Fourth Tuesday of the New Year -- listening to Backstreet Boys : Drowning
Through the years, my ears have been open to many people out there. Sometimes strangers, but mostly people very close to me, my sources of helpfulness is always there for everyone. Are my choices usually the right one's though? The actions that may come into one's mind is unforgiving. Things go because it wants to happen. Back in the mind, it hides straying away from the rest of the body. Things happen for a reason. The fate we feel comes and soonly enough goes. Keeping something with a strong flame takes a lot of effort. I want to say that I'll put my forth into the general cause, but I know that I won't always do so. My future is mine to fall into. No one else leads me into certain circumstances. However, the path that I step into, every once in awhile, could possibly have the assistance of an outside mind, but I'm always open to these bystanders. Does this really mean that they've lead my life? Not exactly. This is where choices come into affect. My direction towards school, relationship, family, future, fate are all mine to control. Think about it.
G-B - i'm sorry i wasn't there for you in your time of need.
Tuesday, January 28, 2003
Thursday, January 23, 2003
Fourth Thursday of the New Year -- listening to Kelly Clarkson : Moment Like This
Today was such an experience for myself. For people who know me well enough, and for those of you who don't know me, my type of life is to assist, help others and find my well being one of my last priorities. With this same thought, not as in general, but something that is more public than private. Of course my life is priority before others in my own personal private life, but as unselfish as I am, I like to see that people are doing all right. They may not be the happy attitude that I may want them to be in, but at least they're not in depression, sadness, or in mourn. I try. I guess my main thought tonight is that I've been feeling really helpless. The other night, aivy agreed with me when I told myself that I wasn't myself. -duh!- I'm in crutches. And it hurts. Usually, I'm in pain, but I don't let anyone see the pain the constant pain I feel for more than five minutes.
(flashback) On Martin Luther King Jr. Day, a couple of us decided to go up to the snow to go snowboarding. The day started off lazily because when I found out pasa was no longer going, I was discouraged to go. But like the friend he is, ed was still down to go. And I can't just flake on him like that. We went to Sierra-at-tahoe and snowboarded for a good three hours. It was fun, until I took a off-trail jump. I got good air, but my nose was pointing the wrong slope and I ate it. I don't mean, just falling on my tailbone, but straight up on ice, tumbling and finding out that my board didn't want to follow the direction my ankle was heading. The only think I heard when I hit the ground was -crack.crack.crack- in a matter of a second. OUCH! (end flashback)
And yes, almost three days later, and the pain continues to grow. I wonder if I never went to the health center, it wouldn't feel as bad - psychologically speaking. Kicking it at the union in between classes was just a thrill, especially when gumbi marissa kicked my ankle not once, but TWICE. and then trying to secure my foot from pretending they're going to hit it. How unkind and mean can some people be. They're my friends so I forgive them. The thing is, they've never seen me mad. And also, I've never been in this kind of pain in my life. Mix those two together and I won't be showing my face for awhile because...
overall situation, i've never cared about myself in public before. Looking back, I find myself making sure those around me are doing ok. One more input is the kindness of people that happen to open up doors and put chairs down in front of me to rest my foot and for my friends that helped me during lunch. *spanks* ya'll can hold my drinks and food anytime.
to jerry - if you must know ((sheesh)) "amazing contributions towards a thought of provoke. the push seizes to relinquish." means that all the times that you've been that 'jerk', 'dickhead', and 'bully', you're somehow unconsciously provoking some type of lesson for me to get out of it. the more you push me, the stronger my stance gets. Nowadays, if you push me, I will fall. Obviously, see above. I've always been the person that could be pushed around, but from experiences with you, I can hold on my own. Now stop asking me. Actually, don't ever bring this up again.
Today was such an experience for myself. For people who know me well enough, and for those of you who don't know me, my type of life is to assist, help others and find my well being one of my last priorities. With this same thought, not as in general, but something that is more public than private. Of course my life is priority before others in my own personal private life, but as unselfish as I am, I like to see that people are doing all right. They may not be the happy attitude that I may want them to be in, but at least they're not in depression, sadness, or in mourn. I try. I guess my main thought tonight is that I've been feeling really helpless. The other night, aivy agreed with me when I told myself that I wasn't myself. -duh!- I'm in crutches. And it hurts. Usually, I'm in pain, but I don't let anyone see the pain the constant pain I feel for more than five minutes.
