Expired...EXPIRED!??!?!?! Noooooooo. Lol. Just kidding. I didn't realize my domain name had expired until 2 or 3 people told me. How have I been? Tired, sleepy, pudgy. The past few days, weeks have been blah blah blah. A few trips here and there. The weather has been extremely cold. My feet feel frozen. I've been trying to warm them up, but nothing is working. I should try walking, but it's cold outside. The Sharks game is on, so I'm happy for the time being. Warriors just lost, but blah on that. Go Go Google!

ps. Don't make them lose. lol

It's finally happened to me. By ways of passing up a truck on my way to work, another car decides to cut in front and do the same thing. I don't mind what just happened, ain't no thang. Although, it does bother me when we get so close to the the entrance to the freeway, that she decides to slow down, not allowing me to get in front of the truck. My opinion, I think she's being a careless driver and not paying attention to those around her. Imagine being on Berryessa heading east to enter 680 going north, in the left lane. You're ahead of a truck, but not enough to switch to the right lane because the car in front of the truck had slowed down almost getting rear ended by the truck. So, to avoid danger, I speed up next to the car, which at that moment , the truck switches lanes and gets behind me. I peek into the red slow car and notice that the person inside was looking at her driver's side mirror. She begins to speed up and I nearly clip her back left bumper, while avoiding a collision with the truck behind me. Wait! That's not the end.

The woman in the red car is on the loop and nearly runs off the road to the left then takes a sharp cut to her right and passes the white lines and goes partially in the dirt. By the way, I'm kind of laughing because this woman is being the most irresponsible driver and I hope she crashes, burns and hopefully gets her license taken from her. Ok, she's on strike 2 with me. Guess how she strikes out.

Not even on the freeway yet, her merging skills are awful. Usually when you merge, you try to stay on the right side and looking over your shoulder to see if you could get in the lane heading onto the freeway. This is what she does. She gets in the middle of the lanes and gets rear ended by the car trying to exit onto Berryessa. She loses control and goes up the under slope and into the dirt. I guess her hands weren't on the wheel. Luckily there was no one behind me, or else I would've been hit too.

I gave both parties my story and saying no one at fault. It happens, but the woman, I may add, had the ugliest makeup job done ever. lol. If you're going to drive, then drive. Don't eat or anything else. Stupid drivers and good drivers who get pushed down because of stupid drivers.

I need to keep myself from getting angry lately. My blood pressure just started to go down and I feel it fluctuating and stuff. My matters go overlooked. My mind hurts. My back hurts and I want to lay down. I want to sleep. I wish I didn't have work tomorrow, but it is something that I cannot help. Maybe we'll have a half day and everything will turn out fine. I get angry over the smallest things. Is it better this way? Better that I don't suppress my frustrations and annoyances, I guess. I could feel my heart pounding pretty aggressively against my chest. Just breathe in and out. Sometimes it hurts. I can hardly breathe normally, my hands cover my chest, and the dizziness comes back.

What do I do? I mean, I've managed to let things go when I'm not doing well in my Halo 3 time, but other things seem to clutter my mind with deep thought. Sometimes it's work, sometimes it's just the thought that my body is not acting the same way. Sometimes when I need a little tender loving care, it's not there. I don't mean to be a stubborn "baby" about it all, but that's what I need...even if that's not how we truly feel I should be treated. Bad heart, bad kidneys, high uric acid, sore muscles, feeling of influenza, headaches...I just want to quit. Game over. No need to deal with my life anymore. Over-dramatic, probably, but I don't care. Whatever, I have work tomorrow, I still feel slightly hot-headed right now. The world will live on and die out in a few years with all the horrors of mother nature going away. She doesn't want or like us anymore. Blah.

Deleted. A post that probably made my situation with someone on the sour side. With the exception of deleting a blog post, I, personally, over-stepped my boundaries and my own words. With my utter apologies, I bid farewell to this blog and I will see you guys on a new day. But, I was able to save some bits and pieces.

I'm sort of annoyed right now. What else could I write about? I'm going to publish this and start another.

People make mistakes that belongs to the forgive and forget category, and some end with a life enriching experience that teaches or burns a lesson in them forever. Or, the no remorse category where a person just doesn't care...I will never be like this. My heart is too big to not care about someone's feeling. And if I'm a hypocrite for saying so, comment or email me at joshgumbi@sbcglobal.net.

Not that anyone cares, but my time improved with the 3x3 Rubik's cube. I went from 4 minutes 3 seconds to 3 minutes 2 seconds

Not that anyone cares, but my time improved with the 3x3 Rubik's cube. I went from 4 minutes 3 seconds to 3 minutes 2 seconds.

Although this was posted so long ago, I improved my time to under 2 minutes. (08/19/08)

I never got back to you on my last entry. Oh well, it happens. November looks like an upbeat month, with Thanksgiving about to roll around the corner. The best part of this month is the three, yet three, paychecks. I'm going to attempt to save my whole second paycheck...yum. The perks of being salary isn't as great as hourly, yet my job doesn't really do the overtime thing. Plus, the on-call phone has included pay with it which means more money. Woohoo! This month is filled with Scorpio's who endure birthdays with happiness, excitement, and the spirit of good tidings. Thanksgiving will pass us like the turkey wings that I enjoy eating, BLACK FRIDAY will go quickly once again and me not needing to make my way to these crazy stores. Maybe I'll try this year. Might as well since we will be playing Halo until 4am.

Be right back...maybe. lol

Look I'm back and motivated...


Once upon a time...
...there was a man who was granted one wish. He was given three days to come up with this wish before the wish would not happen. The man didn't think anything of it, until he began to think of all the things he never had. As a young boy, years before he found himself in a candy store where he could not resist the temptation to buy everything in the store. Unfortunately, he only had a couple coins given to him by his grandma to buy dinner. The little boy turned around, left the candy store with the same possessions. Walking sadly down the street, he promised himself that one day he'll own the world. Between the time of this tragedy and this wish, he was blessed with a wonderful wife and children to bring happiness and hope into his life. So, knowing what he had already, a wish was hard to come by, even with all the things he never had. Minutes before his wish was bound to vanish forever, he granted himself a wish that would last forever. He wished for nothing. Suddenly the wish was stunned with this man's unselfish gesture. The wish granted this man and his family a farewell and disappeared. Although the man was confused why he out of many would be granted a wish. Later, he was given a letter that was unbelievable to even his eyes. The power of the wish brought warmth to those around this man.

We can't all have what we wish for, but knowing that there's someone to keep us from wanting more, we'll continue to be happy.

written by Josh Gumbi on 11/08/07

October

The month of October could be remembered in great detail. A majority of this month was preparing for a softball tournament, finalizing preparations for a family member's wedding reception, and preparing for that special first day after the month ends. Plus, the Xbox 360 console entered my life later in the month that keeps me up later than usual at night. The return of the Socom night, but this time we're fighting as either Spartans or Covenant scum.

For now, I'll write that introduction. I will continue this at a later time.

Who reads this still? Seriously. I hardly even jot now the ideas in my head. Whatever. Here's what I'm thinking.

Either last Friday, or even Thursday was the last time I saw you. This week seems so long that I continue to miss you. It sounds so sincere when I hear you say I miss you to me. Well, your show is this weekend. It has been a frustrated one for you from what I've noticed. Sometimes you must endure such pressure in order to fulfill your passions, but on the hand, we could all use a really good bear hug. I sit here with my new game, NHL08, to temporarily replace the attention you are unable to give me. Hoy! You're doing your stuff. I understand. Do it, in the meantime, I'm here scoring goals against the video game computer. Talk to you soon. I hope run-through stuff was fun.

I want to perform Jersey Boys on stage, as Frankie Valli's role. I know I can't hit those high parts, but man, it seems fun, esp. when at work listening to the soundtrack. Sigh.

Oh. 2 more days until her birthday. Yay! You get a shower today. I apologize for keeping the carpet and table in you.

These disorders happening puts fear in my eyes and those around me. Am I not meant to live a longer life? I keep hearing bad news after bad news. Well, I must do what I must and live life to my fullest. I assume I'll get through this tough time. Tell you the truth...I'm scared. Nothing I do fixes my problems. It seems like my body is going through a train wreck. Doc says I'll be fine, but I may experience pains and extreme fatigue. I asked, do I still go to work? She said yes. So, I sit here at work with pains under my ribs. I do not call out for pity, I just want those that care to be informed. Imagine that.

