Sharing the sounds of life with Breaking The Habit - Linkin Park

---

Los Angeles - I HATEDISLIKE IT. My sanity was controlled by my significant. The traffic, the weather, the constant a/c, the entrance and exiting merging lanes onto the fast lanes, the reason for so many accidents is because of their faster flow of traffic, the three or more merging freeways every three miles, the three lanes or less causing the traffic, the smog, the yuck feeling once you stand outside, the Lakers, the Angels, the scary feeling that the city will be attacked because the outside feel that LA is an important city. If we take LA from the world, what would happen? We would have more water to distribute amongst the people of California, esp. San Jose, the clusters of brown air will be non-existent, movies will get better because most of the good movies were made external LA, independent films are better, according to my significant. The weekend was expanded our relationship to even greater heights. May it be slightly or over the bakod, sleeping on separate couches as we sleep in a cabin-like environment. Waking to the sounds of Jackie, Ali, and Coops beating those...glass doors. You fit perfectly in your family, yet I feel you have your own identity, own personality to offer your family. Your contribution to my life is worth-while. I enjoyed your family presence. Significant? Here is to Kettlemen City, Wasco, Commerce for letting us sleep under your lights because we were so tired. Armando and Stitch for dancing when the Ska-Punk Cover CD was playing. To the five cars that we able to pass me on highway 5 because everyone is slow, to Figueroa and Hollywood exits, ya'll suck. 110N and S, 101N and S, if ya'll were binary numbers, i'd love ya, but i hate ya. With another memorable weekend behind me, I say hello to reality, back to the clean air. Bay Area, take advantage of what you have now because this weather is the bomb. The hottest day in the Bay is still way better than the average day in LA. Thank you for inviting me Aivy-Bear. Everything was fun, except for the traffic. The food was great. woohoo..."Who's Paul?" "Forget this, I quit." "Terminate the call n@#$%." "Being irish and ilocano negate each other."

Listening to Isn't She Lovely - Stevie Wonder

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Bringing my life back to when I was just entering college. That was far back, way back. I was single, unpopular, smart, and full of happiness. After nearly six years, I am now in a wonderful relationship, my own identity, intelligent, and still full of happiness. After nearly six years, I reminisce on all the incredible memories. After nearly six years, the ups and downs have made a smoother path in front. After nearly six years, I've grown six years too much to say goodbye. Quite possibly, it would have all been over after four and a half years, unfortunately, the school of computer science denied my existence as one of their own. Luckily, the faithful step into 'engineering' pursued my directional hypothesis. As for six years of friends and friendships, relationships, all of you I will never forget. I can't believe I've sat in front of that student union for eleven semesters. What? Not twelve? My first semester was my way to explore the dorms with my pals Liza, Sheryl, Kari. If it hadn't been for Alliance for Minority Participation (AMP), I wouldn't have met the exclusive group of individuals that I call my 'engineering buddies'. Though most of us were in engineering or computer science, most of us ended up in the inevitable Industrial Technology courses, currently graduating together.

You may go through college with one set of friends, and then suddenly jump to a new 'clic'. According to how my ways, the new always set in while the old still stay. Edison, I finally got you to go to an Akbayan event. Even though it took six years. Valley West Apartments!!! Yeah buddy. Goodness. I made way to many great friends, and zero bad ones. If it wasn't for the friendships, I'd still be in school right now...haha. Even though its still kind of early, here it goes:

Acknowledgements (Part I)
To the people of AMP...woohoo $900 for 4 weeks of nothing.
To Akbayan...leave me alone, I'll come back...when I want to.
To e.W.o...what can I say, that's my family. no really. that's my family. two brothers.
To Akbayan Cabinet Spring 2000...must I say more.
To Flowerboy...you know I'm there, tryin' to keep your eyes off those other booties.
To Miranda Park...you helped Akbayan get back on its feet. tito sonni will never die!
To my teachers...ya'll suck!!! esp. you Dr. Day, Math129a. my first F. <^> O-O
To my Valley West roomies...those were the days. the view was great, right over the pool.
To P.R.I.M.E...we were the dopest singing group of its time, too bad time stood still. we were good...right?
To PCN1999...that script will be resurrected.
To <||>...Man Down! <||>barrelman fragged <||>reckanoize with M4A1 SD

(more later- including Friendship Games 1997-2003, Carlyle, Peanuts, Food Bazaar, Ulo, and much more)

Listening to Michael Jackson Medley

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I've had the weirdest dreams lately. Both of them are about or related to Akbayan.
Dream One Sequence - It was like a low budget production of our PCS that recently just passed. Jebus. I was like running back and forth through a maze of hallways trying to get to the stage. The stage was completely blackened except for the fangirls, princess, umbrella-girl and clappers. From the look of this dream, its singkil that we're performing. It hasn't reached my part yet, so I go off stage and look around through a lobby that brings me to my old high school's lobby. My dream continues to get even more weird. I'm like in the audience and I see that my friend gail is in the prince outfit that I wore (sorry gail) and I was like, its not my time to enter the dance yet. It is almost time, so I run along backstage and then I warp into another dream that was senseless because all I did was stand there. From what it seemed, I stood there for at least five minutes. Suddenly, I jump back into my previous PCS dream, and I find out that singkil entourage are sitting backstage feeling a sense of relief. Tears begin run down my face, and an urge of emotional sadness flows through my physical body. Still in my dream, I fell to my knees and cried to myself while everyone just sat there and watched. After that, I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock because I had a 730 class. Dreams are really weird.
Dream Two Sequence - This is the weird dream that I spoke to Adan about. For some reason everyone tried to grab the socks that he was trying to wear. And then, with what I did, assuming that it would be funny, I took his socks and ran. When I was hiding, I stretched them out super long...like from regular sized socks to almost 6-feet. Remember: its a dream. When I handed him his socks, he got really mad at me. And then after, everyone started calling me mean. Kind of like the way Alexis tells everyone is mean. So I ran, while everyone started to fade out. Why am I having these dreams?

Listening to Breaking The Habit - Linkin Park

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My saturday seemed like such a thing you would see in a Lions Gate Film. Is it ever possible that reality is just a television or movie for some greater being? Are we forced to believe that there is a matrix, that we are stage props for someone's more popular life. Is there a boundary that we can't bare to surpass because our fears limit us from what's out there?

Second Level of Hell
You have come to a place mute of all light, where the wind bellows as the sea does in a tempest. This is the realm where the lustful spend eternity. Here, sinners are blown around endlessly by the unforgiving winds of unquenchable desire as punishment for their transgressions. The infernal hurricane that never rests hurtles the spirits onward in its rapine, whirling them round, and smiting, it molests them. You have betrayed reason at the behest of your appetite for pleasure, and so here you are doomed to remain. Cleopatra and Helen of Troy are two that share in your fate.

Listening to the late sounds of socom

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"With my Stitch on lap as I play, I think about her sleeping in my bed. So warm, and so precious that she lays in my blankets. I'll be there soon, but not late. Finally, as we lay in one another's arms, my breath will eventually pace with yours, my body temperature will raise and use each other as generator's of heat. Sleep well my off-stage princess, for thou will be awakening soon, to flow into the realities of life. Fearless features of friend fawn. Good nite."

Listening to the fan in my computer

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"Weird stuff occurs when moods change. Wondering why, trying to understand how, and wanting to know what can be done. Am I as bad as I feel I am?"
My rating is high for my disorder. Aivy tells me that I need attention. My whole youthful experience gained attention from mainly my family. Almost a year ago, the whole place I can ask for attention is when I go back home. People around school have others to think about while I had my mind on my own. To this present day, she tells me that all the attention I need in this part of my life comes from a single soul, body, mind. And it is so true. The spoiling that I give was said, and now the type of spoiling on my behalf is histrionic. Best in life my.
To my papa, Happy Birthday. My apologies that I didn't get a chance to say Happy Birthday, but I told you how I usually feel. You taught me well. The patience and low-temper has given me a life of pace-slow measurements. Though I feel you will not be reading this, my mind and spirit embraces your well being that you are the best father this son can have. Best in life my.
And people...please, read me - and keep me here. not there.

Disorder	Rating
Histrionic:	High

I'm not done yet. My picks for Fall 2003 Akbayan Cabinet. it's like they're a sporting draft. sheesh.

Pres: Jonas *interned
VP: Allen *experience
sec: Gail
treas: Blake
social: Alexis
cultural: Leanne
PR: Vesper, Kathleen
Newsletter: Michelle
Webmaster: Rhia
Community: Ann
Historian: Aldrich *experience

Scary, but I think they can accept the torch with "pride, dignity, and enthusiasm."

Listening to Piece of My Heart

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I updated some more on the links column. I haven't updated my list in so long. There you go people, I want to be able to become a source that you all can look to as a guide because I have nothing else to do. Yes I do. I have the option of making a certain someone glow. She is my glow-worm. Wiggle my shingle. At this moment, I'm wondering where she could be, but I'm trying not to worry. I could pick up the phone and find out where she is, but I shall continue to wait online or whatever. Being the boyfriend that I am, I like to believe that my mind is on her and other things. She's out there, nearly and under thirty miles away doing her thing. The greatest part of our relationship is the freedom and independence we give each and one another. She does her thing, and I do mine. Some people think that there are no awkward moments between her and I, but there are. What? Do you think that we're 1 and 1, 2 and 2. We're normal human beings that know faithfulness and honesty-driven personalities make things work.
"I Love You". Do we need to say something we don't know means? I'm not going to assumingly feel that these three words are going to make things better. Its a feeling that just comes out one day. I admit that the "I lahhh..." part comes out, but I usually stop and then the bulb above her head brightens and digs through my mouth wondering what I was about to say. It happens, but sometime it doesn't happen. Words can't bring two people alone, but words, actions, and emotions bring forth the undying feeling, presence of divinity, that a simple 4-letter word can purposely make another feel.
Bunny. I like you...a lot. You make the shine of the sun blaze across the distance, giving me a warm spray of sigh. Mushy-mushy. Bleh!

Listening to nothing

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These are my choices. Enjoy...

