onto the sidewalk. OUCH! But I thank the night for this incident, mainly because I get to watch a basketball game. Can I quit everything else, except my hopeful dance...Likgnis. Leave me alone! I'm sad, depressed, and heart-broken.
Tuesday, March 04, 2003
The frequency of noise current heard is Put Your Hands On My Shoulder : Good Charlotte
..."whisper in my ear...baby...words I wanna hear...tell me...tell me that you "love" me too." Which brings me to my next topic. What is love? Is it a four-letter word that is used over-extensively by all sorts of diverse groups? Knowing and believing that this word is just a phrase that people use to show acceptance in relationships, friendships, and sometimes strangers. Family is love. Girlfriend is strong affection, not love. Until there is a certain feeling, I guess, but I'm going to stop this topic because I remember talking about it before. It's interesting to find out what people see of this word, feeling, and/or stuff.
The frequency of noise current heard is...
...Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What A Wonderful World : Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
"My eyes sink into a wondrous place of relaxation, warmth, feeling not only relief from any type of stress, frustration, but from a great endless sleep. I enjoy the musical flowing jingles of strings wave through my eardrums finding its way through the drum and deep into the membranes of dance. My eyes sink into unconsciousness thinking that no one can take away this great feeling."
I guess I have nothing to say no more. I'm just tired.
..."whisper in my ear...baby...words I wanna hear...tell me...tell me that you "love" me too." Which brings me to my next topic. What is love? Is it a four-letter word that is used over-extensively by all sorts of diverse groups? Knowing and believing that this word is just a phrase that people use to show acceptance in relationships, friendships, and sometimes strangers. Family is love. Girlfriend is strong affection, not love. Until there is a certain feeling, I guess, but I'm going to stop this topic because I remember talking about it before. It's interesting to find out what people see of this word, feeling, and/or stuff.
The frequency of noise current heard is...
...Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What A Wonderful World : Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
"My eyes sink into a wondrous place of relaxation, warmth, feeling not only relief from any type of stress, frustration, but from a great endless sleep. I enjoy the musical flowing jingles of strings wave through my eardrums finding its way through the drum and deep into the membranes of dance. My eyes sink into unconsciousness thinking that no one can take away this great feeling."
I guess I have nothing to say no more. I'm just tired.
Wednesday, February 26, 2003
Listening to On Bended Knee : Boyz II Men
My past couple of blogs have been pretty intense, according to my usual daily thoughts. I'll try to calm it down for you reader's out there. I don't want any of you to think I'm starting to go crazy. With much assurance, I'm certainly not going crazy. With that out of the way, let's begin.
Here's a topic that I'm pretty sure you'll want to stop reading after the next sentence, except for you gamers out there. By all means, read on if you like the thought of video gaming as a team sport. You see, there's this game called Socom: Navy Seals that I've been straight addicted to for the past month and a half. Even before I started playing the game, I was pulled in by the controller in hand and screen visualizing such a game. I wouldn't necessarily say it was entirely Paulo's fault, but hey, it's normal. (Don't worry Paulo, you're still cool) The first time I played was on his big screen tv in his living room. But once we started playing in his computer room, damn you online socom people. I decided to play along and build our clan with Aris. So the Brown Clan was developed with the passion to just play together with friends that had the same interest. That's just the beginning.
School starts, and Paulo and I tend to speak of socom in front of the Nayabka table. Suddenly, a voice replies, "You play socom too." Luckily, it was Shaun and Andrew, the two guys that I played Halo against. So, as things go by, Paulo, Aris, Shaun, Judel, Andrew, and myself begin the quest for the GREAT <||> CLAN. Also known as "the fly" on Xbox's Halo, he came in as a nuisance for gamers not on our team. As the <||> clan became greater in size, our teamwork skills greatly improved. As the seven of us battled other clans, like oGc, USMC, etc., we let word out that we're open for expansion. This is present and we gain Jon, Aldrich, and Marius to the clan.
Like I said before, we are just a couple handfuls of friends who have the same interest and passion for something that may seem weird, video games. So, without regrets, and with much pride toward the Pterydactyls <||>...We Shall Conquer Over Clans Like Winged Beasts!!!
<||>tajackamo - chief
<||>reckanoize - sniper
<||>big black - sniper
<||>barrelman - shotgun
<||>flatliner - gunner
<||>freaknasty - gunner
<||>spoonieluv - gunner
<||>honeycutt - rookie
<||>cantot_boy - rookie
<||>bishop - M.I.A. - missing in action
and R.I.P. to the others...
<||>badonkdonk, <||>ironflag, <||>cashmoney
My past couple of blogs have been pretty intense, according to my usual daily thoughts. I'll try to calm it down for you reader's out there. I don't want any of you to think I'm starting to go crazy. With much assurance, I'm certainly not going crazy. With that out of the way, let's begin.
Here's a topic that I'm pretty sure you'll want to stop reading after the next sentence, except for you gamers out there. By all means, read on if you like the thought of video gaming as a team sport. You see, there's this game called Socom: Navy Seals that I've been straight addicted to for the past month and a half. Even before I started playing the game, I was pulled in by the controller in hand and screen visualizing such a game. I wouldn't necessarily say it was entirely Paulo's fault, but hey, it's normal. (Don't worry Paulo, you're still cool) The first time I played was on his big screen tv in his living room. But once we started playing in his computer room, damn you online socom people. I decided to play along and build our clan with Aris. So the Brown Clan was developed with the passion to just play together with friends that had the same interest. That's just the beginning.
School starts, and Paulo and I tend to speak of socom in front of the Nayabka table. Suddenly, a voice replies, "You play socom too." Luckily, it was Shaun and Andrew, the two guys that I played Halo against. So, as things go by, Paulo, Aris, Shaun, Judel, Andrew, and myself begin the quest for the GREAT <||> CLAN. Also known as "the fly" on Xbox's Halo, he came in as a nuisance for gamers not on our team. As the <||> clan became greater in size, our teamwork skills greatly improved. As the seven of us battled other clans, like oGc, USMC, etc., we let word out that we're open for expansion. This is present and we gain Jon, Aldrich, and Marius to the clan.
Like I said before, we are just a couple handfuls of friends who have the same interest and passion for something that may seem weird, video games. So, without regrets, and with much pride toward the Pterydactyls <||>...We Shall Conquer Over Clans Like Winged Beasts!!!