I've searched online for a few hours now. My search resulted with no outside foods as fast food restaurants, deli foods, sit down spots...what could I eat? Home cooked food. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh

LOW SODIUM DIET OR DIE

I choose the Diet. I found the following from http://www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=336

Ok, a little extreme because I don't believe someone could die from gout, or can they? More googling here I come. One of the main motivators out there is working out with someone. Well, here's the information I found. Knowing this helps me because I turned down a pizza like 4 times yesterday. Sheeeeesh. Diet starts yesterday!!!!

Cutting Down on Salt

Limiting sodium — which we get through salt, baking powder, baking soda and other substances in foods we eat — is one of the most important things that people with heart failure can do. Sodium makes the body hold on to fluid. To pump the added fluid, the heart has to work harder. People with heart failure shouldn't put this extra strain on their hearts.

Also, too much salt can worsen symptoms like swelling and shortness of breath and cause weight gain. If those symptoms become severe, the person may need to be admitted to the hospital.

Physicians often recommend keeping salt intake below 2,300 milligrams (mg) per day for most people. This is about one teaspoon of salt. However, for people with heart failure, recommended sodium intake is no more than 2,000 mg per day. Most people eat considerably more than this, so it's likely that a person with congestive heart failure will need to find ways to cut down on salt.

Here are some tried-and-true strategies for reducing sodium intake. Start small and gradually work up to bigger changes. (We've tried to arrange the strategies that way.)

Tips on table salt

• Take the salt shaker off the table.
• Cook without salt.
• Discuss using salt substitutes with your doctor.

Limiting salt when you cook

• Avoid any seasonings that taste salty, including:
  
  • bouillon cubes
  • cooking sherry or cooking wine
  • chili sauce
  • meat tenderizer
  • seasoned salts
  • soy sauce
  • steak sauce
  • tamari
  • Worcestershire sauce
• Instead, try cooking with low-salt seasonings, such as lemon juice, vinegar and herbs.
• Drain and rinse canned foods before preparing them to remove some of the salt.
• Substitute fresh fruits and vegetables and other low-sodium foods for canned and processed foods. Use canned vegetables with no salt added. Select brown rice or plain white instead of flavored rice (such as chicken- or beef-flavored, or any rice that comes with a packet of powdered seasoning).

Avoiding high-sodium foods

This recommendation is probably the hardest to follow, because so many convenience foods (like packaged meals and soups) and snacks (potato chips and popcorn) are high in sodium. But most of us take in more sodium through these foods than by using table salt. That's why it's essential to cut back and eventually eliminate them. The foods below are usually high in sodium (but read the labels, because some may be available in a low-salt or unsalted form):

• Canned soups and dry soup mixes
• Canned meats and fish (buy water-packed tuna or salmon instead)
• Ham, bacon and sausage
• Salted nuts and peanut butter
• Instant cooked cereals
• Salted butter and margarine
• Processed meats, such as deli items and hot dogs
• Prepared mixes (pancake, muffin, cornbread, etc.)
• Prepackaged frozen dinners (unless one serving has less than 400 mg of sodium)
• Preseasoned mixes (tacos, chili, rices, sauces, gravies, etc.)
• Snack foods (pretzels, potato chips, olives, cheeses, pickles)
• Salad dressings
• Fast food

Choosing low-sodium alternatives

• Read food labels to check salt content (listed as "sodium"). Start with what's in the cabinet right now, so you can stop buying any high-sodium foods.
• People with heart failure should watch out for the various forms of sodium (for example, sodium alginate, sodium sulfite, sodium caseinate, disodium phosphate, sodium benzoate, sodium hydroxide, monosodium glutamate or MSG, sodium citrate).
• Check your medicine cabinet. People with heart failure should avoid headache or heartburn medicines that contain sodium carbonate or bicarbonate.
• Look for canned vegetables labeled with “no salt added.” Look for "low-salt" or "low-sodium" labels on cans and packages. This label isn't allowed on the can or package unless the food has 140 milligrams or less sodium per serving. However, it's still important to read the label to see exactly how much it does contain. The less salt, the better!

I have been tired lately. Unsure why, lack of sleep, too much Halo 3, softball practices...well, at least today isn't that bad. Sitting at my desk, my body and mind got a little tired, but not that far were sleep had overwhelmed me. Nothing really to update. Until later on, keep doing what you're doing people. I love you all...except you and you. lol

I quit AkbayanSJSU...





...when I get paid back my $1500.

Of course, I've been away from the blog life the passed few months, but who cares...I don't. My thoughts seem to gather while driving either to or from work. It's the thirty-plus(one-way) minutes that gives me a chance to charge my brain with life's tragedies and horrors. Not particular just those aspects, but happy times too. You've just entered the brain sector of...JOSH GUMBI.

Bad drivers
Speaking of driving to and from work, sometimes my thoughts are interrupted by the likes of bad drivers. What is a bad driver? There are so many bad drivers they might as well take off the protectors of the highway. Speeders, slowskis, text messagers, phone talkers, eaters, sleepers(lol- but it happens), tailers, lane changerers, and the list goes on. When driving, the main focus is getting to your destination as fast you can, no matter the dangers. Wrong! I don't expect you to read on to find out how I drive. I drive damn good. But that's all I say, I don't want to be criticized or be considered a hypocrite. Even the best drivers, like myself, have faults and run into certain difficult situations. Stay focused. People assume driving is like walking. Knowing the ground is there, we could maneuver in any direction (well, of course you can't go in the up position, dummy), but cars don't work that way. Next time you get into a car, don't click it to avoid the ticket, click it to save your life and possibly those in your vehicle. Road signs are made for a reason. And if you know the car behind you is speeding up behind you, attempt to get out of their way so they won't have to cut someone(s) off. Stay alert. Use your mirrors. Constantly move your eyes and head to know what your surrounding road looks like. Stupid drivers will never go away, but have enough brain power to learn.

Guilty
I interfered twice this week in situations that didn't involve me, which caused a near tragedy. All I remember is reading, your not in it anymore. Maybe I'm not, but it's my only place of real acceptance while growing up. Pretty lame you may think, but it changed me to be who I am now. Would I be this person without it, probably not. Plus, I need to get paid back still. I'm not leaving until I get paid back. Lol.

Halo 3
Awesome. Two nights of playing until 230am. Not good for my worklife, but goodness, the graphics are superb. The Campaign is short. They put a lot of effort into the storyline and art, they shortened the run and gun significantly. We could assume the campaign would be short lived by the enormous outcome of online players. So, who cares, the graphic setup is what we all expected.

Lately, life is stagnant with no real room for improvement. Going to work during normal adult hours and days, trying to get through my daily workload worrying about being sent to a personal meeting with my employer. Will today be my last day? As long as I do what I've been doing, I should be fine. Really? Being part of the older generation where work is a crucial importance to one's present and future. My foundation is so unstable that moving forward is so blurry and faded from existence. Outside of my daily life cycle, a reality not my own is what I seek. Money is in and out of my pocket, but mostly out of my pocket. My work allows enough pay to deal with bills and eat. Is this what I've become? Jealousy occurs when friends take planned vacations, go out as much as they do, or spend money on a daily basis. On the other hand, maybe they do struggle with money from what I hear from some individuals, but isn't money made to be spent. And then the question comes up why I'm not going or why don't you hangout anymore. There are many reasons why:

1. Most of the places we go to hangout involves money.
2. Even when I don't need to spend money, my wallet opens because of some odd reason.
3. I'm cheap...no, I'm just safe with my money.
4. I'm out of town for work.
5. The things people do just aren't my fancy.
6. I don't get invited. This happens to a lot of people though.
7. Shrugs.

Maybe I want what other people have. I want... nevermind. This is pointless.

Semi-date, spontaneous outings with Camille is always fun.

Nearly 24-hours of interesting experiences. Even though we lost our softball game 15-13(which I was 2-3 with 4 RBIs), the rest of the evening brought me back when I first started college. My first alcoholic beverage didn't pass my lips until I was legally (blonde) twenty-one. Watching under-age drinkers drink is always entertaining. Watching legally-aged drinkers drink is interesting. Either way, my night is filled with smiles.