ADAN CATEGORY
Most Popular - ann r. & allen a.
Best Smile - lorraine m. & paul a.
Clown - alexis m. & addie r.
Most Talkative - kathleen p. & tediocarm m.
Most Spirited - krystle a. & ernesto s.
Photogenic - stephanie v. & chris b.
Best Personality - kathy i. & ken p.
Most Athletic - rhia r. & owen v.
Flirt - jehan a. & jonas e.
Daydreamer - dianne b. & adonis e.
Most Talented - valerie a. & vesper e.
Party Animal - kat m. & aris a.
Most Likely to be Late- gail r. & jon d.

ACTING CATEGORY
Best Actor ----- Paul B.
Best Actress ----- Ann R.
Most Improved Actor/Actress ----- Chris B. / Rowena B.
Best Extra ----- Emil V.
Best Cameo ----- Alexis M.

Philippine Cultural Showcase CATEGORY
PCS MVP ----- Gerald P.
PCS Overall ----- Joel H.
PCS Freshmen Star ----- Ann R.
PCS Stars ----- Everyone!!!

Listening to the sounds of clapping, the sounds of cheering, the sounds of deep sighs of relief...

---

...it's finally over. The world can begin to turn in one uni-directional way because I'll have so much time to work on papers, projects, and attempt a successful graduation. The reality of life is fading in with much stress, much frustration, and a deliverance into the world we call employment. No more weekly events, no more general or cabinet meetings, no more hanging out in front of the union, no more calls asking if i could help with a certain event, no more making new friends year after year, no more late night outings trying to study for exams, no more assignments that is graded. The shows belong on stage, and I belong in the audience now. Give or take about three years, my presence will fade out of existence, and a new glow will succeed thee.
For you readers, this last month is it. Day by day I will be under stress, excitement, sadness, enjoyment, relief, disappointment, frustration, happiness for the next couple of days. This is for each an every one of you.
Ted M., Jonas E., Jerry M., Irene B., Paulo C., Aris A., Marius B., Gerald P., Anthony B., Kat M., Ann R., Chris B., Kathleen P., Jon D., Dre A., Nate C., Vesper E., Paul A., Allen A., Alan C., Justin E., Alexis M., Krystle A., Adan S., DiAnne B., Rhia R., Addie R., Aldrich S., and so many more...Thank You.
All of you people in PCS 2003 Cast and Crew made my script come alive...Thank You.

Listening to the PCS 2003 Cha-Cha Mix

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What does P.C.N. really mean to me?
PCN is more than just the practice and the ability to put on a student show. Everyone believes that we are enthusiastic about such a show because we get to put on a show about the ethnicity that we call Filipino. The different shows that I watch around the bay area portray their own story, their own behind the scene look at the preparation of stress, frustration, and drama. Believe me, I've had my share of yelling words. I just want to believe PCN is a time, or era, for students to come together and find their identity through interaction.

Why I am the last to leave P.C.N. practices?
With the consideration to give others their chance to do their stuff for the show, I will grant them their wish. I don't mind be the last group to practice because I know I'll get everything done because there's no one waiting for their practice. However, the dancers that are in Singkil must wait along with me to put the dance into perfection. I apologize, yet live with it. Blah!!!

Where does my drive to do P.C.N. come from?
Creative arts is my hidden interest. When I was doing Lighting last year, I just wanted to push the technician off the balcony and deal with the lighting board. Or when I was backstage in PCN1998, I was so into my spot that I made the actual backstage postings. Every page lamenated for both stage left AND stage right. Along with stage movement, the power to be on a headset and take charge of my StageRight Ready crew was amazing. I remember my crew that year, and they're just all gone now. After that year, I turned to dancing. I felt pressured into doing the dancing because the alumni were all moving on. And when that came into affect, everyone was gone except for me, a couple of old schoolers, and our newest advisor. My drive is probably never going to stop, even through Ang Ninong has been written. There's so much more to conquer, especially perfecting my acting.

Is this my last P.C.N.?
I would love for it to be my last. I have Barangay to dance with. And when I do dance with them, I can possibly teach Akbayan new/old dances. Plus, I have something to put my efforts into, besides work. Duh! She's worth the effort. AIVY ROMA. Don't worry about those, as your dad would put it, hoochies. I think that's what he said.

Yawn. bye now.

Listening to the sounds of computer fans running

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"The glowing feeling is a floating feeling when you know that everything is in awe. The overwhelming sigh of relief when you catch a glimpse of a picture, the swift image in your minds imagination, the immediate hair-raising experience from a light touch, and possibly the simple breath of common fragrance that both take in. The cloud walking seems endless. Most words are better portrayed and exampled through physical being, seeing, and believing. The doing, instead of saying, makes an enormous difference when the sake of happiness and sadness is set on fantasy."

You make me happy. When I'm feeling that small feeling of blah-ness, you know exactly how to cheer me up. Sometimes your presence alone is the greatest way to relieve me of my stresses. The time that we've been together has been nothing but smiles. And now I know that we have the ability to have arguments, we know we're not a perfect thing. The communication between the two of us is constant. The sharing of food, the domestic shopping, the nightlife that we have, or should I say sitting on my couch watching television and/or reading US Weekly, FHM, Maxim, The Wave, etc. According to most couples, anniversaries are a major part in relationships. As a two-person relationship, we rarely figure the amount of time in our stuff, but for some reason, the thought of time is worth the while. The last four months have been the experience of a lifetime. I would like to believe that I know you and you know me, but I know there's so much to learn from each other. The trust and honesty will continue to last in this thing. Every hug, every kiss, and every time I swipe my fingers slowly across your cheek is physical significance. The most profound, emotional contact I give is simply the way our eyes look into each. You unlock the greatest things about me. From the beginning, I said I need you. And I DO.

Happy 4-Months...sheesh. Corny!?

I HATE WRITING PAPERS. Let's list all the things that I'd rather do then write a paper. Specifically, an easy paper that is ONLY 5-pages long. AHHHHHHHHH!
I would rather...
...study for a test than write a paper.
...not eat for a whole day than write a paper.
...run in a bahog through school than write a paper.
...give up socom for a day than write a paper.
...clean both my bathrooms than write a paper.
Why can't papers be like blogs? This is the last time I procrastinate. It is kind of hard to say that now because I'm graduating in 2-months. The worst thing about tonight is that I finished both paper and powerpoint presentations easily, but the printing really irked me. In addition, my brother was laying down to sleep...BEFORE ME! How annoying. I dislike hearing people sleep when I can't. I blame myself for this happening. I could have done this project a long time ago, but my education has gotten the better end on this one. I let it slap me around like a biz-nam. I deserve it, life has taken me by the balls, and decided to let them get squeezed before they pop them. Metaphorically speaking, as usual, I'm tired, cranky, frustrated, angry, and damn-near ready to pick up my printer and throw it on the ground as hard as I can. It is kind of like how Michael Bolton felt, in Office Space, when that damn machine didn't work on him. I just want to go into the field and beat down my printer with a bat. I feel violent right now.

Listening to Is It My Imagination : Roselle Nava

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"This amazing, yet mindset has gone through my mind ever since the past days, months, minutes, seconds the moment one deciphers such a feeling of agnax. The written words, phrases, scenes that portray such a feeling that won't give a hoot in the future. These will be something that you can actually say that you've felt that certain way. Over and over scanning a bunch of triesen that are more profound than chronological. Look into your hearts, your minds, your soul and let us know what made you feel that way. The greatest part about such jibber, you can analyze your own life, find out who you really are. There is going to be a time when you are going to look into the mirror and figure out who is that person looking back at you. Saying not that this method will leave a mark, but it could certainly make you think. Read on and let go of the reality and concrete life. Close such eyes, remember the why, instead of the what. The who is less than important for the how it could of been. The adjustment in golbing may be different for many to imagine."
Contemplate: Don't mix inner thoughts with external dialogue. If you interconnect, then frustrations, conflict pours from.
Meaning: We use Internet journal attire to vent, talk, and/or explain our daily acquisitions or detrements. These are inner thoughts. Let people think the way they want, and if you get offended, think about why they think that way. Maybe, just maybe you'll find the answer deep into the hybo-globen.

Listening to Your Call : 6th Day : 127am

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Thanks Allen -
"An aroma lingers through aimless rays.(biscuits smell good)
Looking through a profound wall.(the oven wall that u use to make biscuits)
My borders and limits see past nothing. (Cuz the oven light isn't on...u can't see the biscuits)
Understand not only the outside.(the inside tastes jus as good as the outside)
Watch and see what I cannot give.(your broke...so that's y your cookin biscuits instead of buying em)
One song of hope will appear."(thats the Mmmmm song that u make when u eat the freakin biscuits)

...hilarious.

'Today, I was sitting with the rest of the hungry humans, waiting for primitive settings to become present.
Picnics are always a good way to become better acquainted with people that tend to want more than just practices. Though, it was the concluding event of such a week, we are back to a realistic being that we find ourselves captured by the roots of our heritage. As one conversation goes on to another, my response to such a topic was that this new thing has become to trendy that I only wish to continue in such a place that is cherishable. My resignation toward this well-developed venting machine is not even close for me. The feeling of stardom overwhelms me when words are proclaimed that brought something to people that only few knew of. The credit goes to the few who knew, but the many who know, will guarantee that their lives are better understood.'
Meaning...
Journal entries are the 'new' thing. They've been around for so long though. And if one person can honestly say that I was the one who help start the fad, the power to you. I'm not the only one. Truthfully, my entries are nothing more than possible spoken word pieces, gibberish, senseless poetry, and scrambled messages to readers. That's it.

Listening to Kingdom Hearts : Aivy's TV

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"The sounds of sweet voices randomly go through my mind as my smile enhances. The rhythm continues to go forward as mind is reminisced with splendid sounds of awe. The meaning of what is in mind seems less possible to comprehend because the meaning to this whole thing is like a google. There are far greater accomplishments in life to treat toward a life of beneficial destinies. Greatness, doubtfulness, soundless flows of chimes that team together to mind the rarity of seasons. Noses smell the sweet aroma of fruits not seen, terrain not felt, tasteless fluid, noise yet unheard. The meaning of anything is to let your mind free, far from close-minded, unknowingly, forgetting that we are not what the world goes round. In such cases, we discover life revolves around our setting of environment. The destiny between the common plain is hard of configure mainly because we are not ready to find the truth. Or maybe the truth is already what we live. This kingdom that I find myself living through is gathered together by a soul, heart, and harmony of many. My mind is clear of many unwantful ways of lifestyle. Lastly, I dawn the horizon to finally meet up with the next step."

