Less than 2 weeks 'til my 29th birthday. For those of you who don't know, I will be celebrating my 29th year in the bleachers of AT&T Park in San Francisco, California. The Giants will be facing their rival from California's southern area, the Dodgers. I think there are more people going this year compared to 2005's game. Some old faces, some new faces. Hopefully Fred Lewis plays because I know he could hit into the center bleachers.
Anyway, I'm sleepy at work. I wish I was home sleeping in my bed. More later, I'm going for a walk.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Monday, June 09, 2008
Yes, I believe I go crazy thinking about it every day/night. Slowly it creeps up and taps me on the shoulder, and suddenly my body freezes. My hands shake knowing that these outcomes will end up with nothing. I go blank and want to run away. The ankle brace that once was is now worn out and not needed, more so not noticed. Or could my ability to hold up my legs are no longer available? Heart tightens, the back of my eye sockets become drenched with fluid that seizes to push through. i don't know what to do anymore. And when I don't know what to do, I ask questions, stupid and random questions. I start to ramble on the same way I'm doing now. I have not written in a while, so I'm hoping no one reads this mess. I'm a mess. My ear hurts when it shouldn't.
Waiting and descending into nothing. Do what you must, and by the sides of your arms I will be, even if not the same way we hoped it would be. At my desk, my hands shake, I fight myself from releasing water into my eyes. My emotions are focused on one thing and I wish things were so much better. It's amazing what an email, what words could do to someone when I read over and over again. Do people really struggle to keep something going? How much must someone fight before they call it quits? Well, there have been many times when I'll be playing sports, school, and other means of pushing for something, but I've never quit. To keep the sanity of both minds, it's NOT becoming more and more of an option, unless the handle bars are worth the tightening. I've managed to keep myself happy for the most part, but really wish I could hand my happiness, strength, confidence, motivation to those who better deserve it.
Bottomline, after much thought, I am support, whenever it is needed.
Waiting and descending into nothing. Do what you must, and by the sides of your arms I will be, even if not the same way we hoped it would be. At my desk, my hands shake, I fight myself from releasing water into my eyes. My emotions are focused on one thing and I wish things were so much better. It's amazing what an email, what words could do to someone when I read over and over again. Do people really struggle to keep something going? How much must someone fight before they call it quits? Well, there have been many times when I'll be playing sports, school, and other means of pushing for something, but I've never quit. To keep the sanity of both minds, it's NOT becoming more and more of an option, unless the handle bars are worth the tightening. I've managed to keep myself happy for the most part, but really wish I could hand my happiness, strength, confidence, motivation to those who better deserve it.
Bottomline, after much thought, I am support, whenever it is needed.