Yesterday was our day. We spent a day in the city doing stuff from our list. Mint Mall has a huge mint for a sign, lettering made with neon lights. I didn't go in. I walked two blocks over to J'Box and ordered a few tacos. Mmm...tacos. San Francisco offers so many things to do that would probably take a couple lifetimes to fulfill; well, not really. Coit Tower, Ghiradelli Square warm brownie sundae, Robin Williams house, scenic route; just a few of the things covered on this trip.

My back hurts. I need to pack, I'm heading to Missouri.

Problems occur at random moments, but the feelings never change. For the first time, my feelings are the same, the way they've always been. Honest with words, but my reactions are out of focus. Bottomline, I feel I'm losing something I don't want to lose. I'm not really sure what's happening. Every night before I switch my light out, a picture is used to ensure that life is better, especially when I'm away on trips. There will be a time when things will turnout better. With a simple glance before my flights takeoff, the smile is shown that prepares me for the following occurrences.

Why aren't things getting better? Am I away too long? There's been many people that don't take me seriously. And when someone is introduced to my serious, mean-type way, everything is seen differently. People should take me seriously. Stop trying to put a smile on my face and just listen. My family never takes me seriously. When confidence is needed, I can barely find it. I'm going to stop writing. I don't know where any of this is going. Until later, hopefully things will get better.

After a week in Maryland, I am home for two days. Now, I am packing for another Alaska trip for a second straight week on the road. I'm a little tired, but the experience is needed. With a tight staff, the workload is starting to kick me in the butt. But my butt power will keep me paced with the work.

8/25
Yesterday worked like a pseudo-date. These outings are named adventures for the two of us. I've always enjoyed spending time with her. Even when the labels we held were strictly friendship, wait! We hold no labels. As we grow up, the crowning of ranking between two people starts to fade and tends to assume the situation -just as long as both parties understand the rules of engagement. Why does it work this way? Knowing someone is special to you doesn't involve labels, just the basic faith that they are there for you. People we care about should not involve extra to show face to other people. I do feel a bit hypocritical. I subconsciously want others to know my status. But behind the curtains, happiness is what matters.

8/19
The San Jose Logitech DDD Division Championship game was won by the newly entered Icemen team. Let's flashback to the previous season, where the Icemen were playing in the DDDD division. The playoffs had been a bit harder to cope with than this year. Some of the teams we have played for multiple seasons, but since we had one the DDDD Division Championship, we, as team, were getting better and better. The more we played, the teamwork started to improve exponentially; at the same time, the individual effort was still there. The greatest asset would definitely go to our goalie. He's a wall with tiny cracks that pucks don't usually fit. We played against the Fighting Amish and won 6-2. Although, I've played almost 6 seasons with this team, this is my third championship win. While I'm on roster, the team had won 3 out of 4 championships. We won in the E, DDDD, and DDD divisions. We lost in the E division a couple years back while I was still in college. Go Icemen!

Summer 2007 Games Played: 13; 3 goals; 5 assists; 8 points
Summer 2007 Playoffs Games Played: 4; 1 goal; 2 assists; 3 points

Winter 2006 Games Played: 15; 3 goals; 1 assist; 4 points
Winter 2006 Playoffs Games Played: 2; 1 goal; 0 assists; 1 point

...a bit emotional tonight. although filled with laughs before you left, i've become swarmed with a sudden sense of misery. i cannot tell why. i just want to hide under and rock, better yet, get squished by the rock. stupid rock!

It's a hunch, but I'm willing to try it. This morning and the past few weeks has been aches and pains, especially in my left arm. When I first browsed the internet, I could barely find any information on tingly fingers or aching arms. Finally, letting my fingers do the talking, google finally gave me a result worth reading-more like a forum thread. Here's what the poster said:
---

01-20-03, 08:56 PM

Numb & tingly fingers! The little finger and ring finger of my left-hand has been constantly semi-numb and tingly for two or three weeks. I was beginning to think I might have a serious bloodflow problem...maybe even a heart problem. I searched on the web for a cause of my problem and all I could really find on the subject had to do with carpal tunnel syndrome, which I was sure was not my problem. I was about ready to visit my doctor because I was getting worried and it even affected me getting to sleep at night. Well, I figured out what my probem was when my wife noticed I had a small purplish bruise on my left elbow. (How many people look at their own elbows!) I have a bad habit of propping my left elbow on my desk and leaning my chin on my left hand for support when I browse around on the PC, which is often... And I have, over time, damaged or pinched a nerve that affects the last two fingers of my left hand! This is obviously the same nerve area that makes your fingers feel all tingly for a few minutes when you bump your elbow just right, which many people call the "funny bone"! Over the last few days I have made it a point not to prop my elbow on the desk and my fingers are finally feeling almost normal again...and the bruise is all but gone too. I just wanted to share this story with others that may have experienced a similar problem. We are creatures of habit...and sometimes our habits are not good ones! Kooter

---
The thread went on and on about these particular symptoms. The irony was me reading the post with my left arm on the desk and my chin in my left hand. Immediately, I sat up and accepted the fact that a common body stance is what's possibly causing these weird feelings. Thanks Kooter. There was another post about a month or two ago that said it was a lot more serious than what's explained above. But, I plan to try to keep my elbows off my desk to see if the tingly feelings go away.

Later in the thread, it explains the ulnar nerve that could tighten on the inside of the back of the elbow. This nerve moves both ways; to the fingertips and up to the neck. Although my neck feels fine, I do hope it continues to act normally.



As for the cranium, I've been really cranky lately. I complain a whole lot more, as if I'm angry and something. Possibly the outcome of the entry above is causing my brain to act carelessly. My outbursts may collide with the happinesses leading to hurting people. So, I say this, stay away from me at all costs. I may be a calm and self-controlled person, but I could snap and turn the world upside down. Good-natured people build up their temper and let it out in extreme anger. Beware! I am violent, if I have a reason to be. I've tried to let my feelings out the moment I feel them, but no one respects the angry side and just makes fun of it. It's not fair sometimes. Maybe I should just be mean and angry all the time. Even if I start swearing, people will probably be shocked, then stay away from me. It's a daring life. What do I do?

I don't feel respected. Did I earn it? Probably not.

Hello August, how are you? So far, three days have passed and I'm still living with regularity, or as I say it 're-gah-lur', nothing else comes clearer than my relationship with Cas. She is always there for me when I need her. Everything else will remain in my head or for her ears and her ears only.

My hands have been feeling like they're on fire and my fingertips are tingly and sometimes numb. This happens more often now that I fear for something worse. These inflammations occur only in my ligaments, usually at the very end; hands, feet, fingertips. 28 is a normal age where I should be physically fit. With softball and ice hockey as my weekly sports, you could say my body should be more fit. When I play softball, I play with a limp or sore ankle. Regardless of the pain, dealing with it later is not a strong option to believe in. The only time my heel spurs or probable plantar fasciitis happens, my body is telling me that my weight is getting over the edge again, my foot apparel isn't working properly, or my sudden urge for activities should be more gradual. After almost four years with this pain, I've managed to fight back and reduce the time with the agonizing pain. My usual pattern occurs when my pudge gets a little thicker. At that point, I need to start working out again, or at least find a way to lose the pounds that put me over the painful edge.

But now my hands are feeling awkward. I've read so much on it, and it appears to be... I don't want to say it. I'll continue to monitor it. If you know what it could be, comment me please.

note: if I die young, will the world around me be affected? Have I made a difference? Shrug.

On my way to work, I was feeling good because I didn't wake up late, especially on Monday's. Late is not really an importance at my work, but the time variable is still important to me. "What time does our work day start?" Her response came with much surprise and relief, "Anytime between 830 and 930am." I came to the conclusion that this work environment was flexible with the time we come in, due to the 30-minute commute most of needed to do from San Jose. I wouldn't mind taking advantage of the 'work from home once a week' to conserve our precious cars/gas tanks. This is likely not to happen. Hopefully, one day, some day we'll move the business to Fremont. Who knows?

