Growing Up

Personally, there are some things that we're able to ignore and brush off our shoulders. When we grow up, we become fearless of the things we once were scared of. Although, there will always be a fear that will not fade. The scary is always balanced with the funny. This evening, one of my endless qualms enriched my conservative lifestyle. On the other hand, I balanced the evening by attempting to take it upon myself to help someone with something.

Last night, I told someone that they make me happy. The funny part is the time I've known her. She didn't blush, but she did smile. The type of smile when she doesn't want you to know that she is. I was nervous to even say it. The response was a bit modest, but the rest of the evening was a lot more comfortable. We listened to Lifehouse's You And Me and the romantic, yet sad Korean song about the photographer who gives his eyes to the girl. Unfortunately, she had class in the early morning, so I had to go. Well, I walked off her step, turned, and looked into her eyes. I didn't want to say bye. I didn't want to. The hug that we exchanged was quite boring, but it was a bit longer and tighter than previous hugs. Next time, I'll definitely use both arms. I don't want to seem too eager, yet, I am.

note: Don't hesitate, just go.

Verizon vs. Cingular

Discovering the possibilities is always something to look forward to. I made a decision that seems to benefit my present state. Friday had started with dinner, with the possibility of something extra (ie. movie). Before I was able to extend the offer, she opened up her schedule and asked me. Although, she didn't accept the secret as well as I hoped, but things shouldn't always go as planned.

The movie of choice was Skeleton Key. An 'ok' movie overall, but the ending turned from realistic to superstitious. Would I recommend the movie? No. I get to choose the next movie.

After the movie, we sat and talked for 2 hours. Luckily, I didn't have work until noon the next day. Unfortunately, she had a 7am class, which she was slightly a bit late for.

Enough of how the last few days went, let's go deeper into my squishy brain. My intentions with my ability to date nowadays was to be simple. Although, my values have seized my efforts to date another girl while getting to know the present female. I guess it wouldn't be called dating. Oh well!?

It has been a while since I managed to keep a phone conversation going for at least an hour. She wants to know more about me, and I for her. This is why we hangout, go on dates, talk on the phone, we take the time to get to know one another, especially late nights when one of us needs to make a 7am class. Do I like you? I'm pretty sure I do. I think about you, not in a psychotic type way, but in a way where calling you is just a phone call away and nothing more. I usually wonder what you're doing, even though I already assume that you're in class or studying for your classes. I wonder if you think of me too.

note: Happy am I.

Things Remembered

There are so many memories that stick in my mind, either good or bad. Most of the time, we tend to blackout the bad things that happen in our lives. Yet, you cannot escape the past. So instead, learn the lesson and be sure not to repeat your mistakes. Although, there will be a time when actions will come back at us. It's inevitable because we, as humans, are given a lifespan that contains enormous amounts of brain space.

My favorite memories involve stage presence. Performing on stage or in front of an audience is my forte. Every dance, every line, every note is a focus that is completely different from reality. You can't just go out there and do your stuff, there's more talent and concentration involved. I still remember my first Pilipino Cultural Night, Promise Ring. The story was exquisite, the cast was into making another tradition, and I was just beginning.
And then my least favorite memory was the day the committee had no choice but to cancel PCN. I may bring this topic up a lot, but it is because I care about it. It was the moment when I knew that a cancelled show would never occur.

But, let's jump to this past weekend. The hopeful annual summer PCN at Northside was a success. I practically drove early in the morning wondering if we were going to find Akbayan's kulintangs. Where are they? We shall find the set. The two dances I taught did quite well. Lumagen wasn't perfect, but what dance is. If I was around more, their form would've been a lot more crisp. Singkil was superb. The costumes went well with the lighting, and the focus was on the ball. I do feel bad that Asik wasn't in the show. Singkil without Asik is like Tinikling without sticks. I want to commend all my dancers on a job well done. Two dancers in particular are the prince and princess, Steven and Aethel. You two did a great job with the amount of time that I was there. I hope to teach all the dancers sometime in the future.

After the show, most of the cast was still present to have dinner. This conclusion reminded me of my first ever PCN. A majority of the cast was still around to just hangout. The reminder came along because everyone just hungout in the audience seats signing one another's programs. And then last Saturday night, when we all just sat down, enjoying the time left, it just reminded me of such a great memory.

BY THE WAY: Ading Millay is AWESOME!!!

Lastly, you're adorable. It's your eyes that caught my attention, and then your smile just added to the attraction. And just when I was going to leave Paseo, you ask me, out of all, for a ride home. Funny thing is, why would someone ask me to drive someone home when they knew I drank. Honestly, I was a bit buzzed, but why would you trust me to drive you home? Unless, there was a motive.

note: I'm lost. The negative fades while positive walks in. Damn karma.

What's Next

So, I'm involved in another "hell week", also known as the last week of practices before another Pilipino Cultural Night. After a couple months of practices, I was able to meet a new group of participants. Although, this show is different from all the other shows. For one thing, there's only a handful of college students involved. The other participants are middle and/or high school students. Let's say that age has no difference when you're teaching a group of filipinos, yet the head coordinator is always stressing. Kids are always joyous to work with, especially Austin, who is an 18? year old kid.

I don't plan on moving on from pcn's. You can never learn enough about your culture. Every show does something completely different, or sometimes completely related, from any previous show I've been involved with. The only regret was Akbayan's cancelled PCN1999. It was my first attempt at script writing. It was my first chance to do Philippine dancing. It was.

Can't live in the past, but the past can live within us.

The hardest part about being a one-day a week teacher is that I can't see my students progress until I see them a week later. Although, the assistants, Alan & Allen, are doing a great job. It is also helpful that most of the dancers have actually danced cultural dances before.