FINALLY, Aivy and I beat Kingdom Hearts a couple of nights ago. It was a pretty long ending. And very, very dope. What game should I purchase next?

Listening to In My Life : The Beatles

---

"Working on my latest assignments made me realize that once again, my days are fading one by one, day by day. The greatest part of this whole shindig is the fact that leaving with a smile has given me a purpose in moving on. I've written about this subject so many times..."

Next track is Sanchez : Beenie Man

---

"...the relaxed mostly this whole day. All I did was sleep. I went to all three of my classes and took at least a twenty minute nap in each one of them. Is it because I'm sick that I feel such weakness, such fatigue? After deserving my recent grades for exams, noticing that small mistakes matter, reading instructions matter, having sympathy towards a friends misfortune does matter. To my autocad lender, my best hope goes for your treasures become visible for you soon. My body is feeling a bit blah..."

Next track is When We Get Married : Intruders

---

"...because of the many times that I want to be able to. Shhh! Next topic. My views of today's worldly issues is astonishing to find that it can really open up people's eyes. What if I am drafted into the army? Am I willing to fight for this country? This United States of America. The land of the free, the land of the fading pledge of allegiance, the land that changes its ways as the interest of youth expands, the land of free speech AND free publicity, the land of whatever my point to all this is..."

Next track is Love Of A Lifetime : DJ Azn Gurl?

---

"...hmmm? I don't really like this whole song. So, I must go now so I can change this song. I only like the 'la-di-da-di-da-da' part. It's cool. I aways used to hear it in many cotillions that I've been to."

A.R.T.C. - I miss you, especially on rainy days.

Watching Fraternity Life : Aivy's sitting behind me on her couch

---

"When was the last time rejection has over-struck my life. I can't take it personal because it was something I was totally against from the very beginning. I was heard my own flesh and blood say to me that this stuff is not for me. After six long year's of thinking over everything, and finally realizing that this was something for me, I want to be part of it. The feeling of acceptance through ritual exchanges with beneficial results is what I wanted. Who knows? The next thing that I wanted before I concluded this tradition in a lifetime of blahness is brotherhood. I guess my current brothers from the house of corinth is the only acceptance I'll get to understand. From the initiation into the house, to watching pledges from a certain mornings on our floors, to the whole hateful feelings of having dirty surroundings, to the constant performances that we did together as a family of just friends. I guess I shouldn't feel rejection for something that I got. I don't know though. Everything is different through official and non-official situations."

Quote of the week: "If you put it down, I'm going to scream."

Continuation from 3/8 about online journals

---

...having different dialogues with people about this online journal entry stuff is starting to make me think. Even reading random figures, finding that all they may write about is their life. This proves that I am different from most people. Some figures do write about both physical and profound entries, and the material that's in these are interesting to find that at least they lead into what they are actually talking about. As for me, I don't really like letting people understand what I'm talking about. I want you readers, even if there are no readers, to think...and then you will see the line that I walk upon.

Singing along with In My Life : Beatles

---

Gotta get the words...gotta get the words...first verse!!! YES!

Something short until I come back later on tonight. This is a very interesting topic. It involves this whole web blogger stuff. There are so many people out there that I know and don't know, and it's interesting to go onto the internet and count the groups of people that have been linked to Blogger, Xanga, etc. More later...

Hearing Dirty : Christina Aguilera, but not feeling it

---

I shouldn't feel so down for sudden turn of events, but this is a feeling I'm not used to. I've always put my 110% in everything that involved...dancing. At least I wasn't cut, or rejected. I know the moves, I know what was next. And by the time IT happened, I would have been shining on stage. It's time to suck it up. I get to listen to my conscience yell at me saying worthless jibber-jabber that I wished I could let go of. Riding my bike home was depressing. Hearing laughter and yelling of wrong moves, looking away from it all and taking a deep breath reminding myself constantly to keep going. Good thing I took the street because if it wasn't for that car, I would still be thinking about it with much thought. When I was riding home, I looked over my right shoulder and undoubtedly, there was a car coming, which lead me into a curb making me flip forward onto the sidewalk. OUCH! But I thank the night for this incident, mainly because I get to watch a basketball game. Can I quit everything else, except my hopeful dance...Likgnis. Leave me alone! I'm sad, depressed, and heart-broken.

The frequency of noise current heard is Put Your Hands On My Shoulder : Good Charlotte

---

..."whisper in my ear...baby...words I wanna hear...tell me...tell me that you "love" me too." Which brings me to my next topic. What is love? Is it a four-letter word that is used over-extensively by all sorts of diverse groups? Knowing and believing that this word is just a phrase that people use to show acceptance in relationships, friendships, and sometimes strangers. Family is love. Girlfriend is strong affection, not love. Until there is a certain feeling, I guess, but I'm going to stop this topic because I remember talking about it before. It's interesting to find out what people see of this word, feeling, and/or stuff.


The frequency of noise current heard is...
...Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What A Wonderful World : Israel Kamakawiwo'ole

---

"My eyes sink into a wondrous place of relaxation, warmth, feeling not only relief from any type of stress, frustration, but from a great endless sleep. I enjoy the musical flowing jingles of strings wave through my eardrums finding its way through the drum and deep into the membranes of dance. My eyes sink into unconsciousness thinking that no one can take away this great feeling."

I guess I have nothing to say no more. I'm just tired.

Listening to On Bended Knee : Boyz II Men

---

My past couple of blogs have been pretty intense, according to my usual daily thoughts. I'll try to calm it down for you reader's out there. I don't want any of you to think I'm starting to go crazy. With much assurance, I'm certainly not going crazy. With that out of the way, let's begin.

Here's a topic that I'm pretty sure you'll want to stop reading after the next sentence, except for you gamers out there. By all means, read on if you like the thought of video gaming as a team sport. You see, there's this game called Socom: Navy Seals that I've been straight addicted to for the past month and a half. Even before I started playing the game, I was pulled in by the controller in hand and screen visualizing such a game. I wouldn't necessarily say it was entirely Paulo's fault, but hey, it's normal. (Don't worry Paulo, you're still cool) The first time I played was on his big screen tv in his living room. But once we started playing in his computer room, damn you online socom people. I decided to play along and build our clan with Aris. So the Brown Clan was developed with the passion to just play together with friends that had the same interest. That's just the beginning.

School starts, and Paulo and I tend to speak of socom in front of the Nayabka table. Suddenly, a voice replies, "You play socom too." Luckily, it was Shaun and Andrew, the two guys that I played Halo against. So, as things go by, Paulo, Aris, Shaun, Judel, Andrew, and myself begin the quest for the GREAT <||> CLAN. Also known as "the fly" on Xbox's Halo, he came in as a nuisance for gamers not on our team. As the <||> clan became greater in size, our teamwork skills greatly improved. As the seven of us battled other clans, like oGc, USMC, etc., we let word out that we're open for expansion. This is present and we gain Jon, Aldrich, and Marius to the clan.

Like I said before, we are just a couple handfuls of friends who have the same interest and passion for something that may seem weird, video games. So, without regrets, and with much pride toward the Pterydactyls <||>...We Shall Conquer Over Clans Like Winged Beasts!!!

<||>tajackamo - chief
<||>reckanoize - sniper
<||>big black - sniper
<||>barrelman - shotgun
<||>flatliner - gunner
<||>freaknasty - gunner
<||>spoonieluv - gunner
<||>honeycutt - rookie
<||>cantot_boy - rookie
<||>bishop - M.I.A. - missing in action
and R.I.P. to the others...
<||>badonkdonk, <||>ironflag, <||>cashmoney

Listening to the sounds of unsettled flem : snoring

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I tend to break down like the rest of the world. Most of the time it only occurs when I, among the rest of the sample, prepare for the "show". It's been only four weeks of non-stop hassling and trampling to make certain deadlines, arrangements, edit-ments. I'm tired of it all. Like the last time I wanted to let go of something, I wished that I could take the trash and put it all in the basura. Assignments for school aren't getting any better, nor worse. My world is standing still and I can't bare to reveal anything new or take on old things. Would it be possible to just get in my car, pick up her, and drive out into the distance? And then come back nearly a year later and find out anything has changed. Will anything change? From time to time, I've tried to make and evolve with the rest of the world. I've made compromises to get into the swing of things. A nightlife was almost there, but I decided that being that home-body is just who I am. You have a life, I have a life. And what my life is telling me to do is let most of it go. So from this day forth, I say farewell to Akbayan. Hello, World!!! First things first, world will you be my friend. I see it's not that easy, and so I must earn what seems to be impossible. "I've gotta what...I need to know someone in order for you to be my friend." Well, my continuing education of life starts with registering for my first class. This first class is called "How to pay bills - Life10". *Raising both arms up in joy* No more practices, no more meetings, no more Filipino identity...


College life doesn't necessarily mold a specific lifestyle for someone. There are so many choices in this line of work making it very difficult to make one. It starts the first time we could move. If you had a choice to learn to talk, it isn't yes or no, it's more like, which language would you like to have as your primary tongue? Further into most decisions, we can't neglect one side and fully take on the choice intended. There are two or more sides to everything. Choices, choices, choices. Check this out...

What school do you want to go to?
-What major at this school will you take?
--Under which influence for this particular major at this school?
---Is the staff and faculty for this major's influene at this school good enough?
----Which classes does this professor teach that will expand my knowledge in this major?
...from the beginning of my second year in collegio, my well-being for academics is baffling. I've settled for the choices that my parents chose for me. Do parents really know best? I would hope so, but sometimes its difficult for parents to believe in their childs independence. Is it fair for a mother and/or father to make choices for their child until a certain age? Yes. Unless the child could pay for whatever they choose to do.