So, back to the main topic- I had just drove onto the freeway from Berryessa. The first lane, easy to get in to. Managed without any negative emotions. The second lane actually took a bit longer because some cars move faster than the first, but not that fast. My chance finally came so I signaled. Suddenly, in my left rear mirror, I see the van speeding up behind me getting into the same lane as myself. But, from what I see, he's trying to get into the third lane. From my view, he had plenty of time to get into the second, and smoothly into the third. Instead, he waits and does the two-lane change like and idiot and nearly clips my left rear bumper. Unsure if he gave me a look because I never look at the drivers of other cars. It only causes emotions that could be avoided. Unless I'm in the passenger seat, I'll throw stuff at the other car (not literally). It matters not which car I'm driving, if I was clipped, I would do my best to make what happened his fault. Ok, it's out. It's over, nothing bad came of it.

note: Don't say something if you don't mean it.

Nearly two days have passed since I purchased Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (Philosopher's Stone). I didn't know I had it in me to sit and read. Before, it would actually take me year's to reach where I am right now. Don't get me wrong, it's an easy read, but I usually get bored or sleepy within 10 pages. Maybe I do have the motivation to read on a daily basis so I could catch up with the 7th and final book of the series. Either way, I am half way through the book. I'll most likely finish the book by tomorrow. My goal was by tonight. Probably night.

A couple year's back, I received the book set Lord of the Rings, including The Hobbit. It could possibly be the type of reading because I couldn't get through the first book in almost 5 years. At least I tried. I'll do my best to get back to it.

The coworker that trained me, for the most part, resigned yesterday. Well, she actually turned in her two weeks, so yesterday was the final day. According to her, she told me to continue to strive in what I've been doing. She was partially impressed with my work style. Have I really improved? The only one's that could tell me are my coworkers. I have a heavy workload to look forward to, but I must believe that I could do the work. I've managed to do the work with accuracy and efficiency for the passed month or two. My confidence for my job title and work is high. I was an engineer before I started work, and I'm going to be one while I work. Sigh.

I purchased a Wii a few months back and I don't even play it. I put all blame on Final Fantasy XII. 150 hours of playing time into that game. Maybe even more because I've had a few Game Overs. Why am I telling you this information? I don't know. Ok, I said my topic. I'm outta here.

note: Go Giants!

Ok, someone get me the Harry Potter books. If not, I'm going to keep reading Wikipedia. Ahhhhhh!
Closing Wikipedia now. Ahhhh! not that it matters, but Unforgivable Spells are horrible.

Hello Entry #400

5 years and 399 entries later, I've reached #400. What now? Well, I'll keep writing my issues, problems, frustrations, memories, happinesses, and all those fun things we all love to read...NOT.

What have I learned in 5 years? Things change, memories are built around various events, and all these treasures will soon be separated to bring greater things. There was a point where giving up was an option, but choices mold our lives into balance. We must continue to strive and gather our motivations to believe we could do it. I could do it! Nothing will stand in my way of greatness. I don't believe in a being great. I believe in a mediocre lifestyle with spurts of excitement. In 5 years, the biggest lesson is...oh! be right back, I'm going to look into my 401k benefits with the CFO.

Location

With a simple click of the mouse, you are located over Nebraska. Your flight is half way over and I'm keeping track. Tracking someone's flight is fun. Ves made stir-fry with an extra spoonful of vinegar. Still good though. I added a hot dog because that was supposed to be my actual dinner. Hotdog and bun. Yeah.

I realize my tummy gets bigger because all I do is sit on my butt and play FF12. Although, I do sit-ups in between play. Simpson's movie comes out this Friday. Awesome!

Down And Out

With my ankle damaged once again, my left leg elevated, and my favorite person on the East Coast, I browse the Internet and found a common theme. More friends are getting married that are around my age. My wedding era actually started nearly 3-4 years ago when the older crowd friends were getting married. Unfortunately, none of those weddings involved my brothers or myself. This family is going to remain with my brothers. Our prediction is to see little brother James to get married first and have children. My older brothers and I are never going to get married. NEVER! With my career in the books for a good year, marriage is on my mind, but not just yet. Let's make more money, I guess. Yes, I'm jealous that people younger than me are getting married, but that's their choice. My day will come when I'll be on bended knee with a ring box in my right hand and stuff. Blah.

I accept what my life has reached. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!

Blue key of death

Good morning folks. There was annoying pet peeve that I discovered about myself driving to work, but I forgot what it was. Maybe it'll come back to me. Browsing the Internet, specifically myspace.com, I jumped onto my cousins page and discovered her shame toward her family name. This name continues the growing force for our family. Maybe it's the same on that name, but my mind just found it confusing. You have all the right to do what you want, but does the name bring shame because of family issues. This is probably something I will bring up to her, I just wanted to voice my view on the minor issue. Because I'm still trying to figure out what that pet peeve was.

The title of the following explains the situation at work. Here lies a blue key that unlocks our machines. It is waiting to be sent to Anchorage to be transferred again to Wasilla, Alaska. Why death? Because nothing is being done to resolve the issue. The title should read 'Death of Blue Key'. I shall keep it remained. With my project manager resigning, my position will now be bombarded with more responsibilities. Not likely that I'll have too much to worry about because I want to improve my knowledge. There are many tasks that could be useful in this change. According to what this person said, I'll get a much better laptop to bring home with me, instead of this sony that I can't even adjust the dim. Whack!

With the new Transformers movie under my belt, reviews could now be shared with me. The topic a lot people are viewing is the death of the token autobot, which I will remain nameless. It was sad to see him die. The bunch of us went to Dj Dose's (livemixshow) to swim, bbq, and watch Transformers the cartoon movie. I slightly fell asleep during the middle because it was the boring part. The best part is just the beginning with Optimus Prime. Did you cry when Optimus Prime died longingly? So, when an autobot leader dies, he turns grey and rotates his head to the right.

That's it for now. I can't remember what I was thinking driving to work. Sucks!

in Awe

Emotional Setback

Yesterday was more of an emotional upset. With this late birthday bbq picnic thing turning sour, I'm left in confusion and frustration on if it should even happen. Sitting at a picnic table with enough food for maybe thirty, but only maybe less than 10 people go. With my supportive foundation falling through the cracks, maybe it is time to tap out and release myself from this year's birthday celebrations. How many types of birthdays could someone possibly have?

The Saturday before my birthday, my dad, Kristen, James, Grandma, and I decided to go eat lunch before my ice hockey game. Sushi Coast (click here for my review) was closed, so after a quick thought, we went to Chili's. No review for Chili's because, come on now, we've all been Chili's. If not, sorry Roger, you tiger now.

The Giants game versus the Diamondbacks was a great way to start off my birthday. Before the game, my mom, Ken, and I received our Barry Zito bobble heads and then made reservations for Acme Chophouse @ AT&T Park (click here for my review). Good timing because by the time we paid the check, we headed up to our seats (behind home plate) to watch the second half of the 1st inning. My birthday was starting great because the Giants won, 4-1.

Ok, within one weekend, two complimentary meals, a Giants game, and we won our ice hockey game, not to mention a few gifts that I will remain nameless. Damn, if you really want to know, ask.

I probably mentioned this but my birthday did not end with that weekend, it continued on the following Thursday and Friday. Quick overview: cake at work, Cleo's for dinner w/friends, ice cream cake at home, and Jersey Boys. Not really my idea to have a picnic, but it was a good idea to have. For all the thanks I put into my friendships, relationships, and familyships, I would offer the best return gift possible, FOOD. Is it still going to happen, probably. But, it isn't the same when all my special someone's are there. Like I said before, one picnic table, full of food, and that's about it. My invite went out to family and close friends. Do I deserve a huge crowd of guests, or do I deserve what I could get. I need to be more appreciative toward those that try to think twice about me. To conclude this, I guess I'll see you Saturday, 11-whenever. It's on!


note: Custard-filled Pudge Bucket!

Motivating force

Reading blogs, xangas, or even simple personal websites motivates me to write, to jot down ideas, to blog.

Changing topics by how I recently feel.

From a conversation with a friend earlier today:

joey: have you seen transformers

ted: yarra

joey: goodness

joey: am i the only one left

joey: i hate you

ted: dude

ted: grow up

joey: never

ted: thats for damn sure

I am speechless.

I am surrounded with emotional treasures that I cannot go without, but right now, I'm not sure what to think. I want to have a birthday bbq picnic, but I'm not sure if I really want it. I don't know what to do. What do I want? I want to lay down on the ground and have the ants drag me away into their ant hole to feast on me.