<||>tajackamo - chief
<||>reckanoize - sniper
<||>big black - sniper
<||>barrelman - shotgun
<||>flatliner - gunner
<||>freaknasty - gunner
<||>spoonieluv - gunner
<||>honeycutt - rookie
<||>cantot_boy - rookie
<||>bishop - M.I.A. - missing in action
and R.I.P. to the others...
<||>badonkdonk, <||>ironflag, <||>cashmoney
Monday, February 24, 2003
Listening to the sounds of unsettled flem : snoring
I tend to break down like the rest of the world. Most of the time it only occurs when I, among the rest of the sample, prepare for the "show". It's been only four weeks of non-stop hassling and trampling to make certain deadlines, arrangements, edit-ments. I'm tired of it all. Like the last time I wanted to let go of something, I wished that I could take the trash and put it all in the basura. Assignments for school aren't getting any better, nor worse. My world is standing still and I can't bare to reveal anything new or take on old things. Would it be possible to just get in my car, pick up her, and drive out into the distance? And then come back nearly a year later and find out anything has changed. Will anything change? From time to time, I've tried to make and evolve with the rest of the world. I've made compromises to get into the swing of things. A nightlife was almost there, but I decided that being that home-body is just who I am. You have a life, I have a life. And what my life is telling me to do is let most of it go. So from this day forth, I say farewell to Akbayan. Hello, World!!! First things first, world will you be my friend. I see it's not that easy, and so I must earn what seems to be impossible. "I've gotta what...I need to know someone in order for you to be my friend." Well, my continuing education of life starts with registering for my first class. This first class is called "How to pay bills - Life10". *Raising both arms up in joy* No more practices, no more meetings, no more Filipino identity...
College life doesn't necessarily mold a specific lifestyle for someone. There are so many choices in this line of work making it very difficult to make one. It starts the first time we could move. If you had a choice to learn to talk, it isn't yes or no, it's more like, which language would you like to have as your primary tongue? Further into most decisions, we can't neglect one side and fully take on the choice intended. There are two or more sides to everything. Choices, choices, choices. Check this out...
What school do you want to go to?
-What major at this school will you take?
--Under which influence for this particular major at this school?
---Is the staff and faculty for this major's influene at this school good enough?
----Which classes does this professor teach that will expand my knowledge in this major?
...from the beginning of my second year in collegio, my well-being for academics is baffling. I've settled for the choices that my parents chose for me. Do parents really know best? I would hope so, but sometimes its difficult for parents to believe in their childs independence. Is it fair for a mother and/or father to make choices for their child until a certain age? Yes. Unless the child could pay for whatever they choose to do.
...that I must sit and wonder if I'm truly a brown skinned American or Filipino. If I name myself a filipino, from the Philippines, do I accept the Spanish settlement of my native land. Do I accept King Philip of Spain to be the nationality of my race. Do I accept the cruelty of Spanish religions that somewhat plagued my native land. Do I accept what was brought down through generations the history that betrayed our own lifestyles. Do I accept the diversity of the so-called brown-skinned people from a nameless nationality. Do I accept anything about my heritage. Do I accept the news of today that shock the sphere we live upon. My answer is...
I tend to break down like the rest of the world. Most of the time it only occurs when I, among the rest of the sample, prepare for the "show". It's been only four weeks of non-stop hassling and trampling to make certain deadlines, arrangements, edit-ments. I'm tired of it all. Like the last time I wanted to let go of something, I wished that I could take the trash and put it all in the basura. Assignments for school aren't getting any better, nor worse. My world is standing still and I can't bare to reveal anything new or take on old things. Would it be possible to just get in my car, pick up her, and drive out into the distance? And then come back nearly a year later and find out anything has changed. Will anything change? From time to time, I've tried to make and evolve with the rest of the world. I've made compromises to get into the swing of things. A nightlife was almost there, but I decided that being that home-body is just who I am. You have a life, I have a life. And what my life is telling me to do is let most of it go. So from this day forth, I say farewell to Akbayan. Hello, World!!! First things first, world will you be my friend. I see it's not that easy, and so I must earn what seems to be impossible. "I've gotta what...I need to know someone in order for you to be my friend." Well, my continuing education of life starts with registering for my first class. This first class is called "How to pay bills - Life10". *Raising both arms up in joy* No more practices, no more meetings, no more Filipino identity...
College life doesn't necessarily mold a specific lifestyle for someone. There are so many choices in this line of work making it very difficult to make one. It starts the first time we could move. If you had a choice to learn to talk, it isn't yes or no, it's more like, which language would you like to have as your primary tongue? Further into most decisions, we can't neglect one side and fully take on the choice intended. There are two or more sides to everything. Choices, choices, choices. Check this out...
What school do you want to go to?
-What major at this school will you take?
--Under which influence for this particular major at this school?
---Is the staff and faculty for this major's influene at this school good enough?
----Which classes does this professor teach that will expand my knowledge in this major?
...from the beginning of my second year in collegio, my well-being for academics is baffling. I've settled for the choices that my parents chose for me. Do parents really know best? I would hope so, but sometimes its difficult for parents to believe in their childs independence. Is it fair for a mother and/or father to make choices for their child until a certain age? Yes. Unless the child could pay for whatever they choose to do.
...that I must sit and wonder if I'm truly a brown skinned American or Filipino. If I name myself a filipino, from the Philippines, do I accept the Spanish settlement of my native land. Do I accept King Philip of Spain to be the nationality of my race. Do I accept the cruelty of Spanish religions that somewhat plagued my native land. Do I accept what was brought down through generations the history that betrayed our own lifestyles. Do I accept the diversity of the so-called brown-skinned people from a nameless nationality. Do I accept anything about my heritage. Do I accept the news of today that shock the sphere we live upon. My answer is...