(flashback) On Martin Luther King Jr. Day, a couple of us decided to go up to the snow to go snowboarding. The day started off lazily because when I found out pasa was no longer going, I was discouraged to go. But like the friend he is, ed was still down to go. And I can't just flake on him like that. We went to Sierra-at-tahoe and snowboarded for a good three hours. It was fun, until I took a off-trail jump. I got good air, but my nose was pointing the wrong slope and I ate it. I don't mean, just falling on my tailbone, but straight up on ice, tumbling and finding out that my board didn't want to follow the direction my ankle was heading. The only think I heard when I hit the ground was -crack.crack.crack- in a matter of a second. OUCH! (end flashback)
And yes, almost three days later, and the pain continues to grow. I wonder if I never went to the health center, it wouldn't feel as bad - psychologically speaking. Kicking it at the union in between classes was just a thrill, especially when gumbi marissa kicked my ankle not once, but TWICE. and then trying to secure my foot from pretending they're going to hit it. How unkind and mean can some people be. They're my friends so I forgive them. The thing is, they've never seen me mad. And also, I've never been in this kind of pain in my life. Mix those two together and I won't be showing my face for awhile because...
overall situation, i've never cared about myself in public before. Looking back, I find myself making sure those around me are doing ok. One more input is the kindness of people that happen to open up doors and put chairs down in front of me to rest my foot and for my friends that helped me during lunch. *spanks* ya'll can hold my drinks and food anytime.
to jerry - if you must know ((sheesh)) "amazing contributions towards a thought of provoke. the push seizes to relinquish." means that all the times that you've been that 'jerk', 'dickhead', and 'bully', you're somehow unconsciously provoking some type of lesson for me to get out of it. the more you push me, the stronger my stance gets. Nowadays, if you push me, I will fall. Obviously, see above. I've always been the person that could be pushed around, but from experiences with you, I can hold on my own. Now stop asking me. Actually, don't ever bring this up again.
Sunday, January 19, 2003
Third Sunday of the New Year -- listening to Kenny G : Christmas Song
There was so much I wanted to say about something earlier. My mind always goes blank when I really want to create such a thought that can better your efforts to make sense out of me. As of now, I'll have to make up a topic that will be suitable for the time I have on this earth. Through the years, my abilities have vanished into thin air, gaining such new powers that you would believe to be silly. The worst part about all of this is the feeling I get right now. Not in the future, not in the past, but in the time that you read this entry, I will probably be thinking of something that would probably contradict the idea. As my mind grows and expands, my beliefs become cloudy and skeptical. People say college makes who you are. Thinking to myself that college didn't make who I am, it tore apart my old traditions and put question marks next to them. For example, love has been pushed around so much in my life. Grade school, high school, and now college has been a great discover for such a four letter word. How can you possibly give meaning to this word? People know that life can't be defined, so they let it be. The similarities between life and love is so considerably equivalent that each can be left to bear millions and millions of personal, private, and imperfected meanings. My thoughts about this word is non-existent, besides the (Hi-5 singing) unconditional love that we have for...family. Not a girlfriend, not a bestfriend, just someone with the actual feeling that is just known to be there since the dawn of their first breath. A love between a mother and her son, a father and his daughter, cousin to aunt, ecetera. If people can say this word so easily, do they really believe that what they're saying is love? One time, back at Carrow's, I had a significant conversation with Julius, Joey, Rod, and myself. This may be digressing, but the topic was about happiness. Does happiness cost one million dollars? If you believe one million dollars would make you happy, then you're a single-minded fool soul. Like love and life, there's many ways to be happy. Open your mind to what's out there. Chocalate makes me happy. Having that rich texture and taste just sink into my mouth and tasting it soothes my inner self. I don't need a million dollars to be happy. So, going back to the previous topic mixed with the new one, does love cost one million dollars? Obviously, NO it doesn't. Love is... All I can say is that this word is the one world that should and shouldn't be used in more effective ways. Does this previous line make sence? To me, it does. Dependencies make up such decisions. For me, love is just evol(ution) spelled backwards. The ability to evolve/adapt with new obstacles that come your path.