But, after a long practice last Monday, we all did the bonding experience thing. Shopping for the guys' thongs was an enriching experience. And lastly, the sweatshirt you bought looked good on you. And yes, I'm complimenting you. You probably didn't even notice the attention I was giving you while we bowled; or maybe you didn't want me to know that you knew that I was flirting with you. Better not to know then to just let things be. I've done the straight forward thing, and it left me in the dark. Oh well.

For now,

Northside's 1st Pilipino Cultural Night
August 13th, 2005 3pm matinee and/or 7pm gala
Email me for more information

note: My bestfriend met you. Her response was "She's short."

Customer quote of the day!

So, in the early hours of the work day, my customer, Dianne, asks me about some wooden file cabinets. I, then go into my selling mode asking her if the Natural Cherry is the color that she needs. And then she tells me that she is sure that she wants that color, mainly because of the gold-colored handles. So, I accept her decision and request her patience as I check our inventory on the computer. There is possibly only one in stock and she comes to think if I should go upstairs to retrieve it. I offer free deliver of this piece, so she doesn't need to sit and wait for me to find the cabinet. And then she most certainly said, "Oh no, Joel, I think we'll take the cabinet in my car. I'm so computer allergic." My eyes widened and my lips smiled. It was funny when I heard it. Ha ha ha.

Good Evening SAN FRANCISCO!!!

I noticed my paragraphs usually begin With all the. My vocabulary has definitely increased, and my grammar has been considered in my writing. In at least 98% of blogs, xangas, and livejournals, the grammatical errors multiply every time someone new begins their written memories. I admit, my writing is imperfect. Most of the time, I proofread before publishing my blogger. My first entries were drastically improper; like the majority population of online journals. Horrible!

Maverick: "Goose, she's lost that lovin' feeling."
Goose: "She lost lovin' feeling?"
Maverick: "Yep."
Goose: "I hate it when she does that."

Can you say streak? I definitely have seen hope from the very beginning. The San Francisco Giants will still have a chance to take first in the National League West. In this division, anything is possible. Yesterday, I was invited to an evening at SBC Park. Even before my birthday game, Dre invited me. The Giants lost on my birthday, but a month later, they win. The train trip home was fun too. I strongly believe that friends of the opposite sex can be great friends, without the aspect of lust involved. It is also quite possible to think that my friends don't find me attractive. Ha! My friendship with Dre is strictly sibling related. She hsa the nerve to call me Kuya Joey, when it should be Manong Joey. There will be no pictures of this Giants game because she forgot her camera in the car, and my camera is broken. Argh!

On the other side of cranium, my learning curve has jumped from intermediate to advanced. I was able to learn Pandanggo Sa Ilaw/Oasiwas during the month of July. During August, we are given twice the work with Tinikling and Binasuan. While rehearsing, I was getting distracted my one of the females playing with us. I admit, she is cute. And then something dawned on me, she looks like Ale, with rounder eyes. Argh!

note: Giants vs. Roger Clemens. You can do it!!!

Whoa! I just saw an infomercial about the "Everlife Flashlight" that needs no batteries.

Constant Fluttering

I had trouble figuring out a title for this entry. There you go, another random blurb.

Sleep should be taking over my mentality right about now. Actually, it should've shadowed my soul nearly two or three hours ago. The fact that my shift tomorrow is closing means the ability to stay up with the assumption that I will wake up in time to get to work. With all the new employees working, everyday seems to have new people to work with. Although, with the original front-end rep on vacation, the replacement offers my lunch at hours that I can't really get used to. I need a career.

With all the exciting, yet random occurrences, my entries have strayed away from the most important topic of all, my emotions toward finding the love of my life. There have been a few females that have caught my interest, yet my loyalty toward my friend will keep me from pursuing such a youngster. And then there's the new, yet old attraction that I found fit to attempt; although I will cease. No reason to go for someone that enjoys working and grasping as many hours as they possibly can. Must be great to have a career.

With all the events happening lately, dating and hangin' out will suffice. Nothing too serious, yet there will always be that one I can't see to let go of. You don't do anything in particular, yet that nothing makes me smile. Just imagine if you actually responded, I would be bouncing on the clouds. Wishful thinking I guess.

With Socom 3 & the NHL season coming up, I will be mentally busy.

note: The banduria is my bestfriend.

I'm About The 'Little Things'

me: 'cuz you didn't go egghead
you: oh hahah but im boring
me: you're smile isn't
me: they're are people in our lives that brighten our days by a simple smile. you're one of those in my life.
you: aww really?!
you: thats soo niceee
you: im happy im one of those people!!!!!!
---
me: how was this past weekend
her: bad
me: i'm sorry
her: eh das life
me: you're my life. well, part of it.
her: aww sweet

The best and worst things can come from the little things that we may do for some people. When something is done out of the blue for someone, big or small, this emotion overpowers such emotions and simply makes us happy. On the other hand, I've been involved in small situations that may have turned to the worst. With my state of mind, neutrality(is that a word?) is me. I'll attempt the small things asking for nothing in return. That's who I am. I'll say something as simple as the above lines in order to makes someone's day feel a lot better. Things are said and done. Things done is another story. With verbality(now, is that a word?), it is like I said, 'said and done'. With things done, sometimes we're just unavailable to see someone's reaction or expression. In my world, I do things for a reason. But I won't endure in anything that will go too deep where throughts need to be more profound. Am I making sense? I'm tired.

Baseball for example. The little things like a bunt down the third base line can get a player on second to third with ease. Only challenge is that of the batter attempting the bunt. LET'S GO GIANTS!