Saturday, February 22, 2003
Listening to The Other Two : Selfish
Something I've been thinking about. Maybe its just silly, but I need to get it out. The growth of this organization that I'm in fluctuates. Sometimes there are leaders who do the job, and there are followers who find that the leaders aren't nothing more than followers themselves. As for me, I like to see myself as both. I wouldn't mind seeing a little bit more leader in me, but I don't like the feeling of pressure and stress and frustration. Overall, I like to just get things done. I love to succeed and make things work. This club, Akbayan, it has its ups and downs. Most of the time, it breaks even, but the other twenty-five percents, they fail and fail even more. How does Akbayan possibly fall into the red. How do we find ourselves to climb out of holes. Why do we try hard enough to pull ourselves out? Like a very few who are in this organization, they see comfort and a place to escape to during classes and exams. But at the same time, will they go forth and stand tall with this "just an organization" kind of ordeal. I don't know. Most of the time, I like to find myself trying to keep something alive by ultimately putting my foot into the door. Never letting that room become closed to the world. Exactly how it feels when we all must let go of things, places, memories that we hold dear to us. Akbayan isn't just a place to have shows, and hang out, but more of a beginning to build whatever it is you may look for. And when you find it, grasp it and don't let go. If you do let go, you'll end up being just another picture in the photo albums. Having new members asking, "Who is that?" Sometimes I'm having flashbacks to my first days in Akbayan. I was the quietest one of course with the old school people kicking it at the Akbayan house / e.W.o house / House of Corinth. This house of ours gave birth to three Akbayan president's in the late 90's and the first millenium. Oh the days when I could call out the oldest people and make fun of them because they are still in college. The tables have turned and now I have to face the misery. Is it such a bad thing to have. Now necessarily. I'm not having such regrets about being in such a position. I like being the mighty 'jedi' or the guy who knows what's been done or the Manong or Kuya that people can turn to and say, "You're old." I will be saying my farewells soon. From the first day that I was Fundraiser, I must admit that Akbayan stressed the "heck" out of me. From the first PCN in 1998 to maybe my last one this year, I shall never forget all these wonderful people that have made a perfect path to what I'm going to look forward to. Good Night.
Something I've been thinking about. Maybe its just silly, but I need to get it out. The growth of this organization that I'm in fluctuates. Sometimes there are leaders who do the job, and there are followers who find that the leaders aren't nothing more than followers themselves. As for me, I like to see myself as both. I wouldn't mind seeing a little bit more leader in me, but I don't like the feeling of pressure and stress and frustration. Overall, I like to just get things done. I love to succeed and make things work. This club, Akbayan, it has its ups and downs. Most of the time, it breaks even, but the other twenty-five percents, they fail and fail even more. How does Akbayan possibly fall into the red. How do we find ourselves to climb out of holes. Why do we try hard enough to pull ourselves out? Like a very few who are in this organization, they see comfort and a place to escape to during classes and exams. But at the same time, will they go forth and stand tall with this "just an organization" kind of ordeal. I don't know. Most of the time, I like to find myself trying to keep something alive by ultimately putting my foot into the door. Never letting that room become closed to the world. Exactly how it feels when we all must let go of things, places, memories that we hold dear to us. Akbayan isn't just a place to have shows, and hang out, but more of a beginning to build whatever it is you may look for. And when you find it, grasp it and don't let go. If you do let go, you'll end up being just another picture in the photo albums. Having new members asking, "Who is that?" Sometimes I'm having flashbacks to my first days in Akbayan. I was the quietest one of course with the old school people kicking it at the Akbayan house / e.W.o house / House of Corinth. This house of ours gave birth to three Akbayan president's in the late 90's and the first millenium. Oh the days when I could call out the oldest people and make fun of them because they are still in college. The tables have turned and now I have to face the misery. Is it such a bad thing to have. Now necessarily. I'm not having such regrets about being in such a position. I like being the mighty 'jedi' or the guy who knows what's been done or the Manong or Kuya that people can turn to and say, "You're old." I will be saying my farewells soon. From the first day that I was Fundraiser, I must admit that Akbayan stressed the "heck" out of me. From the first PCN in 1998 to maybe my last one this year, I shall never forget all these wonderful people that have made a perfect path to what I'm going to look forward to. Good Night.
Saturday, February 15, 2003
"Why must I be in such a state of mind that isn't what most people see. Believe me, it's not a curse. It is possibly a compliment of bliss. Another thing, that last phrase is something that sounds intelligent, but really, I don't know what it means. Who cares? Trying to sound in intelligent is better that actually being intelligent. Whatever I say to myself when someone comes up to me and says that I'm thinking nonsense. Like the thought of popularity over knowledge is the existence of the world wounding and rounding making others believe that school and academics is the cure to all poverty. Not likely that I will find employment through the learning experience that this piece of paper might say that I've strived four, five, and even six years to take grasp of. Pathetic is not only the conspiracy of such a nation of miscommunication, but great diversity. We are free from dictatorship, yet we all struggle to make ourselves find a leader to lead us to happiness. Democracy and the Republic is a straight-forward government that we long to find so understanding by the 'father's" of this country. The great Washington's and Roosevelt's were and are history. We now live through a terrible happiness and we strive through this heavenly sadness of fantasy, ecstasy, and reality.
My view's on life seem to surpass not only me, but the common person. Most of the time it doesn't make sense through words, but it puts the puzzle in mind into a jigsaw completion. Though, as I drink my $1.29, 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew, from a venue that tends to fall apart like a mudball in the rain, I take this glass, lift it up, and take my time to taste what was cheap, delicious, and easy to take grasp of because its affordable. How did I make a transition from government to consumer production, I don't know. All I know is that the money in my pocket will not be there for such a long time. As my money falls, another rises. Which brings me back to the thought of who you know to make a future out of your life. As of now, I struggle to receive, not just a passing grade, not just the medium, but the perfection of the first letter of the alphabet on papers, exams, and the thought that school, career, family is what America's message sends to us. The picture that I see is, I want not what every American wants, I want what no one needs. If I could go back in time, and take my life into the savage life, maybe I would. The history books put this portrait of early civilization. How do we know that really happened? How do we really know anything that happened yesterday before we were born?
I look around my room and find all of the materialistic things that I own. What could I be rid of? Everything? Somethings? For one thing, all my books can go because I need them to get my diploma which means nothing unless you 'know' people. Another thing could be all the different types of clothes in my closet. I can live with little enough clothes. I can live with a pair of shoes. I change my clothes everyday because people find that change is important and that wearing the same clothes every single day is weird and disgusting. Is it really? The mentality of everything is based on...day to day beliefs. 'Nough said.
This being St. Valentine's Day, I believe in spending another day with my other the same we always spend it. Everytime we're close, we're close. Close as in, communication, romanticizing, taking each step of our relationship further than before. Not a drastic jump, but small bits. Chocalates, gifts, roses? How 'bout Wendy's 5 nuggets, fries, rice, hotdogs, and mountain dew? Also, an afternoon of video games. Is this a healthy relationship that will go sour? I doubt that because the time spent together is based on one mind struggling on the same goal. In this case, she's a keeper, I'm lucky, and the next step is ready to step through the door."
