Looking at my times at the e-dub house, defining what a positive night would be between us, we find ourselves wrapped up in a memory that was once there, but will always be there. The presence of your touch has once again tingled with great delight. The smell I once inhaled is soothing my lungs with tenderness. Seeing the smile of your neverending glow has surrounded your presence more than ever. The emotions of understanding one another's thoughts is in our destiny. You are my future. Before I had let the feelings fade purposely because I didn't know what was willing to be kept. Now I know everything is worth the unconditional feeling we have, had, and will always have toward each other. Loving you is what I meant the first time spoken, love is why it hurts so much, love is why we care, love has true meaning in our lives.

-dedicated to my girlfriend, Aivy

Tonight was never expected to turn out the way it did. With the thought that a network cable was supposedly the high point of the night, the apetite between Aivy and I grew. We wanted some burritos, but we couldn't find parking. So, on we went to find a new place to feed our quench. Suddenly, Aivy brought up Hahn's Hibachi. I knew there was one on Polk Street, so I wanted to try and surprise her. Unfortunately, parking was once again destroying our motivation to have a successful evening. After 30-minutes of searching, we found a parking lot that only asked $10 until 2am. Finally, we found a Tapioca Express type of place that quenched our thirst needs. About a block down, we found a delicious Hunan & Mandarin restaurant. Yummy. We still have some if you want to try. Departing our dinner venue, we walked hand-in-hand up Polk Street to a few other stores.
The whole evening was amazingly special. After being together for so many months, we found the glow fade, but tonight, I knew that the glow had never ceased. I love Aivy, and she loves me. You never understand someone completely until you go through the struggles of the extremes - happiness, madness, sadness, and grief. I cherish every moment with you Babble. We may not say every single day, but we know, deep down inside, that we were made for one another. I'm getting all giddy just saying all this stuff. You make me giddy. The way you are is what I want. Nothing more, nothing less. But, if you can offer more, bring it out. (its been already brought'n)
note: The Last Samurai - slow plot, strong ending, powerful message.

TODAY

at the moment: Watching Jem
feeling: Extremely tired, concerned
dinner: Chicken marinated in lemon/soy sauce and pepper
love: Not being sick, Babble, my friends, and ICE HOCKEY
drank: Pepsi, Sunkist, Tropicana OJ, Snapple apple, Ocean Spray Cranberry Juice
played: Socom 2 online (ranked 9xx,xxx - sheesh, I'm on my way) Codename: barrelman
delivies: 26
weather: sunny, yet windy turned to cloudy and yucky
dessert: Jell-O chocolate pudding
hugged: Babble, Baby Nick, Armando, Baby Gina
drugs: Sudafed
hate: Drama, bad drivers, wet socks, bills
Giants: Lost 3-2
sports info: Ricky Williams retired at 27 y/o
worked with: Gus & Tom
lunch: El Burrito Taqueria (corner of Sutter & Polk)
waiting for: Bedtime and more dvd's
not forward to: Waking up for work
currently reading: The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien
movies: Southpark and Mighty Ducks
wants: sleep...good night

As Wayne and Garth from Wayne's World say...
"I'M NOT WORTHY!!! I'M NOT WORTHY!!!" (while on knees bowing down with extended arms)

name that quote: "Eat penguin shit, you ass-spelunker."

note: -sigh-

First and foremost, happy birthday and best wishes on his 21st birthday, Chris B.  Sorry I couldn't be there this evening.  I hope you didn't get too wasted.  As for me, the evening went well.  The DSL is finally up and running - Socom 2 revival day.  I washed television and read a story that my friend, Yumi, linked to me.  Here's the link.  I read the whole story in one sitting.  I'm not really sure how I feel about it.  It is romantic, yet it defines love on a much stronger scale.  -sigh & shrugs-  I just don't know.  Mina.

note: Confusion reeks the mind.

Last Thursday was the moment of Fatal Frame truth.  I was able to beat the game in about 1o hours.  I plan on re-playing the game again and again so I can see the concluding ending AND alternate ending.  I also want to see Mayu dressed in leather and glasses.  -drool-  I'm going to try and go through the game in half the time now.  It shouldn't take that long since I don't really need to beat any monsters.  I've upgraded my camera to the fullest.  I just need to find the additional lenses.  Ok...enough of my video game nerdiness.
 
