I CAN'T SLEEP!!!!!!!

I've decided to change my new blog site to "Traveling Insomniac" because that's what I am. I just can't sleep when needed when I'm traveling. It's because I try my hardest to stay awake and I usually catch myself asleep, I wake up and end up paying for it like how it is now. The heater is on again, my eyelids are heavy, but when I close my eyes, they want to stay open. It hurts to keep my eyes open and closed. I'm not even in a different time zone. I'm in the same one as home. I was able to sleep early yesterday, in my own bed.

Maybe my mind is filled with too many thoughts and that's why I can't sleep comfortably. But I never can sleep comfortably when I'm on work trips. Argh! This sucks and I wish it were easier.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm a hardworker. I take challenges and tasks no matter how difficult the level. Especially at work where I feel the most pressure, my brain power exceeds it's capacity. How does someone know when they're working hard, otherwise, hardly working? There is no way to read someone else's struggle, so work don't worry about it.

I've been watching this movie My Big Love while I've been writing. According to the amount of writing, I've been paying too much attention to the movie. It involves an obese gentleman "Macky" (like myself + 1/2) who involves himself with a well-known lady. On their blind date, he embarrasses the both of them. He finds himself eating more, leaves his job, and begins to feel like there is no where else to go. Prior to the date, Aira, ...oh geez. Fast forward, Macky loses the pounds and has a fit body. Aira goes away to Japan, and Macky goes away somewhere else. So, just when you think he's with Aira in the second half, he's with Nina, the girl who didn't like the fat him. That's it for now because the move has 15 more minutes.

OMG, he's even living with Nina. Sorry, SPOILERS!!!!

My question, why isn't he with Aira? We shall see.

Sure, let's post. Since I'm here, let's update. I've been with
.com for over 2 years now and I'm no where close to my full potential. Am I close to it? Probably not because there's so much more to learn. From product to experience to marketing to execution. We all have our goals, we all have our aspirations, we must just put our foot forward no matter how we feel, how scared, how fearful, how the emotions stir inside our boiling bodies. You need to start somewhere, and that some place is right in front of you, about 12-18 inches in front of your nose. Dive in, leap in, crawl in...as long as you get in.

What else?

For those that may not know, I was in a relationship for 6 years...24 months of bliss, but 48 months of heart ache, stress, hate, yelling, and mostly regret. I never wanted this feeling to end, but was too naive to see that what I wanted and what she wanted were too different. Especially with her, my special favorite someone.  She hearts me as much as I heart her.  There's so much growth, so much time, but I won't take any of it for granted. It is all I want.

What else?

For those that may not know, I have three new roommates where each of us is completely different in our own way. We have:

Roommate 1: least experience living away from the parents, but has amazing responsibility in the household. He seems to enjoy sitting around the house as much as I do, but when the chance to step outside the door, off he goes taking the world in one hand and using the other to drive drive drive.

Roommate 2: mucho experience living away from home. Kind of has the same mentality with living with family...just not possible, not at my age, now that we've done it for so many years. He enjoys cooking just as much as watching people cook. He's always open for new things; hence, video games. He never accepts where he is at because he believes there's always better...and there is.

Roommate 3: this guy owned his own home one point in his life. With all the furnishings of a house, he gives the ability to add something different, something more than just a new face. A blessing if you come to think of it as making a decision off a simple conversation. Thinks twice before jumping into things, but seems to take risks.

Roommate 4: enjoys seeing people run in and out the door, but doesn't seem to mind opening and closing the door for them. Watches over the village with a glass of juice in one hand and a chicken wing in the other. Not much of a night life, but day life seems pretty outgoing.

These are my four roommates, including me. Well, Socom 4 is coming out on Playstation 3, which means so much to some people. I just hate how I have enthusiasm for a single longer than most people. I guess.

I hate overdrafts. I would blame myself for my lack of balance when saving a purchasing, but come on. I check my accounts online everyday, multiple times. There was a tool a couple of weeks ago that marked pending purchases, so then I was sure that I wasn't going to be flagged with overdraft charges. But guess what, they never put them down. What the hell. This pisses me off. I mean, I'm big on saving, but how could I save if I'm not well-informed with my account. I guess this is where we as consumers get ripped off by banks.

Lesson to be learned is to just keep track again. It is such a hassle, especially when it is an overdraft for less than two dollars. I might as well just cash my checks and save the money myself. I don't get any special treatment from my bank(s), but I'm upset and high-tempered right now. This is stupid! Whatever. It happens. Maybe it's time to go to a real bank.