My view's on life seem to surpass not only me, but the common person. Most of the time it doesn't make sense through words, but it puts the puzzle in mind into a jigsaw completion. Though, as I drink my $1.29, 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew, from a venue that tends to fall apart like a mudball in the rain, I take this glass, lift it up, and take my time to taste what was cheap, delicious, and easy to take grasp of because its affordable. How did I make a transition from government to consumer production, I don't know. All I know is that the money in my pocket will not be there for such a long time. As my money falls, another rises. Which brings me back to the thought of who you know to make a future out of your life. As of now, I struggle to receive, not just a passing grade, not just the medium, but the perfection of the first letter of the alphabet on papers, exams, and the thought that school, career, family is what America's message sends to us. The picture that I see is, I want not what every American wants, I want what no one needs. If I could go back in time, and take my life into the savage life, maybe I would. The history books put this portrait of early civilization. How do we know that really happened? How do we really know anything that happened yesterday before we were born?
I look around my room and find all of the materialistic things that I own. What could I be rid of? Everything? Somethings? For one thing, all my books can go because I need them to get my diploma which means nothing unless you 'know' people. Another thing could be all the different types of clothes in my closet. I can live with little enough clothes. I can live with a pair of shoes. I change my clothes everyday because people find that change is important and that wearing the same clothes every single day is weird and disgusting. Is it really? The mentality of everything is based on...day to day beliefs. 'Nough said.
This being St. Valentine's Day, I believe in spending another day with my other the same we always spend it. Everytime we're close, we're close. Close as in, communication, romanticizing, taking each step of our relationship further than before. Not a drastic jump, but small bits. Chocalates, gifts, roses? How 'bout Wendy's 5 nuggets, fries, rice, hotdogs, and mountain dew? Also, an afternoon of video games. Is this a healthy relationship that will go sour? I doubt that because the time spent together is based on one mind struggling on the same goal. In this case, she's a keeper, I'm lucky, and the next step is ready to step through the door."
Sunday, February 09, 2003
Listening to ESPN Sportscenter
"Trying so hard to finish some obligations is just too time consuming. Attempting to continue my best efforts to find out the inevitable. Again my words are useful, yet hard to understand. Impossible to understand how this mind ticks. Some people have the power to decipher the arrows that pour through my membranes and seep out the outer part of my eardrum, thumping to a beat that is similiar to the bass of my heart. Like the many that can actually rewrite the ways of my past in a simple entry. Take away the greatness of my situation, the hunger for my power will merely vanish from existence. Leave me be with all my troubles in life. My mind has exploded into millions of thoughts that must be puzzled together with exhaustion."
"Trying so hard to finish some obligations is just too time consuming. Attempting to continue my best efforts to find out the inevitable. Again my words are useful, yet hard to understand. Impossible to understand how this mind ticks. Some people have the power to decipher the arrows that pour through my membranes and seep out the outer part of my eardrum, thumping to a beat that is similiar to the bass of my heart. Like the many that can actually rewrite the ways of my past in a simple entry. Take away the greatness of my situation, the hunger for my power will merely vanish from existence. Leave me be with all my troubles in life. My mind has exploded into millions of thoughts that must be puzzled together with exhaustion."
Wednesday, February 05, 2003
Listening to (coincidence) PC Quest : Can I Call You My Girl
"The best part of a sunny's day is the warmth and great feeling that soothes the soul of the beholder. Taking that first step into a day's gloom. Finding that the rest of the day could turn out the worst, but just that introduction to a morning or afternoon's rise could make the best of things come true. Is it even possible that clouds can make a day even more beautiful. As we walk through life, we want to believe that we are unstoppable, and that the best things in life and decisions are the correct one's. Imagine one day someone comes up to you and tells you that your whole life has been a lie. Imagine that you haven't succeeded in any of your obstacles because they've all become rehearsed to situate your lifestyle. This life of robots and puppeteering is far from what is seen when the sun comes out and says hello to my smiling face. Growing up with smiles and happiness can make the best of one's life. Sometimes most people don't receive this same treatment, so in this case, they must find their individual pleasures another way. Kind of ways that we find when we want to find something to relinquish that bored feeling when we see rain drops fall from the sky. Just the other day, the topic mentioned related to two worlds, such as Miami and the whole state of Washington. The heat of skin bring joy while the breeze of storms brings torment. I guess what I'm saying is that our eyes can deceive everything that we bring ourselves to actually see. Like seeing a thick book, we automatically believe that its boring because of the number of pages. On the other hand, the book could be so abnormally interesting that it could be possible to finish in one sitting. Just look around before we start to assume those daily pressures."
"The best part of a sunny's day is the warmth and great feeling that soothes the soul of the beholder. Taking that first step into a day's gloom. Finding that the rest of the day could turn out the worst, but just that introduction to a morning or afternoon's rise could make the best of things come true. Is it even possible that clouds can make a day even more beautiful. As we walk through life, we want to believe that we are unstoppable, and that the best things in life and decisions are the correct one's. Imagine one day someone comes up to you and tells you that your whole life has been a lie. Imagine that you haven't succeeded in any of your obstacles because they've all become rehearsed to situate your lifestyle. This life of robots and puppeteering is far from what is seen when the sun comes out and says hello to my smiling face. Growing up with smiles and happiness can make the best of one's life. Sometimes most people don't receive this same treatment, so in this case, they must find their individual pleasures another way. Kind of ways that we find when we want to find something to relinquish that bored feeling when we see rain drops fall from the sky. Just the other day, the topic mentioned related to two worlds, such as Miami and the whole state of Washington. The heat of skin bring joy while the breeze of storms brings torment. I guess what I'm saying is that our eyes can deceive everything that we bring ourselves to actually see. Like seeing a thick book, we automatically believe that its boring because of the number of pages. On the other hand, the book could be so abnormally interesting that it could be possible to finish in one sitting. Just look around before we start to assume those daily pressures."
Sunday, February 02, 2003
Tuesday, January 28, 2003
Fourth Tuesday of the New Year -- listening to Backstreet Boys : Drowning
Through the years, my ears have been open to many people out there. Sometimes strangers, but mostly people very close to me, my sources of helpfulness is always there for everyone. Are my choices usually the right one's though? The actions that may come into one's mind is unforgiving. Things go because it wants to happen. Back in the mind, it hides straying away from the rest of the body. Things happen for a reason. The fate we feel comes and soonly enough goes. Keeping something with a strong flame takes a lot of effort. I want to say that I'll put my forth into the general cause, but I know that I won't always do so. My future is mine to fall into. No one else leads me into certain circumstances. However, the path that I step into, every once in awhile, could possibly have the assistance of an outside mind, but I'm always open to these bystanders. Does this really mean that they've lead my life? Not exactly. This is where choices come into affect. My direction towards school, relationship, family, future, fate are all mine to control. Think about it.