While walking home from work, I thought my life had become so isolated within my own confined space.  I'm at an all-time low of socializing.  The only thing I enjoy doing is getting home and playing video games or watching television.  Will it ever change?  There are the enjoyable times when Aivy and I are just sitting around the apartment lounging and relaxing.  Honestly, I want to visit the homies in San Jose, it's just too far.  I guess I've become a lazy person.  -sigh-
 
Ulo- I trust you...seriously!
 
I saw Dodgeball with Edcay.  The movie was hilarious.  Edison commented about the "lesbian" part and the fact that the whole movie, we were curious about the couple of females sitting to the left of us.  We wondered if they were lesbians...we were right.  The next few movies that I plan on watching, with whoever wants to go, are Bourne Supremacy, I Robot, Resident Evil: Apocalypse (September), and The Village.  Gosh!  I love Summer movies.  It's weird how the person who was my friend when I was 10 is my closest friend when I'm 25.  I look forward to moving in with Edison, Aivy, and possibly Charles.  Oh damn!  Video Games galore. 
 
SBC DSL on July 27th, 2004!  Woohoo!  Socom 2 Online & NHL2004 Online.  Barrelman's coming back! 
 
note:  I'm the middleman - my ears are always open to listen. 
 
 

Tonight, I sit in my apartment wondering where my life is leading. I honestly tried to apply for this one job that I found on craigslist, unfortunately, I couldn't find my resume and cover letter. This totally sucks.

I'm scanning through my mp3's on the disks. I finished all my chocolate fudge stuff. I'm attempting to clean up for the past couple of days, but I keep getting lazy. I really wanted to watch Dodgeball at the Coronet, here in San Francisco, but the stupid phone was all distorted from dust malfunctions and the phoneguy had to come in. The furniture all had to be moved because Mr. Leroy, the SBC Guy, had to get to the phone jacks. Although, he did install new phone jacks, costing $55 to my next phonebill. Goodness. I could have done it myself. Blah.

I watch Will & Grace and be bored. If I didn't have work tomorrow, I would have went to Aris and Albert's house party. -sigh- I want to die. My life is at a halt.

note: Don't graduate.
 

Three Things

 

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:

1. Joey
2. Gumbi
3. Don Hipol
 
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1.  Ability to never quit
2.  Patience
3.  Gracefulness

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1.  Boring
2.  Slow thinker
3.  Bad with vocabulary
 
THREE THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND:
1. Pilipino identity
2. Females
3. Synonyms 

THREE THINGS THAT ANNOY YOU:
1. Drivers that don't signal
2. Drivers that speed in the residential districts 
3. Dust
 
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Isolation
2. Zombies
3. Nightmares
 
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Wallet
2. House keys
3. Cell phone
 
THREE people or sets of PEOPLE YOU SPEND/TALK THE MOST TIME WITH:
1. Aivy
2. Edison
3. Akbayan people
 
THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T DO:
1. Make sense
2. Lead
3. Fly
 
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Ice hockey
2. Video games
3. Smile
 
THREE THINGS YOU WANT REALLY BAD RIGHT NOW:
1. DSL
2. SJ Sharks season tickets
3. an IT job
 
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Safeway IT specialist
2. Technical support @ Downtown SF business
3. Videogame tester
 
THREE PLACES YOU WOULD GO ON VACATION:
1. Maui
2. Canada
3. San Diego
 
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Live
2. Love
3. Wonder
 
THREE THINGS YOU ARE GOING TO DO TONIGHT:
1. Play NHL2004 Dynasty mode
2. Chat on AIM
3. Watch the Simpsons
 
Thanks Kathleen, you gave me something to do before I go to bed.

I would like to thank everyone who attended my birthday surprise at the Hoo!

Edison...finally you've managed to spend a birthday with me. text: happy birthday JO ey!
Aivy...thank you for keeping my birthday in check.
Charles...interesting how small this world really is, but anyway, thanks for coming.
Kathleen & Chris...knowing that you guys made it with smiles on your faces puts a smile on mine. text: Happy Bday, Joey! -love, Kathleen n Chris
Ted...you were the only that RSVP'd from the very beginning, you the man, thanks.
Paulo...when I first found out you told you couldn't make it, I was saddened. As the event came closer, you somehow changed your mind and spend the evening with me. Thanks.
Wingmen...my friendship for you guys will never seize, unless the wingmen disban. that's not likely.
Tawny...having you at my birthday puts a smile on my face. Good Morning Sunshine.
Ladies of 101...with a little variety, you helped the ratio between guys to girls get better. but hey, we're all friends. thanks for taking the time to make it to the Hoo!
Mark...Dark Mark, thanks...for not getting to messed up. It's my birthday, remember.

other texts...
Ken: happy b-day joey before it hits 12, hahaha, sorry i can't make it (it's ok, I saw you a couple days after)
Flowerboy: Happy birthday bro Call me when your awake.
Kris: Happy bday! have a good one.
RJ: dude...happy bday
Reyna: Happy birthday bro, love you lots. -reyna
Gina: HaPpY BiRtHdAy!!!!! (case sensitive my dear)
Yumi: hehehe if only...happy birthday
Adan: happy birthday gumbi

note: Thanks and congratulations to all my fellow Cancer babies.