...that I must sit and wonder if I'm truly a brown skinned American or Filipino. If I name myself a filipino, from the Philippines, do I accept the Spanish settlement of my native land. Do I accept King Philip of Spain to be the nationality of my race. Do I accept the cruelty of Spanish religions that somewhat plagued my native land. Do I accept what was brought down through generations the history that betrayed our own lifestyles. Do I accept the diversity of the so-called brown-skinned people from a nameless nationality. Do I accept anything about my heritage. Do I accept the news of today that shock the sphere we live upon. My answer is...

Listening to The Other Two : Selfish

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Something I've been thinking about. Maybe its just silly, but I need to get it out. The growth of this organization that I'm in fluctuates. Sometimes there are leaders who do the job, and there are followers who find that the leaders aren't nothing more than followers themselves. As for me, I like to see myself as both. I wouldn't mind seeing a little bit more leader in me, but I don't like the feeling of pressure and stress and frustration. Overall, I like to just get things done. I love to succeed and make things work. This club, Akbayan, it has its ups and downs. Most of the time, it breaks even, but the other twenty-five percents, they fail and fail even more. How does Akbayan possibly fall into the red. How do we find ourselves to climb out of holes. Why do we try hard enough to pull ourselves out? Like a very few who are in this organization, they see comfort and a place to escape to during classes and exams. But at the same time, will they go forth and stand tall with this "just an organization" kind of ordeal. I don't know. Most of the time, I like to find myself trying to keep something alive by ultimately putting my foot into the door. Never letting that room become closed to the world. Exactly how it feels when we all must let go of things, places, memories that we hold dear to us. Akbayan isn't just a place to have shows, and hang out, but more of a beginning to build whatever it is you may look for. And when you find it, grasp it and don't let go. If you do let go, you'll end up being just another picture in the photo albums. Having new members asking, "Who is that?" Sometimes I'm having flashbacks to my first days in Akbayan. I was the quietest one of course with the old school people kicking it at the Akbayan house / e.W.o house / House of Corinth. This house of ours gave birth to three Akbayan president's in the late 90's and the first millenium. Oh the days when I could call out the oldest people and make fun of them because they are still in college. The tables have turned and now I have to face the misery. Is it such a bad thing to have. Now necessarily. I'm not having such regrets about being in such a position. I like being the mighty 'jedi' or the guy who knows what's been done or the Manong or Kuya that people can turn to and say, "You're old." I will be saying my farewells soon. From the first day that I was Fundraiser, I must admit that Akbayan stressed the "heck" out of me. From the first PCN in 1998 to maybe my last one this year, I shall never forget all these wonderful people that have made a perfect path to what I'm going to look forward to. Good Night.

"Why must I be in such a state of mind that isn't what most people see. Believe me, it's not a curse. It is possibly a compliment of bliss. Another thing, that last phrase is something that sounds intelligent, but really, I don't know what it means. Who cares? Trying to sound in intelligent is better that actually being intelligent. Whatever I say to myself when someone comes up to me and says that I'm thinking nonsense. Like the thought of popularity over knowledge is the existence of the world wounding and rounding making others believe that school and academics is the cure to all poverty. Not likely that I will find employment through the learning experience that this piece of paper might say that I've strived four, five, and even six years to take grasp of. Pathetic is not only the conspiracy of such a nation of miscommunication, but great diversity. We are free from dictatorship, yet we all struggle to make ourselves find a leader to lead us to happiness. Democracy and the Republic is a straight-forward government that we long to find so understanding by the 'father's" of this country. The great Washington's and Roosevelt's were and are history. We now live through a terrible happiness and we strive through this heavenly sadness of fantasy, ecstasy, and reality.


My view's on life seem to surpass not only me, but the common person. Most of the time it doesn't make sense through words, but it puts the puzzle in mind into a jigsaw completion. Though, as I drink my $1.29, 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew, from a venue that tends to fall apart like a mudball in the rain, I take this glass, lift it up, and take my time to taste what was cheap, delicious, and easy to take grasp of because its affordable. How did I make a transition from government to consumer production, I don't know. All I know is that the money in my pocket will not be there for such a long time. As my money falls, another rises. Which brings me back to the thought of who you know to make a future out of your life. As of now, I struggle to receive, not just a passing grade, not just the medium, but the perfection of the first letter of the alphabet on papers, exams, and the thought that school, career, family is what America's message sends to us. The picture that I see is, I want not what every American wants, I want what no one needs. If I could go back in time, and take my life into the savage life, maybe I would. The history books put this portrait of early civilization. How do we know that really happened? How do we really know anything that happened yesterday before we were born?


I look around my room and find all of the materialistic things that I own. What could I be rid of? Everything? Somethings? For one thing, all my books can go because I need them to get my diploma which means nothing unless you 'know' people. Another thing could be all the different types of clothes in my closet. I can live with little enough clothes. I can live with a pair of shoes. I change my clothes everyday because people find that change is important and that wearing the same clothes every single day is weird and disgusting. Is it really? The mentality of everything is based on...day to day beliefs. 'Nough said.


This being St. Valentine's Day, I believe in spending another day with my other the same we always spend it. Everytime we're close, we're close. Close as in, communication, romanticizing, taking each step of our relationship further than before. Not a drastic jump, but small bits. Chocalates, gifts, roses? How 'bout Wendy's 5 nuggets, fries, rice, hotdogs, and mountain dew? Also, an afternoon of video games. Is this a healthy relationship that will go sour? I doubt that because the time spent together is based on one mind struggling on the same goal. In this case, she's a keeper, I'm lucky, and the next step is ready to step through the door."

Listening to ESPN Sportscenter

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"Trying so hard to finish some obligations is just too time consuming. Attempting to continue my best efforts to find out the inevitable. Again my words are useful, yet hard to understand. Impossible to understand how this mind ticks. Some people have the power to decipher the arrows that pour through my membranes and seep out the outer part of my eardrum, thumping to a beat that is similiar to the bass of my heart. Like the many that can actually rewrite the ways of my past in a simple entry. Take away the greatness of my situation, the hunger for my power will merely vanish from existence. Leave me be with all my troubles in life. My mind has exploded into millions of thoughts that must be puzzled together with exhaustion."

Listening to (coincidence) PC Quest : Can I Call You My Girl

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"The best part of a sunny's day is the warmth and great feeling that soothes the soul of the beholder. Taking that first step into a day's gloom. Finding that the rest of the day could turn out the worst, but just that introduction to a morning or afternoon's rise could make the best of things come true. Is it even possible that clouds can make a day even more beautiful. As we walk through life, we want to believe that we are unstoppable, and that the best things in life and decisions are the correct one's. Imagine one day someone comes up to you and tells you that your whole life has been a lie. Imagine that you haven't succeeded in any of your obstacles because they've all become rehearsed to situate your lifestyle. This life of robots and puppeteering is far from what is seen when the sun comes out and says hello to my smiling face. Growing up with smiles and happiness can make the best of one's life. Sometimes most people don't receive this same treatment, so in this case, they must find their individual pleasures another way. Kind of ways that we find when we want to find something to relinquish that bored feeling when we see rain drops fall from the sky. Just the other day, the topic mentioned related to two worlds, such as Miami and the whole state of Washington. The heat of skin bring joy while the breeze of storms brings torment. I guess what I'm saying is that our eyes can deceive everything that we bring ourselves to actually see. Like seeing a thick book, we automatically believe that its boring because of the number of pages. On the other hand, the book could be so abnormally interesting that it could be possible to finish in one sitting. Just look around before we start to assume those daily pressures."

Listening to PC Quest : Can I Call You My Girl

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Everything is good. Cheer up sleepy jean. Smooches to all you wonderful people. Can you tell I didn't feel very imaginitive right now?

Eye-B : wonderful, fun, exilerating, romantic, exotic, mellow, laughs, sadness, frustrations, spooger, and many more.

Fourth Tuesday of the New Year -- listening to Backstreet Boys : Drowning

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Through the years, my ears have been open to many people out there. Sometimes strangers, but mostly people very close to me, my sources of helpfulness is always there for everyone. Are my choices usually the right one's though? The actions that may come into one's mind is unforgiving. Things go because it wants to happen. Back in the mind, it hides straying away from the rest of the body. Things happen for a reason. The fate we feel comes and soonly enough goes. Keeping something with a strong flame takes a lot of effort. I want to say that I'll put my forth into the general cause, but I know that I won't always do so. My future is mine to fall into. No one else leads me into certain circumstances. However, the path that I step into, every once in awhile, could possibly have the assistance of an outside mind, but I'm always open to these bystanders. Does this really mean that they've lead my life? Not exactly. This is where choices come into affect. My direction towards school, relationship, family, future, fate are all mine to control. Think about it.

G-B - i'm sorry i wasn't there for you in your time of need.

Fourth Thursday of the New Year -- listening to Kelly Clarkson : Moment Like This

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Today was such an experience for myself. For people who know me well enough, and for those of you who don't know me, my type of life is to assist, help others and find my well being one of my last priorities. With this same thought, not as in general, but something that is more public than private. Of course my life is priority before others in my own personal private life, but as unselfish as I am, I like to see that people are doing all right. They may not be the happy attitude that I may want them to be in, but at least they're not in depression, sadness, or in mourn. I try. I guess my main thought tonight is that I've been feeling really helpless. The other night, aivy agreed with me when I told myself that I wasn't myself. -duh!- I'm in crutches. And it hurts. Usually, I'm in pain, but I don't let anyone see the pain the constant pain I feel for more than five minutes.
(flashback) On Martin Luther King Jr. Day, a couple of us decided to go up to the snow to go snowboarding. The day started off lazily because when I found out pasa was no longer going, I was discouraged to go. But like the friend he is, ed was still down to go. And I can't just flake on him like that. We went to Sierra-at-tahoe and snowboarded for a good three hours. It was fun, until I took a off-trail jump. I got good air, but my nose was pointing the wrong slope and I ate it. I don't mean, just falling on my tailbone, but straight up on ice, tumbling and finding out that my board didn't want to follow the direction my ankle was heading. The only think I heard when I hit the ground was -crack.crack.crack- in a matter of a second. OUCH! (end flashback)
And yes, almost three days later, and the pain continues to grow. I wonder if I never went to the health center, it wouldn't feel as bad - psychologically speaking. Kicking it at the union in between classes was just a thrill, especially when gumbi marissa kicked my ankle not once, but TWICE. and then trying to secure my foot from pretending they're going to hit it. How unkind and mean can some people be. They're my friends so I forgive them. The thing is, they've never seen me mad. And also, I've never been in this kind of pain in my life. Mix those two together and I won't be showing my face for awhile because...
overall situation, i've never cared about myself in public before. Looking back, I find myself making sure those around me are doing ok. One more input is the kindness of people that happen to open up doors and put chairs down in front of me to rest my foot and for my friends that helped me during lunch. *spanks* ya'll can hold my drinks and food anytime.
to jerry - if you must know ((sheesh)) "amazing contributions towards a thought of provoke. the push seizes to relinquish." means that all the times that you've been that 'jerk', 'dickhead', and 'bully', you're somehow unconsciously provoking some type of lesson for me to get out of it. the more you push me, the stronger my stance gets. Nowadays, if you push me, I will fall. Obviously, see above. I've always been the person that could be pushed around, but from experiences with you, I can hold on my own. Now stop asking me. Actually, don't ever bring this up again.