Shrugs


www.livemixshow.com =DJ Dose on Friday @ 12.

Nothing to grasp

Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You - Frankie Valli

...such a great song. The song came on and noticed we got closer. Maybe it was a coincidence, but it was romantic. It's true, my eyes always make my way towards your eyes, or any other part of your body. While you sleep, I wait in wonder when your eyes will open and see me there. Surprise, it's me watching, protecting you while you sleep. I am your shield, I am your armor, I am your air bag, I am yours. Don't you forget that.

Birthday plus 2

It is already Saturday. My birthday was two days ago and it still feels like it is still going on. Earlier today, I thought it was Sunday because I usually only clean on that day. Now, I'm sitting in front of my desktop writing to you Mr. Blogger. I look to my left and see my fan sitting on my window sill. The breeze outside is actually making the inner fan rotate. With the Giants game on my back, a Pepsi sitting on my computer desk, here we go.

Working on your birthday sucks. The projects were just there, but my mind was on the events later after work was over. A cake was offered at work, cookies and cream type cake, yummy. Surprises have always been on my mind. During birthday events, daily events, visitation events, any type of event where you could surprise someone is on my mind. That's the way I am. Random gifts out of nowhere are always fun to do. Gifts could include flowers, jewelry, etc. If someone gives you something where it is unexpected, no matter what it is, accept with much appreciation.

I had a donut last night. Chocolate custard-filled donut from Krispy Kreme...mmmmm.

My birthday dinner was held at Cleo's Steakhouse/Mr. Pizza Man. Full Meat Service. My guests were Cami, A-Jay, Christine Joy, Addie, and Alan. The service is good, the company was great. Gerstein, next time. We didn't get back until later that night, but we didn't finish the night with an ice cream cake that Cami got for me. Yay! Last time an ice cream cake sat in my presence was probably my 11th birthday. My birthdays get better and better each year I get older.

Last night, I received one of the coolest birthday gifts I could ever receive...Jersey Boys. I got the see the story of the Four Seasons. The show was amazing. We took BART from Daly City to Powell. We walked up to Curran Theatre and sat in our Balcony seats. The show was nearly perfect, probably because of the stupid teenage girl being inconsiderate and blocking the right side of the stage with her head. Oh well. I didn't let it bother me. What not? Well, I sit here in front of my computer and just type. I will be updating my previous blog entry/short story every now and then. I need to check up on my laundry too. Thank you all for your birthday greetings. Mucho appreciado.

note: Eating well!!! Very well.

28 Years Later.

The days were filled with heat, trackers wandering about salvaging food from the dead. Garbage is left from the early street wars. The time the war began was the end of existence, the beginning of human slavery. There was no hope left, no ideas of how to fight back. The shadows were no longer used to hide from the enemy. Groups are easier to find, so isolating your soul from the party could help toward breathing another day.

Even before the fear devoured the surface, smiles and children playing swarmed the solid grounds. No where could one find a speck of hatred in the flicker of one's eye sight. There was no reason to fear existence, which may possibly be the reason for the fall. All my thoughts are a blur. Being born into such a land takes the justice of any man into reason why do we continue to live if there is is no hope. Many clans have attempted to overtake the fear, but all have failed.

This land of magic has lost it's last hero. Ten years ago was the fight that would've ended the powerful struggle for solid ground. This brawl, this fight lasted many months. A young fighter, Jogum Bish, was no match for the fear. He believed nothing was able to stop the fear. His lost was forgotten. The fear fought and destroyed the human. Losing track of its destruction, it assumes death to the courageous fighter.

Now comes the time of recollection and obeying the voice of fear. The land is lost with famine and disease. Hunters, trackers, and beggars roamed the peace streets. As long as the fear was else where, they lived, but only to wait for death.


to be continued.


note: wrote check for Dose. I know he'll pay me back.
N094-4533-9263-2#1#-4 $240

mmmmm...Squisheeee

Time to make my way to Mountain View for my very first Squishee. Mmmm. Yay...D'oh.

I had the most bizarre dream this morning. I knew I was half asleep. The street cleaning truck woke me up this morning. Suddenly, I jumped into a dream sequence where I was dressing up into a tuxedo type attire. Family was there. Friends were all around. As time went by, my dream turned out to be my wedding day. It was strange because it appeared to run like a reality show because a camera was following me. My control was so strong that my wife-to-be was none other than my Favorite. She was beautiful in her wedding gown. Everything was so perfect, except me. My dream turned emotional when I found myself alone wondering what I'm doing. I guess it was just a sign of having 'cold feet'. Marriage is not an option that I've thought about. With my ability to stop my dream, I woke up before entering back into the church-like structure.

My clock radio had been going off for 2 minutes. I woke up wondering if I'll ever get married. Oh well. Someday.

It is Tuesday. 3 1/2 more days until Jersey Boys is in my grasp. Funny how Jersey Boys seems to be more important than my birthday, which is in 2 days. Well, I have work off tomorrow and today we are getting out of work at 12 noon. Most likely, I'll drive home, play Final Fantasy 12, fall asleep, wake up when Camillay arrives and make way to Mountain View. Did I mention that gas at my Arco is $3.07/gallon?

Food

Brb, I'm going to go eat lunch first. 127pm

I am back from lunch. 144pm I would've been back 5 minutes ago, but I needed to speak with someone in the office.

My old neighborhood in San Francisco involved a lot of business and transportation traffic. We once had a Cala Foods not more than 100 feet away from my house. That was torn down and replaced with condos and a little convenient store. There used to be a FotoMat drive-thru less than 70 feet away. Not it's even more condos. The comic book store where I purchased Spawn #1 through #20 had moved somewhere a bit farther than where we are now. It was small, so a bigger venue would have given it justice.

Scattered throughout a 10-block radius, grade school classmates are located amongst this perpendicular shaped neighborhood; some closer to the beach front than myself. By the way, I am 3-blocks from lower great highway. I've taken advantage of the beach and it's view so many times. I cannot live too far away from water. I would feel trapped, like Stitch, but he's surrounded by water. Noisy, wave-crashing water or calm, serene type water, they both work the same. Although, beach water could be very dangerous. Quiet waters could be scary too with Michael Myers lurking the underwater surface with his machete.

Bottomline, my old house is my place to escape reality. It's a place of growing, and also a place to relax and unwind. This past Saturday, I went home to go watch an SF Giants game. Lowry pitching with heart and his abilities, he takes another win at home. I grew up in San Francisco. I roamed the midnight streets of San Francisco in my high school days. But I always ended up safe at home. Nothing beats home. Nothing beats the happy memories. Nothing beats your childhood days.

I'm getting older everyday, but a whole new number on Thursday night, it'll be just another day. The age of age no longer counts for me. I am now in the age of career, love, and family.

note: it is not all wasted time.

Good luck!

On my way to the Giants game today, I realized that my Giants gear needed to expand. But for now, my head piece for the evening was an SF Giants 'rally' cap style hat. There were only a few people in the stands who had this hat. Either way, Lowry did great with 8 strikeouts and the win. Even though our seats were in 328, we sat behind the plate in 315 about row 7, seat 5. Awesome, a lot of sequences are happening with the numbers 7 and 5 or 75 or 7-5. With the arrival at my mom's house after the game, a package from DHL was slid underneath the gate. This parcel wasn't supposed to arrive for another week and a half. My birthday gift from my mom had arrived. A San Francisco Giants jersey with the number 75 and name JOEY stitched to the back, grey with orange and black lining. This is great. My sports attire is growing.

-San Jose Sharks replica AWAY jersey; #75 HIPOL
-San Francisco Giants replica GREY jersey; #75 JOEY
-San Francisco 49ers: none.
-Golden State Warriors: none.

Better yet, I was able to purchase my 2007 All-Star gear. Mostly all grey. I think my new favorite color is grey, but still orange...greange OR organey.






The hardest part about relationships is the struggle to trust. No matter how often you tell someone you love them, your thoughts are still only yours, leaving one with possible doubt. For 15 months, my involvement continues to grow. There's no room for predictability and assumption, only honesty. I have a sense of insecurity still, but the only thing I could do is keep my mind straight and believe that I am the only one for her, and keep believing that only she could keep my heart beating her name. I'm in love and no one could change that.


note: my birthday week has started well with a bit emotional and depression near the end of one night though.