Traveling comes with excitement and disappointment. Not only on my position, but on the emotions of those who care. I'm currently at Virginia Beach. Let's begin with the weather. Last Sunday night, I marked the weather at 77 degrees on the weather website. At this point, I was in awesome-ville. In Atlanta, the weather clocked at 95 degrees, which would completely change when I get to Virginia. Could you believe that tropical weather is very unexpected. During the 3 of this 4 day trip, the weather is hitting near triple digits. Nearing the end of this 3rd day, why are there hurricane/storm warnings and people being asked to stay out of the outdoor AND indoor pool. Pretty crazy to experience a complete weather change. This is something we as Californians don't experience. Now, with my curtains open a bit, I see lightning, or as they call it, flash floods. Wow! About 10 ambulances and firetrucks to and from dinner. Geez! For the time being, it is a bit calm, but I'm leaving tomorrow, please let me head home.

It's been so many days since I saw my favorite. I miss her. I want to surround my arms around her and show her how much my heart adores her. Missing you makes me feel more compassion for you. But being away makes it hurt a little more. I can't wait to see you. I love you.

My trip ends tomorrow, only to look forward to another trip in the near future. Sigh, it's fun, but not that fun.

Less than 2 weeks 'til my 29th birthday. For those of you who don't know, I will be celebrating my 29th year in the bleachers of AT&T Park in San Francisco, California. The Giants will be facing their rival from California's southern area, the Dodgers. I think there are more people going this year compared to 2005's game. Some old faces, some new faces. Hopefully Fred Lewis plays because I know he could hit into the center bleachers.

Anyway, I'm sleepy at work. I wish I was home sleeping in my bed. More later, I'm going for a walk.

Yes, I believe I go crazy thinking about it every day/night. Slowly it creeps up and taps me on the shoulder, and suddenly my body freezes. My hands shake knowing that these outcomes will end up with nothing. I go blank and want to run away. The ankle brace that once was is now worn out and not needed, more so not noticed. Or could my ability to hold up my legs are no longer available? Heart tightens, the back of my eye sockets become drenched with fluid that seizes to push through. i don't know what to do anymore. And when I don't know what to do, I ask questions, stupid and random questions. I start to ramble on the same way I'm doing now. I have not written in a while, so I'm hoping no one reads this mess. I'm a mess. My ear hurts when it shouldn't.

Waiting and descending into nothing. Do what you must, and by the sides of your arms I will be, even if not the same way we hoped it would be. At my desk, my hands shake, I fight myself from releasing water into my eyes. My emotions are focused on one thing and I wish things were so much better. It's amazing what an email, what words could do to someone when I read over and over again. Do people really struggle to keep something going? How much must someone fight before they call it quits? Well, there have been many times when I'll be playing sports, school, and other means of pushing for something, but I've never quit. To keep the sanity of both minds, it's NOT becoming more and more of an option, unless the handle bars are worth the tightening. I've managed to keep myself happy for the most part, but really wish I could hand my happiness, strength, confidence, motivation to those who better deserve it.

Bottomline, after much thought, I am support, whenever it is needed.

As I type, I look down at the surface of my left hand and see writing that was put there by my special someone. It is the little things, as well as the big things, that keep my mind on the one I care about the most. She makes me worry when I know I shouldn't. She wrote on my hand yesterday and even though I've washed my hands and showered and what not, it is still there. It was one of those permanent pens which hurt a little when she was pushing the pen into my hand.

It is that feeling that tightens up inside and the only remedy is her. When I say I miss her, I do. When someone other than her asks about her, I think about her even more. Maybe that's why I'm so exhausted; I'm busy thinking of her. She's my squeezable teddy bear.

My body is tired, my mind is exhausted, and the feeling of coldness embodies my surroundings. Realizing what I did yesterday, I know why I am feeing this way. For the first part, my haircut with a #1 on the sides is the source of the cold feeling. And since my running shoes haven't gotten a real workout, running was my choice yesterday, as well as the minor softball practice we encountered. It felt good to go running/jogging/walking. Not good like I enjoy the pain good, but the fact that I haven't been on my feet because I've been exercising my mind with Call of Duty. Which leads to the fact that my mind just needs a break from video games. Hard to believe, but instead of just giving it up, I've taken on the role of parent and given myself a time limit.

Sunday thru Thursday
If I don't start playing by 10pm, no playing until the next evening.
If I start before 10pm, the game I'm on by 1130pm is my last.

Friday & Saturday
No starting limit, but must be off by 2am.

Reason for these restrictions is because I'm always tired at work, and this is after a week back from Japan. I thought it was the time getting used to...no, it was my late playing with the people. And it doesn't help that the new variety maps came out. I need to draw the line somewhere, it's the only way to progress and be productive at work. Anyway, Smash softball tournament is coming up. Is the team ready? Probably not, but let's have fun out there.