MOST TIME CONSUMING: socom online (ps2) 'good grief'
There was so much I wanted to say about something earlier. My mind always goes blank when I really want to create such a thought that can better your efforts to make sense out of me. As of now, I'll have to make up a topic that will be suitable for the time I have on this earth. Through the years, my abilities have vanished into thin air, gaining such new powers that you would believe to be silly. The worst part about all of this is the feeling I get right now. Not in the future, not in the past, but in the time that you read this entry, I will probably be thinking of something that would probably contradict the idea. As my mind grows and expands, my beliefs become cloudy and skeptical. People say college makes who you are. Thinking to myself that college didn't make who I am, it tore apart my old traditions and put question marks next to them. For example, love has been pushed around so much in my life. Grade school, high school, and now college has been a great discover for such a four letter word. How can you possibly give meaning to this word? People know that life can't be defined, so they let it be. The similarities between life and love is so considerably equivalent that each can be left to bear millions and millions of personal, private, and imperfected meanings. My thoughts about this word is non-existent, besides the (Hi-5 singing) unconditional love that we have for...family. Not a girlfriend, not a bestfriend, just someone with the actual feeling that is just known to be there since the dawn of their first breath. A love between a mother and her son, a father and his daughter, cousin to aunt, ecetera. If people can say this word so easily, do they really believe that what they're saying is love? One time, back at Carrow's, I had a significant conversation with Julius, Joey, Rod, and myself. This may be digressing, but the topic was about happiness. Does happiness cost one million dollars? If you believe one million dollars would make you happy, then you're a single-minded
MOST TIME CONSUMING: socom online (ps2) 'good grief'
Saturday, January 18, 2003
Third Friday of the New Year -- watchin' Reckanoize die on Socom Online
Why I care so much?
Maybe it would be easier to understand if I wrote it all out. With the intent to make things better, I do what I can. What can I say, I care. Possibly for complete strangers, I can give a damn. I may be on the soft side, but there's nothing wrong with helping out another soul. Everyone is raised differently, yet I get to be the kind-hearted one. This isn't a bad thing for me, yet it really tests patience in the second party. With a great attitude toward many different paths in life, I like to consider myself as neutral. In this case, I can suit myself for both parties. You may think that this option is not worth taking, but it saves energy. Just when I thought it was easier to understand what goes through my head, I continue to jumble up such words of confusion into reader's minds. Like once I was told, just keep it short and simple. Well, for a second attempt, I care about people because that's how I was raised.
Why I care so much?
Maybe it would be easier to understand if I wrote it all out. With the intent to make things better, I do what I can. What can I say, I care. Possibly for complete strangers, I can give a damn. I may be on the soft side, but there's nothing wrong with helping out another soul. Everyone is raised differently, yet I get to be the kind-hearted one. This isn't a bad thing for me, yet it really tests patience in the second party. With a great attitude toward many different paths in life, I like to consider myself as neutral. In this case, I can suit myself for both parties. You may think that this option is not worth taking, but it saves energy. Just when I thought it was easier to understand what goes through my head, I continue to jumble up such words of confusion into reader's minds. Like once I was told, just keep it short and simple. Well, for a second attempt, I care about people because that's how I was raised.
Thursday, January 16, 2003
Third Thursdsay of the New Year -- spacebar doesn't work most of the time...
What has just recently crossed my mind?
Well, who actually reads my blog. Or, better yet, who attempts to read my cryptic works of linguistic art. Coming from me, art wouldn't really define what I write about or ponder about. But, to me, the type of writing seems to enlighten my writer's. Interested in my writings, my poetry, my quotes, my days, nights, my script. To you, the reader, thanks for giving me a reason to come up with such insan, sane entries. ~digressing from first topic~ Is it really true that left handers are more creative than right handers? I wouldn't think so. For those of you that don't know, I am left handed. Weird thing is that I throw with my right, bowl with my right-pretty much do tons of stuff with my right. But with my left, I dedicate my penmanship and eating abilities. So, unlike my people, I can cut stuff with my knife in my right hand, and fork in my left. Instead, of cutting with right, and forking with the right. This thought seems pointless, but that's just a little spooger about me.
MY WORD : spooger (noun) - 1. information of certain sort. 2. word that rhymes with booger. 3. one that clowns on others.
What has just recently crossed my mind?