T-minus 7 days

Another colony of ants trailed their way into my garbage. Awkwardly, the only trash in the waste basket is paper or tissue. Are they after my boogers? Is there an aroma inside the bad that senses their taste buds. So, I raided the whole basket, including my carpet. I might get rid of my carpet also, including the carpet in my living room. It's a nice touch, but it's falling apart. One idea I've been thinking about...

Moving closer to work. I've thought of Pleasanton, Livermore, Dublin, Castro Valley, Fremont, Milpitas. All good choices, not very cheap; or at least affordable. Plus, no one cares to live out there...BUT if someone does, let me know. jrhipol@gmail.joey

How's the new format, look of the blog. Not too revealing, but different. I'm into change every once in awhile. I can't get used to routine. It's boring. Here's a somewhat schedule of my next week.

Saturday, June 30 - Going to Giants game vs. the D-Backs.
Sunday, July 1 - Icemen vs Blade Runners 730pm. Center Ice.
Monday July 2 - Work
Tuesday July 3 - Work
Wednesday July 4 - Holiday, Dose's place for BBQ
Thursday July 5 - Work
Friday July 6 - Work and Four Seasons "Jersey Boys"
Saturday July 7 - Echoes of the Cordillera *tentative


I'm excited for you, but at the same time sad because I know you're leaving. I hope your parents let you go, you deserve. You are dedicated and you do so much. Maybe I'll go and play music for you. Highly unlikely. Who knows though. What are you doing now?


note: I'm eating my leftovers from Ongpin for lunch.

Birthday gift ideas...FREE

Come watch one or both.

Sun Jul 1 7:30 PM Logitech Center Senior DDD Icemen/Blade Runners Regular 10
Sun Jul 8 1:00 PM Logitech North Senior DDD Blades/Icemen Regular 11


After 7 games, I have 1 goal and 5 assists. I've gotten a point in 5 straight games. Ok thanks.

Copy & Paste

10 Compliments that WOW a man

Posted by David Zinczenko & Comments by ME

From an early age, men get hammered with the same message about how to treat women: More compliments, more listening, more romance. That's all well and good, as it should be. But sometimes, especially as relationships progress, men can also feel on the short-end of the fawning stick: Nearly 70 percent of men say they wish they received more regular compliments from their partner. I'm not suggesting that every guy has to be coddled and cuddled with verbal roses, but every once in a while, it's nice to throw one his way. While guys aren't particularly amped by compliments like "nice eyes" or "you're so beautiful," there are a few, simple things a woman can say to a man that really get him going. To wit:

"Your arms are definitely looking bigger."

Men can be just as paranoid about the way their bodies look as women can be. In fact, nearly 90 percent of men in a national Men, Love & Sex survey say there's at least one body part they'd like to change (42 percent saying they want a new gut). While men don't necessarily want women to lie if they're out of shape, it never hurts to notice he's looking good -- or at least trying to look better.

Comment: You admire my arms even though they are nothing but fat storage.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha."

Guys spend all of high school, the better part of the work day, and at least 12 times a day via e-mail trying to make people laugh. Because men value their sense of humor as one of their most important qualities, a hearty, genuine laugh is as flattering as it gets.

Comment: Need I say more. Although, you don't necessarily laugh at what I say or do, you laugh at what you're doing to me.

"Wow."

Doesn't matter whether it comes as he's getting undressed or after you've finished having sex, this short, sweet word (best done in a whisper) may just be the ultimate ego-stroke. A picture may say a thousand words, but this three-letter word sums up roughly 10,000 of them.

Comment: Stop looking at my butt. This goes out to everyone. Geez.

"You the man."

Guys hear this all the time. From other guys. They hear it at work, on the golf course, and when one dude from the group buys the beer. But if it comes from a woman -- no matter the context -- the message is that, hey, we're buddies, too. Which is actually pretty darn sexy.

Comment: Same as saying "What's up" when I call you. I already know I'm a man.

"The kids just adore you."

More than 50 percent of men say that their families -- more so than work and salary -- are what defines them most as men. So when a woman affirms that he's a familial hero, it's a compliment that stretches way beyond anything you could ever say about his haircut.

Comment: no comment.

"What do you think?"

We've all seen it a million times with long-married couples: They engage in cerebral power struggles, where neither can concede on anything -- whether it's the best way to move a piece of furniture or the fastest way to reach the interstate. I'm not saying that men should have the only say in decisions, but some guys do feel like they actually have very little.

Comment: Why do I always have to make the decisions? Just be patient and if you want me to decide, trust me. I know you're hungry, and I will continue to struggle to get you your rations. Yes, most of the time you're right, but sometimes positive motivation works better than negative.

"Cute feet."

Typically, it doesn't matter much to men if women like a part of their body that they don't control, like their eyes, jawline, or body hair. And typically, guys care for the word "cute" about as much as Paris cares for the penal system. One exception: The part of the body that is classified as being especially gross. Tell a guy he has good feet, and somehow he takes it as a double-bagger compliment -- that you not only like his genetics, but also that you appreciate he can keep himself better groomed than the rest of the gnarly-nailed heathens out there.

Comment: Let's stray away from what my butt looks like and concentrate on something else. Maybe something above my neck. Although we speak of my eyes, but only because they're hardly there. Aya.


"Meow."

The stats show that 61 percent of men think their partners aren't sexually adventurous enough. While a feline one-liner doesn't automatically qualify as adventurous, it does show a bit of inhibition, and the message is one he likes to hear: That perhaps he's brought a little bit of the animal out of you.

Comment: No comment. I haven't touched a female in 2 years. LOL.

"Impressive."

Guys love feats. They love accomplishments. They love being acknowledged for their strength, power, and, simply, their masculinity. So a well-timed observation like this one -- whether it comes after he carries a TV to the family room or figures out a way to fix the pipes without having to call the plumber -- feeds into his need to feel like the family protector.

Comments: That's why I enjoy those times when you watch my games, or fixing my stupid wood slats because I didn't completely finish building my bed. Did I mention that my bed was broken when I woke up this morning? So I switched to the other side. Aya.

"I want you."

Women don't need to go on about a guy's eyes or hair or clothes. What a guy really wants to hear is that he's the total package, and this acknowledgment of that -- whether it's referring to bedroom behavior or relationship stability -- is the ultimate compliment of them all.

Comments: I am JOEY BEAR!!!!!

Edible Fashion

Don't think for a second that wardrobe is the topic of this entry. I sign on to my blogger at least once a day, and majority of the time, I end up closing it before jotting down a few words or two. So here.

My birthday is coming up. My 28th year in the making of such a water sign. Let's reminisce about some accomplishments, failures, memories:

-May 2003: I graduated from San Jose State University with an Engineering degree. (accomplishment)
-May 2003 - July 2006: Unable to find a career in my field. Lack of experience. (lesson)
-July 1979: At 9:31pm, I was graced upon this Earth. What now?
-July 1989: Had my birthday at Malibu. Yay.
-July 1997: Had my birthday in the solitude of my new apartment in San Jose; Valley West Apartments.
-Nov 1985: Camillay was born. YAY!
-Jan 2000: I met Tediocarm Miranda; "When is the next acting practice?"
-Jan 2000-May 2000: President of Akbayan & P.C.N. 2000 Co-Coordinator
-Aug 2006: Found a career with PickPoint Corporation.
-March 2006: JB *unofficial

May 2008-2020: San Jose Sharks record longest winning streak for the Stanley Cup.
-July 2054: I die at 75. Pray for me.


2007-2008 San Francisco Giants vs. Oakland Atheletics: World Series. Giants in 7. MVP: Pedro Feliz


You can't help but hope for the things you want or possibly need. Until next time, stay fresh.

Summer Begins!

My confidence must override any barrier that stands in my way. Emotional content covers me everyday, but I must fight my way out of this netting. Self-esteem could possibly be a mental subconscious. Let's rebuild my soul and stray away from the birthday slump. The only time depression and vulnerability surrounds me is around my birthday. Why? The self-belief that aging is uncontrollable.