Am I meant to live a prolonged life where the natural life cycle is bound to happen later in my life. With the 30th anniversary of my being right around the corner, should I be aware that I'm not getting married and having kids like the rest of those of age are doing. Probably not. Once again, I look to where my siblings are with their life and they seem happy. Don't get me wrong, happiness is spread all over my life. With work experiences increasing, my health isn't par, but I'm still standing, and the fact that I have a very special and important person in my life, isn't that what matters really. Speaking rhetorical, I'm ready for what God obstacles my path. Also looking at the age of my dear father, he was but a year older than myself when he had his first child, and 20+ years later, he is fathering another son, who I cherish. My dad is my hero because he CAN do anything. He is what I want to be, but at the same time, better than to make him proud. Besides that, my life is wondering road that I think about everyday. Am I making the right decision? No one could answer their own questions when asked of this, and there are no wrong decisions, unless it's immoral. Push forward with your goals, thoughts, or boulders. Never give up...even if sacrificing the right things. Always think before pushing though. Joey? Stop talking to yourself...knucklehead.

Hello folks,

I recently went to Japan to do an installation at Misawa AB. The trip went as planned, with a few hiccups here and there, but it went smoothly. As for the sightseeings aspect, it was more than I had expected. From trying to read which subway to get on. Wait, back up. We had trouble trying to purchase the correct ticket. Me being out of America for the first time since my Mexico trip more than a decade ago, I was completely overwhelmed. As a domestic traveler of the US, this was just completely different. I'm used to reading location and subway maps with such ease, but I was baffled and I literally had a question mark over my head. It is a learning curve that was strictly straight for the whole duration of the trip. We didn't rent a car on this trip, which was lucky for us. The steering wheel was on the passenger side and the streets were opposite. So, I say lucky because I would've crashed into many cars. I sat in the "passenger" seat which made my perception of on-coming cars seem more closer than what they truly were. And grabbing the steering wheel wouldn't be a good idea. What else? The cars are squished. Not all the cars, but the cars, as well as the food, are smaller portions. With cars being narrow, the streets compensated for the smaller streets. No stop signs!!!! Well, the stop signs were all yield signs...I think.

I did get homesick and wanted to be home when I was first in Tokyo. As you get used to being a foreigner, you just need to ask around for someone who speaks even a bit of English. Even ordering food was difficult. So, to help, just point. Most likely, the server speaks English. There was an incident where we pointed at the picture and the server started speaking English...I'm a dumb foreigner. I was homesick because I missed Cami. I admit, she makes me stronger when it comes to strange and unusual things. Back to my trip, I swear, they show like game shows around the clock. We actually ran into an area of Akasaka where a game show was happening. All was cool. The trip had many experiences, which I hope I will be able to explain more in the second half.

As well as I'm here, I might as well update. First off, I'm here because I was trying to include my imeem playlist on my blog, but that was a quick and failed experiment. Reason is because it only plays 30 seconds, like it does if you're not an imeem user. I was introduced to imeem by Camille a couple of weeks back. Ever since then, I've managed to include 20 songs on my playlist. It's fun. I now have a place to store and listen music that I want to listen to. And it's easy.

So far, 2008 has brought a lot of emotion. Things that make you think about who you are, who I want to be, and who I want to give myself to. We've come this far, I'm not going to quit now. You are worth my time.

The San Jose Sharks are on a roll...an amazing roll of 10-0-0. Wootooo;laskj;ailjescisne;ilfn39rj[30q29j93920jfwla.

I went to Disneyland at the beginning of this month. Twas fun, wish CAStles was with me. ³halb.

I love her everything. And no one could take that away.

Massive brainfart, it's not even funny.

First, in light of the loving season, here is my response to my friend's away message which stated, "If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?" Here we go, I IM'd her:

love is blind because people don't see it as love anymore, they mistake it for lust. some couples will ridicule the "i love you" saying when they really should be saying "i lust you".

I'll accept any reactions to this response, just email me at joshgumbi@sbcglobal.net

Anyway, with that out of the way, I may continue with that after I release my opinions on Macitosh Vs. Windows.

Being bombarded with Macbooks where ever I go, you think I would jump on the wagon and get myself a nice, black-covered Macbook with all the trimmings of a great designer or producer...or whatever you could possibly put Windows to shame with. The great design, the flexible, the weight, and the fact that errors are a thing of the past seem to coat this technology with what computer user's want and need. OH HELL YES! But wait, I weep and find myself a certain so many dollars thinner because I spent money on what I didn't really need to get. If it isn't broken, don't fix it. Yes, believe that way, but...YES, there is a but...if you broke it, you shouldn't be using it.

