I miss you www.joshgumbi.com

I look out my window and barely see the stars that twinkle every night. The sky is bright purple with mists of cloudy air. I sit in the dark wondering if I've experienced enough to let start a new life. Seriously, after graduation, I expected my enthusiasm towards the "real life" to be better than I've had. Within that time, I've had two mediocre jobs (I said it, jobs, not careers) where I gained experience furthest from my actual major. I wouldn't mind taking advantage of my minor, but my motivation towards my major is losing my grasp. I try and try and try. I used to believe that I was the person that makes things happen. I set a goal and made it happen. With my own emotions deep down inside, I'm breaking up inside. I'm losing hope, I'm losing my self, I'm losing really bad in life. Sometimes it does help when friends tell me they're not doing what they graduated in. Time to just keep looking. I can't lose hope, I can't jump into any conclusion that engineering has no future for me. I remember thinking that killing myself would help start a brand new life, but f#%k, what if I end up in the same situation. That would really suck.

On the brighter side...

My mind has been running constantly lately. When I wake up, at work, at home, before I sleep. I can't let my past push me away from what is really out there.

I'm listening to my itunes library. The song playing is "Never" by Boyz II Men. This song makes me laugh because my old singing group, P.R.I.M.E., actually sang this at Barkada of Santa Clara's first Barrio Fiesta. It was pretty cool to open for Drop 'N Harmony. I recall wearing khaki shorts and Akbayan's '97-'98 shirt. Can you tell that I just loved singing, and didn't care about the appearance.
- Pilipinos Recognized In Musical Excellance -
That was a strange, yet fun experience. I miss singing. I know you miss it too, Edison. I listen to the way I used to sing and the way I sing now. My goodness I've gotten a lot better. Breathing, range, style, yet I will never do American Idol. A lot of friends and family tell me to do it. Uh? Of course your family and friends will support you, even if you totally suck. I need my singing to be judged by a biased audience.

Anyway, I remember all of our performances:
Rachel's cotillion (Happy Birthday, Medley, and something else)
Cheryl's cotillion (Happy Birthday, In The Still Of The Night, Medley)
Barrio Fiesta '97 SCU (Never)
SAPhi Showcase '98 (Gone, Medley)
Akbayan's Winter Formal (On Bended Knee)
Extacy '98 UCD (A Song For Mama) *we sounded really good
also...
Jessica's cotillion
Mazie's cotillion
Reina's cotillion
Christine's cotillion
and then I quit...
TO BE MORE INVOLVED WITH SCHOOL...
Ha! Yeah right, I got involved with Akbayan.

I remember when Akbayan choir was only a handful of fellas. You guys have come so far.

note: I work at 8am and I still haven't eaten dinner.