Well, who actually reads my blog. Or, better yet, who attempts to read my cryptic works of linguistic art. Coming from me, art wouldn't really define what I write about or ponder about. But, to me, the type of writing seems to enlighten my writer's. Interested in my writings, my poetry, my quotes, my days, nights, my script. To you, the reader, thanks for giving me a reason to come up with such insan, sane entries. ~digressing from first topic~ Is it really true that left handers are more creative than right handers? I wouldn't think so. For those of you that don't know, I am left handed. Weird thing is that I throw with my right, bowl with my right-pretty much do tons of stuff with my right. But with my left, I dedicate my penmanship and eating abilities. So, unlike my people, I can cut stuff with my knife in my right hand, and fork in my left. Instead, of cutting with right, and forking with the right. This thought seems pointless, but that's just a little spooger about me.
MY WORD : spooger (noun) - 1. information of certain sort. 2. word that rhymes with booger. 3. one that clowns on others.
Wednesday, January 15, 2003
Third Wednesday of the New Year -- Elmo's World
"The greatest depression that set into my vision has yet to catch up with thee. My shade of light will continue to find positiveness upon the wondrous arches that we call paths of life. Darkness shall lurk behind me with eagerness to take over my very soul. Slowly and in time the patience that is called so strongly in such a mind may shatter to find disappoint for see to others. Down and a tearing apparition controls the very turn of events that may occur in and around the seconds of time. Scared of what may bring to this feeling, but the worst part is believing that never can happen."
Tech 162 Analog Circuits - B
Tech 167 Analog to Digital - C
Tech 168 Microprogramming & MASM - A
Tech 198 History of Civilized Technology - B
Nufs 163 Nutrition & Fitness - C+
Happy I am.
"The greatest depression that set into my vision has yet to catch up with thee. My shade of light will continue to find positiveness upon the wondrous arches that we call paths of life. Darkness shall lurk behind me with eagerness to take over my very soul. Slowly and in time the patience that is called so strongly in such a mind may shatter to find disappoint for see to others. Down and a tearing apparition controls the very turn of events that may occur in and around the seconds of time. Scared of what may bring to this feeling, but the worst part is believing that never can happen."
Tech 162 Analog Circuits - B
Tech 167 Analog to Digital - C
Tech 168 Microprogramming & MASM - A
Tech 198 History of Civilized Technology - B
Nufs 163 Nutrition & Fitness - C+
Happy I am.
Wednesday, January 08, 2003
Second Wednesday of the New Year -- Gary V : Hindi Kita Malilimutan
This entry is dedicated to all my friends. Here is a line or two to each of you...
edison - strange to find that such a friendship could last although the half-decade has lead to separate paths. you will always live a block away from me.
ted - uplift my mind on such phrases that can possibly make me feel any older. showing me signs that i must further my aged responsibilities.
paulo - youth lies in my eyes when your around. finding myself in you with accomplishments that i felt far from overcoming.
irene - either agreements or contradictions can never destroy our dreams. setting goals can really make a difference.
adan - such a characteristic can release such a trait. your happiness will always guide my soul toward a great horizon.
jerry - amazing contributions towards a thought of provoke. the push seizes to relinquish.
deanna - such a thing could be called other than simple friendship. be there in times of era.
gina - the times of sadness have always prolonged. yet the destruction of such will arise.
aivy - your right on and the right side of my brain. the sentence always end with you.
raina - being the person of your stamina gives strength. open-minded and single directed to harshness.
kat - live as though your achievements have doubted. let bring the greatest last and never forget.
reyna - the greatest gift we set for ourselves is friendship. the rarity of such words will never stop.
"Stuff come and go. Selective thought is chosen to bare the necessities of life. As living fossils on this earth, the common idealism toward a friendship is nothing but the original. Someone to look upon and have an internal light expand a life that will never be lost. Twelve can be set as a proper number to show for such a lifetime. More have been listed, yet many have chosen to stray or fall from this tower. The knowledge thy mind has become shredded into one's own mindset. Grown beliefs have been issued, but these new one's will be set for the next to be bluffed."