G-B - i'm sorry i wasn't there for you in your time of need.
Through the years, my ears have been open to many people out there. Sometimes strangers, but mostly people very close to me, my sources of helpfulness is always there for everyone. Are my choices usually the right one's though? The actions that may come into one's mind is unforgiving. Things go because it wants to happen. Back in the mind, it hides straying away from the rest of the body. Things happen for a reason. The fate we feel comes and soonly enough goes. Keeping something with a strong flame takes a lot of effort. I want to say that I'll put my forth into the general cause, but I know that I won't always do so. My future is mine to fall into. No one else leads me into certain circumstances. However, the path that I step into, every once in awhile, could possibly have the assistance of an outside mind, but I'm always open to these bystanders. Does this really mean that they've lead my life? Not exactly. This is where choices come into affect. My direction towards school, relationship, family, future, fate are all mine to control. Think about it.
G-B - i'm sorry i wasn't there for you in your time of need.
Thursday, January 23, 2003
Fourth Thursday of the New Year -- listening to Kelly Clarkson : Moment Like This
Today was such an experience for myself. For people who know me well enough, and for those of you who don't know me, my type of life is to assist, help others and find my well being one of my last priorities. With this same thought, not as in general, but something that is more public than private. Of course my life is priority before others in my own personal private life, but as unselfish as I am, I like to see that people are doing all right. They may not be the happy attitude that I may want them to be in, but at least they're not in depression, sadness, or in mourn. I try. I guess my main thought tonight is that I've been feeling really helpless. The other night, aivy agreed with me when I told myself that I wasn't myself. -duh!- I'm in crutches. And it hurts. Usually, I'm in pain, but I don't let anyone see the pain the constant pain I feel for more than five minutes.
(flashback) On Martin Luther King Jr. Day, a couple of us decided to go up to the snow to go snowboarding. The day started off lazily because when I found out pasa was no longer going, I was discouraged to go. But like the friend he is, ed was still down to go. And I can't just flake on him like that. We went to Sierra-at-tahoe and snowboarded for a good three hours. It was fun, until I took a off-trail jump. I got good air, but my nose was pointing the wrong slope and I ate it. I don't mean, just falling on my tailbone, but straight up on ice, tumbling and finding out that my board didn't want to follow the direction my ankle was heading. The only think I heard when I hit the ground was -crack.crack.crack- in a matter of a second. OUCH! (end flashback)
And yes, almost three days later, and the pain continues to grow. I wonder if I never went to the health center, it wouldn't feel as bad - psychologically speaking. Kicking it at the union in between classes was just a thrill, especially when gumbi marissa kicked my ankle not once, but TWICE. and then trying to secure my foot from pretending they're going to hit it. How unkind and mean can some people be. They're my friends so I forgive them. The thing is, they've never seen me mad. And also, I've never been in this kind of pain in my life. Mix those two together and I won't be showing my face for awhile because...
overall situation, i've never cared about myself in public before. Looking back, I find myself making sure those around me are doing ok. One more input is the kindness of people that happen to open up doors and put chairs down in front of me to rest my foot and for my friends that helped me during lunch. *spanks* ya'll can hold my drinks and food anytime.
to jerry - if you must know ((sheesh)) "amazing contributions towards a thought of provoke. the push seizes to relinquish." means that all the times that you've been that 'jerk', 'dickhead', and 'bully', you're somehow unconsciously provoking some type of lesson for me to get out of it. the more you push me, the stronger my stance gets. Nowadays, if you push me, I will fall. Obviously, see above. I've always been the person that could be pushed around, but from experiences with you, I can hold on my own. Now stop asking me. Actually, don't ever bring this up again.
Today was such an experience for myself. For people who know me well enough, and for those of you who don't know me, my type of life is to assist, help others and find my well being one of my last priorities. With this same thought, not as in general, but something that is more public than private. Of course my life is priority before others in my own personal private life, but as unselfish as I am, I like to see that people are doing all right. They may not be the happy attitude that I may want them to be in, but at least they're not in depression, sadness, or in mourn. I try. I guess my main thought tonight is that I've been feeling really helpless. The other night, aivy agreed with me when I told myself that I wasn't myself. -duh!- I'm in crutches. And it hurts. Usually, I'm in pain, but I don't let anyone see the pain the constant pain I feel for more than five minutes.
(flashback) On Martin Luther King Jr. Day, a couple of us decided to go up to the snow to go snowboarding. The day started off lazily because when I found out pasa was no longer going, I was discouraged to go. But like the friend he is, ed was still down to go. And I can't just flake on him like that. We went to Sierra-at-tahoe and snowboarded for a good three hours. It was fun, until I took a off-trail jump. I got good air, but my nose was pointing the wrong slope and I ate it. I don't mean, just falling on my tailbone, but straight up on ice, tumbling and finding out that my board didn't want to follow the direction my ankle was heading. The only think I heard when I hit the ground was -crack.crack.crack- in a matter of a second. OUCH! (end flashback)
And yes, almost three days later, and the pain continues to grow. I wonder if I never went to the health center, it wouldn't feel as bad - psychologically speaking. Kicking it at the union in between classes was just a thrill, especially when gumbi marissa kicked my ankle not once, but TWICE. and then trying to secure my foot from pretending they're going to hit it. How unkind and mean can some people be. They're my friends so I forgive them. The thing is, they've never seen me mad. And also, I've never been in this kind of pain in my life. Mix those two together and I won't be showing my face for awhile because...
overall situation, i've never cared about myself in public before. Looking back, I find myself making sure those around me are doing ok. One more input is the kindness of people that happen to open up doors and put chairs down in front of me to rest my foot and for my friends that helped me during lunch. *spanks* ya'll can hold my drinks and food anytime.
to jerry - if you must know ((sheesh)) "amazing contributions towards a thought of provoke. the push seizes to relinquish." means that all the times that you've been that 'jerk', 'dickhead', and 'bully', you're somehow unconsciously provoking some type of lesson for me to get out of it. the more you push me, the stronger my stance gets. Nowadays, if you push me, I will fall. Obviously, see above. I've always been the person that could be pushed around, but from experiences with you, I can hold on my own. Now stop asking me. Actually, don't ever bring this up again.