Speaking of aging, birthdays are coming up like technology in the Silicon Valley. It's also the first day of summer. Big woop! Usually this day is the longest day of the year. Who cares!? Work is my reality away from the real world. Remember that your job creates a world outside of reality. You are employed to act either close to how you are, act completely different from who you are, or be who you are...which probably sucks. ha! We do our jobs, projects, work...and we get paid for it. Others go out, swim, go to the beach...man I miss those days...and earn nothing but fun and relaxation. Sigh!

My dialogue (blogger is telling me this word is mis-spelled) with Alaska was interesting. Why are old friends growing up faster than me? Folks who range one to five years age difference develop the responsibility of marriage or parenthood sooner than me. Some by fault, some by choice, and then there's some who just don't know. My decision has been made, not by choice, but with respect. Time and future are and will always be there...assuming the world doesn't decay into segments of bacteria. My day to create a bond with one, or mold one into will be there...someday. No rush. My fate will lead me to either greater things or the shadow of the deepest pit. I am 27...soon to be 28. A rounded number, not as rounded sa 20 or 25, but it will be a year that something happens. I don't know...hindi ko alam.

Summer does not begin, it only starts to end.

Mind full of thoughts, stresses, and frustrations.

I am helpful, I am support. I am the reliable one, as long as you remind me. I am lost in my own reflections. My pains are lost in a sea of Daly City fog off Skyline between the Pacifica merge and John Daly Blvd. The speed soars through my veins, rushing adrenaline surging through my flowing pores. The reminder that the end is far, but starting such an obstacle seizes to begin. I leave it be. I leave it alone. My day will come when the horrors of...

Things have been weird lately.

I don't know what's wrong lately. I've been unsatisfied, emotional, and scared. I can't explain why I feel this way. I don't feel the motivational pull to link my life with work. I look forward to Friday's because I can relax my mind. I used to blame work, but that really wasn't the cause of my reducing self-esteem. My mind has lost control of everything. My mental state will not readjust and I find myself moody and snappy. What could I do? I just want to sleep and not wake up until it is all over.

Please, if you know how to handle my problem, email me.

Stagnant

I'm stuck with my feet bounded by unlocked chains. I can't move. I'm stuck. Let me reach out and see if anyone would grab my hand.

Email to someone

Encouragement could come from many places.


Thanks Mom. I need a hug right now. I've been frustrated and stressed about work because I need to improve my work behavior. This being communication, detail, and mostly being able to understand our product a lot better. Last week, I was complimented on my improvement from the previous week, but I'm still receiving useful feedback from all my coworkers. It's hard trying to do my job and suffering because my mind is just trying to get a valid license. I should be more relieved tomorrow because my ID should be coming in via Fedex. Vesper has been very cooperative with what I've needed. Thanks for the email. I had just fell asleep last night. But, I hardly remember the phone call. I owe you money.

I love you Mom.

I don't take advantage of the fact that she is and will always be in my life. Although I hardly tell her things, it still seems like she knows everything. I want to tell her. I want her to know what's up with my life. But, on the other hand, I'm holding back for the respect of another.

Tonight 216am. I broke down. An aim conversation with my best friends Reyna and Gina could really help, yet release some major frustrations in my current life. With Camillay in the Philippines, I have come to complete isolation from the one I'm used to receiving it from. Reference is the previous blog. Along with work, traveling, out of the ordinary events are tearing me apart. My strength is her. My strength is 100% attention. My friends are there for me. I'm just trying not to burden people with my problems, issues, craziness. That's why I decided to reply to my mom's email with the above. Why do I share such a personal part of my life with the whole world...because it helps me get through this tough time.

I need to study the training guidelines. Although I take pride in what I do, feedback is always welcome.

Pain & Happiness

It's been nearly 7 days since I've seen you with my own eyes. There's so much I fear when you're not around. I don't feel as complete as one should. Every thought involves something about you which makes my missing you even more hard to cope with. I look to you when I need strength, confidence, and to balance my thoughts. I'm on my trip to New Jersey and I feel alone. I know I've never missed someone so much because my heart feels like it squishes up. At this point on my trips, I'm either on the phone with her or at least chatting with her online.

I do take advantage of the time I have with her. I neglect the fact that she is there and I don't grasp the moment. Actually, when we're physically together, we act so much like two people who care for one another. Although, when we're apart, I don't appreciate the phone calls as much as I should. What do I miss? Here's a list:

- her voice (I saved her voice mails to hear her voice);
- her phone calls;
- her hugs;
- her touchy humor;
- her everything.

It does hurt. Everything I do reminds me of her. I was on my flight from Dallas to Philadelphia, and the in-flight movie was Bridge to Terabithia. It's such a sweet movie, but could take away everything that puts that smile, that reason to wake up in the morning, that feeling to keep going in your life. Also, it was her that told me that Leslie in the movie dies. But when I found out she died, my heart broke and I wanted to cry too. Whatever!? I have a heart. It wasn't the movie though, it was like she was no longer in my life. I didn't get a chance to tell her that I love her. I am seriously figuring out what love is. If this isn't, I have strong feelings that I can't part away from. I just wish she was here. I wish I could hear her voice. Anything!

After Thursday when I heard her voice last, she called Sunday for 2 minutes. I was relieved that she was ok. But, scared that she was going out to the other islands now.

This sucks. My heart is crushed.

Zzzz...Must Catch

She puts her hand across my back on to my shoulder. Signs of life raises and lowers amongst the blue blanket of warmth. My feelings of love have been reached again. Although, when time is spent, romance surrounds my life. Wonderful would describe how she entraps my huddled heart. Each day is embodied with your arms, your infatuation, and your companionship. You sleep. I enjoy watching over you, protecting you, relying in me to keep you safe. I long to perfect myself into your life. I heart you.

Is it the last chapter?

Dear Audience,

From day one of my treatment, I wasn't sure how my life would turn around. Everyone opens their eyes in the morning and looks at familiarity. Have you woken up and saw your life catching up to you? Your body could not move, you're in disarray of what's going on. Panic begins to flow through your blood and realizing that something phenomenal is happening, you begin to relax. This is the last days of my life.

My disease is something noticeable by the naked eye. I prayed and hoped that waking up without my burden would develop. Living for something is always a way to keep my mind off of it. Now, the sickness overpowers me and I must let it take me. I cannot control it any longer and the pain be cast away. I must enter a new book. I bid thee farewell. I am now...only a viewer of PCNs.

note: lol

Going Overboard

in·spi·ra·tion /ˌɪnspəˈreɪʃən/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[in-spuh-rey-shuhn] Pronunciation Key - noun
1. an inspiring or animating action or influence.
2. something inspired, as an idea.
3. a result of inspired activity.
4. a thing or person that inspires.

mo·ti·va·tion /ˌmoʊtəˈveɪʃən/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[moh-tuh-vey-shuhn] Pronunciation Key – noun
1. the act or an instance of motivating.
2. the state or condition of being motivated.
3. something that motivates; inducement; incentive.

These are two words discovered in the English language that could help us all understand what teamwork is based on. One person could demonstrate such admiration toward a goal that it pushes another to the brink of wanting, and even needing, such achievement. You just have to want it enough. In a previous entry, goals must be set. The hardest step is maintaining that interest. Some people can't help lose attention to one thing. At this point, inspiration is needed. When was the last time you inspired someone to shoot for their goal? A goal could be small, big, or even nothing to one person, but something huge to another. My motivation reaches lengths that will help someone concentrate on homework, reduce frustration, or even lend a shoulder to cry on.

Lack of motivation leads to frustration and discredit. What if someone doesn't deserve such credit? As a person of good moral, I could lend a hand, but on the contrary, laugh at the face of pure meanness. I am human still.

Why do I attempt to motivate or inspire those who don't deserve such strong words... because I was once there. Frustration could lead to meanness and meanness to failure. Everyone fights to stay away from failure. If you look at the darker picture, frustration could, with a little help, be looked at as motivation. A leader develops stress because things are not going as planned. When a goal is properly planned and organized, there is still room for frustration and stress. Stop, breathe, and tell yourself that verbal abuse is not the path. With just a few more seconds, let someone know, politely, that respect is requested. Most likely, this person(s) will understand. Blurbing out without thinking could lead to something that could've been avoided.
Don't give up! Failure is solely up to you. There's more than one way to succeed.