This entry is dedicated to all my friends. Here is a line or two to each of you...
edison - strange to find that such a friendship could last although the half-decade has lead to separate paths. you will always live a block away from me.
ted - uplift my mind on such phrases that can possibly make me feel any older. showing me signs that i must further my aged responsibilities.
paulo - youth lies in my eyes when your around. finding myself in you with accomplishments that i felt far from overcoming.
irene - either agreements or contradictions can never destroy our dreams. setting goals can really make a difference.
adan - such a characteristic can release such a trait. your happiness will always guide my soul toward a great horizon.
jerry - amazing contributions towards a thought of provoke. the push seizes to relinquish.
deanna - such a thing could be called other than simple friendship. be there in times of era.
gina - the times of sadness have always prolonged. yet the destruction of such will arise.
aivy - your right on and the right side of my brain. the sentence always end with you.
raina - being the person of your stamina gives strength. open-minded and single directed to harshness.
kat - live as though your achievements have doubted. let bring the greatest last and never forget.
reyna - the greatest gift we set for ourselves is friendship. the rarity of such words will never stop.
"Stuff come and go. Selective thought is chosen to bare the necessities of life. As living fossils on this earth, the common idealism toward a friendship is nothing but the original. Someone to look upon and have an internal light expand a life that will never be lost. Twelve can be set as a proper number to show for such a lifetime. More have been listed, yet many have chosen to stray or fall from this tower. The knowledge thy mind has become shredded into one's own mindset. Grown beliefs have been issued, but these new one's will be set for the next to be bluffed."
Wednesday, January 01, 2003
First song of the New Year -- <112 : Dance With Me>
The first time away from an actual indoor house for New Year's Eve (NYE). Its would be one of my most interesting experiences. From the beginning...
(doo-li-loo-li-loo...doo-li-loo-li-loo...doo-li-loo-li-loo)
Whenever I'm so motivated to continue you on with the pcn script, something like NYE has to interrupt me. I get into my car and find myself listening to a bunch of slow jams on my way to A.R.'s. Slow songs are starting to become a nuisance to my driving. This type of music doesn't usually get me sleepy when I drive, but now it does. Its those signs of getting old. For some odd reason, whenever I drive to hayward, there's no traffic. Unless I decide to take 880 the whole way. 880 bottleneck is such a whore butt. ((covering mouth)) Woohoo. Jackson St. & 92. Time to exit and I figure that everyone's driving their best because we all know that people still drive when they feel best to drive after drinking. NOT ME!!! *knock²* A.R. answers the door and pulls me in. Much greetings to parents. On our way to San Francisco to drop off A.R. at work. I expected more traffic downtown, but its only 8pm.
<<4 MORE HOURS>>
I'm tired, so I go home, greet my mother, Merry Christmas. Pick up Edcay and meet up with an old friend, Philip and his fiance, Monica. Sweet girl. Interesting couple.
<<3 MORE HOURS>>
I expected driving downtown and finding parking would be a hassle. Why don't we just take the Muni or Bart. Oh well!! We found parking at Embarcadero. We walked to Chevy's because they wanted to drink. Not very surprising, the bar was just bombarded with alcoholics and sweaty balls. Jaiden is such a cutie. Sorry if I spelt her name wrong guys.
<<1 MORE HOUR>>
Shoveling my way through an ocean of people. I would expect fights to break out soon because, youngsters have no patience. But with some luck, behind me a fight was stopped by one of the parties friend. Blacks and Mexicans. Sheesh. Age about 17. Ay ya! So I just watched and continued on through the waves of pushing and shoving. I kind of liked it because there was a lot of females pressing themselves against everyone. Drunk girls on guys shoulders surrounded by horny guys screaming, "Take it off!" The girls return a gesture that they'd would possibly use on themselves on those lonely cold nights. ((covering mouth)) You get the picture. They screamed that, while I yelled out, "Keep it on, just kiss your friend!" And with my fortunate luck, they did. I was very much congratulated. Offered drinks and a puff of some weed, but I declined the offers. Goodness! No drinking of alcoholic substance until my 24th Birthday. The journey continued on getting closer and closer to the main stage where the music was blasting. (hehe...blasting?)
<<15 MINUTES>>
There was once that I almost fell over, but of course, I'll stand strong on my feet, plus, I was kept up by the people around me. The only people that were pushing and shoving people was EVERYONE under 18. I almost lost my party through the whole mess. Somehow, I kept moving and then ended up back to back with Philip. In the distance, we see a bunch of kids jumping up and down on someTHING. Don't know what it is.((foreshadow))
<<5...4...3...2...1>>
Fireworks...fights...more pushing and shoving...everyone kissing strangers...and some other scandalous acts of young adulthood.