Sunday, January 19, 2003
Third Sunday of the New Year -- listening to Kenny G : Christmas Song
There was so much I wanted to say about something earlier. My mind always goes blank when I really want to create such a thought that can better your efforts to make sense out of me. As of now, I'll have to make up a topic that will be suitable for the time I have on this earth. Through the years, my abilities have vanished into thin air, gaining such new powers that you would believe to be silly. The worst part about all of this is the feeling I get right now. Not in the future, not in the past, but in the time that you read this entry, I will probably be thinking of something that would probably contradict the idea. As my mind grows and expands, my beliefs become cloudy and skeptical. People say college makes who you are. Thinking to myself that college didn't make who I am, it tore apart my old traditions and put question marks next to them. For example, love has been pushed around so much in my life. Grade school, high school, and now college has been a great discover for such a four letter word. How can you possibly give meaning to this word? People know that life can't be defined, so they let it be. The similarities between life and love is so considerably equivalent that each can be left to bear millions and millions of personal, private, and imperfected meanings. My thoughts about this word is non-existent, besides the (Hi-5 singing) unconditional love that we have for...family. Not a girlfriend, not a bestfriend, just someone with the actual feeling that is just known to be there since the dawn of their first breath. A love between a mother and her son, a father and his daughter, cousin to aunt, ecetera. If people can say this word so easily, do they really believe that what they're saying is love? One time, back at Carrow's, I had a significant conversation with Julius, Joey, Rod, and myself. This may be digressing, but the topic was about happiness. Does happiness cost one million dollars? If you believe one million dollars would make you happy, then you're a single-minded fool soul. Like love and life, there's many ways to be happy. Open your mind to what's out there. Chocalate makes me happy. Having that rich texture and taste just sink into my mouth and tasting it soothes my inner self. I don't need a million dollars to be happy. So, going back to the previous topic mixed with the new one, does love cost one million dollars? Obviously, NO it doesn't. Love is... All I can say is that this word is the one world that should and shouldn't be used in more effective ways. Does this previous line make sence? To me, it does. Dependencies make up such decisions. For me, love is just evol(ution) spelled backwards. The ability to evolve/adapt with new obstacles that come your path.
MOST TIME CONSUMING: socom online (ps2) 'good grief'
There was so much I wanted to say about something earlier. My mind always goes blank when I really want to create such a thought that can better your efforts to make sense out of me. As of now, I'll have to make up a topic that will be suitable for the time I have on this earth. Through the years, my abilities have vanished into thin air, gaining such new powers that you would believe to be silly. The worst part about all of this is the feeling I get right now. Not in the future, not in the past, but in the time that you read this entry, I will probably be thinking of something that would probably contradict the idea. As my mind grows and expands, my beliefs become cloudy and skeptical. People say college makes who you are. Thinking to myself that college didn't make who I am, it tore apart my old traditions and put question marks next to them. For example, love has been pushed around so much in my life. Grade school, high school, and now college has been a great discover for such a four letter word. How can you possibly give meaning to this word? People know that life can't be defined, so they let it be. The similarities between life and love is so considerably equivalent that each can be left to bear millions and millions of personal, private, and imperfected meanings. My thoughts about this word is non-existent, besides the (Hi-5 singing) unconditional love that we have for...family. Not a girlfriend, not a bestfriend, just someone with the actual feeling that is just known to be there since the dawn of their first breath. A love between a mother and her son, a father and his daughter, cousin to aunt, ecetera. If people can say this word so easily, do they really believe that what they're saying is love? One time, back at Carrow's, I had a significant conversation with Julius, Joey, Rod, and myself. This may be digressing, but the topic was about happiness. Does happiness cost one million dollars? If you believe one million dollars would make you happy, then you're a single-minded
MOST TIME CONSUMING: socom online (ps2) 'good grief'
Saturday, January 18, 2003
Third Friday of the New Year -- watchin' Reckanoize die on Socom Online
Why I care so much?
Maybe it would be easier to understand if I wrote it all out. With the intent to make things better, I do what I can. What can I say, I care. Possibly for complete strangers, I can give a damn. I may be on the soft side, but there's nothing wrong with helping out another soul. Everyone is raised differently, yet I get to be the kind-hearted one. This isn't a bad thing for me, yet it really tests patience in the second party. With a great attitude toward many different paths in life, I like to consider myself as neutral. In this case, I can suit myself for both parties. You may think that this option is not worth taking, but it saves energy. Just when I thought it was easier to understand what goes through my head, I continue to jumble up such words of confusion into reader's minds. Like once I was told, just keep it short and simple. Well, for a second attempt, I care about people because that's how I was raised.
Why I care so much?
Maybe it would be easier to understand if I wrote it all out. With the intent to make things better, I do what I can. What can I say, I care. Possibly for complete strangers, I can give a damn. I may be on the soft side, but there's nothing wrong with helping out another soul. Everyone is raised differently, yet I get to be the kind-hearted one. This isn't a bad thing for me, yet it really tests patience in the second party. With a great attitude toward many different paths in life, I like to consider myself as neutral. In this case, I can suit myself for both parties. You may think that this option is not worth taking, but it saves energy. Just when I thought it was easier to understand what goes through my head, I continue to jumble up such words of confusion into reader's minds. Like once I was told, just keep it short and simple. Well, for a second attempt, I care about people because that's how I was raised.
Thursday, January 16, 2003
Third Thursdsay of the New Year -- spacebar doesn't work most of the time...
What has just recently crossed my mind?
Well, who actually reads my blog. Or, better yet, who attempts to read my cryptic works of linguistic art. Coming from me, art wouldn't really define what I write about or ponder about. But, to me, the type of writing seems to enlighten my writer's. Interested in my writings, my poetry, my quotes, my days, nights, my script. To you, the reader, thanks for giving me a reason to come up with such insan, sane entries. ~digressing from first topic~ Is it really true that left handers are more creative than right handers? I wouldn't think so. For those of you that don't know, I am left handed. Weird thing is that I throw with my right, bowl with my right-pretty much do tons of stuff with my right. But with my left, I dedicate my penmanship and eating abilities. So, unlike my people, I can cut stuff with my knife in my right hand, and fork in my left. Instead, of cutting with right, and forking with the right. This thought seems pointless, but that's just a little spooger about me.
MY WORD : spooger (noun) - 1. information of certain sort. 2. word that rhymes with booger. 3. one that clowns on others.