Chapter 12 - An Era Less Forgotten

i. SnowJams2003

ii. Spring Semester 2003

iii. Tapioca Express Tuesday/Thursdays

iv. PCN2003 "The Ninang"

v. Pil-Grad Commencement

I finally got Edcay to come with us to the snow, moreover, anywhere. It was freshmen year when Edcay went on an Akbayan outing. And look now, nearly five years later, he's in the driver's seat. I was excited to go up to the snow mainly because it might be the last time going with Akbayan, or its because I was with someone to share the snowy hills with. Inside Edcay's vehicle was Aivy and I with our snowboards stretched across the backseat and trunk. When we finally got to our destination, the snow was not that bad. We didn't need chains for the ride up, but the snow looked beautiful. When we arrived that late Friday, some of the folks were already comfortable in the cabin. The group of snowbayans were comfortable in the cabin that we had used once before. Later in the day, the rest of roomies arrived and we had a pretty late dinner. But, of course, we had no problems with the amount of noise made. The Saturday morning, I woke early assuming we would get to the slopes by 10 or 11, unusually, we were arriving at Northstar about 1am. I wasn't disappointed. We only paid for half day. The first few hours, I got to teach Aivy the basics of snowboarding. I failed as a teacher. She hurt herself and I went off to go on some of the other downhills. Sorry Babble. That Saturday night, some of us decided to play 10 Fingers. I found out some interesting skeletons about a handful of people. But, no worries, confidentiality is what I'm used to. Sunday was short, we all went out ways after eating Sushi on the way home. As for most visits to the snow, I've enjoyed this one in its own crazy way. For one thing, I got to play in the snow with Aivy, watch my friend freak a broom and walk the runway, and discover interesting stuff about people.

The month of January 2003 was the beginning of the end of my own era. I started my last couple of major classes with the motivation that I would get or attempt a gpa of 4.0. The list of classes that I took were Stats 115, Tech 20, Tech 162, Tech 168, and Tech 169. Fortunately, I was able to finish the Industrial Technology, ECT, Program without taking all those extra courses that they've implemented. Beside that, I had found my rightful educational plan of action. I was ready to become a San Jose State University alumni, with a Bachelor of Science Degree in the previously named course. Although, I do not believe that my focus is based on the Engineering name. If we were part of the Engineering, why doesn't the end of my major end with Engineering. Unless, the name of my major is Industrial Technology Engineering, but then, in the pamphlet for incoming Frosh, there's a list of all types of Engineering, except IT. The last time I saw, IT was a branch off of one of the original Engineering categories, like Electrical. I find myself in a hopeless future, wondering if my current job is where I'll be for the next fifty years. But with much determination, I will and shall become better. One should not stop where one has finished, but succeed in the goals that come from accomplishing a previous dream. When I finished my last semester, my education had become a priority in my life. And for once, I was proud to say what my gpa was...a 3.0. From my Fall 1997 semester, I thought that achieving anywhere near an honors grade point average was impossible, especially when there are females around. In high school, the only female influences in my choice of education were the teachers, coaches, and administration; all which were not worth a second look at. My first few classes were general education classes that accounted for my new class settings involving the female gender. This new style of education lowered my grade point average significantly. You can also say that college wasn't as easy, nor was it harder than expected. My final semester determined my growth of adulthood and responsiblity.

That semester was the most relaxing because I already knew it would be the last. I wasn't going to accept a failing grade in any of my classes. I succeeded in a B+ in 20, A- in 168, C+ in 115, B- in 162, and B in 169.

Some of the other events that had happened that semester was the coming together of the Tapioca Express people, mainly Raina, Kat, Gwen, and myself, among others that could be named, but I shall not. You know who you are. There is a list that we made together, along with a few others, maybe this may spark a memory..."You Go To S.J.S.U. if..." We made a list of 47 possibilities. I'm pretty sure any one of us can come up with a few. On Tuesday and/or Thursdays, I would exit my AutoCad class and find outside in front of the Student Union, a select, but certain few that would always be interested in going to Tapioca Express. My drink of choice was and will always be Mocha Snowbubble with Brown Balls. I found an interest in taking a walk to the nearby liquid vendor because there was a wanting to be. A need to be in a temporary longing that had a particular yet shallow goal - to get to the destination and buy a drink...with BROWN BALLS.