<<30 MINUTES INTO 2003>>
The object that those kids were jumping on was a service truck. A city truck I guess that helps people detour to a different area. Fun stuff to watch kids feel power by beating down on an object that they're parents are probably going to get taxed for. Thanks a lot kidos. At this rate, this generation of kids will find themselves with no social security for themselves. Anyway, that was my night. It was an exciting experience.
<<2-3 HOURS LATER>>
Picked up A.R. at work, drove home to SJ and fell asleep with my 2002 gift of warmth in my arms.
The first time away from an actual indoor house for New Year's Eve (NYE). Its would be one of my most interesting experiences. From the beginning...
(doo-li-loo-li-loo...doo-li-loo-li-loo...doo-li-loo-li-loo)
Whenever I'm so motivated to continue you on with the pcn script, something like NYE has to interrupt me. I get into my car and find myself listening to a bunch of slow jams on my way to A.R.'s. Slow songs are starting to become a nuisance to my driving. This type of music doesn't usually get me sleepy when I drive, but now it does. Its those signs of getting old. For some odd reason, whenever I drive to hayward, there's no traffic. Unless I decide to take 880 the whole way. 880 bottleneck is such a whore butt. ((covering mouth)) Woohoo. Jackson St. & 92. Time to exit and I figure that everyone's driving their best because we all know that people still drive when they feel best to drive after drinking. NOT ME!!! *knock²* A.R. answers the door and pulls me in. Much greetings to parents. On our way to San Francisco to drop off A.R. at work. I expected more traffic downtown, but its only 8pm.
<<4 MORE HOURS>>
I'm tired, so I go home, greet my mother, Merry Christmas. Pick up Edcay and meet up with an old friend, Philip and his fiance, Monica. Sweet girl. Interesting couple.
<<3 MORE HOURS>>
I expected driving downtown and finding parking would be a hassle. Why don't we just take the Muni or Bart. Oh well!! We found parking at Embarcadero. We walked to Chevy's because they wanted to drink. Not very surprising, the bar was just bombarded with alcoholics and sweaty balls. Jaiden is such a cutie. Sorry if I spelt her name wrong guys.
<<1 MORE HOUR>>
Shoveling my way through an ocean of people. I would expect fights to break out soon because, youngsters have no patience. But with some luck, behind me a fight was stopped by one of the parties friend. Blacks and Mexicans. Sheesh. Age about 17. Ay ya! So I just watched and continued on through the waves of pushing and shoving. I kind of liked it because there was a lot of females pressing themselves against everyone. Drunk girls on guys shoulders surrounded by horny guys screaming, "Take it off!" The girls return a gesture that they'd would possibly use on themselves on those lonely cold nights. ((covering mouth)) You get the picture. They screamed that, while I yelled out, "Keep it on, just kiss your friend!" And with my fortunate luck, they did. I was very much congratulated. Offered drinks and a puff of some weed, but I declined the offers. Goodness! No drinking of alcoholic substance until my 24th Birthday. The journey continued on getting closer and closer to the main stage where the music was blasting. (hehe...blasting?)
<<15 MINUTES>>
There was once that I almost fell over, but of course, I'll stand strong on my feet, plus, I was kept up by the people around me. The only people that were pushing and shoving people was EVERYONE under 18. I almost lost my party through the whole mess. Somehow, I kept moving and then ended up back to back with Philip. In the distance, we see a bunch of kids jumping up and down on someTHING. Don't know what it is.((foreshadow))
<<5...4...3...2...1>>
Fireworks...fights...more pushing and shoving...everyone kissing strangers...and some other scandalous acts of young adulthood.
<<30 MINUTES INTO 2003>>
The object that those kids were jumping on was a service truck. A city truck I guess that helps people detour to a different area. Fun stuff to watch kids feel power by beating down on an object that they're parents are probably going to get taxed for. Thanks a lot kidos. At this rate, this generation of kids will find themselves with no social security for themselves. Anyway, that was my night. It was an exciting experience.
<<2-3 HOURS LATER>>
Picked up A.R. at work, drove home to SJ and fell asleep with my 2002 gift of warmth in my arms.
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