Third Sunday of the New Year -- listening to Kenny G : Christmas Song

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There was so much I wanted to say about something earlier. My mind always goes blank when I really want to create such a thought that can better your efforts to make sense out of me. As of now, I'll have to make up a topic that will be suitable for the time I have on this earth. Through the years, my abilities have vanished into thin air, gaining such new powers that you would believe to be silly. The worst part about all of this is the feeling I get right now. Not in the future, not in the past, but in the time that you read this entry, I will probably be thinking of something that would probably contradict the idea. As my mind grows and expands, my beliefs become cloudy and skeptical. People say college makes who you are. Thinking to myself that college didn't make who I am, it tore apart my old traditions and put question marks next to them. For example, love has been pushed around so much in my life. Grade school, high school, and now college has been a great discover for such a four letter word. How can you possibly give meaning to this word? People know that life can't be defined, so they let it be. The similarities between life and love is so considerably equivalent that each can be left to bear millions and millions of personal, private, and imperfected meanings. My thoughts about this word is non-existent, besides the (Hi-5 singing) unconditional love that we have for...family. Not a girlfriend, not a bestfriend, just someone with the actual feeling that is just known to be there since the dawn of their first breath. A love between a mother and her son, a father and his daughter, cousin to aunt, ecetera. If people can say this word so easily, do they really believe that what they're saying is love? One time, back at Carrow's, I had a significant conversation with Julius, Joey, Rod, and myself. This may be digressing, but the topic was about happiness. Does happiness cost one million dollars? If you believe one million dollars would make you happy, then you're a single-minded fool soul. Like love and life, there's many ways to be happy. Open your mind to what's out there. Chocalate makes me happy. Having that rich texture and taste just sink into my mouth and tasting it soothes my inner self. I don't need a million dollars to be happy. So, going back to the previous topic mixed with the new one, does love cost one million dollars? Obviously, NO it doesn't. Love is... All I can say is that this word is the one world that should and shouldn't be used in more effective ways. Does this previous line make sence? To me, it does. Dependencies make up such decisions. For me, love is just evol(ution) spelled backwards. The ability to evolve/adapt with new obstacles that come your path.

MOST TIME CONSUMING: socom online (ps2) 'good grief'

Third Friday of the New Year -- watchin' Reckanoize die on Socom Online

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Why I care so much?

Maybe it would be easier to understand if I wrote it all out. With the intent to make things better, I do what I can. What can I say, I care. Possibly for complete strangers, I can give a damn. I may be on the soft side, but there's nothing wrong with helping out another soul. Everyone is raised differently, yet I get to be the kind-hearted one. This isn't a bad thing for me, yet it really tests patience in the second party. With a great attitude toward many different paths in life, I like to consider myself as neutral. In this case, I can suit myself for both parties. You may think that this option is not worth taking, but it saves energy. Just when I thought it was easier to understand what goes through my head, I continue to jumble up such words of confusion into reader's minds. Like once I was told, just keep it short and simple. Well, for a second attempt, I care about people because that's how I was raised.

Third Thursdsay of the New Year -- spacebar doesn't work most of the time...

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What has just recently crossed my mind?
Well, who actually reads my blog. Or, better yet, who attempts to read my cryptic works of linguistic art. Coming from me, art wouldn't really define what I write about or ponder about. But, to me, the type of writing seems to enlighten my writer's. Interested in my writings, my poetry, my quotes, my days, nights, my script. To you, the reader, thanks for giving me a reason to come up with such insan, sane entries. ~digressing from first topic~ Is it really true that left handers are more creative than right handers? I wouldn't think so. For those of you that don't know, I am left handed. Weird thing is that I throw with my right, bowl with my right-pretty much do tons of stuff with my right. But with my left, I dedicate my penmanship and eating abilities. So, unlike my people, I can cut stuff with my knife in my right hand, and fork in my left. Instead, of cutting with right, and forking with the right. This thought seems pointless, but that's just a little spooger about me.

MY WORD : spooger (noun) - 1. information of certain sort. 2. word that rhymes with booger. 3. one that clowns on others.

Third Wednesday of the New Year -- Elmo's World

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"The greatest depression that set into my vision has yet to catch up with thee. My shade of light will continue to find positiveness upon the wondrous arches that we call paths of life. Darkness shall lurk behind me with eagerness to take over my very soul. Slowly and in time the patience that is called so strongly in such a mind may shatter to find disappoint for see to others. Down and a tearing apparition controls the very turn of events that may occur in and around the seconds of time. Scared of what may bring to this feeling, but the worst part is believing that never can happen."

Tech 162 Analog Circuits - B
Tech 167 Analog to Digital - C
Tech 168 Microprogramming & MASM - A
Tech 198 History of Civilized Technology - B
Nufs 163 Nutrition & Fitness - C+

Happy I am.

Second Wednesday of the New Year -- Gary V : Hindi Kita Malilimutan

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This entry is dedicated to all my friends. Here is a line or two to each of you...
edison - strange to find that such a friendship could last although the half-decade has lead to separate paths. you will always live a block away from me.
ted - uplift my mind on such phrases that can possibly make me feel any older. showing me signs that i must further my aged responsibilities.
paulo - youth lies in my eyes when your around. finding myself in you with accomplishments that i felt far from overcoming.
irene - either agreements or contradictions can never destroy our dreams. setting goals can really make a difference.
adan - such a characteristic can release such a trait. your happiness will always guide my soul toward a great horizon.
jerry - amazing contributions towards a thought of provoke. the push seizes to relinquish.
deanna - such a thing could be called other than simple friendship. be there in times of era.
gina - the times of sadness have always prolonged. yet the destruction of such will arise.
aivy - your right on and the right side of my brain. the sentence always end with you.
raina - being the person of your stamina gives strength. open-minded and single directed to harshness.
kat - live as though your achievements have doubted. let bring the greatest last and never forget.
reyna - the greatest gift we set for ourselves is friendship. the rarity of such words will never stop.
"Stuff come and go. Selective thought is chosen to bare the necessities of life. As living fossils on this earth, the common idealism toward a friendship is nothing but the original. Someone to look upon and have an internal light expand a life that will never be lost. Twelve can be set as a proper number to show for such a lifetime. More have been listed, yet many have chosen to stray or fall from this tower. The knowledge thy mind has become shredded into one's own mindset. Grown beliefs have been issued, but these new one's will be set for the next to be bluffed."

First song of the New Year -- <112 : Dance With Me>

---

The first time away from an actual indoor house for New Year's Eve (NYE). Its would be one of my most interesting experiences. From the beginning...
(doo-li-loo-li-loo...doo-li-loo-li-loo...doo-li-loo-li-loo)
Whenever I'm so motivated to continue you on with the pcn script, something like NYE has to interrupt me. I get into my car and find myself listening to a bunch of slow jams on my way to A.R.'s. Slow songs are starting to become a nuisance to my driving. This type of music doesn't usually get me sleepy when I drive, but now it does. Its those signs of getting old. For some odd reason, whenever I drive to hayward, there's no traffic. Unless I decide to take 880 the whole way. 880 bottleneck is such a whore butt. ((covering mouth)) Woohoo. Jackson St. & 92. Time to exit and I figure that everyone's driving their best because we all know that people still drive when they feel best to drive after drinking. NOT ME!!! *knock²* A.R. answers the door and pulls me in. Much greetings to parents. On our way to San Francisco to drop off A.R. at work. I expected more traffic downtown, but its only 8pm.
<<4 MORE HOURS>>
I'm tired, so I go home, greet my mother, Merry Christmas. Pick up Edcay and meet up with an old friend, Philip and his fiance, Monica. Sweet girl. Interesting couple.
<<3 MORE HOURS>>
I expected driving downtown and finding parking would be a hassle. Why don't we just take the Muni or Bart. Oh well!! We found parking at Embarcadero. We walked to Chevy's because they wanted to drink. Not very surprising, the bar was just bombarded with alcoholics and sweaty balls. Jaiden is such a cutie. Sorry if I spelt her name wrong guys.
<<1 MORE HOUR>>
Shoveling my way through an ocean of people. I would expect fights to break out soon because, youngsters have no patience. But with some luck, behind me a fight was stopped by one of the parties friend. Blacks and Mexicans. Sheesh. Age about 17. Ay ya! So I just watched and continued on through the waves of pushing and shoving. I kind of liked it because there was a lot of females pressing themselves against everyone. Drunk girls on guys shoulders surrounded by horny guys screaming, "Take it off!" The girls return a gesture that they'd would possibly use on themselves on those lonely cold nights. ((covering mouth)) You get the picture. They screamed that, while I yelled out, "Keep it on, just kiss your friend!" And with my fortunate luck, they did. I was very much congratulated. Offered drinks and a puff of some weed, but I declined the offers. Goodness! No drinking of alcoholic substance until my 24th Birthday. The journey continued on getting closer and closer to the main stage where the music was blasting. (hehe...blasting?)
<<15 MINUTES>>
There was once that I almost fell over, but of course, I'll stand strong on my feet, plus, I was kept up by the people around me. The only people that were pushing and shoving people was EVERYONE under 18. I almost lost my party through the whole mess. Somehow, I kept moving and then ended up back to back with Philip. In the distance, we see a bunch of kids jumping up and down on someTHING. Don't know what it is.((foreshadow))
<<5...4...3...2...1>>
Fireworks...fights...more pushing and shoving...everyone kissing strangers...and some other scandalous acts of young adulthood.
<<30 MINUTES INTO 2003>>
The object that those kids were jumping on was a service truck. A city truck I guess that helps people detour to a different area. Fun stuff to watch kids feel power by beating down on an object that they're parents are probably going to get taxed for. Thanks a lot kidos. At this rate, this generation of kids will find themselves with no social security for themselves. Anyway, that was my night. It was an exciting experience.
<<2-3 HOURS LATER>>
Picked up A.R. at work, drove home to SJ and fell asleep with my 2002 gift of warmth in my arms.