Writing the script took many stages. During the summer, I was manually writing line-by-line each scene that went with the plot. Although some of the scenes were deleted, I was able to write up a decent script for this year's Pilipino Cultural Night...ahem...Philippine Cultural Showcase. I encouraged the change of the name, but then I found out the significance that changing the name isn't the answer. The storyline had become into effect when having dinner with some friends when we were mentioning different types of stories that we can use. And then, boom, The Ninang idea gave birth, almost one and a half to two years before it was showed on stage. The only disappointment was the fact that my story was severely edited by the coordinators. I've been writing scripts since 1998. I don't think I'm the best script-writer, but I do know that my imagination hasn't been torn from its place. I own a notebook with dozens of short stories that only a few have read. These stories were made when Akbayan decided to do skits for PCN, instead of a main story. The skits were successful, unfortunately, none of my skits were used. Were they too profound, were they too confusing?

In The Ninang, I opened up all my emotions because this PCN would be my last, well, at least performance-wise. After this show, I will always be back to support this organization. From the very start, I considered Akbayan some type of family figure. There's no mother or father, but siblings, brothers and sisters that have always been there for me in amazing and astonishing ways. I will never forget any of the cabinets that I've participated in, or any of the people I've met from the organization itself. According to this semester, I was able to meet particular individuals that I was able to get to know even more. Can you guess who these people are? One individual was my Chacha partner, Alexis, and seems to be a very good friend. During practices, we would make sure we got the moves down. Obviously, she was like the assistant teacher to Aldrich. She was a fun dance partner and she was always willing to put up with my grief. You're the bestest! I guess Alexis couldn't get enough of me, so she had me as her Tango partner. That's for you Alexis, since you keep asking me why I don't write about ya'll.

I finally achieved Prince for Singkil. I attempted to make my own sword and shield for the dance. Unfortunately, the significance of the shield and sword had nothing to do with the dance. They were too flamboyent. Nearly a week before the show, I was working on the shaping and sanding of the pieces. Some of the nights where I wasn't at practice, I was stressing on getting my pieces finished. I was scared a few nights because the tools weren't responding with what I wanted. I spend so much time on the sword and shield, I never learned the whole routine. The first night was better than the second night because Kat and I ran into each other during the second show. I'm not really sure if people noticed. Teaching the fangirls was the beginning of my feminine experiences of gracefulness. In past PCN's, some of my friends told me that their parents thought I was gay. I'm a hetero, but I like to dance with grace and like liquid.

Everyone in the show, the veterans, the freshmen, the newby's, and the kids that just like to hang around, they all made that night special. Thank you Akbayan PCN'ers of 2003. Oh! And sorry for messing up during my solo.

Pil-Grad Commencement was a success, but not entirely what I expected. It was my last big job to do as an Akbayan leader, and I feel I've screwed it all up. Yeah, the event was another memory in the Akbayan yearbook. I was expecting to gather a group of twenty graduates and have a big Pilipino Graduation. Instead, I put on an intimate family type of get together. My fellow graduates all helped me out with putting the event come together. Sacha, Kat, Mike, and RJ all helped in their own ways. Sometimes I wish there were more participants, but I must accept what was given to me. I admit that I was a bit lazy, but mainly because PCS was my main priority during the semester. I didn't multitask. In short, Pil-Grad was great!

College was a great experience. The many friends that I've met kept me motivated to keep on moving forward with my goals. From my friends from the very beginning to the very end of the ordeal, I made what I could with my life possible. Remembering those who dropped in and then out of my life will never be forgotten. Each individual has played a very significant role in my life. Along with the movies and shows that had entered my life, they all mean something. There isn't a friendship that I took for granted. Some of the major friendships that I've considered greatly in my life are Edison, Leighton, Ted, Paulo, Alexis, Tawny, Liza, Tricia, and Mike.

For the reader's, I don't expect any of what I write to inspire you, or even motivate you, but I want to make my life known. The fact that I've managed to get through a stage in my life that some think is pointless at times. We all change our majors from time to time. We all stress over the frustrating. My life was how it was, and now I must take what I've learned, store the memories, and make room for what is to be determined by life.

note: I'm still working on these chapters. They aren't concrete. More to come.