What has just recently crossed my mind?
Well, who actually reads my blog. Or, better yet, who attempts to read my cryptic works of linguistic art. Coming from me, art wouldn't really define what I write about or ponder about. But, to me, the type of writing seems to enlighten my writer's. Interested in my writings, my poetry, my quotes, my days, nights, my script. To you, the reader, thanks for giving me a reason to come up with such insan, sane entries. ~digressing from first topic~ Is it really true that left handers are more creative than right handers? I wouldn't think so. For those of you that don't know, I am left handed. Weird thing is that I throw with my right, bowl with my right-pretty much do tons of stuff with my right. But with my left, I dedicate my penmanship and eating abilities. So, unlike my people, I can cut stuff with my knife in my right hand, and fork in my left. Instead, of cutting with right, and forking with the right. This thought seems pointless, but that's just a little spooger about me.
MY WORD : spooger (noun) - 1. information of certain sort. 2. word that rhymes with booger. 3. one that clowns on others.
Wednesday, January 15, 2003
Third Wednesday of the New Year -- Elmo's World
"The greatest depression that set into my vision has yet to catch up with thee. My shade of light will continue to find positiveness upon the wondrous arches that we call paths of life. Darkness shall lurk behind me with eagerness to take over my very soul. Slowly and in time the patience that is called so strongly in such a mind may shatter to find disappoint for see to others. Down and a tearing apparition controls the very turn of events that may occur in and around the seconds of time. Scared of what may bring to this feeling, but the worst part is believing that never can happen."
Tech 162 Analog Circuits - B
Tech 167 Analog to Digital - C
Tech 168 Microprogramming & MASM - A
Tech 198 History of Civilized Technology - B
Nufs 163 Nutrition & Fitness - C+
Happy I am.
"The greatest depression that set into my vision has yet to catch up with thee. My shade of light will continue to find positiveness upon the wondrous arches that we call paths of life. Darkness shall lurk behind me with eagerness to take over my very soul. Slowly and in time the patience that is called so strongly in such a mind may shatter to find disappoint for see to others. Down and a tearing apparition controls the very turn of events that may occur in and around the seconds of time. Scared of what may bring to this feeling, but the worst part is believing that never can happen."
Tech 162 Analog Circuits - B
Tech 167 Analog to Digital - C
Tech 168 Microprogramming & MASM - A
Tech 198 History of Civilized Technology - B
Nufs 163 Nutrition & Fitness - C+
Happy I am.
Wednesday, January 08, 2003
Second Wednesday of the New Year -- Gary V : Hindi Kita Malilimutan
This entry is dedicated to all my friends. Here is a line or two to each of you...
edison - strange to find that such a friendship could last although the half-decade has lead to separate paths. you will always live a block away from me.
ted - uplift my mind on such phrases that can possibly make me feel any older. showing me signs that i must further my aged responsibilities.
paulo - youth lies in my eyes when your around. finding myself in you with accomplishments that i felt far from overcoming.
irene - either agreements or contradictions can never destroy our dreams. setting goals can really make a difference.
adan - such a characteristic can release such a trait. your happiness will always guide my soul toward a great horizon.
jerry - amazing contributions towards a thought of provoke. the push seizes to relinquish.
deanna - such a thing could be called other than simple friendship. be there in times of era.
gina - the times of sadness have always prolonged. yet the destruction of such will arise.
aivy - your right on and the right side of my brain. the sentence always end with you.
raina - being the person of your stamina gives strength. open-minded and single directed to harshness.
kat - live as though your achievements have doubted. let bring the greatest last and never forget.
reyna - the greatest gift we set for ourselves is friendship. the rarity of such words will never stop.
"Stuff come and go. Selective thought is chosen to bare the necessities of life. As living fossils on this earth, the common idealism toward a friendship is nothing but the original. Someone to look upon and have an internal light expand a life that will never be lost. Twelve can be set as a proper number to show for such a lifetime. More have been listed, yet many have chosen to stray or fall from this tower. The knowledge thy mind has become shredded into one's own mindset. Grown beliefs have been issued, but these new one's will be set for the next to be bluffed."
This entry is dedicated to all my friends. Here is a line or two to each of you...
edison - strange to find that such a friendship could last although the half-decade has lead to separate paths. you will always live a block away from me.
ted - uplift my mind on such phrases that can possibly make me feel any older. showing me signs that i must further my aged responsibilities.
paulo - youth lies in my eyes when your around. finding myself in you with accomplishments that i felt far from overcoming.
irene - either agreements or contradictions can never destroy our dreams. setting goals can really make a difference.
adan - such a characteristic can release such a trait. your happiness will always guide my soul toward a great horizon.
jerry - amazing contributions towards a thought of provoke. the push seizes to relinquish.
deanna - such a thing could be called other than simple friendship. be there in times of era.
gina - the times of sadness have always prolonged. yet the destruction of such will arise.
aivy - your right on and the right side of my brain. the sentence always end with you.
raina - being the person of your stamina gives strength. open-minded and single directed to harshness.
kat - live as though your achievements have doubted. let bring the greatest last and never forget.
reyna - the greatest gift we set for ourselves is friendship. the rarity of such words will never stop.
"Stuff come and go. Selective thought is chosen to bare the necessities of life. As living fossils on this earth, the common idealism toward a friendship is nothing but the original. Someone to look upon and have an internal light expand a life that will never be lost. Twelve can be set as a proper number to show for such a lifetime. More have been listed, yet many have chosen to stray or fall from this tower. The knowledge thy mind has become shredded into one's own mindset. Grown beliefs have been issued, but these new one's will be set for the next to be bluffed."
Wednesday, January 01, 2003
First song of the New Year -- <112 : Dance With Me>
The first time away from an actual indoor house for New Year's Eve (NYE). Its would be one of my most interesting experiences. From the beginning...
(doo-li-loo-li-loo...doo-li-loo-li-loo...doo-li-loo-li-loo)
Whenever I'm so motivated to continue you on with the pcn script, something like NYE has to interrupt me. I get into my car and find myself listening to a bunch of slow jams on my way to A.R.'s. Slow songs are starting to become a nuisance to my driving. This type of music doesn't usually get me sleepy when I drive, but now it does. Its those signs of getting old. For some odd reason, whenever I drive to hayward, there's no traffic. Unless I decide to take 880 the whole way. 880 bottleneck is such a whore butt. ((covering mouth)) Woohoo. Jackson St. & 92. Time to exit and I figure that everyone's driving their best because we all know that people still drive when they feel best to drive after drinking. NOT ME!!! *knock²* A.R. answers the door and pulls me in. Much greetings to parents. On our way to San Francisco to drop off A.R. at work. I expected more traffic downtown, but its only 8pm.