On a side note, I decided to compose a poem to my bear-y favorite.

Favorite Journeys - by JoshGumbi + April 10th, 2007

Every day and night starts the same
With a whisper catching a glimpse in time
Each step guiding a future learned to tame
Grasping what pure reasons to combine.

Remembering the images that drown and fade
Keeping what my heart and harmony fulfills
The fate of our hands become delayed
Finding a memory of happiness until.

(to be continued...)

After College

You ask yourself what do you left to do right before you finish what seems like a lifetime of education and schooling. The common path is to find that career or job. Would you say it easier said than done, definitely? Unless you take the proper steps to preparing for the rest of your life. Some may be so entertained during college that post-college could take them to a sudden downfall. The thought of an internship is the excuse why they hadn't secured a decent career. On the other hand, laziness surpasses all types of excuses from what I've seen. College prepares students for the preferred field they plan on embarking. Suddenly, the freshmen year is over and their high school grade point average turned into nothing. Why? Socializing, parties, skipping class.

We all, at least 95%, find ourselves in desperate situations where we discover low marks could lead to working at McDonald's for the rest of our life. Luckily for me, McD's never hired me. A lot of places rejected my applications because I was over-qualified. Unfortunately, when it came to finding a career in the field I graduated in, I was under-qualified; that's what I believed.

Employment isn't about what you know or who you know, it's about knowing you could do a job you have little or sometimes no experience in. Don't kill yourself trying to find a software programming job when you've never touched a computer. Think obvious, not oblivious. Never give up and don't let your rejections get the best of you. Employers can't take chances in what they don't know. You put yourself on the market (sending out your resume), you sell your knowledge (interview process), and you make sure you could back up everything you tell them. With enough rejections, you'll discover more knowledge with what other employers are looking for. And when you know this, you grab hold of that and make it your own.

Don't stop learning. Take advantage of life experiences because they will always benefit what is out there. Network your skills to different locations.

Ok, you found yourself with a high paying career that you've finally got settled into. But...you find yourself pressured and uncomfortable with the work environment. Don't put up with it, but also don't let out your aggressions. Take action with your life and fight for your happiness.

Quick brief: Joey graduates May 2003. By August 2003, he moves back to San Francisco and finds a 30k JOB with benefits with Safeway.com. Job involves delivering groceries to customers to the North-Eastern residents of San Francisco. Hard job, but first job out of college. By October 2004, Joey gets terminated for failing to abide by employment policies (I accepted tips that totaled up to $7,000). By late-November 2005, Joey is desperately hired at Office Depot, fulltime furniture representative (Never sold a piece of furniture in my life). Within a month, Joey is qualified for management position but declines. Reason for decline stands at career availability. I didn't want to get involved too much in something I knew I wouldn't stay at. By January 2006 (14 months later), Joey moves back to San Jose as the full-time Tech Lead at the new Office Depot. After a couple months, Joey is once again offered with management position...declines. I'm not going to settle for a retail job. In mid-July 2006, Joey applies for PickPoint Corporation as a field technician and qa/qc tester. Joey's first day at PickPoint begins his life as a career-made Engineer.

Don't let anyone tell you to settle for something. Make yourself available. Sell and make sure you're bought. You're not a hooker, but you could think like one.

Inspiration, motivation, and determination.

Weekends

This past weekend was filled with a joy, laughter, fun, child-like, and understanding. What I could say is that life is a great feeling and cherish what you have of it. My God-sister presented us with the gift of life this past weekend. I'm unsure how to spell the name, but it is Skyler. Ten years before that, my younger brother, James, was born. Who would of thunk it.

We celebrated my brother's birthday at Circuits of Alameda where kids and probably teenagers can go to workout while doing what we do best nowadays, play video games. At first, my brothers and I were a little hesitant to play the games, but after eating cake, we were ready to jump into it. San Jose should have one of these. We shall see.

No dance practice this past Sunday. This is how it'll be after pcn '07 is over. It's a relaxing feeling. Please say this is your last one. No more teaching. No more. I can't do it. *faint

The look on your face when...

So, the other day I was browsing the Internet and was directed to a link that I thought I'd never go to. On the down side, there's a lot of websites you won't find me at. I can't bare to find myself on an online store that didn't involve technology, computers and so forth.

This day, I came into the dreaded online jewelry site for a certain person that I will remain nameless. Although this store is in downtown San Francisco, I decided to think not once, twice, or a couple few times, a date was coming up that really doesn't make a difference, but I wanted to make it special. I got a gift that I thought you'd enjoy. It's not much, it costs little less than a couple dollars, but the meaning behind is that it's from me.

So, come 27th, we shall meet each other at the crossroads and define the rest of ours as individuals. Kthxbye. ^_^

Scared & Waiting

From the moment my four wheeled machinery left, the rain had started to get teary-eyed. My emotions started to tighten. My body was uncertain with doubt and scared wonder. I wanted to believe everything would be normal. But, time kept ticking and little by little, the freeway was under me passing one accident after another. Looking ahead I saw one flare turn to almost thirty. My breathing got deeper, my eyes itchy, and the interval between calls reduced. I was scared. I don't usually jump into my car and go off looking for someone or something. As lazy as I am, I care. Do I care too much? I hope I do because that's how I am. Sigh.

I was most relieved when I got a call.

Lenten season

As much as I am non-practicing Catholic, I do obey the 'laws' of the Lord. Not necessarily laws, but obligations to better yourself as a person under God's kingdom. Is there such thing as religion that it scatters out to different beliefs now? There's more religions than people now, so to speak. Anyway, I've decided to take on the faith of believing that we're to sacrifice what we see as beneficial to expand our further extents. So, my list goes:

-acting gay.
-making fun of Alexis.
-cook more.
-eat out only once or less a week.
-jog/walk every other day and on weekends. (so, Sun/Tues/Thurs/Sat)
-clean room and keep clean.

I shall try and I shall succeed. No meats Friday. Chicken isn't meat! If it is warm-blooded, it is meat. Leaving me with cold-blooded food.

Rondalla practice

Imagine being in the first row of a concert and experiencing every aspect of being in that section. This is what it's like to be playing with an organized, stringed rondalla. Last Friday evening was the experience I had waited for almost a decade. With my pick in one hand and bandurria in the other, it was another stepping stone into learning and educating myself with one of Filipinos greatest identities, musicianship. Although I made no big difference that evening, my goal had jumped into my lap ready to be built. I listened, watched, and endured the sounds of the Likha rondalla. With enough practice, my hands will be able to play like that. My learning curve is linear, but will soon enough be exponential. It is worth going to these practices because practicing alone is a big bore. Hearing all the parts is what helps you get better. No baby steps here. Just play and I'll catch on.

Thank you for 'holding my hand' this one time.

Drama...already?

Teaching and learning, learning and teaching. The worst part is when someone teaches something they were taught by someone else and completely destroys it. Most of the time, it's the basic move that is taught throughout generations. If someone enjoys teaching, they'll always remember grace, posture, flow, and character. For any dance, culture, and/or style, it's the presentation that matters most. For example, we have a couple doing a ballroom dance, say...tango. They're doing steps, which is the easy part, but what about how they're portraying such a dance to an audience. Everyone knows that learning a dance means performing it somewhere. Crowds seem to become bored with routine or, as I would call it, blahism.

My point is directed to teachers, choreographers, artists who want their particular story to be told. Like plagiarism, movements are recycled everyday by enthusiastic eyes. One grasps a movement, uses it, tweaks it as their own. Is this appropriate? Would one dance instructor call it stealing? Maybe. But I see it as, use what I've taught/performed, just don't disgrace the move(s).

I've taught, been taught, and mostly like will be teaching in my later years. I enjoy the Pilipino artistic dance genre. All I ask is to learn it to the extent of what's taught, then if finding your own style of teaching is your cup of tea, then do so. Just don't screw it up.

Why is it hard to teach college students? Lol.

Appreciation

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Shout out my homie JHips aka *******'s Savior aka King of ******* aka P4lxewo aka Josh Gumbi aka Soooooooper Joey aka Green Towel aka Orange Kart at **** driver. He's permanent at P***P**** as of today. Congratulations Big Homey. Posted 2/9/2007 at 1:24 PM - add eprops - add comments


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