Listening to --- Extreme - More Than Words

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The second version of akbayan's pcn script is on its way. The best feeling about this script is that its...
Like I'm going to tell you people. Don't worry, it's decent. If you could find meaning in my piece below, then you know the script...good luck.

"The lives tend to move forward step by step, obstacle by obstacle. In cases that may follow such a path takes pride, dignity, and wisdom. What pushes to go further is the strength of loss. The greatest part of family is the ability to be close no matter how far or how near. The worst part of family is the love for the mistakes that members of all may take. The line ahead will go straight as long as your mind doesn't rest for curvatures."

How bout that? Can you make a story off of that? I have.
Aivy Roma --- Its late and you should be getting home from anaheim within the next few hours. I know you're going to read this immediately, so...I'm sleeping, fell asleep at probably 6am. I don't have a car because my brother took it to work. Whenever possible, come here. I miss you.

Listening to --- MJ - Remember The Time
Wondering why sleeping late just happens.

---

"Seasons come and go, but luckily they come right back a year later. Sitting in the midnight spiritual building listening and contemplating why happiness is dedicated to this day of blessing for the birth of the Son of Him. Through my wondering mind gives a particular thought that demands what it may take to give such a day to be among the other days such as this one. The giving of presents and the smiles of laughter spread throughout a majority of this world. And now we come to find out the cynical expressions and deliberate accusations across catholic citizens. Strange to find out such stories that can destroy such a great and fulfilling tradition." (12/25)



"Looking straight feeling comfort when isolated from anyone 'round the perimeter or the area. Clicking a button and finding transportation that seems most helpful for pounds of heavy objects. Until the time my findings are entering another's area. Eyes straight and up looking at blinking lights, red digital numbers, listening with ears to beeps and clings, smelling the sniffs of my nose as the person next is minding one's own business. Sometimes wondering why people mind their own business. Going into someone's possession to walk in is awkward for some when lonliness is among them. Single instead of dual, or double is how this rumor can be outside and newly made. When suddenly a certain coincidence happens to such a group that they find each other as a team wondering such an event could ever happen to them." (12/26)



My Quote of the Day: "Blow out candles again flowing into the sky like melting smoke and tainted wax."

Listening to --- DNH - Sexy Underwear
Isolated from the chilly weather that pierces my skin like a spoon left in a freezer for a day

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"My ligaments move from side to side contemplating to the deliberate sounds that thud across the air."
---hehehe sorry. i got really lazy. that's it. oh and yay! all my blog entries are back!!!

My Quote of the Day: "Beating blood flows becoming a graceful conscious sparkle."

Sitting in utter and faintless breezes of the winter winds press against my window

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"Happiness endures as numbers and letters configure the revelances on how progress precedes.
Long nights and wasteful days shift to days on end making no such profits in my days.
Days forth will become unheard devouring such flowing piles of nothings that wished to succeed.
Making no sense once again you can't expect every line to be so simple to fade.
This word to word, bouncing poetic tendencies find ways to make your ears become so attentive.
Clicking these keys that make my words give meaning to the times forever at piece.
The correct words do conjure to the ways found so do not feel that grammar isn't so selective.
Forth and mostly the loins and lines form this shapely form to not become unleashed."


My Quote of the Day: "Intelligence is speaking, smart is knowing, abstract is unlimited."

Sitting in silence with a faint IM ring in the back room

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"Read this straight because once again I'll only say it once.
I write this blogger as a way to reflect on the many obstacles not only I face, but as my surroundings.
This may sound strange but most of my entries encourage others to write...vent...open up.
Is it that hard to open up to most people that they would rather have people read about them.
I shrug and answer my phone at this late of night by a friend who just turned nineteen.
Collecting each IM window finding out what people are doing that keep them up late.
Understanding that finals is half over and the era of late up staying is present.
For myself, this recent times just get me to think of comfortability.
As the out-standing friendships further and move inward or outward,
the craziness of minds flows like a square wheel.
My mind is blanking filling with words that won't usually make sense.
The new topic coming to mind is a new environment that once came along not too long ago.
Faces that smile and joyous occassions that could turn bad, but the tide will not turn.
The rain will surround us all with a cleansing of richness.
The soil anews the rythym that rhymes in our hearts.
This is just nonsense.
Leave this alone and let it rest for the future is nothing to look forward to.
Look in front of you and people will find the answers.
I have."

Why am I coming out from hiding once again? It has always been true that I keep a lot of my thoughts suppressed only to be released by the incorrect source. Well, I write tonight because I lay here in bed with so many thoughts that I can't talk about with just anyone. There's only a few people that I could talk to, and I feel like I'm losing that connection with these people. I hardly see them because I feel my priority in life is no longer valid. I don't know what to do. Even when I try talking about it, I get bombarded with an opposite reaction that I'd once again just keep it all inside. Am I losing my mind? Probably not, because I've dealt with this over and over in my life. Maybe, but what really is my problem? I ask for too much? I expect one thing, and when something else occurs, I'm back into my little hole. Mid-life crisis? Oh come on now, it's going to happen someday, or maybe I'm just going through it all without thought, without realizing that I'm getting older every second and I have nothing to show for it. I"m single, or I'm taken. I don't really know. Just when I believe that I'm happy, I'm sad and upset and angry and unwilling to accept the situation. But what do I do? I accept it because I have hope. But that hope is fading away. Don't get me wrong, I want to try. I want to wait. Well, why does it hurt every night waiting for something doesn't seem like it'll happen in my life time. The only reason I blog is because I'm hurt, and there's no where else to turn to. No one else to talk to because that one person you really want to talk to doesn't appear to listen anymore. Maybe it's my problem and I've stopped listening. Before I would cry about all this, but I've seized from crying because crying is something that I've done a lot. If I no longer cry, then I won't get hurt. Hide the pain. But it hurts so much. I'm thinking this thing called love doesn't exist in me because it comes and I hope it's there, but it doesn't feel like it. Maybe at first, but why doesn't it stay. What is love? I love you. I say it with so much affection but when I hear it return, my heart doesn't feel it. Love is difficult because it involves two people. Putting so much faith in person that you pray so hard that that person would love you the way you would. That they would care about the same way everytime you see each other. I don't feel that anymore. Maybe it's time to let go. Is it worth trying anymore?
12/15-16/08 12:32am

Stop swearing AND STOP smoking!

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(HOPEyouCANreadTHIS...theSPACEBARisn'tWORKING)

"thespacearoundmefeelstobecompletelyopenfornewopportunities...
thepeoplearoundmeseemtobefallingbehindormovingupbeforeme...
thetendencytokeepmymindoccupiedwithdataisfluctuatingaway...
theurgetomoveforwardisslowlydeterioratingintoanemptymist...
theclickofaclickworksnotgivingmysenseofabnoraltypingstyle...
theconfusionofthiswilllongforeverraidthemindwithbaffle...
themindbehindthemindwillsooncomeoutandjoingreatstuff...
theheartmustbranchouttodifferentareasofregionofchoice...
thereadingofwordsisstillandmostcompellingthoughtaway...
thegreatestpartaboutsuccessistakingonnewchallenges...
theworstpartaboutsuccessisanticipatinguncertainty...
thelifestyleofmanistoachievesomethingbetterthan...
WHO?
peoplecan'tpossiblyknowtheanswersthatkeephappinessalive...
peopleshouldn'tthinkdifferentlyfromtheirownthoughts...
peopletakeontheirowngoalstheirowndreams...
peoplecontinuetostriveforthosedreamsaspirationsgoals...
peoplesurviveforthemselvesandsometimesforspecialone's...
peoplelikemethinkdifferentlyfromeveryoneelse...
peoplelikeeveryoneelsethinkdifferentlyfromeveryoneelse...
peopletrytobrandideasofone'sopinionintosomeothers...
peopledon'tletpeoplebepeopleindividualbeindividual...
peoplekeepthefeelingthatwemust...
WHAT?
understandthebasicnecessitiesoflife...
understandthatwecangoonwithoutanother...
understandthepersonbesideyoucangoonwithoutyou...
understandlettinggobringsouttodifferentaspectsanew...
understandkeepingaclosenessispassion...
understandthefeelingofsighsissogreat...
understandpossessionsdon'tmakeyou...
understandyoumakepossessionspartofyou...
understandwecapturethesweetaroma...
WHY?
to live this crazy life of the norm. to write the way one is taught. to make correct grammar issues. to be what we are sometimes told. i am one of these. i wish to be free. i wish to take on challenges. i wish for a passion. i wish for path to live by."

D'oh! I just typed up a blog and it didn't publish. what a bunch of bologne. grrr.

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This is my brief version "Explosions, fireworks, passion, excitement, blah blah blah"

6th Day - Your Call; Eraserheads - Toyang

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i can't believe school and lectures are soon to be over. well, for once, i'm kind of depressed that the knowledge i've been comprehending with this summer, exclude dr. garcia's class, has really paid off. i feel that the academics of this semester will be forth into good use. well, except my programming class since computers and businesses hardly use assembly language. anyway, i'm ashamed that i accepted my first D of the semester on monday. i was being evaluated for a certain class, and then i guess its my fault because i didn't put THAT much effort into the project. well, i was getting an A in the class before that. so i'm probably at a B+/B now.
finally i realized that xmas is coming up and i have no money to buy people stuff. anyway, about that D evaluation, it seems as if a lot of the people in my major found out about my misfortune. after i received my 68%, i just told people what was asked for the evaluation. that's it. and then the next day, many more people know of my failure. its ok. i'm doing good in the class still. so HA!