<<4 MORE HOURS>>
I'm tired, so I go home, greet my mother, Merry Christmas. Pick up Edcay and meet up with an old friend, Philip and his fiance, Monica. Sweet girl. Interesting couple.
<<3 MORE HOURS>>
I expected driving downtown and finding parking would be a hassle. Why don't we just take the Muni or Bart. Oh well!! We found parking at Embarcadero. We walked to Chevy's because they wanted to drink. Not very surprising, the bar was just bombarded with alcoholics and sweaty balls. Jaiden is such a cutie. Sorry if I spelt her name wrong guys.
<<1 MORE HOUR>>
Shoveling my way through an ocean of people. I would expect fights to break out soon because, youngsters have no patience. But with some luck, behind me a fight was stopped by one of the parties friend. Blacks and Mexicans. Sheesh. Age about 17. Ay ya! So I just watched and continued on through the waves of pushing and shoving. I kind of liked it because there was a lot of females pressing themselves against everyone. Drunk girls on guys shoulders surrounded by horny guys screaming, "Take it off!" The girls return a gesture that they'd would possibly use on themselves on those lonely cold nights. ((covering mouth)) You get the picture. They screamed that, while I yelled out, "Keep it on, just kiss your friend!" And with my fortunate luck, they did. I was very much congratulated. Offered drinks and a puff of some weed, but I declined the offers. Goodness! No drinking of alcoholic substance until my 24th Birthday. The journey continued on getting closer and closer to the main stage where the music was blasting. (hehe...blasting?)
<<15 MINUTES>>
There was once that I almost fell over, but of course, I'll stand strong on my feet, plus, I was kept up by the people around me. The only people that were pushing and shoving people was EVERYONE under 18. I almost lost my party through the whole mess. Somehow, I kept moving and then ended up back to back with Philip. In the distance, we see a bunch of kids jumping up and down on someTHING. Don't know what it is.((foreshadow))
<<5...4...3...2...1>>
Fireworks...fights...more pushing and shoving...everyone kissing strangers...and some other scandalous acts of young adulthood.
<<30 MINUTES INTO 2003>>
The object that those kids were jumping on was a service truck. A city truck I guess that helps people detour to a different area. Fun stuff to watch kids feel power by beating down on an object that they're parents are probably going to get taxed for. Thanks a lot kidos. At this rate, this generation of kids will find themselves with no social security for themselves. Anyway, that was my night. It was an exciting experience.
<<2-3 HOURS LATER>>
Picked up A.R. at work, drove home to SJ and fell asleep with my 2002 gift of warmth in my arms.
The first time away from an actual indoor house for New Year's Eve (NYE). Its would be one of my most interesting experiences. From the beginning...
(doo-li-loo-li-loo...doo-li-loo-li-loo...doo-li-loo-li-loo)
Whenever I'm so motivated to continue you on with the pcn script, something like NYE has to interrupt me. I get into my car and find myself listening to a bunch of slow jams on my way to A.R.'s. Slow songs are starting to become a nuisance to my driving. This type of music doesn't usually get me sleepy when I drive, but now it does. Its those signs of getting old. For some odd reason, whenever I drive to hayward, there's no traffic. Unless I decide to take 880 the whole way. 880 bottleneck is such a whore butt. ((covering mouth)) Woohoo. Jackson St. & 92. Time to exit and I figure that everyone's driving their best because we all know that people still drive when they feel best to drive after drinking. NOT ME!!! *knock²* A.R. answers the door and pulls me in. Much greetings to parents. On our way to San Francisco to drop off A.R. at work. I expected more traffic downtown, but its only 8pm.
<<4 MORE HOURS>>
I'm tired, so I go home, greet my mother, Merry Christmas. Pick up Edcay and meet up with an old friend, Philip and his fiance, Monica. Sweet girl. Interesting couple.
<<3 MORE HOURS>>
I expected driving downtown and finding parking would be a hassle. Why don't we just take the Muni or Bart. Oh well!! We found parking at Embarcadero. We walked to Chevy's because they wanted to drink. Not very surprising, the bar was just bombarded with alcoholics and sweaty balls. Jaiden is such a cutie. Sorry if I spelt her name wrong guys.
<<1 MORE HOUR>>
Shoveling my way through an ocean of people. I would expect fights to break out soon because, youngsters have no patience. But with some luck, behind me a fight was stopped by one of the parties friend. Blacks and Mexicans. Sheesh. Age about 17. Ay ya! So I just watched and continued on through the waves of pushing and shoving. I kind of liked it because there was a lot of females pressing themselves against everyone. Drunk girls on guys shoulders surrounded by horny guys screaming, "Take it off!" The girls return a gesture that they'd would possibly use on themselves on those lonely cold nights. ((covering mouth)) You get the picture. They screamed that, while I yelled out, "Keep it on, just kiss your friend!" And with my fortunate luck, they did. I was very much congratulated. Offered drinks and a puff of some weed, but I declined the offers. Goodness! No drinking of alcoholic substance until my 24th Birthday. The journey continued on getting closer and closer to the main stage where the music was blasting. (hehe...blasting?)
<<15 MINUTES>>
There was once that I almost fell over, but of course, I'll stand strong on my feet, plus, I was kept up by the people around me. The only people that were pushing and shoving people was EVERYONE under 18. I almost lost my party through the whole mess. Somehow, I kept moving and then ended up back to back with Philip. In the distance, we see a bunch of kids jumping up and down on someTHING. Don't know what it is.((foreshadow))
<<5...4...3...2...1>>
Fireworks...fights...more pushing and shoving...everyone kissing strangers...and some other scandalous acts of young adulthood.
<<30 MINUTES INTO 2003>>
The object that those kids were jumping on was a service truck. A city truck I guess that helps people detour to a different area. Fun stuff to watch kids feel power by beating down on an object that they're parents are probably going to get taxed for. Thanks a lot kidos. At this rate, this generation of kids will find themselves with no social security for themselves. Anyway, that was my night. It was an exciting experience.
<<2-3 HOURS LATER>>
Picked up A.R. at work, drove home to SJ and fell asleep with my 2002 gift of warmth in my arms.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)