Noticing from even my work environment, computer user's are very impatient, unless your Mr. Slowski from the Comcast commercial. I admit, I'm a bit impatient sometimes when I find myself waiting for a certain Windows box to close because it no longer wishes to do what I want it to. But in time, software will develop bugs that come from your constant clicking of keyboard keys or right-clicking the mouse button. All I say is..."GEEZ, relax." Everytime you see the (Not Responding) in the Title bar of your application, usually Firefox, it is just thinking still. If you don't want to wait, restart your computer. By the way, if you find yourself waiting for your Windows computer to stop thinking, YOU PUT TOO MUCH SOFTWARE or JUNK on it. In this world, there's unlimited hard drive space, TRUE, but damn, you have no idea what RAM is, so you neglect the fact that the RAM can't take all your impatience. Guess what, your PC is fighting with you because you've fed it so much, it wants to recycle all it's contents.

You're in luck, PCs and Macs have bestfriends. They're called EXTERNAL HDs. Use them and abuse them, they don't care. PC users, the solution to your computer woes is not spending so much money and buying a Mac. Unless you're using Windows PCs, such as Toshiba, Compaq, Gateway laptops, from my experience, these brands are worth crap in the long run. It's made so you need to buy a new laptop every couple of years. Macbooks, from what I see, damn, the battery is like non-existent. It's like the macbook is powered by the electrons in the air. My point is, the battery does not deteriorate. True with that fact, but what about the business laptops that go flying around the world. Probably hard to prove my point because no one I know uses a Macbook for business trips. Here's a chart:

	PC	Mac
School Art Engineering Business Computer Science Nursing	X X X X	X X X
Gaming	X
Email	X	X
SOHO(network)	X	X
Videography Music Producing		X X
Designing		X

So, as you could see, if you're more on the non-technical side of software, feel free to use a Mac. As for free-lance software developers, from reading other articles, Apple seizes the use of developing your own software applications. I could be completely wrong.

In conclusion, would I buy an Apple computer in the near future, I'm still on the No side. Why? Because it's not necessary. It's like me buying an Xbox 360. Was it necessary? Sort of. If I wanted to play Halo 3 at home or Call of Duty 4 at home, then yes, it's necessary. It's a great investment that I use daily. Would I use my Macbook daily, not likely because I'm satisfied with my HP 7250 desktop computer with Video Media technology.

To all my Apple user friends, Paulo, Gerstein, Donnell, Camille, Alexis, Alan, Chris...I have so many resources of using a Macbook, so why buy my own.

Sitting in my hotel room could really get me back into my blog. While watching Everybody Loves Raymond, the episode started with Raymond and Debra eating out for Valentine's Day. The only conversation they could think of is talking about the kids, about what's in front of them (or butter), or about another couple. Where am I going with this?

What happens when there's nothing else to talk about? Is the presence alone good enough? In the show, it came to the conclusion that the silent presence of someone special means comfort, security, and sheer love that makes what once was awkward silence...a connection of love. Now you ask, what is love? Don't ask, I cannot give you your definition of love. I have mine, you have your own. It is better to keep your own ideas and opinions on this subject. People will ridicule your thoughts about this subject. It's not worth the debate. Leave the "back and forth" to politics or subjects that are more concrete.

Next time you sit with your significant other, look into his or her eyes. Do you still get that feeling in your stomach that forces you to smile and brings your lips to kiss theirs. I do. But instead of a kiss, I get a finger attempted to go into my anus. No, I don't like that. Geez. But yes, eye contact still puts the smile on my face.

Hello 2008!

Ok, here goes...

What's the deal with respect? It seems over-exaggerated. People's pride increases when something they are familiar with or connected with involves them in like the 4th degree. Am I just being blunt and lost all feeling of what people care about? Probably. I am who I am. Humans do not gain respect by where they are from, but who they are. Sometimes, even the person they are really doesn't matter. Irritated is the perfect that explains how I feel right now. Caring about your culture is fine, but when you live your life by it, you got problems. Move forward. Culture is about remembering where you came from, not continuing to live by it. This is just my opinion, but representing where you're from is like cheering for a team...it only works when you're present and dies when it's not faced with diversion.

I really don't know where I'm going with this. The thought just entered my mind and I'm frustrated with the word respect. Everything should be based on humor. If you base your life on humor, you won't lose too much, you won't be so irritated, and anger will not be a necessity in your life. Get over it, move on, and keep smiling. Ahhhh, I still feel like my point isn't getting across. Hmmm...

Screw respect. It only turns into sadness and madness. I am a hypocrite. Just smile and make fun of life. That's what life had given me for 2007. Here's to you 2008...*throwing bricks through windows and popping all those Christmas lights I still see. By the way, Christmas just isn't the same when things keep changing. One year you needn't wish for a thing, and the next, you just wish, pray, hope things would just be the way they were before; well, except for Christmas 2 years ago.

That feeling of joy and happiness never came. Too much work. Too much pressure. I just want to lay down and die a little more each day.

The End. Good bye. No more posts from JoshGumbi. It's over.