112 - Crazy For You; 6th Day - Your Call; N'Sync - Something Like You

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That's the end of that thanksgiving break. 4th Annual E-dub Thanksgiving Potluck. Thanksgiving with the fams. 3rd Annual Post-Thanksgiving Snowboarding Trip to North Tahoe. Busted my right knee take my ONE and ONLY fall going down one of the hills. Woke up in a luxurious condo at Squaw Valley resorts. Attempting to take the 5 home from Tahoe. IT WORKS!!! Finished up my LabVIEW project Saturday night. Sharks Lost. 49ers Won. Finished my 162 lab. Accomplished my 198XC assignment. Re-worked my previous 198 assignment with Aivy. Walked Aivy out and put my arms around her because she was cold. Now...I await for her to return to her venue.
Overall: Life Has Lead Me To Unexpecting Paths - My Mind Just Says Walk Forward With A Smile.

Tavares - Heaven Must Be Missing An Angel

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I hate it when my archives don't show. It all just sucks. I went snowboarding at boreal. ouch is the single word that explains the trip.
Since it IS the first of the month of december, and 25 days from now is the Day of Giving, here's what You can get ME...
1) 5 A's for my Fall 2k2 Semester
2) San Jose Sharks Home(white) Jersey
3) Prohibit smoking
4) Upper Deck 2k2-2k3 NHL box
5) $$$
6) A Framed Picture of the Triforce @ F'Games 2k2
7) ...more later

Boyz II Men - I'll Make Love To You

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Turkey :: Gobble Gobble :: Turkey :: Wings Breasts :: Turkey :: White Meat Dark Meat :: Turkey

YUM!

Boyz II Men - I Do

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The past few days have been so hectic. And this week being only three days, I've suddenly felt that this break may or may not break my concentration. although, there is only one more week of school left after this weekend. so, this weekend i need to complete three 10-page papers. And I'm going snowboarding. I can do it.
"Directing my soul in ways that separate among flowing delta-like ruins. My lids heavy the weight sensing blackness, closure, conclusion, for such a thing we call. Waves crush down upon my artistic strands of half tunnel-like roads that remembered so well before now and eternity to the next life. Aches, pains, failures, head down. Not the head up attitude looking forth, but set your unknown direction. Point at what's right, what's want, what's really there can you see the lines of lyrics telling a truthful direction that causes endless smiles of tearful dishonesty. Come to me when your weak. Come to me when tears shatter the ground from your cold cheeks that coanda effecting along your flush face into your glossy eyes. Come to me as you contemplate on things that you know you COULD overcome, you COULD find your strength, you could LIVE without a constant reminder. Strength comes from within discovering that its not others that release such power, but from within this over-bearing shadow of shielding through your layers of man-made material, deep through the flesh, profounding through the center point of a body that grants what the mind wishes. Barriers covering such pain that could be irritated with now vanishes. What's left is...tell me. I'm listening."

Babyface feat. Jon B. - Someone To Love

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Topic I (short) - kareoke videos are the weirdest videos of ALL time. the song could be like the most depressing, and you see a female in a two-piece smiling and jumping around. better yet, its a really happy and joyous song, and in the background its raining and people breaking up...tell me? why is it like this? maybe that's why they're put into the kareoke videos. they suck so bad that the only way to make money off of them is to put them in kareoke cd's. low budget videos for singalong music. people sing the words on the screen while neglecting the background story. ahhh! smart. the actors must be low budget too. that's their stardom. oh well. that's it. think about it.
Topic II (long) - be back tonight i just finished watching Nightmare on Elm Street (only the most terrifying movie when i was 5yrs. old) well, i'm sorry to say but i forgot what i was going to say for topic II. eh!? i take that back. there's this feeling i've been having because of people's sudden burst of assumption. its a common characteristic, i have it. but its a trait that i'm not familiar with when its about me and with a particular person. i'm kind of annoyed with it mainly because i don't know how to deal with it. at least i can define true friends because there are a certain few gentlemen and ladies that have seen such passive animosity.(contractive phrase, but so what) they haven't instigated such abuse i've taken. thanks you guys. i'm pretty sure you know who you are. and this whole big deal about a winter formal. i've been to five and i've had 4 different dates, in order to have one thing, fun. no pressure additives. just because of this, i don't even want to go. i have no other plans. i would have played along when i was like 20, but i'm 23. i'm going to grow up. my grades have improved because i've taken it serious. my intimate lifestyle should also be serious, not any of this silly bibble babble. i'm not putting no one down. ya'll can act your age. i know i'm still young, but i want to move forward in my life. i always hear, "damn, didn't you graduate yet?" out there. i guess i can finally answer this popular question.

Queen - We Are The Champions

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"a brisk step of walking footsteps lead me into a endless road that tends to bring me to more forks yet leaves me with a knife deep into the soul of gorgeous tune harmony as it may seem to keep my smirk of simple happiness and ending no such hunger that i see forth when mouths are open stuffed with materials that consume to strengthen not what we think is good for the soul but wellness can be greater than longevity of survival which must succeed achieve obstacles that are hard to come by...


"...looking toward a sense that sounds so bright smells so delicious feels oh so fragile hears so harmony tastes like the concluding path that was not taken by a road that goes down toward the deepened profound sauces of efficient friendships although leaving day over night with a nightless sigh unknowing that people assume what they do not know and look at things the way they must see them but my attitude leaves such presence because i am more than what they all seem i am patient...


...reading you seem lost in the words that i say for there is just one long strand of sentence that may seem to go on toward the moonlit sky with streams of glitter across the heavens from high up above my hands flow down to my soul to feel your preciousness your shine your magnificent pleasure of hope toward a the morning sunrise toward the clear transparent rays my eyes do not deceive my radiance as gracefullness will never leave me i am not but one but share the liking of all."

Sitting in my living room in the dark

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usually, throughout my day i find myself thinking about things that i'd like to put into my blogger journal. although, by the time i wish to enter an entry, i forget my train of thought at the time, i'm way too lazy to write about it anymore, and i end up typing up some rambling, senseless blah that i call written poetry of life. so, what do i think about? well, a couple of us, jerry, adan, irene and myself, visited Lutong Pinoy, my colleagues restaurant next Goldland off of Jacklin. it's a filipino restaurant with kareoke. yum the food was yum. (side comment: i decided to search around on Aivy & Marie's pages to learn how to strike text, but guess what, none of their recent work had none...BLAH!) so we finished our food at about 9pm, so we were able to go visit paulo because he was right around the corner. *well, actually like 3 or 4 exits down I680, that's besides the point* little did i know was that cathleen, my friend whose family owns the restaurant, wanted me to sing, along with my guests, before we left. so time went by and goodness, i couldn't find a single song. ok, maybe i brushed through 5 to10 songs i could possibly do, but maybe i was just trying to kill time. another surprise was that she sang. grrr. well, in politeness, i knew i HAD to sing now. not for her, but for the respect that you give a family when you're at their house...errr, restaurant. so i found two songs, You Are My Song & How Deep Is Your Love. oh well, i can't sing when i'm on the spot. but so what. i don't care. i had fun and we walked out of that place at 1030pm. yes...an hour and a half to find a song. or should i say, grow some balls. i figured out my major gpa, and its still not above a 3.0. damn i suck. i'm going to retake some classes, just so i can get rid of those C's. Out of 8 classes, i have 5 B's and 3 C's. i'm pathetic. well, after this semester, i'm hoping to receive 7 B's, 3 C's and an A. possible. hell yes. may 6B's, 3C's and 2 A's. i need 3.0 n up to gain an intern dammit. well enough of this babble bibble.

my friend, gina-bina, we've been friends for so long, she's like the girl i could possibly call ... anything. yet, she's far. almost 4 years now, and we've NEVER met. goes to show you how desperate i was to find friends 4 years ago. well, i find it normal. people find friends through many different ways. and four years ago, i used aol4.0/japan/pinoypinay21nup chatroom to find the most outrageous yet interesting friends. so gina!? i know you're reading this. you know my life and i know yours, you may think our friendship comes and goes, fades and appears, well, take it from the source, you're my special best pen-pal. *hugs* although we've never met, i'll always be there even when you're taking a detour going back home to oxnard from your frickin' man's house. i'm bitter because you go home so late. girlie, just stay over til morning. or like 6am-7am. that's what some people do at my house.

can u just tell that i don't want to sleep. oh well. happiness and confusion has withered into my life. may it stand strong to lead into hardships and awful other stuff.

Boyz II Men - Doin' Just Fine - or Am I? I just clicked on the akbayan website and clicked on games...played Simon and reached 18 points. hehe.

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"my eyes lids drop slowly typing out words that will soon be turned into meaningless thoughts of imperfection. my arms reach to click and clock in each character that you see forth. i need not know what it all means because the definition of this souls life is far-fetched. sometimes i look around and realize after so many years that i am being watched. my self taught belief that people don't really care what happens to you unless it makes a slight bit of attitude and mood change in the presence. my ligaments of under feel free leaving such swift air a tingle of irritation. my careless back aches continuously day by day leaving agony that i must bear with such a pain that attacks my self wit and keeps a squirm. i close my eyes and listen to words that seem more meaningful when lyrics flow into my ear saying such words that seem meaninful to everyone. my mind is falling into that wastefulness. the one we demand to see is but fictious in my mind. over and over i see such a dream and feel the belief in it all. i am not crazy, i am not hallucinating. i'm just tired."

