Email to someone

Encouragement could come from many places.


Thanks Mom. I need a hug right now. I've been frustrated and stressed about work because I need to improve my work behavior. This being communication, detail, and mostly being able to understand our product a lot better. Last week, I was complimented on my improvement from the previous week, but I'm still receiving useful feedback from all my coworkers. It's hard trying to do my job and suffering because my mind is just trying to get a valid license. I should be more relieved tomorrow because my ID should be coming in via Fedex. Vesper has been very cooperative with what I've needed. Thanks for the email. I had just fell asleep last night. But, I hardly remember the phone call. I owe you money.

I love you Mom.

I don't take advantage of the fact that she is and will always be in my life. Although I hardly tell her things, it still seems like she knows everything. I want to tell her. I want her to know what's up with my life. But, on the other hand, I'm holding back for the respect of another.

Tonight 216am. I broke down. An aim conversation with my best friends Reyna and Gina could really help, yet release some major frustrations in my current life. With Camillay in the Philippines, I have come to complete isolation from the one I'm used to receiving it from. Reference is the previous blog. Along with work, traveling, out of the ordinary events are tearing me apart. My strength is her. My strength is 100% attention. My friends are there for me. I'm just trying not to burden people with my problems, issues, craziness. That's why I decided to reply to my mom's email with the above. Why do I share such a personal part of my life with the whole world...because it helps me get through this tough time.

I need to study the training guidelines. Although I take pride in what I do, feedback is always welcome.

Pain & Happiness

It's been nearly 7 days since I've seen you with my own eyes. There's so much I fear when you're not around. I don't feel as complete as one should. Every thought involves something about you which makes my missing you even more hard to cope with. I look to you when I need strength, confidence, and to balance my thoughts. I'm on my trip to New Jersey and I feel alone. I know I've never missed someone so much because my heart feels like it squishes up. At this point on my trips, I'm either on the phone with her or at least chatting with her online.

I do take advantage of the time I have with her. I neglect the fact that she is there and I don't grasp the moment. Actually, when we're physically together, we act so much like two people who care for one another. Although, when we're apart, I don't appreciate the phone calls as much as I should. What do I miss? Here's a list:

- her voice (I saved her voice mails to hear her voice);
- her phone calls;
- her hugs;
- her touchy humor;
- her everything.

It does hurt. Everything I do reminds me of her. I was on my flight from Dallas to Philadelphia, and the in-flight movie was Bridge to Terabithia. It's such a sweet movie, but could take away everything that puts that smile, that reason to wake up in the morning, that feeling to keep going in your life. Also, it was her that told me that Leslie in the movie dies. But when I found out she died, my heart broke and I wanted to cry too. Whatever!? I have a heart. It wasn't the movie though, it was like she was no longer in my life. I didn't get a chance to tell her that I love her. I am seriously figuring out what love is. If this isn't, I have strong feelings that I can't part away from. I just wish she was here. I wish I could hear her voice. Anything!

After Thursday when I heard her voice last, she called Sunday for 2 minutes. I was relieved that she was ok. But, scared that she was going out to the other islands now.

This sucks. My heart is crushed.