Familiar beats and lyrics from DJ Nice & DJ Smooth - Sometimes I Rhyme Slow

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So my JVC camera is finally fixed. damn you TDK and Sony tapes. messin' up my camera. That's my personal shpiel for the time being. Think about this...
"life jumps around like a jack rabbit attempting to cross a two lane highway. a friend tells me that school and days upon school move as fast as a pucking heading straight into the back of the net. the numbers of birth rise like those toy rockets that we once urged to get and watch it get lost in the myst of sky. the speed of a certain 741 operational amplifier that encountering is non-inverting, yet finding my way in life is so shadowed. continuing an aimless walk down a fun path, down a curvature, down the ups and downs. finishing up with the problems and issues that trouble my identity. my thoughts jump like that previous rabbit. my life is furry, yet caged like an animal. let me out. life!? let me go. why must it go down this road? regrets don't come often in my life. the last regret was...can't remember. i don't have any. let life live the way you want it, i tell myself. though many entrances of ships may take a big step into a passion that is so heart warming."

for once i'm going to tell you what this means. well, as you all may know, i'm graduating soon. and with my last two midterms being passed with flying colors, that means that i know i will have a better chance of REALLY graduating May 2003. as if i'm distancing myself from a family that i once, and forever will be calling an Embracing in Friendship. This entry goes to EVERYONE i've met through Akbayan Fall 1997 to present. i tell myself too that i won't try to make friends with so many of you wonderful people so i can pull myself away from that intimate feeling of friendship. i guess you can say i never felt family friendship til i came here. it did take a while. i remember the Xmas break of December 2000-January 2001. i broke down because i was SO alone. i sat at home in sf wondering where my lonely life was going. from then on, i remember that was the day i decided to do what i do now, hang out.

Contemplating with the background song All The Things I Should Have Done by K-Ci & Jojo - all this studying pays off...i hope

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Woooooooooooooohooooooooooooooooooo No more tech162 midterms. Hopefully I received a decent B on that midterm today.
Oh? You wish to know why I've lagged on my blogger. Well, it's a long story. It starts on a calm night, not so long ago...
PG&E fixed the terminal wire that went from outside to my house. Long story eh?
I need to rest...

Attitude: finally done with this STUPID paper. Thanks for the help #5

"Listen to my words because you'll only hear them once. Understand and contemplate on my writings because they mean but thousands of meanings upon senseless ways that we all see what each other would want to see, but only think of things and ways and meanings that only mean but the opposite. The caress of touch over brisk under breaths of bumps that look further than just plain gooses. wrapped up in a blanket of warmth, my body lies by a meaningful object. the full of stars in the endless night, the moon captivating yet another memoir, another chance to make events truthful, honest, and...romantic. sentences of history, paragraphs of rambling on about almost nothing, just the sound of giggle, the cries of not tears, but of stories that make the fogged up ways of vision a clear path to happiness. the green dome of life vanishes away from sight and appears again as an eating frenzy of food. the attraction of rules whispers away as a transparent dream. the images that seam through runs straight into a horse. the pain, the feeling of agony of defeat, yet not defeated, but moved on to another era. joy. another feeling of what has been sent to me by an unknown force. can i be so lucky? can i be as unlucky? can it be fate? can destiny find a way to make my living days worth living. am i not ready to go? accepting the great couragous ailments of hunger given by noise of signs. be gone such an event to open towards anew."

"Motivate me..." - A. R. T. C. - What I hear when I hear this?
::"The greatest belief strongly never felt is present,
The greatest anticipation strongly never felt is present,
The greatest rush of air strongly never felt is present,
The greatest mind to mind strongly never felt is present."
::"My words will explore the mind, flow through your passion streams,
unleash a gush of revealing sighs over sighs over sighs."

Listening to Beach Boys Help Me Rhonda on my Winamp3.0

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I'm actually happy right now. Although I have a Midterm Friday, next Tuesday, next Thursday, and a frickin' papers due up the crack hole for Tech 198. People!? Don't EVER take Tech198 with Backer or Bates. Anal with every single word on a paper. Well, I was thinking of a topic earlier today in class, but dammit, I can't remember. Ok!? The San Jose Shark's won another game. *sigh* They're coming up. without Thornton and Stuart. Off topic because none of ya'll know what the frick i'm talkin' about. I have nothing to say. Good night!

History of Akbayan Winter Formals:
1997 - Sang Boyz II Men On Bended Knee & PRIME Medley. - NO DATE
1998 - Went with Elaine Z. from U! C! UCI! Sang an original song with Leighton, Roger, and Marlon & Boyz II Men Silent Night
1999 - Went with Renee L. with the tails. Woohoo. Fun night of Drum/Bass and Trance...The WHOLE night. sheesh!
2000 - Went with Jen R. FUN TIMES.
2001 - Went with Amanda S. gosh! she didn't even stay the whole night. hmmM? at least i got buzzed.

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2002 - Oh wait? That's this year. Should I go stag? Maybe I won't go at all because I don't feel like dressing up in the same black suit with an over-priced tie on. As for the food, I agree with you Tedio, I'd rather just eat at home with my chicken adobo. I swear, potluck ya'll. And don't forget the rice. But if I do go, for once, can the girl actually like me? I'm assuming this being my last Akbayan Winter Formal. Geez. I don't mind though. Being the wise Lolo gives me experience. Although, I'm willing to learn from the youngin' peeps. Again, what is there to learn? The only person that I actually feel like I'm benefiting from is Jamie. Oh! Jamie is my 5-year old baby brother. That light-skinned mestizo baby. *Sigh* I wish I could get girls the way he does. Anyway, I want to take MAY to the winter formal but i feel it'll be too weird. Just like the time I took Lai as my date. Most of the time we just sat down and talked. That's not bad, it was pretty cool. But I love to dance too. Well, I guess I can't really explain the awkwardness of the event. Probably because there really wasn't one. I'd also like to take Jessica from Sif-SU. I doubt none of ya'll know who the heck she is. I would just love to reveal my crush, but damn, I'm not good with my VO2max constantly beating. Who else? Nicole but she's going with her boyfriend, Vince. Who else is there? Damn. Maybe I'll wait to be asked, which will not likely happen. Blah! I'll bring my Tech162 book with me. There ya go. There is a certain somebody I've thought about since a particular Saturday night in a vast empty glass of M.S. Ahh! Reasons alone, I smile and give ya a simple and seducing gesture of "how you doin'?" and continue to ring my fingers through that great smelling head of hair.

The Return of my Nonsense Rhymes

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"Getting used to another role of familiarities;
Feeling of undecisiveness, confusion, realities that break us down into what we are not;
My mind turns and twists and bends to find my heart soul harmony of the society seen neglect its own shade;
Words of forever, words of always, words of everlasting happiness and scolding memories;
Seeing not only smiles, but unfolded treasures of nothings that shall never be concealed;
Over and over and under and under, drums and beats of scales not used to;
Cracking into pieces of thousands yearning to reconstruct a better anew;
Without thought, that destruction cannot find its new ways;
Brown cannot find what is truly there's;
Let the sphere of living life forces just signify the undeniable seasons of others."

THIS WHOLE PURPOSE OF MY PARTS IN LIFE IS TO CONTINUE MY STORY. IN THE FUTURE MY KIDS, AND YOUR KIDS WILL READ OUR OWN INDIVIDUAL STORIES. LIVE YOUR LIVES ACCORDING TO GREATNESS AND LIKE A STORY. AS IF YOU'LL BE TELLING IT ONE DAY. sniff.

Coughing: Watching some show in SF. - Good...GREAT to be home in Frisco. NICE and COLD.

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PART V - i'll make this short. maybe because my other blogs were just too too long. and i wanna comment on my LAST f'games. ahha...i doubt that. whoa! no really. LAST! ok, where did i leave off? i wake up next to ann with sleeping on my tummy. bj sits on top of me and starts thrusting me. oddly as it may seem, it felt good. hehe...j/k. i just thought that he was giving me aa butt massage. yum. I rise and find Ro-shelle with a towel on her head, ann dead and drunk, diane the exactly same way, vesper chillin', bj still on top of me sportin' wood (tell the truth homie) i'm sexy. haha. and who else. no one. i get up around 945am :: i go to my room and find my roomies gettin' ready for breakfast. i'm walkin' through the halls with no shoes...just socks. and how on earth did i change out of my pants and into my sweats. wow. charlie's angels is on. i get caught up. its 1015am and ted gets mad at me saying "shoot dude, you wanna leave or what" i'm thinkin. i'm tired. get out or i'll bite you :: i finish with my shower and stuff by 1045am and i decide to look for those lobby ladies. room 445. i go in, show them my f'games shirt and take pictures. woohoo. 1119am we're on bottom floor of garage, i'm blocking way taking pictures of everyone. i drove aris' car a little. FUN STUFF. ok ok. we begin to exit the hotel driveway 1215pm. YES ONE FULL HOUR LATER. FREAK. CAN'T YOU PEOPLE JUST WAVE GOOD-BYE NEXT TIME. DOWN FILIPINO's and UP WITH BROWN. i'm just playin' fools. keep your pants on. seriously. we get gas at chevron and i'm stressin' on wwhere daniel is. he said he'd ride down with us. but he stays with deryk's car. phew! i decide to leave the convoy. sorry FUN VAN passengers. Richwood follows and Marlon catches up and decides to tailgate me. grrr...oh well.. CAN YOU KEEP UP HOMIE? VRRROOMMM. hehe. so i ask Aldrich to drive cuz i'm too tired. we eat at Popeye's 130pmNOW THIS IS WHERE THE CRAP HITS THE FAN. *covering my mouth* oops. CONFIDENTIAL Leave and decide to stop off at some other place for gas again. i drive the rest of the way back as the light outside fades away. we begin our infamous questions according to rainaspects blog. i heard some fun stuff. but affirmations. its all good. it seems great to finish off a weekend on a good note. yo tedilicious. we're all "COOL...and ALRIGHT" shoot. u know u gots more in that mouth of yours. 6pm we finally hit 101. *sigh* almost done. what my passengers didn't know. i'm FRICKIN' tired. i'mma fall asleep. phew! traffic is over. i could have swore that i fell asleep at the wheel with my foot on the brake. we drop off Ted. bye ted. we drop off Raina and Aldrich. bye. i fall asleep, the van is totally clean. i wake up. i drop off Dre and Ernesto. bye. i drive home and find a parking spot right in front :: 8pmi drive to ice centre for my ice hockey. i'm tired...so tired...but i play like i always play. no goals, no assists. no trip. i get home at 930pm and try to start my paper. guess what happens. THUNK! i sleep. good night.